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Hey guys just a quick chapter from Lucas, just to give you some idea of how he felt from his POV.
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Lucas’ POV
College had been a nightmare for me so far, I sound so ungrateful as my mom had saved my whole life to send me here and Dom and Charlie were trying so hard but they didn’t understand. No one understands… I guess I can’t really blame them considering I haven’t told them what is wrong with me. It started before college, it happened so quickly it was like being hit by a freight train, it was surprisingly painful and has remained that way ever since. What happened to me? Well…I fell in love.
Flashback
I was at Charlie’s, we had come back from doing tricks in the park and we were allowed to stay over, Helen was cool like that she always let us stop at short notice. Dom and I played on the Xbox but he sucked so badly so I was totally thrashing him, but he sighed gratefully when Helen interrupted us with cookies and milk, Elliot hot on her heels.
He looked mortified when she forced him to join in and Charlie tried to ease his embarrassment by telling him to play with me because Dom sucked so much. Elliot took a control and sat beside me and we played for a few hours, Dom and Charlie had fallen asleep in each other’s arms which was so typical of them.
That was the first time I really bonded with Elliot, he was a pretty funny guy and that was when it happened. I fell and hard, of course I had no idea what it was at the time I just believed I had, had a lot of fun with him and after all I wasn’t gay.
The next morning I couldn’t stop the blush from taking over my face every time Elliot’s name was mentioned and when we decided to go to the half pipe to practice my tricks I really wanted him to be there. Charlie told me to go ask him so I jumped up out of my seat and ran upstairs to ask him but to my disappointment he declined because he was signing up for the army. That news really hurt, Elliot was my best friend’s brother and I hated the idea of him going to fight a pointless war and possibly lose his life.
As the weeks passed I couldn’t get Elliot of my mind and so I was looking for any kind of distraction, and that came in the form of a sleepover at Charlie’s. This time we all were invited so Alfie and his girlfriend Sophia would be there and apparently she was bring her hot friend Vanessa along so maybe I could finally get Elliot out of my mind. Elliot was older than us and he had his own friends so hopefully he wouldn’t be joining us tonight, then I could concentrate on the girls.
The night was quite fun until Elliot arrived, he dropped in to spend some time with his brother before he left for the army but he didn’t realise the effect he was having on me. After a while he went back to his room to pack and we all decided to watch a film, so I pretended to go to the toilet so that I could go ask Elliot if he would watch it with me.
I walked into his room and sat on his bed watching him pack up, I asked him about the things they would make him do and he told me as much as he knew. When I made him promise to stay safe his breath hitched slightly and I smiled and grabbed his hand. He agreed to watch the movie with me and we sat together beside Charlie’s bed to watch the Breakfast Club, we laughed at Charlie and agreed with him when he said he would never be as cool as Judd Nelson.
It was over the next week that I sat and thought about my situation, I was fooling myself and it had to stop. I was running out of time to do something about this and the perfect opportunity was coming up, Helen and Dan were having a leaving party for Elliot this Saturday and I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to tell him how I feel. He would probably think I was ridiculous and that it would be an immature crush, after all I had known Elliot for years, so why now?
At the party I stayed away from Elliot as much as I could so that I wouldn’t bottle it, then when he was alone in the kitchen save for Dom, I decided now was my only chance so I asked Dom if he would let me talk to Elliot. I moved so that I was right in front of him and he was staring at me, I wonder if he had any idea what I was about to say?
“Elliot, I wanted to talk to you about something I hope that’s ok?” I asked.
“Sure Lucas what’s up?” He asked me.
“Oh god, I have no idea how to say this so I am just going to spit it out. I know I have never shown this kind of affection in the past, I have always been a ladies man but I can’t get you out of my head Elliot and I think that I love you.” I rushed out.
When he just stood there staring at me his brows creased I started to panic, he wasn’t speaking and it looked like he had fallen into a trance of some sort. I moved closer to him and I lifted my arm to rest it on his arm in an attempt to snap him out of it.
“Please Elliot say something?” I begged.
“I don’t know what to say Lucas, because I would be lying if…god.” He shook his head.
“Go on, lying if what Elliot?” I asked.
“Lying if I said I didn’t feel something for you too, it’s been coming on for a while now.” He smiled but sadly.
“Well if we both feel the same that’s great right? We can be together, I mean I know you’re going away but lots of couples go through that.” I smiled.
“No Lucas.” He replied shaking his head.
“No what?” I asked confused.
“I can’t do that to you, I will be facing incredible dangers and I will not engage in anything with you when I am leaving you behind, possibly for good! You are young, you will get over me and move on and it’s for the best.” He said sadly.
“Elliot, please don’t talk like that! You will come back home and I will be waiting for you, please don’t tell me I am young and I will get over you. If we care for each other then what is the point of letting anything get in the way of that?” I asked.
“I can’t do this Lucas, I am sorry.” He quickly kissed my forehead then left the room.
