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The first couple of days back home were spent separately, Domingo spent time with Alfie and his mum and Lucas couldn’t wait to see his mum too. As expected my mum went crazy as soon as I arrived, you would think this was the first time I had been back in four years but since that first summer break all three of us had made this trip back for the entire summer.
Theo also seemed pleased to see me and I got the impression that my mum had indeed been mothering him as promised and he would welcome the break from it. We hung out while the lads were with their families, we had a kick about and he seemed really happy and I was glad about that. Theo was a strange one, if my family had been taken from me at such a young age I wouldn’t have handled it half as well as he had.
We were playing in the park, I (as usual) was tired and he was whooping my ass and he kept chuckling at me when I kept missing easy goals. Ten minute later I collapsed on the grass breathing heavily, Theo lay beside me completely fine and laughing away.
“Oh shut up!” I snapped but smiled.
“What?! It’s not my fault you suck.” He laughed harder.
“Whatever!” I smiled back.
A week later I was so excited, Elliot was coming home today for a week and I couldn’t wait to see him. Due to college I hadn’t seen my brother in three very long years and his tour was nearly over, as I finished college in six months he would be finishing the army. He had no plans to reapply so he would be home for good and everyone was so thrilled by this news.
My mum had cooked a full on banquet for his return and tonight would be the first proper night I have spent with Domingo since we came home so I was doubly excited. Everyone was invited so I was eagerly awaiting their arrival, Elliot would arrive after everyone else so that it would be a surprise when he walked in. I knew he would hate it and Theo agreed but we also agreed that he wouldn’t say anything for mum’s sake, I just hoped he would hang around long enough to tell me what it was like in Afghanistan.
At six pm on the dot I opened the door to my boyfriend and he pulled me into his arms and kissed me, I chuckled but kissed him back. Alfie groaned about it being gross and to keep it private, while his mum just chuckled at us both. Lucas and his mum came soon after, and Lucas was acting weird as usual. He seemed both happy which I assumed was because he was back home, his usual depressed self and extremely nervous. Hell if I know why?
Domingo had his arm wrapped tight around my waist as we stood chatting to Lucas’ mum, he stood silent beside us seemingly daydreaming about something. Eventually he walked away without saying where he was going and his mum watched him move away with a concerned expression.
“Ok boys what the hell is wrong with my son?” She asked.
“We don’t know Fausta he has been like this for the last three and a half years. We thought he was homesick and that he just needed to be back home, well that’s what he told us anyway.” I said.
“Yeah we have tried everything but he just won’t tell us?” Dom added.
“Well this has got to stop, he has lost weight, he won’t eat anything that I make, he won’t talk to me without one word answers, he spends every minute in his room and he snaps more often.” She looked concerned.
“Well let us know if you want us to do anything Fausta.” Domingo said.
“Ok boys thank you.” She smiled.
She walked away to go and talk to Maria and my mum, Theo grabbed Alfie’s hand and dragged him from the room laughing and I smiled as Alfie has been such a good friend to Theo. Lucas still hadn’t returned but just when I was going to suggest that we go find him the sound of the door made everyone freeze. Dad called for everyone to hide and keep silent and they got into their places just in time for Elliot to walk through the door smiling.
My mum ran to him and he dropped his bag to pick her up in a strong hug, dad shook his hand then pulled him into a manly hug. Then he spotted me standing to the side and motioned with his head for me to come to him and he wrapped me up in his arms squeezing me tight and I gripped him just as tightly.
“I missed you bro!” He said.
“I missed you too!” I replied.
“You’re so grown up.” He smiled.
“I am not a kid Elliot.” I punched him.
“You will always be my kid brother.” He punched me back.
He looked up and spotted Domingo and smiled at me, I winked at him and he turned to Dom and pulled him into a tight hug too. I chuckled as Dom gasped in surprise and when they pulled apart Elliot kept his arm wrapped around Dom’s shoulders.
“So you two finally got together huh and you chose to wait until I was away so that I couldn’t give you the big brother speech?” He faked anger.
“Well I figured because you already knew me you’d save the speech?” Dom laughed.
“Nope afraid not Dom, first thing tomorrow me and you will be having a talk.” He was serious now and Dom gulped down.
“Leave him alone Elliot, your kind of late anyway don’t you think?” I chuckled.
“Hey I have been away and I will be warning him none the less so get over it.” He smiled. “Tomorrow Domingo Mendez.”
My parents and I chuckled at Dom’s obvious discomfort, Elliot looked at us all smiling then his face dropped as he looked away. Lucas came down the stairs still lost in his own world, when he looked up and saw us all gathered together he stopped, stumbled and tripped down the stairs. Elliot as quick as lightening moved and caught him in his arms as he fell, then he quickly put him down and moved away.
“Good catch Elliot.” My mum applauded completely missing the awkwardness. “Well Elliot I made food are you hungry?”
