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OH MY GOD THANKS FOR 1K READS THIS IS INCREDIBLE….
//
-MIKE-
‘hey ho, let’s go. hey ho, let’s go. they’re forming in straight line. they’re going through a tight wind. the kids are losing their minds. the blitzkrieg bop.’
I push myself to get my phone and close the alarm, and then lay back in the couch. What a great way to wake up by hearing the amazing voice of Joey Ramone.
I barely slept last night. And it’s not because of this fucking uncomfortable couch. It’s just my mind. I can’t unwind, not even for a moment.
I’ve never, ever felt like this before. And to be honest, I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling right now.
I check the clock and it’s like 8:30 am. Why would I even put my alarm so damn early? It’s not like I have school or anything else.
I was never a morning person, but these days I find myself taking long walks alone, in the mornings. I just feel so different in a weird way. I feel like leaving my parents was a good decision.
Speaking of parents, they still haven’t made an effort to talk to me. But, I’m not trying anymore. They don’t care about their son, why should I care about them?
I take a silent sigh, as I get up and change myself. Calvin is probably still sleeping, but he knows that I like going out.
As I’m tying my shoes, this thought just hits my mind. ‘Should I find Ashton?’
Damn, maybe he’s the reason why I couldn’t sleep yesterday. How can this kid be in so much trouble? I don’t even get myself in so much trouble.
According to Calvin’s source, one of them passed out. He seems so tough and everything, but I’m not sure if he would hit someone like that. Did he really cause all that?
God. My mind just can’t let go of thinking about him. Everytime, I try to distract myself from him, his face comes back in my mind.
I really want to just forget for a moment, and take a long walk outside. Like I said, I was never an outgoing person, never liked walking around, but now it’s pretty helpful.
I like being by myself, and just thinking. It’s all I would always do anyway.
I don’t remember myself having friends or going at parties and stuff like that.
My parents never took me to a relative’s house. I don’t know the rest of my family. I don’t even know anything about them. My cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents. I envy the feeling of having a family. A real one.
I shake my thoughts and look down as I’m still walking.
My life is pretty fucked up.
I still remember myself taking — god knows how many — pills. Not because, I thought it was cool. But because I thought they would take my pain away. Like, they would make me forget about how alone I felt. But, they never did. They never helped.
I always tried to trick myself from anything. I would even just hook up with some girls from school or even girls who weren’t from my school. Pleasuring them, but I never felt the pleasure back. Nothing. None of what I tried made me feel better. Or important. I just want to belong somewhere. No matter how stupid it sounds, but it sucks to be me. It sucks to feel alone. I never had anyone by my side.
Only music was there for me. I realize how much writing lyrics, helps me get through. Writing my feelings down. I just wish I had someone to share them. I can’t even show all of my lyrics to my bandmates. Some of them are so personal, and I don’t feel ready to open myself to them. They barely know me.
From all this walking, I didn’t notice that I’m outside of my favourite music store. I would spend hours inside this store, just looking at these albums and listening to the perfect music.
As I’m looking at my reflection at the window, I notice a known figure across the street.
I turn my head around to see clearly Ashton, walking down the street. I would shout but then, I notice his face. His nose is covered with some bandage, and his lips are … a mess. This must have hurt.
I see him going inside a building that’s exactly across the street. I look up to this building. I’ve never noticed that there was a library in here. And why Ashton would like to go there?
I don’t really think it twice and just follow him. I enter this huge building and I only see books. Everywhere. God. Where’s Ashton?
“How could I help you?” someone wakes me up from my thoughts. I guess he’s the owner.
“I’m just looking for someone. Thank you.” I try to sound polite, because I really don’t give a damn about the books.
“Mike, what are you doing here?” Ashton says from behind me. The owner just looks at us for a while, until Ashton nods at him and says, “It’s okay. I know him.” so he leaves us alone.
I take a better glance at him. He looks even worse from that close. I’m trying not to stare at him that much, because I know it drives him crazy but I can’t help it. He has a fading bruise underneath his left eye.
“So why you came here? What do you want?” he asks while looking down.
“I came here for you.” I simply reply.
“You want me to apologize, don’t you? Okay then. I’m sorry again. I’m sorry for not being able to control myself.” he says, still refusing to look me in the eyes.
“What are you talking about? I didn’t come here to tell me you’re sorry.”
“I thought you were mad, because the last time we met, I acted stupidly again.” he says, and that makes me chuckle a little.
“I didn’t come here for this. I came to see you. I heard about a fight, and it looks like you’ve been a part of it.”
He looks away blushing as if he’s embarrassed.
“You’re pretty badass. I heard that the other one passed out.”
He sighs, making a sad noise, “Badass? Michael look at me. I’m the one who passed out. I’m nothing but a fuck up. I can’t even defend myself.” he says, looking at me with almost teary eyes.
“Hey, you seem like you need some company.” I start saying all of a sudden. He looks at me straight in my eyes. Damn. I can’t take my eyes off of his torn lips. I swallow the lump in my throat and continue, “Maybe we could go out sometime. We could go eat or something.” I say without taking any breath.
I don’t know what just came to me and asked him something like that. Do I really want to be his friend?
“Thanks Mike. It’s not like I have any friends anyway. But, I don’t think I’m a good company. I mess up everything.”
