Array
(
[text] =>
(As you can probably tell someone gets drunk I’m this chapter.. So uh. If you don’t like that stuff dont read on. I mean its basically as the end of the chapter anyways. But tever. Do what you want.)
Cameron’s p.o.v
I’ve basically sat in this closet for two hours now thinking about my whole relationship with Alexander.
Why did it have to be me of all people that he got dared to fall in love with? I mean…Then I was a happy child not a care in the world, not even when my mother started saying mean things to me. She never much became abusive till one day I told her about Alexander’s little dates.
That sorta gave her an idea of hitting me since I was so pathetic. An because she thought she could beat the transgender idea out of me.
Never much worked. But I was so stupid to go back to him after the first time. I may have accidentally falling in love with the kid but I should’ve never ever went back to him after the first time he hit me.
Confused was a understatement that day. He never once hit me nor have I ever heard someone say he has. Nor did I understand he’s reason for it at the time either.
Till after the whole fact. I remember the last time I have ever seen him officially. It was two days after I said the three words I should’ve said to him months before. I love you. He said it back to me that day to.
Even after him being abusive stubborn selfish mean bossy I still loved that kid with everything in me. But not so much now. A little but I’m not head over heels for him like I used to be.
A knock on the closet door interrupted my thoughts.
“Uh…Are you in here Cam?…” a familiar voice asked.
I didn’t really want to talk so I just opened up the door. Isaac was standing there looking concerned. Was he going to turn into another Alexander? Was I even good enough for this boy in front of me? One day he’ll turn….an that day I’m not ready to see for myself.
“Can I use your phone…” I whispered to the point I don’t think Isaac heard me.
But he did. Isaac tossed me his phone an gave a forced awkward smile. I didn’t return a smile though. I dialed a number then held the phone up to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Well. Um hey.”
“Cameron?” There was doubt in his voice.
“Yes. Can you come get me?”
“You still at Isaacs house?”
“Yeah..”
“Give me a min. I have to found the keys and get dressed”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye”
Isaacs p.o.v
I woke up to no one near me. Felt weird an like something was missing from me or that my whole world was crashing down.
I had no idea where Cameron was but I needed to find out fast. Cameron wasn’t his usual self last night knowing me I let my feelings get in the way of figuring out why he was being different. You don’t just go from being isolated to lovely-dovey in one second. That’s just not how Cameron works.
No matter what he actually said last night wasn’t true I’ll always be here for him. In a lover way or…A friend way. The way he seems to push me father into every time I talk to him. I just want him to tell me his feelings for me or just his feelings in general. I want him to trust me and not think it was a bad idea.
He’s so isolate insurance and closed in. I wish he wasn’t so much of that though. I want him to talked more his voice is like heaven to me.
His smile makes butterflies form in my stomach. He just makes my day without knowing it. His feelings for me aren’t easy to find out. He’s closed in to the point he doesn’t tell anyone much of anything. Xander is the person I blame for this one mostly.
Wonder where Cameron actually is. Wondering off into the house looking here and there was hard. Mainly because i have such a big place. I wasn’t so much from a wealthy family but yet most of are things were expensive stuff.
Okay maybe we were somewhere between the lines of a rich family but I never so much even got money. I was the mistake of the family I’m not entitled to get anything good.
But whatever that thought. Its not time to be like that. I need to find Cameron. It was somewhere around 10 when I found him in the upstairs closet in the hallway. He didn’t say much when he seen me. Sorta made my heart feel like it was breaking over and over again.
He asked for my phone so I gave him it and gave him forced a smile. He didn’t return one but I knew he wouldn’t. I knew who he was going to call.
Blake. Why wouldn’t he? Blake’s best friend of course he would want him by him. I’m starting to think I’m not so much of his best friend anymore.
I slap my head because of me being stupidly jealous witch Cameron looked at me with a confessed expression as he handed me his phone. Cameron sat up walking past me without a word. My heart once again felt like it broke into a thousand million pieces.
It was probably one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. There was like pain throughout my chest as well as the rear of my body. Waterly substance filled up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. I can’t control my feelings. I don’t want to cry right now of all times but yet here I am in the closet that I found Cameron in 10 mins ago crying hicuping as I’m trying to keep my sobs down.
‘Why doesn’t he love me? I’m not worthy of his love… He’s far to perfect to love someone like myself. ‘
His life isn’t really much perfect as I think of it. But he has more of what I want. He’s had a lover once before he has a best friend. A house in witch he can be alone in. He has what I called a dream to myself.
But him exactly is the most perfect part if it all. He’s completely flawless to me. There’s some flaws but I just love them all that they become something perfect to me. His flaws are what makes him perfect. His voice is sweet but soft. His hair is long but not to long like the right length colored with blue bangs an black hair. The blue makes his eyes more see able. His eyes are like the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s like a galaxy of the ocean in his eyes. His height is just right for me.
Just simply everything about that kid is right for me. Hearing a door slammed is what pulled me out of my thoughts.. Cameron left?..
Cameron’s p.o.v
There’s more to life then wasting it on problems.
But yet my life revolves around my problems my insurances the past everything I’ve ever done.