Elliot rolled his eyes behind her back clearly in tune with the situation but nevertheless he dutifully followed her into the kitchen to welcome his ‘surprise’ guests. Lucas stayed where he was watching after him as he left as we all followed him into the kitchen, before I walked through the door I turned back to Lucas and he was crying. I went to move towards him but he shook his head and ran back upstairs, I couldn’t miss this so I would have to go and see him after we welcomed Elliot.
As Elliot walked into the kitchen everyone jumped out in welcome to him and he smiled appropriately even though I could see something hidden in his eyes. He talked to everyone and we laughed at his pathetic jokes and gasped at the stories he felt were suitable to relay about his time in the army. After an hour he excused himself for the bathroom and went upstairs, my mum was gushing about how proud she was of him and Maria and Fausta agreed with her.
Fifteen minutes later I was worried about Lucas and Elliot neither of them had come back downstairs, Theo and Alfie were watching a film in the living room ignoring everyone and Domingo was stuffing his face as usual. I decided to go and look for Lucas, as Elliot was probably taking five minutes just to wrap his head around everything after all he had just come home and we all pounced on him.
When I got upstairs and heard angry voices I realised yet again I had walked into a private conversation and the decision to stay and eavesdrop or walk away came into play. The decision was kind of taken away from me when Lucas raised his voice so loud that I was surprised the whole house hadn’t heard.
“But why Elliot? Your reasons are ridiculous if you could give me something credible I would leave you alone!” He yelled.
“I told you Lucas I will not enter into anything when my future is so uncertain! I could die and that would be so unfair of me to do that to you.” Elliot replied calmly.
“I DON’T CARE THOUGH!” Lucas cried and Elliot huffed.
“I love you.” Lucas added more quietly.
“I love you too but I won’t do this Lucas, I will not build your hopes up then leave you alone, possibly for good! You should have moved on, I told you to move on!” Elliot sounded like he was begging.
How long had this been going on? This was clearly the reason for Lucas’ depression but why would he feel like he couldn’t tell me or Dom about this? I moved quietly closer to the room listening to the conversation between two people that I loved very much, who both were hurting badly.
“I can’t move on, did you not just hear me? I fucking love you Elliot and I will always be here so it makes no difference if you accept me now or later I would be equally as crushed if anything happened to you!” Lucas cried.
“I just can’t do this, I am sorry.” Elliot replied.
“Please don’t say that again, most people that go in the army need someone to love, to come home for. I could be that person to you Elliot? Please!” Lucas begged. “My life is shit Elliot, I can’t function properly, I can’t eat, I am barely passing college, I am ruining it for Charlie and Dom and I can’t get you off my mind.”
“I think of you too but this isn’t right Lucas it’s not fair on you, why can’t you see that?!” Elliot pleaded.
“I can’t be without you…”
“He can’t Elliot.” I interrupted and they both gasped.
“Charlie!” Lucas crumbled and Elliot gulped.
“Elliot what are you doing? Right now more than anytime in your life you need someone to love you, to encourage you to survive. I had hoped that would be your family but it’s not, whether you care to admit it or not it sounds like Lucas has been the one driving you to survive and come home.” I said. “And Lucas, this is why you have been so depressed for the last THREE years?! Why didn’t you tell me I am your best friend?”
“I am sorry Charlie I just didn’t see any point, Elliot isn’t mine so there was no reason to tell you.” He looked ashamed.
“Elliot! You love him do you really want to risk missing out on loving him properly, even if that is for a short period of time? By the way I am so not happy with you being so morbid!” I added.
“Charlie you have no idea what it is like!” Elliot snapped.
“Your right I don’t, but I can guarantee all of the boys in your squad have got pictures of their girls or wives with them at all times. Some of them may secretly have pictures of their men but what do you have? You carry the hope that you might get home in one peace and pray he is waiting for you? Well your home, and you’re in one piece and guess what he has been waiting for over three years so don’t miss out on another moment ok?!” I snapped back.
Lucas was crying heavily at this point, and I stared at Elliot as he glared back at me. I nodded towards Lucas and he looked at me pain in his eyes and I smiled and nodded to him again.
“You love him Elliot, life is far too short to not take advantage of that. Look at Theo’s family, I am sure he would give anything to spend even one more minute with Aunt Jess.” I said and he nodded.
I took that as my queue to leave and as I walked to the door I turned to look at them and Elliot had moved to a blubbering Lucas and wrapped him in his arms. I smiled again and head downstairs to find Dom, I was feeling pretty emotional after that and I needed to find my boyfriend. As predicted he was still eating, so I took the plate from his hand and led him up the stairs to my room, I locked the door behind me and turned to face him.
I walked towards him and pushed him down on to the bed, I slowly stripped myself of my clothing and climbed on top of him. I kissed him so hard putting all of my emotions into it, I needed him to know that I appreciated everything about him and that I would always love him. I made loved to him three times that night and every single second of it was so precious to me, I only hoped Elliot would find his time with Lucas equally as valuable.
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