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The music hit them as soon as they stepped into the frat house. Loud, bassy, and way too confident for its own good.
The Phi Tau house was an old brick building that had definitely lived a hundred chaotic lives before this party. String lights sagged across the ceiling, sweat and beer clung to every surface, and the air smelled like cheap cologne and bad decisions. People were everywhere. On stairs, on sofas, on counters that were definitely not designed for dancing but were being used that way anyway.
Eli practically vibrated the second they stepped inside. “Oh my god, this is everything I imagined and more,” he breathed, eyes wide with pure party-animal joy. “College kids are hot. I knew it.”
“You accused me of cheating and yet, you’re the one calling everyone hot,” Nate frowned
Eli pouted. “But I don’t mean it.”
“You better not mean it,” Nate grumbled. And then he grabbed his boyfriends hand before he could sprint into the crowd like a feral cat.
Luke and Noah looked more… cautious. Noah because he had principal’s son instincts and a deep fear of property damage. Luke because, well, Luke was Luke, and his anxiety skyrocketed whenever he wasn’t fully sure what the rules were.
But Gabe slipped right into Big Brother Tour Guide Mode.
“This is Tommy. He once tried to drink beer through his nose. Don’t ask.”
Tommy gave Luke a thumbs-up like that was something to be proud of.
“And this is Serena. She’s the volleyball captain and a fucking terrible influence.”
Serena winked. “Only on weekdays.”
Luke could barely keep up. Every two steps there was a new face shoved at him, a new introduction he’d never remember, a new comment like;
“GABE’S LITTLE BROTHER?? DUDE, YOU LOOK NOTHING ALIKE.”
“I heard you and Gabe went to the same school. Was he really a legend or is it all talk?”
“You came with the cute beanie boy, right? He seems cool.”
Luke just smiled and nodded and hoped he didn’t look like he was about to pass out.
He kept glancing around, searching the crowd for a familiar face he hadn’t seen since the game. But Young was nowhere to be found. Not on the dance floor. Not in the kitchen where Gabe had first shoved a drink into his hand. Not leaning against the wall looking artistic and detached like he always did.
So they drank. Gabe insisted, “Just a beer, chill level only.”
Eli ignored that and immediately found jungle juice. Nate followed Eli’s lead because he was tragically in love. Noah stuck to a can of light beer and never let go of Luke’s hand. The latter sipped his vodka and coke slowly and tried to loosen the tight coil inside him.
The music got louder. The lights got blurrier. The floor got stickier. And Luke kept swallowing that prickly feeling rising in his chest, because while the night roared around him like a hurricane… Youngjae was still a ghost.
The music shifted into something less bass-heavy and slow enough to sway to, and Noah seized the opportunity. His hands found Luke’s hips like he was afraid Luke might vanish if he didn’t hold on. Luke laughed breathlessly as Noah pulled him closer.
“Trying to grab all my attention?” he teased.
“Absolutely,” Noah said, lips ghosting the shell of his ear. “Is it working?”
“Kinda,” Luke said.
He let himself melt anyway, his own hands sliding up around Noah’s neck as the crowd pulsed around them. Warmth bloomed in his chest when Noah leaned in to kiss him on the lips, soft at first, then deeper when Luke kissed back without thinking. Noah smiled into it, like he was surprised but thrilled.
Eli’s delighted squeal broke through the music.
Luke peeked over Noah’s shoulder to see Eli dragging Nate into his arms, both of them laughing as they started making out like nobody else existed. And… no one cared. Not a single person stared. College kids danced around them like it was nothing new.
Luke’s chest tightened. In a good way of course. He could feel it: Freedom. He could taste it here.
Then he spotted Gabe across the room. Gabe saw Noah’s hands on Luke, and saw Luke clutching to his boyfriend. Gabe grinned. He lifted both brows and wiggled them up and down like a proud embarrassing dad. Luke’s face went nuclear red, burying himself into Noah’s shoulder.
“Oh my god, he’s watching,” Luke muttered, flustered but not pulling away.
“Who?”
“My idiot brother.”
Noah chuckled. “Let him. It’s kinda funny.”