Alexander for sure fucked me up in the head but I can’t blame him. I was the one who would listen to the signs around me an I am the one who came running back to him several times when he begged me to after abusing me. My thoughts were so everywhere I didn’t even notice Blake was trying to get my attention.
“Cameron..” sigh..
“Yes Blake?”
Once the car came to a red light he turned to me. His expression on his face was horrible he had tear tuning down his face looked like has slept in like ages his hair was a mess an he was still in his pjs.
“W-w-we have to call the police an tell them your alive.”
Then he bursted into tears. I didn’t have a clue on what the hell I was supposed to do. I barley know what to do with myself when I’m in this kind of state let alone someone else. I did once before with Alexander though.
He was easy to clam down in most situations.
But this is Blake. Blake never much shows this side or any much of a expression besides happiness. I’ve never seen him this sad in my life. It breaks my heart knowing how much I hurt my best friend.
“I-i.” I was so pathetic I couldn’t even say a sentence.
Blake looked concerned while he turned his head as he started to drive again.
It was silent in the car not the good kind either. It was the kind where it’s so awkward that you physically feel pike your going to throw up from anxiety. I toke a breath
“I’m sorry Blake.” He sighed.
Did I really Fuck up everything? Isaac now him? Why am I such a Fuck up? He didn’t respond so I toke it as he didn’t forgive me for what I did. Once we go to my house he turned over to me but not meeting my eyes.
“Do what you want Cameron. I’m going home. Your mother isn’t home nor will she probably be for the next few days.” He sighed.
“Just don’t run away like that again.” he began to cry his eyes out once again.
It would probably be best if I just left him alone I thought.
Without a word from me I opened the door without looking back at the car shutting the door into my house.
It was lonely an cold like no one has been here. Neither would I even expect anyone to be here no one ever come to this house.
My mother is always off being a whore I never see my siblings as of my father he just hates my guts with a passion.
There’s no one else. What to do what to do. Maybe there’s something in the cabinets.
Bingo there’s vodka.
Hmm sweet sweet vodka how much I missed you. Grabbing two things of vodka I sat them in the couch.
Walking into my room was weird. I grabbed my phone an returned back to the couch where my friends were.
Downing the first bottle was a bit hard. I felt like I was just going to throw it all back up.
But I didn’t I was actually proud of my self for once. I toke a look at my phone. Several messages.
Blake/Isaac
-Where are you. Cameron where’d you go. Come back..-
They were so simpler in this phrase.
But one message I didn’t an I wasn’t prepared for made me throw up.
Elliot(Alexander)
Heyo….I know you probably want nothing to do with me I would understand fully because of everything I did. The dare was stupid I don’t even know why I agreed to it. Probably because I was stupid and the fact that I majorly drunk that night. Still I’m not asking for forgiveness I know I’ll never get that from you. Nor do I want it. I don’t deserve it. But I heard you went missing that’s the first time I’ve heard about you in so long I cried my eyes out. Not that the fact your gone without any notice I mean maybe a little because of that. But it’s due to the fact that I never actually told you reasons why did everything that I did. And because I felt really bad for what I did. I’m sorry. Even though there’s no reason to say that since I know it’ll mean nothing to you but I still needed to say it….
I couldn’t hold anything back. I just throw up till I couldn’t. Then I didn’t the stupidest thing ever.
“Uh… Heyo..” sigh
“Elliot” slurring over my words was bad right now.
“Seeing as you call me that’s still and that you a having a hard time talking. Im guessing your drunk Cam.” I felt a smile appear he knows me so well is hurts.
“That. Uhhhhhhh isn’t true” he sighed
“I can tell when your drunk Cameron. Also you probably wouldn’t be as comfortable talking to me sober.”
“That’s sweettttt Elliot. Ohhhhhhhh oh. I HAVE thy question of the dayy” he laughed this time.
“What may that question be?”
What was the question? It wasn’t hard for Cameron to ask or really think about it because it just came out if his mouth before he could.
“Why’d you do it?” He sighed and his voice became low.
“Cameron I have many reasons for what I did. Yes I want to tell you. But I want to tell you when your sober. But I’m not much sure I can do that because you’ll probably act different.”
“I THINK there a a a chicken in the bathroom. ELLIOT!”
Then I throw up. As I thought the was a chicken in the bathroom with me. It looked so real. Laughing came through the phone.
“Cam are you drinking vodka again?” How’d he know that? Did he really observe me?
“Oh Elliot how’d you knowwwwww?”
“I just do. But I sorry to end this drunk call of ours but I have a appointment. Text me when your sober enough to actually comprehend things. If you get scared just don’t even talk to me. I don’t want you to be scared of me. But I know you are. And I’m sorry for that. We can still text thought but I have to go.” Before I could even think about anything I said.
“Bye Alexander I love you.” His voice became less depressed an a little more happier.
“I love you too Cameron. Bye” Then he hung up.
Why am I so stupid? Where my vodka? Stumbling back into the living room I was. Drinking once again as I throw my phone crosses the room.
My world became less real an my eyes became more heavy. Slightly closing them as I feel asleep.
[text_hash] => 168c9df5
)