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Isaacs p.o.v
April 29… April 29….
Why?
Today was Monday May 2nd.
I heard a knock on my door that made me get out of my thoughts.
“Isaac?” The voice was barely there. It was out of tone filled with sadness. It was like it wasn’t actually there. Like it was forced to be said. Why force yourself to say my name?
I looked over at the small hazel eyed boy. But I said nothing. Just stared blankly at him. His eyes held a million tears but never let go of them. The blond hair wasn’t in place. It looked like he just woke up it was all over the place. Dark circles under his eyes. Sadness was in those eyes of his to.
“Your still not going to talk huh?” He was looking at the ground messing around with the lose thread on his shirt.
I looked back over at the wall. Stared blankly at it like I wasn’t even there. Like Blake wasn’t standing in the door way wishing I would say something already.
“You know isn’t your fault Issac. He” He paused for a moment trying to keep his tears in.
“He has problems Issac. He always has.” Problems..
The wall that I looked at could seem interesting to me from other people’s perspective but it wasn’t really. I was thinking way to much it made me zone out. My nails haven’t been cut in awhile so I started scratching at my arm.
“Issac. Please” he chocked up.
I wasn’t going to answer I wasn’t going to talk. What Cameron did was my fault. He probably thought I hated him I blame myself for that I should’ve answered him when he was calling. But I was being so stubborn with myself I didn’t call till it was to late.
Blake sighed. I assumed he left to because when I looked back to the door it was closed.
Alone. Was what I was once again.
The past few days weren’t the greatest on me. I wasn’t really much a depressed person even though what I was living like I was always positive about most things. But as soon as that call form Blake came my world become shit.
Haven’t talked since it all happend. I began to have a habbit as well to. Something Cameron once did before. I wanted to see what it was like and how it felt.
Let me say it felt pretty Damn amazing to. Now I have at least 40 something cuts on my arms an legs. Maybe more. It wasn’t what I should’ve turned to at a moment like this but it was the only thing there in the time of need.
Cameron almost dyed. If he lost about one more ounce of blood he would’ve dyed. My heart sank.
Tears formed in my eyes once again. He could’ve dyed. He almost did. It was my fault If I wasn’t so stupid and jealous the beautiful pale boy would be awake right now.
I haven’t ate in three days nor did I even move from my room either. Beside when I had to use the bathroom but when I did I talked to no one and I just stared at the ground the whole time there.
Emotionless was what my mother called me. She actually seemed to care for once in her life about me. She tried getting me to talk to her as well. Plam stayed away from me. What did I do that made her do that?
She won’t come see me or try an talk to me everyone else has tried. But not her? I honestly don’t know how to feel about it either. She was always there for me when I had small problems now this bad problem happens and she completely stops taking to me.
Its for the best anyways. I’ll probuly make her upset with how I’m acting. I’ve been basically doing that to Blake. He’s been staying at my house because no ones home at his house. His parents don’t trust him to be alone right now during this time.
I stood up walking over to my bed and fell right on top off it. Tears were still streaming down my face like a waterfall. Music seems like something to do. I fell sleep without caring.
Blake’s p.o.v
Seeing Isaac like this hurt me in more way then one.
I mean I hate the kid for stealing my best friend. But he blames this whole Cameron thing on himself.
Cameron has mental problems. I always dined it before I never wanted to believe my best friend was crazy or something.
In the back of my mind I always knew he had problems but never did anything to help with them.
People say you can’t help someone if they don’t want help. What was I supposed to do go up to him and say he has problems?
When he arrived at the hospital it was one of the worst sites I have ever seen. I thought he stopped with the cutting I thought he was better.
But he wasn’t.
He was just good at hiding it from me. I was so stupid for stopping the cheeks I did of his body.
The doctor said he has Major bipolar, Major depression, And a couple other things. Also that He may not even wake up from the coma hes in.
He’s in one of the worst cases ever the doctor said. I broke down once he said that fell to the ground cried my eyes out and kept whispering to myself that it’s not true.
But it was.
My best friend is in a coma that He may never become alive again. The last time I even seen him he probuly thought I hated him. I mean I was acting stupid then to. Who wouldn’t think I hated them by the way I was acting?
Xander came and seen Cameron to a couple of times. But I wasn’t there when he did. Issac was my main issus beside Cameron right now.
Issac just stares at his wall doing nothing it’s kinda scaring me. A lot actually. He doesnt talk show emotion or anything. He’s like a statue that sits there. Its kind of depressing in so many ways.
I sat up from the couch and walked up to Isaacs room. Pushed opened the door to find Issac sleeping on his bed curled up into a ball. Tears were still coming down his face. He was crying in his sleep. I felt bad for him. But this was the frist time he slept in three days.
Maybe I’ll just go see Cameron by myself today.
I quietly shut the bedroom door and wipped the tear away from my face.
Walked to the front door put my shoes on grabbed my keys and walked outside to my car.
I was staying at Isaacs simply Because my parents heard about Cameron and didn’t trust me being alone with myself. They thought I was do something as stupid at what Cameron did.