***
College had been hard, I had wrote to Elliot constantly and instead of moving on my love for him just grew more intense and I could tell he was falling for me too. He still refused to accept me though and so I fell into a depression that I just couldn’t pull myself out of. This was affecting my friendship with Charlie and Dom and this made me increasingly melancholy, they were trying, they really were but I couldn’t tell them about Elliot. There was no point when he refused to be mine completely, it would just open up a can of worms and I couldn’t deal with it on my own. I always wanted Elliot by my side when we told our families but I guess it wasn’t to be, I couldn’t get him to change his mind.
I had not seen him since that night and each day of not knowing what was happening to him added to the pain I felt, it was so hard to go through each day as if everything was ok when Elliot was fighting in a war. It was the summer holidays and I couldn’t wait to go home, Charlie told me for the first time in over three years Elliot would be coming home at the same time as us!
It was a pointless argument to have with him but I love him so much I have to try again and again. His family were throwing a party for him, they really didn’t know him at all. Well Charlie did but his parents were clueless as Elliot hated being the centre of attention, everyone was talking away and I just stood there going over and over what I would say to him once he arrived.
I could hear my mom chatting away with Dom and Charlie but I couldn’t concentrate on them so I walked away to go and wash my face. I stayed upstairs in the bathroom for quite a while, the peace and quiet was very calming and it helped me to concentrate on how to approach the subject with Elliot.
When I decided that I had been away long enough I left the bathroom and made my way downstairs, it wasn’t until I was half way down that I looked up to realise that he was here! That’s when I completely embarrassed myself, I stumbled and before I could right myself I fell. A strong pair of arms snatched me out of the air and placed me gently on the ground at his feet, he looked at me with pain filled eyes then he walked away from me without another word.
I watched as they all moved away into the kitchen and I couldn’t hold my tears any longer, they had been threatening to spill for three years and that rejection had been the last straw. Charlie noticed my tears and made his way towards me but I shook my head and ran back upstairs and into Elliot’s room. I would leave before he came up but right now I needed to be close to him in the only way I was allowed, so I lay on his bed and hugged his pillow tight to me.
Around an hour later I was still crying I couldn’t stop them they had been held back too long and had no intention of giving up anytime soon. The door opened and through teary eyes I watched as he came and sat beside me on the bed, he didn’t look at me or touch me.
“Lucas please stop crying.” He begged.
“Three years Elliot, three years and that is the welcome you give me. Please tell me you have changed your mind, please tell me that you will be mine now, you only have six months left.” I begged.
“I was shocked to see you I am sorry for acting so cold, but no I haven’t changed my mind. Six months is a long time where I am going and a lot can change.” He replied.
“But why Elliot? Your reasons are ridiculous if you could give me something credible I would leave you alone!” I yelled.
“I told you Lucas I will not enter into anything when my future is so uncertain! I could die and that would be so unfair of me to do that to you.” He replied calmly.
“I DON’T CARE THOUGH!” I cried out and he huffed. “I love you.”
“I love you too but I won’t do this Lucas, I will not build your hopes up then leave you alone, possibly for good! You should have moved on, I told you to move on!” He sounded like he was begging.
“I can’t move on, did you not just hear me? I fucking love you Elliot and I will always be here so it makes no difference if you accept me now or later I would be equally as crushed if anything happened to you!” I cried.
“I just can’t do this, I am sorry.” He replied.
“Please don’t say that again, most people that go in the army need someone to love, to come home for. I could be that person to you Elliot? Please!” I begged now. “My life is shit Elliot, I can’t function properly, I can’t eat, I am barely passing college, I am ruining it for Charlie and Dom and I can’t get you off my mind.”
“I think of you too but this isn’t right Lucas it’s not fair on you, why can’t you see that?!” Elliot pleaded.
“I can’t be without you…” I started but I was interrupted.
End of Flashback
That was the part when Charlie had interrupted us and he agreed with me, I was devastated that he had to find out like this but maybe he could help me talk some sense into Elliot. The conversation between the two of them was heated and I was so dazed and upset that I missed half of it, I was just standing there crying hoping that I would leave the party as Elliot’s boyfriend at last.
Charlie left the room and Elliot enveloped me into a hug, he squeezed me tightly and rubbed my back all the while placing small kisses on my forehead. When he pulled away I looked into his eyes and the pain was still evident even though he was trying to smile at me.
“Lucas.” He smiled sadly. “I won’t change my mind, I am sorry.”
“But!…” I tried.
“Lucas! I won’t change my mind but I do love you and if you decide you want to wait I promise that if I come back I will make you mine?” He added.
“I will…I will wait, I love you too Elliot.” I said. “You will come back ok!”
“I will.” He smiled.
Then the most perfect moment of my life so far, Elliot pulled me close and he kissed me! It was a slow, passionate kiss and I grabbed the back of his hair hungrily pulling him closer to me. I had waited for the moment I got to kiss him for several years and I hadn’t even come close to understanding how amazing this could feel. I never wanted to pull away from him but I couldn’t breathe and as he made the decision for us I refused to let him go just yet.
He held me tighter and I promised him over and over that I would wait for him to come home as long as he promised me in return that he would promise to be safe and not let his guard down for a moment. I guess we were already together but it wouldn’t be voiced until he was back safe in my arms and now that I had a taste of what it was like I knew the next six months would drag by!
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