“Oh, so you’re not scared of him anymore?”
“Oh, no. I’m still terrified,” Noah said truthfully.
Luke couldn’t help but snicker.
For a moment, everything felt perfect.
Until it didn’t.
A familiar figure cut through the crowd. Black hair. Broad shoulders. Head down like he didn’t want to be seen. Luke’s heart stuttered. The world narrowed to a single hallway where Young walked toward the kitchen, disappearing into shadows and noise.
Noah kissed Luke again, short and sweet, like he wanted to stay in this moment. Luke kissed back but his heartbeat was no longer in it. He forced a smile and tugged on Noah’s wrist. “Hey, um, I’m gonna grab another drink,” he said, too casually. “And maybe hit the bathroom.”
Noah nodded, trusting and unaware. “Want me to come with?”
“No!” Luke said too fast, then softened his voice. “It’s okay. I’ll be super quick. Promise.”
Noah squeezed his hand. “Don’t get kidnapped by frat boys.”
Luke laughed weakly and backed away, already searching. Already following. Already chasing that same damn ghost that had haunted him since New Year’s.
Luke found Youngjae leaning against the kitchen counter, one arm braced on the marble and the other pouring dark liquor into a red cup. No mixer. No hesitation. Young’s jaw worked as he stared at the glass like he was daring it to make him feel something.
Luke swallowed, nerves buzzing. But he stepped up anyway, close enough that their sleeves nearly brushed. “You’re really going for the strong stuff tonight, huh,” Luke tried, a tentative smile tugging at his lips.
Young’s hand stilled. He blinked once, surprise flickering before he wiped it clean from his face. “Luke,” he said, voice neutral.
“Hi,” Luke replied.
“What are you doing here?” Young asked, eyes still on his red cup, voice low and deep.
“What do you mean? You invited us.”
“No,” Young replied, “I meant Harvard. What are you doing here at Harvard?”
“Oh.” Luke sheepishly smiled, unsure why this was so fucking awkward. “Uh, well, I guess we wanted to have a road trip. Eli wanted to see Nate so we kinda came with him. Thought we’d stop over here too. Ya know, to see Gabe. And…and other…things.”
“Right,” Young muttered, grabbing his cup and taking a long drink like he needed it to brace himself. “Makes sense.”
Luke shifted his weight, searching for something simple to say. Something easy. But all he could feel was the tension radiating from Youngjae. Thick. Heavy. Wrong. “So…” Luke started, “How have you been?”
“Fine,” Young said.
Luke blinked and waited for Young to return the question but Young never did. He hid the sigh that was desperately wanting to come from him and said, “I’m fine too.”
Young nodded, eyes flickering around the kitchen.
Luke wasn’t stupid. He knew that Young was actively trying not to look at him, and for whatever reason, it fucking hurt. Luke decided that small talk wasn’t really their thing. Instead, he decided to just address the issue. “Gabe said you two are fighting.”
Young’s head snapped to the side finally, his eyes sharp and cold as they landed on Luke, and it was nothing like the warmth Luke remembered. “Don’t,” Young said, tone like a blade edge.
“Huh?”
“Don’t, Luke,” Young repeated. “Don’t get involved in matters that aren’t yours. Whatever is going on between me and Gabe is nobody else’s business. Stay out of it.”
Luke froze like a complete idiot. His usual response would have been to correct Youngjae’s grammar, saying ‘it’s actually Gabe and I’ but right now he couldn’t even reply. He just stared all dumbfound at the black-haired boy. Because Youngjae, sarcastic flirtatious and eyebrow-wiggling, smirk-wearing Youngjae, had never spoken to him like that. Ever. Even when they had fought all those years ago back in high school when Luke was still an immature little kid, Young had kept his cool.
The older boy set his empty cup down sharply, shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, and turned to leave. But Luke called out for him before his brain could catch up. “Hey, wait.”
Young ignored him and continued.
“Are you seriously walking away from me?” Luke demanded, following him through the crowd, past the beer pong table and the hallway and out the back door into the chilly night air. The music dulled behind them, replaced by muffled thumps and scattered laughter. Young continued to walk in the backyard, shoulders stiff with frustration. Luke stepped in front of him, blocking his escape. “I said wait.”
