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(Trigger warning)
Isaac p.o.v
After Cameron left I thought he would never talk to me again. Like ever.
I didn’t hear from him that night or the next day. Heartbreak hurt a hell of a lot more then I thought. Did he even really like me in the first place? Did he just like pretend to make me happy? Did he just do everything he did because he needed comfort. Was I a victum of being used? Is it bad that im still madly in love with that kid and I have no clue how to deal with it.
I take walks when I’m bored or need to clear my mind from whatever is eating at me these days. I toke a walk for hours didn’t notice where I was till I seen him. The shinning boy the one that gives me meaning in life sitting down somewhere in a park. Then I realized it’s the park that Blake Cameron and me all frist hangout actually. What’s Cameron doing here?
I out my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t hurt me don’t hurt me” he kept repeating. I was confused yet then I remembered what happened to him when he was gone. Being raped messes with you and your veiw of the world. I should know it’s happend to me once.
“Cameron is Just me” hopefully he doesn’t freak out that I’m here. He didn’t seem much like he wanted to talk last time I seen him nor has he even tried contacting me since then either.
“What are you doing out here.” He finally looked up at me with a tear running down his face. Did I do something wrong?
“Isaac” he spoke
“Isaac” he repeated.
Huh?
“Cameron” was all I said before I hugged him. He looked so sad yet so confused. So into his thoughts. So out of It. What has this poor boy been through the last 24 hours?
He stopped crying witch was such a good thing. I hate seeing him upset. Then out of nowhere he laughed a bit. I stopped hugging him
“What are you laughing at” he looked back up to me since I was taller then him
“You smell like strawberries an vanilla.” I couldnt help but smile at the comment he smelled me.
Who does that? He returned a smile. His face like glows when he smiles. And it brighten ups my world when he does. Seeing him happy makes me happy.
“You should smile more Cameron” he laughed a bit an looked towards my lips.
Why is he looking at my lips. Then he said something that I thought I would never hear.
“An you should kiss me more” Once he said that I was a little bit shocked.
Did he really just day that? Am I just hearing things?
While I was in my own world I didn’t notice him grabbed my jacket an pulled my head down to his level and kissed me. That made me get out of my own world and start moving my lips with his.
He was short compared to me so he was on his tippy toes trying to kiss me. It was extremely adorable. This kiss was wonderful. I loved even single momnet of it. Are tongues where discovering different areas. He tested a bit like alcohol but mostly like heaven. I just wanted this to last forever.
Most I just wanted us to be together and last forever..
The kiss lasted like a min or two till someone heard clear their throat. Who else is even at the park right now. I didn’t see anyone else here?
“As much as I like to watch you two mouth rape each other. My mother wants me to come home.” I seen Blake.
Oh great someone I totally wanted to see today. I sorta just stood there awkwardly. Cameron laughed it was heaven to my ears.
“Okay Okay” Can said as he kissed my cheek an walked away.
“Text me” he yelled as he ran away towards the parking lot.
I couldn’t help but smiled. What are we now?
The sky was beauitful right now. So I layed down on the grass looking at the grass thinking about what has happened in the past few weeks. My life changed in more ways then one and I don’t know weither to be happy about it all or to be scared for what comes next.
Cameron was a broken boy that I fell in love with for more reasons then one. What would he think about that? Could I ever tell him? Or should I just keep it to myself for awhile so I don’t scare him away. I remember one time he said something about being scared to love. I mean I understand since he was in a very unheathly relashionship once before and hasn’t been with someone since then. He doesn’t seem to much of liking himself as well either. Hopefully one day he’ll love himself as much I as I love him. I’ll help him show him. I just want that kid to be happy.
He said text him before he left. Should I text him now? Is that to soon? Am I annoying to him? Would it be annoying to text him even though he basically just left? Oh fuck it.
I texted a simple ‘hey’ and waited for a reply.
“Hey.” was his response. He text back so quickly it made me smile. This kid is going to be the death of me. Just one simply hey and I’m smiling it hurts.
‘what are you up to?’ is that okay to ask. Hoepfully I’m not to annoying.
‘Just like thinking.’
‘About?’
‘Nothing don’t worry about it.’
‘You can’t tell me what to do. I can worry about it of I want to. Tell me. I want to hear/read what’s on your mind. Your not really easy to read or know what your thinking. Your a mistory sometimes.’
‘One I can tell you what to do if it involes my mind. Two you shouldn’t really much care about me I’m nothing special Isaac. Its actually kinda hard to think you like me. Three maybe I want to stay a mistory’. Oh but Cameron you are so special in so many ways I wish you could see that.
‘Don’t say that. Your special in so many ways. Why do you want to stay a mistory? One day I want to figure you out. Better then I already have.’
‘Being mistory means I’m not so much of a thing. Like I’m there but I’m not. People know I’m there but don’t care to know understand look or anything. They just let me be there like I’m nothing. I’m a mistory to everyone. That’s my part in life’ Sometimes I don’t undertand what this kid says. This has so much meaning in to. To him at least.
