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-ASH-
I can’t get this off of my mind. Even though, I know I don’t really want to do it. But, it sounds fun and I haven’t had fun for such a long time.
Should I do it? Should I go for that rehearsal?
To be honest, I thought Mike would have forgotten about this, but no. He doesn’t leave me alone. He always finds a way to ask me if I want. But, I keep answering no.
This time, I check my cellphone to see that he has texted me, for another one time.
From !mike! : ‘don’t say no this time. just try, you might like it.’
To !mike! : ‘i appreciate your instistence but im not sure if im ready to join a band’
From !mike! : ‘and that’s why you should come tonight. you can see if you want it or not.’
To !mike! : ‘im not really feeling very comfortable about this. i don’t even know the other guys.’
From !mike! : ‘oh come on. you’ve met cal, and don’t worry about luke. we told him about you and he’s really waiting to hear you’
Now I actually start thinking about it seriously.
To !mike! : ‘alright. besides, it’s just for tonight.’
From !mike! : ‘would that be a yes?’
To !mike! : ‘i guess’
Mike doesn’t respond after that, so I guess our conversation has come to an end. What am I going to do now? Did I just agree on playing the drums with them?
Am I really ready for this? But, I have to agree. I really want to go. If it’s for playing the drums for one more time. I’m just so nervous. I haven’t played in front of people in years. Especially in front of someone that I’m supposed to impress.
::
I’m on the road for Calvin’s house. The hour has really passed, as it’s already eight in the afternoon, and the sun has set.
I don’t know why they wanted it so late, but I don’t mind.
I finally reach the house, and knock the door; and Calvin shows up after opening the door with a small smile. I awkwardly smile back, swallowing hard.
“Erm, hi.” I simply greet him. He pats my shoulder, as he lets me in and walks me down to the basement.
It looks exactly like the last time. With all the instruments.
Except for this time, there was also somebody else in the room, too.
“So, you must be Ashton.” I hear a voice speaking right when I step on the room.
“And you must be Lucas?” I reply. He reaches his hand for me to shake.
Lucas gives me a weird look, and I cannot get why.
“Do I know you? I feel like I’ve seen you before.” he says.
“Well, I’m friend with Mike. Maybe that’s how you know me.” I reply with a shrug.
“Yeah, right. Mike talks a lot about you.” he speaks, giving me a slight shade of red on my cheeks; but he doesn’t notice as Mike comes inside.
“Hey Ashton.” he says with a wide smile. He seems as if he’s about to give me a hug, but halfway through, he stops.
He looks down for a second, before facing us again. “I see you’ve met each other, already.”
“Sure.” Lucas replies before me, but I can tell there’s a really uncomfortable atmosphere between all of us, and I really can’t stand it.
“So, let’s begin?” Calvin finally asks.
We all nod in sync, getting ready.
“Wait,” I say. “I’m not ready for anything. Do I just improvise again?” I ask.
“He’s right. Didn’t you show him any of our songs?” Lucas asks, giving a look to Cavin and Mike. They both look at each other, biting their lips.
“You’re impossible.” Lucas is rolling his eyes.
“It’s okay, we still have Dan’s music scores. He wouldn’t need them anyway.” Calvin says, and then opens a drawer handing a notebook. But, Mike immediately takes it from his hands, and then hands it to me. I look at his eyes, but he doesn’t make eye contact.
“Thanks,” I say.
“I hope you won’t find any difficulty” Michael says, as I open the first page of the notebook, and read the first song, ‘Out Of My Limit’. I examine it for a moment, until I raise my head to face the guys, who are all looking at me.
“L-Let’s do it” I say quietly.
The boys give me a nod enthusiastically, grabbing their guitars. Lucas checks his microphone for sound, and so do Calvin and Mike.
“Let’s see what you can do.” Lucas tells me with a smirk.
I don’t respond to that, and don’t think about it either. I’m not playing for them, I’m doing this for me. I really want to play.
“One, two, three, four” Mike says before we all start playing music.
I don’t take my eyes off of the music score, but I really am comfortable at playing this song. Lucas starts singing and I have to say; he’s really good.
As I’m doing some really fast moves, I can feel Mike’s glance over me, but I don’t pay attention. I just want to play the song. And I want to play it good.
At some point, Mike starts doing a guitar solo, and he has turned his body to me, looking at me. From the corner of my eye, I can see that he’s grinning. Does he want to impress or something? I keep playing, looking at the drumsticks, ignoring the sweat and my red cheeks like it doesn’t bother me.
When the song ends, there’s a small silence until they put their guitars down.
“You’re good.” Lucas says.
“Thanks” I reply.
“It’s not like he doesn’t know that. Ashton’s killing it.” Calvin says, making me snort.
“Well, thank you for your words.” I say, noticing that Michael doesn’t really pay attention at all. “Do you want to play another song, too?” I ask but Lucas shake his head as a no.
“I think we’ve made our minds with just one song. It’s up to you if we ever play together again.” he says.
“What do you mean?” I wonder.
“It means that we want you in our band.” Calvin speaks.
I look down. “I really, ” I exhale some air. “I would like being in a band, really.” I reply, “But, I don’t know if I’m ready about that.”
“It might be sudden for you, I get it. But, think about it. It could be life changing.” Lucas says. “You can be our life savior; we thought we would never play again but now-” he stops, raising his shoulders.