Young finally looked at him, and God, his eyes were tired. Not annoyed. Not angry. Just exhausted. “I don’t want to do this with you right now,” Young said quietly.
“Do what? Talk?” Luke scoffed. “About the giant elephant in the room. The one wearing a backwards cap and a Harvard hoodie?”
Young’s jaw tightened. “Gabe shouldn’t have said anything to you.”
“Maybe,” Luke said, stepping closer, “but that doesn’t change the fact that something’s obviously wrong and he’s worried about you.”
Young shook his head. “It’s not your business.”
Luke’s chest flared hot. “It is my business.”
“No, it isn’t,” Young said sharply, eyes dull. “We’re not friends and we’re not in the same circle so just stay out of it.”
“What?” Luke asked in a small voice. “Since when did we go back to not being friends? I thought—”
“You thought wrong,” Young interrupted.
“So one minute you’re coming into my room to say goodbye because you don’t wanna go back to college on bad terms, and the next we’re not even friends and can’t even speak?” Luke asked Young in a strong voice, refusing to back down.
Youngjae’s jaw ticked. “You hit the nail perfectly on the head. Well done.”
“You’re being an asshole,” Luke spat.
“Yeah, well, you knew who I was when you got to know me. That’s why we always used to fight, right? That’s why you once hated me,” Young rolled his eyes in mere annoyance.
Luke wasn’t about to let him get the last word. “You know that was in the past. I don’t care about any of that anymore.”
Young was silent.
“Just tell me what’s going on between you and Gabe,” Luke demanded.
“Like I said, it’s none of your business.”
“It is my business!” Luke exclaimed without a care. “It is my business when you spend the holidays with my family who treat you like a third son! Or when you act like you want me one second, and then pretend like you don’t see me the next. Or when you tell me to wait for you and then act like I don’t exist because you’re too worried about my brother instead of me. Or when you kiss me on New Year’s and then—”
Young went rigid.
Luke faltered but pushed on, voice raw. “You left. You came back to college and I was okay with that because you made it seem like we would find our way back to each other. But no. All I got was radio silence. Typical Youngjae. You didn’t text me after that. You didn’t explain what the hell you meant. And now you’re acting like I’m a stranger—”
“Because it’s easier!” Young snapped, voice cracking under the weight of everything he wasn’t saying. Luke froze, the anger evaporating into stunned silence. Young swallowed hard, throat bobbing, eyes refusing to meet Luke’s. “I’m trying to let you be happy,” he said hoarsely. “With him.”
Luke’s heart stuttered painfully. God. Luke knew it was about his relationship. It was bound to come up. “This isn’t about Noah,” he tried to say.
“Yes it is,” Young shot back. “You chose him. And I… I don’t get to be mad about that. I don’t get to… want things I shouldn’t want, especially when I’m the one who fucked it all up in the first place. Can’t you see I’m just trying to do what’s best for you and your brother?”
Luke’s face dropped.
Young laughed, hollow and bitter. “So just drop it, alright? For both of our sakes.”
He turned like he was going to walk back inside, but Luke stepped forward again, not touching, just close enough that the space between them crackled. “You don’t get to decide whether I care about you or not,” Luke said, voice steady despite the chaos inside him. “You’re hurting. And whether you like it or not? I see you and I wanna help. This isn’t just about Noah. You’re just using that as an excuse. There’s no way me having a boyfriend impacts you this much to the point where you start ignoring your best friend.”
Young didn’t blink. Didn’t flinch. Just stared at Luke like he was trying to burn every word into him and erase them at the same time. And in that silence, heavy and suffocating, Luke’s heart stuttered. Because he could see it. All of it. The truth Young was trying so hard to pretend wasn’t there. It was about him. Only him. Luke’s knees nearly gave out beneath the weight of that realisation.
“I—Youngjae…” he breathed, words catching somewhere deep in his chest. His pulse thrummed in his ears. “Please just… talk to me. Whatever’s going on, whatever’s making you pull away, I can handle it. I want to handle it. I don’t want Gabe to lose his best friend because of me. I don’t want this to get worse.”