‘But maybe I don’t want you to be a mistory to me.’
‘You don’t want to that Isaac. Its better off being a mistory to you then an actual thing’
‘I don’t care what’s better for me. I don’t want you to be a mistory to me. Your a human being. Your a someone. Your a person. Your my friend. Your my best friend and maybe more then that. Your something to me. I do want to know you. Mistorys are mean to become something. That’s why there’s such thing as investigators cops etc. I want to know you to understand you. I want a better view of who you truly are.’
‘Who I truly am isn’t something you want to understand.’
‘Who you truly are is something I need to understand.’
‘Tever you say Issac’
‘Tever you say Cam’
‘I seen Xander today’ Xander? WAIT WHAT?! His ex that one who abused him the one. Why? I called Cameron.
“Hello there Isaac” He said in a soft tone
“Why?” I tried to keep my voice clam
“He wanted to talk an explain himself. I said yes. But I didn’t go alone I had Blake there if you were even wondering why he was there. Xander did really much explain a lot of what I wanted to know. I got upset about it all an went to the park. That’s where you found me. Reasons why I probuly seemed a lot zoned out as well.” So that’s why Blake way there. Xander why would he go seen Xnader of all people.
“Okay.” I said then hung up.
Why was I upset about this? Cameron loved Xander. They seemed to be talking again. Will Cameron go back for him? You can tell he still very much loves that kid even though he did what he did.
My phone began to ring over and over again. I knew it was Cameron but I didn’t want to answer it. It’s self fish but I feel like I’m in a race with Xander. Bad thing is he’ll win before I could ever win.
It was probuly around 8 at night I’ve been here for awhile laying down on the ground thinking about what to do. Cameron stopped calling after a hour of trying to talk to me. He sends a text every so often. Should I be like this? Something in me is telling me to be like this. He’s talking to Xander again. I’m jealous is this how jealousy is? This is stupid. I’m being stupid. Fuck.
Cameron’s p.o.v
He won’t asnwer me or talk to me. Did I do something wrong? What am I saying I always do something wrong. I fuck up everything. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. God I’m so stupid.
I’m sitting on my bathroom floor crying. It’s been hours an this is how I’m being. I’m so pathetic. He hates me? Yeah he probuly does everyone hates me. Everyone. My mother my father my brother sister Blake an now Issac. It was only a matter of time before he would. Why’d I let myself go for him.
‘he’s just using you’ Shut up..
‘He never even likes you’ Shut up…
‘Your so pathetic’ ..I know…
‘He was just bored an you where there. He just used you’ …He…He used me?…
‘You know it You worthless fuck’ …He used me…
He used me. He was bored an used me. Now he not bored an wants nothing to do with me. Why am I so stupid.. I felt a vibration in my hand. It was Isaac was he bored again? I didn’t answer I just let it ring. What’s the point anymore? There’s absolutely no reason to be here anymore. No one cares for me. No one wants me. I’m just a worthless fuck. I’ll never be loved.
I’m just a mistory anyways.
Is it time to do it? Just like that. Yes. Something in me just hit me suddenly everythig fell into place. It was time to do it. Just end it. A rush went right through me. My body was telling me yes all signs where pointing to yes everything was telling me to. Nothing else to do. It’ll never get better nothing was right.
I grabbed a peace of paper an started writing on it.
Dear people,
Blake–I’m sorry for everything I have ever done. Sorry for being a bad best friend. I was never much good at it it seems. You hate me anyways so..
Isaac– Used is how I feel from you. Sorry for ever coming tnto your life. Sorry for fucking it up. I’m just sorry for everything.
Alexander– I may love you still but I’ll never forgive you. It was my fault for what happend I’m the idot that thought someone like to could actually love me. I walked right into it knowing what would happen yet I still went for it. You’ll probuly be the last person I’ll ever miss. I’m sorry for everything I have ever done as well.
I’m just sorry to everyone.
Sincerely,
Cameron Blue Vince.
Tears were streaming down my face now. No one would probuly think I’m going to anything. No one knows I harm myself besides Isaac. Blake doesn’t even know after the frist time I tryed to kill myself he would cheek me to make sure I didn’t do anything. That went on for months he never found anything. But once he actually stopped I tryed it again. I loved it a lot. Blake seemed to think I was okay an I didn’t do it anymore. But yet I do an now I’m doing this. I’m sorry.
The sliver thin mealt was my only friend an it was a Damn good friend. Specially right now. Thank you my friend.
Went into the bathroom locked the door an sat by the tub. I pulled up my sleeves of my shirt. Wearing shorts I cut my legs first. Deep then ever numb was as I was. I kept going over an over my legs with the razor blood was pooring out I loved it every single moment of it. Then I want to my arms. Dragged to razor up my vains. Holy hell it actually hurt. But felt like heaven at the same time. Blood was coming out my arms legs the floor was red.
“CAMERON!” was all I heard before I blacked out.
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