Array
(
[text] =>
Isaac’s p.o.v.
After Noah left Xander and me went to the hospital to make sure Cameron was okay.
“So hoping he’s okay.” Xander said with a frown.
Xander loves Cameron still very much. He always has and loving someone isn’t easy to stop doing. That’s just impossible. But Xander loves him more like a brother then a loved now a days though.
I shrugged.
Xander parked the car and we walked into the building. Noah was standing in the hallway zoned out.
Xander put his hand on Noahs shoulder.
“Noah?” Noah turned around.
“You guys probuly don’t want to be here”
“Why?”
“That.” Noah pointed to what looked like Cameron being held by to men in white.
Cameron was kicking and screaming saying how he isn’t crazy he’s fine. Then he spotted all of us.
“SCREW YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL. IM NOT CRAZY” Cameron yelled at all of us.
He looked angry sad mad. So many emotions at once it kinda scared me. But what he said hit me hard.
‘I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you’
That phrase was going through my mind as if he was standing right in front of me saying it over and over again.
“Isaac are you okay?” Xander asked me.
I just stood there not knowing what to do. He hates me?
Cameron hates me? The love of my life hates me. That… That hurts a lot..
“Isaac?” I looked at Xander nodding my head then walked out of the hospital.
This was far to much for me. Cameron woke up after five month of being in a coma from trying to kill himself. Blake became a complete bully I became best friends with Xander. Noah is Cameron’s bother.
Noah seems to be normal. Like he was the good egg out of the three siblings. I don’t know much about Della though. I’ve never met her seen her or heard of her till Xander told me about her.
Cameron’s family seemed to be very complicated. He’s just complicated himself alone. Let alone his whole family put into one category.
Noah and Cameron don’t act the same. I didn’t even know they were brothers when I first met Noah. They look alike that’s about it. But their personalities are a lot different and how they act isnt the same either.
But Cameron has bipolar no one knows what his normal state is like. Most of the time his emotions are everywhere. So you can’t really tell if he’s really okay or if he’s in a really bad mood.
He hids his emotions from people. Well tries to. Blake was one of the only people who actually understood him better then anyone else. Including me.
I want to understand him better. I want to help him so badly. I hate seeing him act like this. It hurts to see him like this.
Outside was cold and I didn’t bring my jacket so I was basically walking down the street shivering. My hair was longer then before I barely got it cut anymore. It was more of a dark Brown now and looked unheathly. I was way more pale then usual. My eyes weren’t as green as they used to be either. They were more of a grey color.
My apparel was something I didn’t take much time into anymore. I just wasn’t motivated to actually take time to make myself look good.
Most of the time I was wearing long sleeved shirts. Jackets or a lot of bracelets.
I’m not to proud of my scars on my arms. Loved doing it at the time. But now I sorta wished I never cut myself.
Cameron was quite a mistory to most in this world. But to me He was just some boy against the world trying to live day by day fighting with his mind.
That boy is truly strong in so many ways.
Once I reached my house I pulled put my phone to see messages from Xander Noah and one from someone I thought I would never hear from again.
Fucking Blake Anderson.
‘Okay. I’ve done wrong in so many ways. I’m sorry for what I did everything. I’m just not myself at all. Like I was in a different world. But when I seen Cameron something in me made me like click back into reality. I’m sorry for completely everything I have ever done to hurt you in any way.’
Blake apologized for what he’s done to me. But I don’t think I can actually forgive him yet. He has to prove himself to me before I will think about forgiving him.
‘You Blake Anderson are not forgiven.’
Was what I texted back then truned off my phone. Walled upstairs to my room grabbing my laptop and sitting on my bed.
I have to know. I need to know. I looked up where Cameron was staying and when visting hours are.
Just hope Xander and Noah aren’t going to be there tomrrow. Can’t stand being near them right now.
Cameron’s p.o.v.
The hospital had bar’s on the windows throughout the whole place. There was many sections boys were paired with boys girl were with girls. Some people had roommate’s some didn’t. There was different levels to.
Level 1
Was where the ones who didn’t need a supervisor stayed. They were aloud to have roommate’s
Level 2
Had someone watch them for about 4 hours. Only had roommate’s if parents said so.
Level 3
Watched for the day night time They were free. Roommates were a possabiltiy.
Level 4 my level.
Supervised all the time. Forced to take meds. Basically you were in prison.