Young’s jaw clenched. He took a step back like distance might keep the truth from spilling out of him, but Luke stepped with him, too desperate to let him go.
“Please,” Luke said again, voice barely above a whisper now. “You don’t have to protect me from anything and you don’t have to be alone in your own head.”
Young looked away, toward the thumping music and the shadows swallowing the backyard. His breaths were shaky, the closest Luke had ever seen him to breaking. When his voice finally came, it was raw. Unsteady. “You don’t get it,” Young murmured, eyes fixed on the grass like it might save him. “If I talk about this, if I tell you what I feel, there’s no going back. Everything changes. And I can’t afford to lose what little I still have left.”
Luke’s throat tightened. “You won’t lose.”
Young scoffed, but his voice cracked on the edges. “You already chose someone else.”
“That’s not—” Luke shook his head, stepping in closer until they shared the same breath. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
Young’s eyes finally snapped back to his and Luke swore his heart stopped entirely. There was longing there. Fear. Anger. And underneath it all… something he wasn’t supposed to see. Maybe something like admiration, or something like regret.
Luke swallowed, voice trembling. “Just say something. Anything. Don’t leave me guessing and spiralling in circles. You know I do that too much anyway. I feel like… like I’m losing you. Properly this time, and I don’t even know why.”
Young’s lips parted like he had a hundred things to say. Like they were right there on the cusp of shattering everything. But then someone called Luke’s name from inside. It was Noah’s voice, bright and unknowing, and Young flinched like he’d been hit.
He backed up a full step, walls slamming back into place. “You should go back inside,” Young muttered. “Before he comes looking.”
Luke’s chest ached. “Youngjae.”
“No.” Young forced a shrug, the mask fully rebuilt. “I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine. Let’s just… keep it that way.”
But Luke could see the lie clear as day now and it terrified him how much he wanted to tear the truth out of Young’s shaking hands.
“What about Gabe?” Luke asked.
Young rolled his eyes. “Look, your brother is just all up in my case recently and I can’t exactly tell him that the reason I’m so fucking depressed is because his little brother doesn’t want me anymore. So yeah, I’ve been keeping my distance from him so I don’t say something I’ll regret. But if it means that much to you both, I’ll stop being such a dick.”
Luke couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
The reason I’m so fucking depressed is because his little brother doesn’t want me anymore
Holy fuck.
“Youngjae,” Luke found his voice shaking. “can we please just go somewhere and talk? Please, I just feel like there’s so much we have to say to each other and there’s no way in hell that I’m leaving Harvard without talking to you about all of this.”
“Luke,” Young sighed in annoyance.
“Please?” Luke begged, glancing back at the house to see whether Noah was there yet. He quickly looked back at Young and grasped his sleeve. “Young, please. Quick. Let’s just go and talk. These past few months have been hell for me too and I just wanna understand where the hell we went wrong because clearly there’s been some kind of miscommunication.”
Youngjae’s safe sofended a fraction. “Look, you’ve moved on and you’re happy and—”
“Don’t tell me what I am,” Luke interrupted. “You really hurt me on my birthday, you know? The least you could do is just entertain a little fucking chat.”
Young went still, Luke’s fingers still curled in the fabric of his sleeve. For a long, breathless moment, the party roared on behind them, but out here, everything felt suspended.
Young’s shoulders slowly dropped. “Fine,” he muttered, voice the definition of reluctant surrender. “We can talk.”
Luke didn’t even care that it wasn’t enthusiastic. Relief flooded him so fast it made him lightheaded. He let go of Young’s sleeve only when Young tugged lightly, nodding toward the side gate. They slipped out together, unnoticed and unseen, into the cool Boston night.
They walked in silence at first. Luke shoved his hands into his pockets, mind racing, eyes fixed on the sidewalk. The city lights blurred at the edges of his vision, not from alcohol, but from everything swelling inside him. He felt fucking overwhelmed and nervous as hell. He had just ditched his boyfriend to go and talk to his ex-situationship. He kept reminding himself that he wasn’t doing this for himself. He was doing this for Gabe. For his big brother that he loved so much who didn’t deserve to have his little brothers mess impact his own friendships.