“Hey, I’m not a good company either. But, we could try, you know.” I say.
“I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow?” he shrugs.
“Sorry. I have rehearsals with the band. How about today?” I ask and he agreeds.
We also exchange our phone numbers and I ask him to give me his address.
“You don’t have to pick me up from my apartment.” he says.
“I insist. See you later Ashton.” I say and he waves, as I’m leaving him alone.
I start taking my way back to Calvin’s house. What did I just do? Will this turn into a friendship or it will be fucked up before it even begins?
But Ashton … he seems like he doesn’t like how he acts. He seems like he wants to change. And I realize that I’m changing, too. Maybe now I’ll learn how it is to make a friend.
::
::
“Hey,” we both say synchronically, as Ashton opens his door to me.
We both go outside in an awkward silence. “So, what are we doing tonight?” he asks with his hands inside his pockets of his black skinny jeans. Pretty much like mine’s.
“I was thinking about going for some pizza. Sounds good?” I ask him, hoping he agreeds because I’m starving for some pizza right now.
He just shrugs like he doesn’t really know if he wants.
“Uhm sure. I’ve never eaten pizza before, I think.” he says, making me stop walking and looking at him opened mouth.
“You’ve never eaten pizza?” I ask him with wide eyes. Is he really serious or he’s joking?
He looks at me confused and raises his shoulders.
“You have no idea what you’re missing. Seriously were you raised up in a stable?” I chuckle, but I notice that he has a sad look in his face and a frown has replaced his smile. Therefore, he makes a small giggle. But, I can tell it’s fake. Like he has something to hide. I didn’t mean to offend him, though.
As soon as we enter my favourite pizzerie, we find an empty table to sit.
I order for the both of us, since Ashton hasn’t had pizza before, which is still a shock for me.
“Well, I gotta admit. It smells really good.” Ashton says, making me grin.
“And you haven’t even tried it, yet.”
I notice that the waitress and some of the customers have a look at us. Maybe Ashton’s face. Like why? They’ve never seen a broken nose before? But, he’s so calm though. He’s actually ignoring all of them for the first time.
As soon as the food comes, I grab the first slice and take a big hungry bite. Ashton hasn’t touched his, yet.
“What are you waiting for?” I say and he chuckles. He then, takes a slice and takes a small bite. Unlike me.
He looks at me as he swallows. “Man, that’s perfect.” he says and I start laughing so loud that all of the customers start looking at me, telling me to shut up.
“I have to agree with you.” I say and take another bite. Of course he would like it. I just don’t know why it took him so long to eat pizza.
Then, Ashton’s phone rings but he ends the call, instead of answering it.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, as I notice that he looks like he feels uncomfortable.
“Yes. It’s just this girl. I don’t want her in my life.” he replies. I guess he’s been into some drama. But, I don’t know what it’s like since I’ve never had an actual relationship.
Then, I see him opening a little box with pills. Wait. What the fuck?
“Relax. It’s just antibiosis for the stitches.” he says making me sigh from relief.
“My doctor also gave me some pills for my, you know … anger issues. They really help me actually.” he adds.
“That’s good, Ashton.” I tell him.
After finishing our food, we decide to pay half and then leave.
As we’re walking down the street, I put ‘I Against I’ playing on my phone.
“What’s that?” Ashton asks.
“You don’t know the Bad Brains? They’re like one of the best punk bands in history of punk.” I reply.
Ashton gives me an awkward smile, like he has no idea what I’m talking about.
“There’s so much you need to learn. You only listen to Bach and shit?” I ask him.
“Hey, it’s not shit. It’s great music. But I don’t only listen that. I’m also a big fan of The Clash.” he says making me look at him in wonder.
“Wow. That is completely different. How can you listen to classical music, though?” I ask.
“It helps me staying calm. Just like reading.”
“Ah. That’s why I found you on the library.” I say.
“Yes, I actually work there.”
“You know what Ashton? You might seem tough and everything, but deep down you’re such a nice and full of surprises person.”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” he chuckles.
::
As the time is flying, my eyes start being heavy.
“It was so nice today.” I say.
“Yes, it was. Thanks for today. Without you, I would never believe that pizza can make you feel so good.” he says making the both of us laugh. His laughter is pretty contagious.
“Do you want me to walk you to your house?” he offers.
“I don’t have a house. I live in my bandmate’s.” I say and Ashton looks at me confused.
“I left my parents.” I say without controlling myself. I’ve never opened myself to anyone.
“It might seem weird, but they were never there for me. It was like I’ve never had parents.” I add.
“At least, you have parents. You should be grateful.” he says, but he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know how it’s like to be me.
“I may am, but they aren’t grateful for having me as their son. And what do you know about that? I bet your parents have been a lot better than my asshole ones.”
Ashton doesn’t respond. He looks away as if he doesn’t want this conversation to go on. He checks his phone for time.
“Uhm, it’s getting really late. Thanks for tonight again. Goodnight.” he says and leaves me immediately.
He is so different and every time I asked him something personal, he would just change the subject.
He’s such a mystery, and I’m pretty sure I want to solve it.
//
sorry for the late update, but here it is, a lot longer than the other chapters. I don’t think this story will be too long, maybe less than 20 chapters.
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