My level was the highest one. I wasnt aloud to have a buddy or to be alone. Everywhere I went I had to have someone with me.
“Okay this is your room” the two men let me go an left the room.
The room only had a bed an white walls. What the hell was I supposed to do in here?
Some girl walked into the room where I was.
“This is your room. Strip and here’s your cloths”
This is where I started to freak out. It wasn’t the fact that I had to change it was the fact I had to change in front of her an I had no way to make these Damn chest bubbles go away.
She sighed. Then handed me what looked like a binder.
“Your brother got it for you. But you still have to change in front of me. I’m sorry.”
I was terrified scared uncomfortable an so many other unexplained emotions. This was going to be a long day here.
Stripped as fast as I could. Then I had to stand there naked to make sure I wasn’t hiding anything anywhere. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I have ever had in my life.
She got done and I dressed quickly.
“So you take your meds in 30 minutes your on suicide watch. You have anorexia bulimia depression bipolar.” She was writing on her paper.
“I’m not crazy I dont have Bipolar. Or Anorexia or bulimia. An I’m not depressed.” She gave me a look of sympathy.
“I’m sorry love. Lets go the the cafeteria” She said waking out the room.
We walked to this huged room where many people were hanging out an eating. The food smells an I feel like I’m going to throw up this is all to over whelming. I poked the girl.
“Yes?” she questioned.
“Where’s a garbage can?”
She pointed over to the left where one was. I ran up to it an threw up tever was in me still. She came over rubbing my back.
“Are you okay?” I nodded.
Truthfully I’m not. I don’t understand why I’m here I’m not crazy like everyone is saying. I’m perfectly fine.
I sat by myself in a corner where no one was sitting. This was all to new to me. It felt unreal. Everything felt unreal.
Still hated the fact I didn’t die when I tried killing myself. Makes me hate myself even more. I’m a failure. I fuck up everything. Even my own death.
Someone walked up to me. He was taller then me with black long hair with red highlights an blue eyes.
“Hey” he said to me
I just looked at him. I was forced to be here for something I didn’t have. I wasn’t going to be forced to have friends that wasn’t something Noah will have rights over.
“Not much of a talker? My name is Conner”
Looked back over to the wall. Why would he come an talk to me of all people in this place.
“I don’t belong here” was all I said to him.
He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say back to me. I just stared back at the wall.
“Most people think that as well”
“What?”
“Your in denial. Its the frist step to everything.”
“Denial?”
“You don’t believe what you have is right. You won’t believe it because you think your crazy if you actually have it.”
Conner read my mind like straight out of my mind. It kinda scared me. But people here are like me in ways more then my friends are. They would understand me more then others. They go through the same thing.
Was I in denial?
“What do they say you have?” he questioned.
“Anorexia bulimia depression bipolar. An I’m on severe sucicde watch since I tryed to kill myself like five months ago”
“Your a level 4 I’m guessing. But if you tried that five months ago why are you here now?”
“I was in a coma till two days ago.”
“Damn.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll only tell you if you tell me your name”
“Cameron”
“Cameron?” Someone said behind Conner.
Conner turned around an I looked at who it was. The person I seen looked so familiar but I couldn’t tell who it was.
“Huh? Who’s this Cameron?”
“To be truthfull I have no clue Conner”
The girl looked hurt by what I said.
“Names Della” She said softly.
“Della” I whispered to myself.
“Do you know her Cameron?”
I nodded my head.
“Who is she?”
“Someone I used to know” I said that an walked away from the both of them.
This was way to much for me in just two days. Noah is back Isaac apparently loves me Elliot is best friends with Isaac Blake is an ignorant asshole now. Then Della. My once upon a time sister. Why the fuck she is she here. Why does she have to me here?!? Of all places she’s here Where I am.
My angry started to boil up once again today. I punched a wall making a man come over to me an pin me to the ground. I wouldn’t quit moving an everyone was watching me.
” GET OFF ME ALREADY DAMN IT. IM FINE. GET OFF ME!” I was yelling an yelling.
My supervisor come over to me an stuck a needle in my arm that made me fall alseep.
Darkness was all I seen. My head hurt an my hands were hooked to the bed I was laying on. Opened to my eyes to see I was in my room restricted to my bed. Sigh. What was happening to me.
“I see your up now. Might want to Tell me why you had a episode?”
I just stared at the wall. Truthfully I don’t know why I punched the wall I was just upset angry? Mad I was all kinds of things.