Young shoved his hands deeper into his jacket, shoulders tense like he was bracing for impact.
It was Luke who cracked first.
“I never moved on from you,” he said softly.
Young’s steps faltered but he didn’t look over at the younger boy. He also didn’t breathe.
Luke blinked fast, trying to keep his voice steady. “You think just because I’m with Noah now that I’m fine? That I don’t… think about you? About us? Because I do. I know I probably shouldn’t and I know I’m an asshole for even admitting this, but I do think about you, Youngjae. There was a time where you meant everything to me. Whether we were just friends, or more. You were still the most important person to me. I don’t know if you realised, but I was kind of obsessed with you.”
Young finally looked at him, and Luke hated the pain in his eyes. Pain he had somehow caused. “I hurt you. I know I did,” Young said quietly. “But for you to make out that all I wanted was for you to wait around for me hurt me.”
Luke sucked in a sharp breath. “I never—I was scared. I was confused. You kissed me and then you left. You didn’t even call, and I thought you hated yourself for touching me. I thought I was the mistake.”
Young stopped walking entirely. Luke stopped too, heart pounding.
“That night in your kitchen after New Years,” Young said, voice low and breaking around the edges, “I thought if I didn’t tell you to take things slow, I was gonna tell you everything I actually felt instead and that I’d ruin everything with Gabe. And if I told you how I really felt and you lost your brother because of me, I thought you would end up hating me and—” He cut himself off, jaw trembling. “I guess I hurt you before you could hurt me.”
Luke felt tears sting hot behind his eyes. He turned away, breath shaking. “You did hurt me,” he whispered. “You hurt me so fucking bad.”
Young stepped closer. Just one step. But it was enough. “I know,” Young murmured. “And I hate myself every day for it. I think about that call on your birthday every fucking day and I realised what a fucking coward I was. You were right to say that. I am a coward.”
The streetlight cast them in soft gold, the city noise distant. And Luke, who had tried to hold it together all night, finally broke. “I thought I meant nothing to you,” he choked out.
Young didn’t hesitate as he reached out, gently gripping Luke’s wrist. “No, Luke. You meant everything to me,” he said, so quietly Luke almost didn’t catch it. “Still do.”
Luke’s head snapped up, tears slipping free. Young’s hands rose instinctively like he wanted to wipe Luke’s tears away but wasn’t sure if he was allowed. Luke made the decision for him. Without a word, he stepped forward and buried his face in Young’s chest. The older boy froze for a heartbeat… then, with a trembling breath, he wrapped his arms around Luke like he’d been starving for it.
Luke’s voice was muffled against Young’s shirt. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. You never did,” Young whispered into his hair. “I was the idiot who pushed away the one person who actually saw me.”
Luke clutched the back of his jacket. “You told me to stop waiting.”
“I regret it,” Young admitted.
“You do?”
“But it’s too late now,” Young forced out.
Luke sniffled and peered up at Young from where his face was buried in his chest. “So what do we do?”
Young’s fingers curled gently into Luke’s hoodie, like letting go might break him. “We talk,” he said. “We tell the truth. And we stop pretending like this didn’t nearly destroy both of us.”
Luke nodded into him, breath shaky but real. “Okay.”
Young exhaled, relief and fear tangling together. “Okay.”
Luke stayed wrapped around him for another long moment and Young’s heartbeat was steady beneath his ear. Then he finally dared himself to lift his head. He blinked up at Young through damp lashes.
God… Young looked different, but in a way that punched the air from his chest. The longer hair suited him. Messy waves brushing his eyebrows, softer around his jaw. Luke reached up before he could overthink it, his fingers brushing through the strands.
Young’s breath stuttered. “Don’t,” he warned softly. But his eyes fluttered shut for a second like he wanted to melt into it.
Luke’s pulse tripped. “Sorry,” he said, not pulling away.
Young didn’t move either.
“You suit it,” Luke whispered.
They stood like that, a hair’s breadth from something dangerous, until Young cleared his throat and gently nudged Luke’s hand away, only to catch his fingers instead, thumb brushing once before he let go fully.