I may get sad sometimes but I don’t want to end my life. It gets better in time were all to young to be like this. The world is quite fucked up if you ask me.
Once I parked in the parking lot of the hospital I toke a deep breath. I come to see Cameron everyday to see if anything changes with him or if he wakes up. Even thought his contusion is one of the worst one I couldn’t let them pull his line. No matter what I couldn’t let that happen. Cameron is strong he’ll get through this.
Opened my car door and walked to inside to the front counter.
“Hello sir how may I help you?” A some red hair girl from behind the counter asked me.
“Came to see someone. Named Cheyenne Vince” The hospital only knew him by his name on his records. I hated calling him that but they wouldn’t understand why I called him Cameron.
“Okay sign here. She’s in room 239” I cringed at the word she but signed the paper still.
“Thanks mis.” I said politely as she pressed the button to let me in.
I walked all the way down the hall to where his room was. Stopped right in front of the door my heart was beating palms were sweating hands were shaking. As much as I hate seeing him like this i can’t just not see him. I don’t want him to become just a mistory a memorie I have to make sure he’s still in this world.
I feel like I’m going insane because of all of this crap happening now a days.
“Hello there” a voice behind me said. It was a voice I’ve heard before but cant pin point who’s voice it was. So I turned around to see him.
“Xander” I said as it felt like I couldn’t breath with him near me.
“Your flustered Blake. Everything okay?”
Am I okay? No defiently not. Between Cameron and being as weird near Xander my head is kinda complicated.
“Yes. I’m fine.” he didnt seem to buy what I just said. He toke a step forwards making me take a step back into the wall.
“Don’t be so scared blondy I’m not going to do anything to you” he toke another step forward.
I couldn’t move I was like stuck. Standing there staring into his eyes as he kept getting close. My breaths seem to be out of control and my heart began to race.
Then are faces were just inches apart. I began blushing and it felt like I couldnt breath with him being this close to me.
Then all of a sudden the door opened making me fall to the ground.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry sir!” a blond haired beauty said.
She was hot as hell. Looked around 20 or so to. Once she actually looked at me She began to twerl her hair and chew her gum seductively.
“Its fine I’m okay mis” I stood up looking at her.
She giggled. It was adorable. I smiled.
“My name is Sally” She said looking into my eyes.
“What a beautiful name. My name is Blake” I said as we shoke hands. She blushed to.
“Thanks.” She had a wide smile.
I toke out a peace of paper an wrote my number on it then handed it to her.
“Use it if you want to beautiful” I winked at her.
“Will do. I have to go back to work. Bye Blake” she said as she walked away.
I watched her walk away out the door where Xander was leaning on the door frame looking at me. Then he walked out of the room like he was pissed off or something.
Weird.
I turned over to where Cameron was laying. He was hooked up to so many machines it broke my heart. The frist time he tried to kill himself I got him to the hospital right in time that he go out three days later.
This time wasn’t excetly the same. If his brother didn’t come home when he did Cameron would’ve been dead gone out of the world. How could I ever live without my best friend?
He means so much to me. He’s my frist love best friend. He’s like my brother in ways to.
He’s just my everything and I couldn’t imagine Being a world without this boy.
Its hard to see your loved ones in a room with white walls on a white bed hooked up to so many things. Kills me to see this site of him.
I promised myself I wasn’t going to let him do this again. I broke that promise and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for doing so.
I sat in the chair next to him and held his hand. It was cold and lifeless like he was really dead.
Issac didn’t seem like he was doing so well about this whole thing either. He blames himself way to much for what happend. Yes Cameron was probably upset about the whole Issac not answering him thing but Cameron has a lot of mental problems. I’ve read about most of them.
Depression he has is a really bad kind form what I’ve read and from what the doctor told me.
Bipolar is bad as well to. I feel bad for him having to live like this.
From what I read people who have the same problems their minds make up things to the point the person begins to actually think it’s true some have voices.
I don’t exactly know what Cameron thought of half the time or If he heard voices because he was so closed up.
I want to understand what has been going through his mind. Basically just wanted to know so I could see what he thought.
Specially about myself. What did his mind make up about me?
The things I’ve read told me that their minds make what the voices so real that it makes it becomes like true even if it really isn’t. Even of the person told them isn’t true they may think your just lying to them.
I feel bad for the ones who have depression and that. Their minds are basically a war they have to fight with everyday.
‘Depression is like a war.
You either win or die trying.’
Something I’ve seen once in a book before.
I want Cameron to wake up to not look so lifeless. To be that kid with the bright blue eyes. The short little boy filled with so much joy.
“Sir it’s time you have to go” A doctor said to me.
I kissed Cameron’s hand and walked out of the hospital.
How long till he wakes up?
Will he ever wake up?
I love you Cameron Blue Vince.
I’m sorry for being the way I was.
And I’m sorry that I won’t probably see you again.
I knew right there when I walked out of the room his lifeless body was laying in that I couldn’t stand the fact of him maybe dying or that he’s just laying there doing nothing.
I can’t keep looking at that. I’m sorry Cameron.
And that was the last time I ever was in that room with his lifeless body.
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