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-ASH-
I feel so different as a person. My life has started to change. I don’t know if it’s for the best or worst, but ever since I started taking those pills, I’m not like I used to be.
I’m not always so angry or anxious about everything. I can control my feelings the most times.
And as I say most times, it’s because it doesn’t last too long.
Sometimes, I just forget to take them, and shit happens all over again. But thankfully, I have Ms Daria to remind me every now and then.
I’m also trying my best to ignore people’s judgemental looks, but they still affect me. Even though I don’t always show it.
I look myself at my bathroom’s mirror. My bruise has mostly faded away and I have gotten rid of that bandage on my nose. But, I still have this fucking scar which will forever remind me of that jerk. And her.
My lips are not yet like they used to be, but at least they’re not that disgusting. I still find myself a mess, but I’m trying to get over it.
I should not get those things fuck my life up. Not anymore. I just hope this feeling I have right now, will last. For the first time since I left the orphanage, I finally feel good. But, I don’t know if it’s because of the pills or, I’m just more mature than I was. Well, I doubt if it’s the second one.
I take a quick shower and then, I just wear my black jeans and a white t-shirt.
The weather has already started being warmer. Isn’t it fascinating that the seasons we have are completely opposite than the other countries? I mean, I’ve never been anywhere outside from Australia, and I would love to travel all around the world.
It’s one of those random dreams I have sometimes. Like playing my own music at concerts, travelling, meeting new people. But that obviously would never happen. It’s not anything like me.
::
::
“Good morning Ashton.” I hear Mr Roger’s voice greeting me as soon as I enter the library.
“Morning,” I reply lazily.
“Hey, look at you.” he says giving me a genuine smile. “You look so much better.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly, as I rub the back of my neck.
“Hello Ash. How are you feeling today?” I can recognize Ms Daria’s voice calling my name. She shows up from behind me. But, what is she doing here?
“I’m pretty fine. Thank you. Aren’t you supposed to be in the o-orphanage?” I struggle to say that word.
“Yes. I’ll be there in a few minutes. There are just some things I need to talk about with Roger.”
I nod and then Mr Roger gives me a box, full of books that I have to arrange at the right selves.
::
As I finally put the last book to its place, I feel someone’s hand on my shoulder which gives me the goosebumps.
“Mike. You scared me.” I say trying not to lose my temper.
“I’m sorry Ashton,” he chuckles. I observe him for a second. This kid is literally changing his hair colour like I change my socks.
“Nice hair.” I say and point to his brightly coloured red hair.
“Ah thank you very much. I decided to try something new this time.” he says with a grin.
“You also look nice. How are you?” he asks.
I just shrug.
“Do you still take your pills?” he asks.
“Why do you care so much?” I say.
“Aren’t we friends? I want to know that you’re doing fine. You haven’t spoken to me for a week.” he says.
He’s right. Ever since that day we hang out, I haven’t contacted with him. I don’t know. I’m just afraid that I’ll open myself to him, and I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. But, he opened himself to me the last time. And as it seems, he hasn’t gone through a perfect life. Shouldn’t I be honest to him?
“Ash. It’s time for me to leave.” Ms Daria says and comes to give me a small hug. “Is he a friend of yours?” she asks and looks at Mike with a smile.
“Uhm. Yes, he’s a friend … m-mum.” I mumble. And for a moment, I just want to disappear. Why did I have to say that?
Ms Daria gives me a confused look, but then nods at me as if she understands what I’m trying to do.
“Nice to meet you.” Mike says and shakes both Ms Daria’s and Mr Roger’s hands, completely unaware of the real situation. I can tell they both seem frustrated about what I just said, but they’re not saying anything. My cheeks must be on fire.
“Are you sure you can hold this place all alone, for an hour?” Mr Roger asks as he’s about to leave with his wife.
I nod as I’m looking down. I hope he’s not mad at me.
“Don’t worry. I’m here, too. I’ll help him with everything.” Mike says, and Mr Roger gives him a weak smile. I wonder what he’s thinking of.
After they leave, I leave a silent sigh.
“So is that like a family business? I mean, the library?” he asks as I’m taking some books to arrange them, just to kill my time.
I just raise my shoulders as my only response. I really shouldn’t say that. Why Ash? Why did you have to be so stupid?
“You didn’t tell me that your father owns the Library?” he asks and I just can’t stand it. It makes me feel even more guilty.
I shrug, “It just didn’t happen. How’s the band going?” I ask as I’m desperately trying to change the subject.
“Good. And shit. You know. I’m not sure if we’ll last as a band.” he says with a sigh.