“Wanna sit?” he asked, voice too careful.
Luke nodded.
They walked side by side, brushing shoulders with every step, until they found a small bench tucked beneath a streetlamp. They sat so close their knees touched.
Luke tucked his hands between his thighs. “So… you and Gabe?”
Young sighed, leaning back, eyes on the pavement. “He thinks I hate him.”
Luke frowned. “Do you?”
“God, no.” Young shoved a hand through his hair and looked to the side at Luke’s hands, like he missed Luke’s fingers already. “Your brother is the best person I know. The problem is I can’t look at him without thinking about you, and what I did, and what I want that I shouldn’t.”
Luke swallowed, throat tight.
Young kept speaking, voice quieter. “He kept pushing. Asking why I was pulling away. Saying I wasn’t the same. And he’s right.” His jaw clenched. “I’ve been a shitty friend. But I’ve also been… dealing with a lot.”
Luke turned to him fully. “Your parents?”
Young’s pause was answer enough.
“They’re still not speaking to you?” Luke asked.
“They’re splitting up,” he said finally. “Divorce. It’s real and it’s all my fault. I’m the reason they’re—” He broke off, a harsh laugh scraping out. “They think my sexuality is a reflection on their parenting and they told me that until I sort myself out, i’m being cut off. I moved hours away to get some peace and quiet, yet somehow I’m still their favourite punching bag. They hate me.”
Luke’s heart cracked. He wanted to take Young’s pain and bury it somewhere it could never hurt him again.
“You should’ve told Gabe,” Luke murmured.
“I know. But when I talk to Gabe, he looks at me like I’m still that guy who has his shit together. And the second I open my mouth, everything inside me starts falling apart.” He finally met Luke’s eyes. “And falling apart in front of you?” Young whispered. “That scares the hell out of me.”
Luke didn’t hesitate when he reached out, covering Young’s hands with his own. Young stared down at them like they were something precious.
“You don’t have to be strong with me. Or Gabe for that matter,” Luke said. “We already know you’re human. We know you better than anyone and we think you’re amazing. You’re our family, Youngjae. You know that. My mom tells you all the time. My dad loves you too.”
Young huffed out something like a laugh, pained but real. His fingers curled instinctively around Luke’s. The air between them hummed with every unsaid thing.
Luke’s voice softened. “You don’t have to go through any of this alone anymore. Please just talk to us. Or, just Gabe. I won’t pry if you don’t want me to. I know you’re more Gabe’s friend than mine. I won’t be offended if you choose to confide in him rather than me. He is your roommate after all.”
“I trust you both,” Young said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Young nodded.
They stared at each other for a while. Then Luke frowned. “Speaking of roommates…” he cleared his throat, suddenly looking away awkwardly even though his hand was still in Young’s. “I didn’t realise you and Ryan were still…”
“Oh,” Young blinked. “We’re not. Not really.”
“What does ‘not really’ mean?”
“Well, we’re still kind of friends,” Young said. “He’s the only person I could think of to crash with if you guys needed space. He doesn’t have a roommate.”
“Oh,” Luke blinked. “So you guys aren’t..?”
“We’re not together, no.”
“But you fool around?” Luke couldn’t help but ask.
Youngjae looked down at the pavement. “Well,” he sighed, “not really. The last time I was with him was the day after your birthday.”
“Oh?” Luke didn’t know whether to cry or scream. Maybe both. “So…what? You found out I went on a date with Noah and you decided to go fool around with your ex boyfriend?”
“I was sad,” Young explained.
Luke blinked at him, something burning hot in his chest. “Sad,” he repeated, voice thin. “So you just… threw yourself at him?”
Young flinched. Not because Luke raised his voice, but because he didn’t. Because the quiet anger was worse. “It wasn’t like that,” Young said.
Luke stared straight at him now, eyes sharp even while glossy. “Then what was it like?”
Young opened his mouth… closed it. He rubbed a hand over his face. “I was drunk. And lonely. And angry at myself for letting you slip away.” He laughed once, ugly and self-hating. “And if I couldn’t have the boy I actually wanted, I figured I could at least pretend to have another one for a night.”