I nod my head, “I’m not saying I’m joining the band today, but it’s not like something I don’t want to do again.” I say, hoping they’ll understand.
“Just want you to know that we need you. But we’re not pressing you.” Calvin says.
“Well, when you’re saying that you need him, it sounds like pressure to me.” Mike suddenly snaps. It really got me out of nowhere; he was really silent all this time.
Mike seems a little bit off, and I can tell he’s not feeling very well.
“Are you okay, mate?” Calvin asks him, but Mike just walks away, going out of the room.
Lucas gives Calvin a confused look, “What happened to him all of a sudden?” he asks.
“I have no idea. He was all so good earlier.” Calvin replies.
“Hey, since you seem to be good friends, why don’t you go talk to him?” Lucas says, looking at me.
“Oh, okay.” I mumble, getting a weird feeling at the sound of “good friends”. Are we good friends again, really?
“Yeah, Mike has really been off these days. Maybe you can talk to him.” Calvin says. “See you another time, alright?” he asks.
“Sure, I’ll give your offer a thought.” I assure them, before leaving the room.
I go up the stairs and search for Mike. I don’t really know what to tell him. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe, he just wants to be alone.
“Mike!” I yell his name, but no answer. “Where are you?” I shout again, but I can’t find him in here.
As I’m walking through the house, I notice that the front door is slightly open. I reach out and go outside, to find Mike sitting down on the floor.
“Are you alright, Mike?” I ask him, but when he turns his face to me I see his eyes being red and watery. He surely has been crying, but why?
::
-MIKE-
Have I really lost my mind? Sure I have. I never thought that I would ever be in that position. Crying for someone. More specifically for a boy. Ashton, in this case. Fucking Ashton! My best friend!
I really tried taking this out of my mind, and I thought I achieved that for a while, but not anymore. I can’t deny my fucking feelings anymore. I feel sick. It sucks feeling this way, and I never felt like this. Ever.
I can’t stop thinking about him, ever since the day I realized that. I am falling in love with him. And I really can’t deny it.
Especially now, when he’s asking me if I am alright, with those brown eyes of his, and his worried look.
I wipe my eyes with my fingers. “Yes.” I lie, not as if he can’t tell I’m being sarcastic.
Ashton sits down right next to me legs-crossed, feeling his knee on mine. His face is so close to me, it actually makes me breathless.
“I know you’re not fine, my friend” he says.
God, that stupid word. Friend. But, that’s only how he sees me anyway, and I don’t want to lose that.
He puts his hand down on my thigh, giving me chills. Stop feeling like this, Michael. He obviously doesn’t feel the same.
“I know we had our ups and downs, but please; you can talk to me.” he tells me.
I finally take a small breath, “It’s really nothing, Ash- Ashton,” I say, feeling completely stupid around him. This is not how I want to act around him. I don’t want to be weak.
Ashton gives me a yeah-right-look, and waits for me to speak.
I just raise my shoulders, before deciding to speak. “I have some problems, but I don’t want to bother you.” I tell him.
“You can tell me everything.” he assures me with a genuine smile; his lips so close with mine.
Oh God, how much I want to kiss him again. To feel the taste of his lips on mine. But, I know that won’t be right. And I would lose his friendship for good, if I did that.
“Is it about your parents?” he asks, making me feel kind of relieved in a way.
“Some part of it.” I reply.
“They really don’t give a shit about me. It’s like I was never theirs.” I say, and I know that’s not a lie. They really have moved on. If still being alcoholic jerks, can be a move on.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” he replies, as he’s drawing circles on my back with his fingers. And honestly, I don’t want him to stop.
“It sucks when your parents leave you.” he tells me, and of course I know he’s honest and he knows exactly what it feels like.
“Even though, I left them first; it was because they were never there. It was like they had left me way before. I was just living with them. They never treated me right.” I say, start whimpering again.
I don’t want to cry. Not in front of him, for fucking sake.
His arm is still around my shoulder, squeezing me in his small embrace. I don’t want to keep talking because I know, I might spit something I don’t want to say.
“I’m here for you, okay?” Ashton says, making me feel okay for a moment.
But not for long, because I know this one thing. I can never have him. And that sucks. It sucks having feelings for someone, that you know they don’t feel the same.
“Thanks Ashton.” I say and rest my head on his shoulder. “And I’m really sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” he asks.
“For saying things that I shouldn’t.” I say, not looking in his eyes.
He doesn’t make a move, though. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about that anymore. I have said things that I shouldn’t, too.” he says, and I nod while still being in his embrace. How can he be so goddamn forgivable with me? I don’t even deserve it.
There’s another silence between us, but it’s not that awkward. I really like this situation right now. Just sitting, while being in Ashton’s arms. It’s something that I may never experience again, and I have to appreciate it. It really feels good.
“And Mike?” Ashton decides to break the silence.
“A- ha?” I mumble.
“You said that your parents are some part of your problem.” he starts saying, making my stomach drop.
“Yeah, so?” I ask, getting ready for what he’ll say.
“What’s the other one?” he asks, looking straight in my eyes.
//
wow this is really late. its almost 2015 and i can’t believe. i started it on august and i still haven’t finished it. i hope the next update will be sooner. i try my best.
i really am surprised that i haven’t lost readers, thanks for keep reading this, and voting of course.
every time someone leaves a comment i have a little heart attack because i think it’ll be something negative.
anyway thanks ..happy new year.
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