“Why do you say that?” I say as we both sit on some chairs we have for the customers for reading.
“Well, we still can’t communicate. I mean I can get along with the two of them. But this Daniel though. Ugh. He keeps getting on my nerves. He’s like fifteen or something. He can’t even be in all of our rehearsals. How can we be considered as an actual band?” he says as he runs his hand through his hair. He seems like it really affects him.
“Haven’t you thought about finding another drummer for your band?” I ask him
“Don’t you think I’ve already thought about that? But the others just won’t listen to me. They say it’s too early for those decisions and we won’t find a good drummer quickly.” he says and then his hand is on top of mine.
I feel slightly uncomfortable, but I don’t move. His hand stays on mine. I feel like my hand’s sweating.
“I hope you’ll figure it out.” I say and before we even say anything, someone enters the building.
“Excuse me, am I interrupting something?” Emma says as she’s walking closer to us and she has her eyes on our holding hands.
I immediately take my hand away and stand up. Mike stays at his seat.
“What do you want here?” I ask her. She’s the last person that I wanted to see.
“Please Ashton. Forgive me.” she says but I won’t feel sorry for her.
“No Emma. You know it’s all over.” I say. Mike is just staring at us, and I feel like I want to scream again.
“But, Ashton,” she says with her voice almost cracking. “I want to be with you.”
“But, I don’t want to.” I say and I can feel Mike’s opened mouth as I say that.
Emma sighs and looks straight in my eyes.
“Don’t make this any harder.” I say.
She looks down while a tear falls on her cheek and she wipes it with her finger. Well, I thought I liked that girl, and I could have fallen for her but now it’s too late.
She just leaves without saying anything, making quick steps.
I sigh, “Ugh. She just won’t leave me alone, will she?” I say and sit back to the chair.
Michael looks at me overwhelmed. “Problems with the ex?” he asks.
I shake my head as a no. “She was never my girlfriend.”
Michael gives me a look as he wants me to continue.
“Well, she can’t just kiss me and then tell me she has a boyfriend, right?” I say.
“She thinks she’s a bad girl, huh?” Michael says with a smirk.
“I don’t care about her at all. She has already caused me a lot of trouble. And her stupid boyfriend.” I say with a grimace.
Mike doesn’t respond and I hope he understands that her boyfriend is the reason why I had to go to the hospital.
Fucking me. I can be honest about this stupid situation, but I can’t tell him about myself? About the real me? How could I even lie about this? How can I make up for that now?
I stand up and go to a specific shelf. Right now, I just want to read something and forget about this.
I take Heracles. It’s probably one of the best books to read. I’ve always loved this one. There’s just something about Greek mythology, that you can’t hate.
As I sit next to Mike, I take my glasses from my pocket and put them on.
I can feel Mike’s eyes on me. “What?” I ask him, trying to show him that it irritates me.
“Nothing. You just look good with glasses.” he replies, without even blushing.
I swear to God, my cheeks must look more red than his stupid hair.
“Uhm, thanks.” I say as I look at the book.
After some minutes, he has to go back to his place — or his bandmate’s place — for more rehearsals.
“See you later Ashton.” he says and taps my shoulder.
I sigh. I just hope I’ll find the guts one day, and tell him the truth.
::
-MIKE-
I search through the contacts on my phone. After an exhausting rehearsal I just want some relax.
I find a random girl’s name. Olivia.
After calling her, and making her believe that I remember her, she invites me to her place.
::
I’m kissing her lips, and she keeps giving me hungry kisses as well. As I’m taking off her bra and throw it on the floor, she makes a small moan.
“I missed you Mikey.” she says with a giggle and I look in her eyes.
“What happened to you?” she asks me concerned, as I’m looking frozen to her.
What the hell? I swear, I think I just saw Ashton in her eyes. What is happening with me?
I keep kissing her and then moving my lips on her neck, but something is stopping me to continue.
“Sorry. I just can’t today.” I say and stand up, putting my clothes back on.
“What the hell just happened to you?” she asks.
“I really don’t know. I just have to go.” I say and open the front door.
::
::
I make myself comfortable on Calvin’s couch, as he’s walking in the living room.
“Are you okay mate?” he asks.
I just shrug. “I don’t know man. I’m just so confused.” I say but I don’t know if I want to continue.
“Hey, I know we don’t really talk,” he starts saying as he’s sitting next to me. “But, we can start from now.” he says with a smile.
But, I’m still not sure if I can open myself to him. Even though, I can feel like we can become friends.
//
i feel like this is a filler, but trust me in the next chapter something new will happen.
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