Luke’s stomach dropped. “That’s messed up, Youngjae,” he muttered distastefully.
“I know.”
“You used him.”
“I know,” Young repeated, firmer this time. “And before you ask…no, it didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel worse. So I stopped texting him back and then he got frustrated and demanded we talked about our fucking feelings. So I finally told him about you and I guess it kinda helped because we became friends. Like, actual friends. Kinda.”
Luke stared at him like he was seeing a stranger. A hurting stranger. Young turned toward him fully, elbows on his knees, hands clasped tight like he needed them to stop shaking.
“I didn’t want you to know any of that because it makes me look pathetic and desperate. I didn’t want you to look at me and think—God, Youngjae can’t take a hint.“
“I never thought that,” Luke said immediately
Young’s eyes flicked up, hopeful for a millisecond before guardedness shoved it down. “Didn’t you?” he murmured.
Luke leaned forward, trying to catch Young’s gaze again. “You matter to me,” he said. “You always have. Even when you made me want to strangle you. Even when you disappeared without a word. Even when you pushed me away.”
Silence settled between them.
The city hummed around them. A car horn in the distance. Someone yelling drunk laughter down the block. Luke inhaled shakily.
“And for the record…” His hands twisted in his lap. “I didn’t pick Noah to hurt you. I picked him because he was my best friend and I genuinely felt better when he was around. He helped me a lot, ya know? He’s really nice and sweet. I also picked him because he actually wanted me and because I thought you didn’t.”
Young looked gutted. “I did,” he said. “I do.”
Those two words land between them like a spark in dry grass.
Luke opened his mouth, no idea what would come out, but Young spoke first, voice barely audible. “I keep messing up. With you, with Gabe, with Ryan, with everyone. I didn’t know how to watch you move on without… without trying to erase the part of me that wanted you to stay.”
Luke’s throat closed. “Then stop erasing it. I was ready to jump into whatever you wanted, Young. You’re the one who said we shouldn’t label it. Said we should just see where it goes,” he said.
Young hung his head in shame.
Luke looked down briefly, wiping his cheeks with a sleeve before the tears could fall further. “It hurts,” Luke admitted. “Being near you. Being far from you. All of it hurts and I hate it.”
Young nodded, eyes glassy. “I know.”
“Am I stupid for feeling this much for a boy i’ve never even been on a date with?” Luke asked miserably.
Young looked devastated at that.
Luke sniffled. “Sorry. I’m just being an idiot.”
“No, you’re not stupid,” Young said. “I’m fucking crazy about you, Luke. You’re in my head every fucking day and I don’t know why.”
Luke let the tears fall. He couldn’t not. Fuck, he was an emotional mess and Youngjae’s words were making him feel worse. “I wish you would have told me this four months ago,” he choked out.
“Me too,” Young whispered.
“I hate you for making me wait,” Luke sobbed.
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae murmured.
“But I also miss you so much,” Luke cried softly.
“I miss you too,” Young replies quickly.
“I still want you in my life.”
“I’m in it,” Young promised. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear. And this whole thing with Gabe? I’ll fix it.”
“You promise?”
“I promise, Luke.”
They sat there, hurting and honest, close enough to feel each other tremble.
Luke wiped his eyes again, laughing weakly. “God, we’re such a mess.”
Young stared at his face like he wanted to memories every tear. “But we’re a mess together,” he said softly.
Luke’s heart tumbled. He leaned in, just enough that Young felt his breath, but didn’t close the distance. He wanted to. God, he wanted to so badly it hurt. But he didn’t. Couldn’t. He had a boyfriend now. And no matter how much he had missed Youngjae, he couldn’t hurt Noah like that. So Instead, he whispered, “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
Young swallowed. “Thank you for asking.” Slowly and carefully, Young slipped his hand beneath Luke’s chin, tilting it up—not to kiss him, but to make him meet his eyes. “We’ll figure this out,” he promised.
Luke nodded, shoulders shaking with relief he didn’t fully understand. For the first time in months… they weren’t running from the truth anymore.
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