Array
(
[text] =>
•I’m stuck in this box but I’m the one who locked me in it•
Thomas
Waking up, my head is throbbing, the events from last night catch up to me, my urge to chug a bottle of vodka coming back stronger. What time is it? I hear a commotion from the hallway, it’s James, and a female voice. What is going on?
“Yea she can stay in there.” I hear, and all I’m wondering is what the hell is going on.
Getting up, I walk out the open doorway, to see a woman in a suit, with a child? With James holding 3 bags of stuff, now I’m wondering what is going on. They don’t notice me I think, as they go to James’s room, well not really, as he never sleeps in there. Who is this child? They all walk out of the room, and that is when James sees me, a cloudy look on his face.
“Ava this is Thomas, my boyfriend, Thomas this is Ava, she works with social services.” He introduces us, as I’m still questioning what is going on.
“Nice to meet you, there will be a home visit in two weeks to see how she is doing.” The woman-Ava-smiles, before leaving.
“Alright I guess I have some explaining to do.” James sighs, before gesturing the little girl who has walked out of the room, her brown hair in pigtails, green eyes full of wonder. She looks like James…. oh god.
We all walk to the couch, the little girl, who’s name I still don’t know yet, staring at me intently.
“Brittany, meet your guardian Thomas, and Thomas, meet my daughter Brittany.” Oh shit.
“Wait you have a daughter?” I ask, this girl isn’t even 5, well she doesn’t look like it.
“I have a daughter yes, and she is my biological child obviously, it is a very long story,which I may or may not explain tonite.”
“I want mommy.” Brittany mumbles, her green eyes filled with tears.
“I know you do, but mommy isn’t here anymore, but I’ll be here for you.” James tells her soothingly, his own eyes beginning to fill with tears.
“Why did you leave?” Brittany cries out at James, who looks as though he just took a slap in the face.
“One day when you’re older I’ll tell you, but for now, it’s 1pm, let’s try to enjoy the evening, I took a week vacation from work to get us all settled, so let’s go out or something, after we get all your stuff together.” James explains cheerfully , as him and Brittany walk down to his what I assume will be, old room. I follow along awkwardly, contemplating if I should, as we reach James’s room.
“I don’t have much stuff in here, just my clothes, I’ve been moving stuff into the hallway closet, so let me just strip the bed, and move my clothes.” He explains, taking the sheets off his bed, and replacing them with ones from the bags that Brittany came with.
“Thomas, I just have a stack of shirts in there, the rest of my stuff is now in the walk in closet in your room, if you could take it into there for me, that would be amazing.” James tells me, as I walk mindlessly to the barren closet, grabbing the stack of shirts.
It only takes us an hour, and at this point Brittany is taking a nap, as me and James hang out in our room.
“I’m assume you want to know how you’ve suddenly become a dad?” He asks me suddenly, eyes not moving from his task.
“Yea it would be nice to know, honestly.”
“Her mother died in a car crash, about 2 weeks ago. I’m her closest living relative, as I’m her father, so here we are.”
“More de-”
“I’ll explain when I’m ready to, okay?” He cuts me off sharply.
I look away, his footsteps coming to me, as I feel a cold hand wrap around my arm.
“I’m sorry.” James whispers, pressing his lips softly against my forehead.
“How long have you known about her?”
“I just figured out today that her mom died. I’ve known about her since birth.” He explains,
“You never told me?”
He stares at me, contemplating his choices, as he takes a harsh breath before starting.
“I dated this girl, for about two years, actually till I was 24, she had a kid. Throughout the relationship, something just felt off, it also didn’t help that she was abusive to me, well verbally,” James continues, “I realized I was gay, and things didn’t well..end nicely. So I left, leaving $3,000 on the table for them. Her mom died in a car crash about two weeks ago, and since I’m her father, well you get it.”
He walks away from me, as I follow him to the living room, in the bright light, is when I notice the dark circles under his eyes, and the bags.
“Have you been sleeping?” I ask, worry laced in my voice.
“Yea. Yea.” James mumbles, turning on the TV.
“I don’t think you have been, stop lying.”
“I’m okay Thomas.” He tries to end the topic, but I persist.
“I hear you tossing and turning at night in our bed, you’re not okay, can you talk about it?” I ask worriedly, the topic changing quickly.
“I’m okay.”
He gets up quickly, but too quickly, as he looks dazed, teetering slightly, before collapsing to the floor.
“James!” I get on my knees beside him quickly, as he slowly props himself up.
“Hey I’m okay, my blood pressure drops when I stand up sometimes, I just need some water, I’m okay, love.”
Despite the current circumstances I still blush as he calls me ‘love’, we aren’t really a couple with pet names, even though I wouldn’t mind..
“You aren’t okay.” I mumble awkwardly, helping him up, his weight on me slightly.
Ever since the thing with Tyler..he hasn’t been doing well at all, barely eating, barely sleeping, yet somehow he’s always there for me. Making sure I eat and sleep, being there for me when I’m sad and down. He hides his emotions, for the most part, tries not to break down when most people would.
“James, I love you and I wanna see you be okay.”
“I’m okay I swear.” He smiles, lying through his teeth.
“You need a therapist, and you need melatonin.”
“I’ll get melatonin tonight, we are going out for dinner, I made reservations for all of us.”
He walks over to the fridge, getting himself a water bottle to take his medicine. His gaze on me, eyes sad, I realize how much stress he is under. Especially now since he has a kid, he has to act strong everyday, even though he’s been through hell, and needs help.
“Do you love yourself?” I ask softly, his response is nearly choking on his drink, and nervous laughter.
“Thomas, I hate literally everything about myself.”
[text_hash] => f71bf345
)