Noah told me how bipolar is where you can’t control your emotions half the time they’re out of control an you don’t understand.
I didn’t understand why I punched that wall I just seen my sister. Why was I being so emotional about it?
“So your not going to talk huh.”
She sighed.
“You have a vistor. But I don’t I know if your capable to see someone right now.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A day basically”
“Can I see who it is?”
She bit her lip debating about if I could see someone or not since what happened yesterday.
“You have to take your meds first. Will you take them or do I have to force them down your mouth?”
I growled at her comment.
“I’ll take them just please unhook me from this Damn bed already”
“Fine.
She unhooked me an toke out my pills while I rubbed my wrists.
“Here” she handed me three different pills an a glass of water.
Toke the water an the pills an drank them together.
“Good boy” I smiled at that comment then stopped.
“Cameron you should smile more it’s pure adorableness.”
I just shrugged.
“Can we go now”
“Oh yeah yes let’s.”
We walked into the cafeteria where only a few people were. I spotted Conner sitting by himself playing with cards then I seen him.
Issac was here.
He came to see me.
That made me smile so I hid my face with my sleeve.
“Isaac” I said a little to happy.
He looked up with a smile.
Couldn’t help my myself. Went up to him an hugged him.
“You seem happy.”
“You came.” he wrapped his arms around me hugging me back.
“I’m going To be over there” my superviour pointed to a chair an a desk “Please don’t have another episode like yesterday again.” then she walked to the desk.
“Episode?”
“Emotions were everywhere an I punched wall. Got pinned down an would quite moving to they made me pass out with some thing.”
“Cameron?”
We were still hugging. So I looked up to his eyes that were still a grey green color an not emerald.
“Yes?”
“What set you off this time?”
Thought back to yesterday An remembered Della. She was here with me.
“Della”
“Your sister?”
“Well she was my sister. I don’t really call her family so much anymore.”
“Why?”
“When I told my parents I was transgender she was there an gto mad at me packed all of her stuff up left an I never seen her again after that day again. Well till yesterday.”
“That’s pretty shitty”
I just nodded. We still haven’t stopped hugging. I didn’t want to let him go to be honest. This place made me feel crazy an lonely. Just wanted to hold Issac as long as I could. Probuly going to be in this hell hold for awhile.
Meaning I don’t be able to see this Brown hair boy.
My heart is racing an I feel funny.
What’s that mean?
“You to are adorable” I heard Conners voice by us.
“Thanks” Isaac said awkwardly.
“I’m not abroable but him on the other hand is really freaking adorable” I let go of Isaac an sat down at the table next to where we were standing.
“Cameron you are adorable don’t think otherwise.” Isaac said as he sat down besides me.
“I’m Conner”
“I’m Issac”
They shoke hands.
“So you to?”
Conner was questioning if we were together. Now I’m questioning that. We always act all couple like an everything yet never actually talked about what we were.
Were we together?
Did Issac want to be together?
Huh?
“No”
Isaac looked hurt at what I said.
“Okay let my rephrase that. No we aren’t because we never actually talked about what we were I mean I was in a coma for five months. We don’t have a label.” I finished talking as I layed head on Isaacs shoulder.
“Oh. Well you to would make the cutest couple.” Conner said with a huge smile.
I yawned.
“You tired Cam?”
Yeah I actually am. But I don’t want Isaac to leave meeee. Sad face.
“Sorta.”
“You know you can go sleep I can come back on Thursday”
I rapped my arms around him.
“No don’t leave me” I pouted.
“Don’t give me that face Cameron. It’s not like I want to leave either. But if your tired I don’t want to keep you up.”
Yawned again. What the hell? Why all of a sudden I’m so tired?
“Carrie” Conner yelled to my superviour.
She walked over to us.
“Yes?”
“He’s tired”
“Okay and?”
“He doesn’t want to leave that one”
“Oh.”
“Yeah”
“Well I can’t really do much for you with that one Cameron.”
Hopefully Isaac comes Thursday. I need a serious nap session.
“Okay. Bye Isaac.”
I kissed his lips an left to my room with a huge smile plastered into my face.
Isaacs p.o.v.
When I went to see Cameron he was more affectionate and happy. He seemed actually happy for once and I was happy that I could see it for myself
The place where he is being held at was placed on levels. Cameron was in the 4 most highest level. From what Conner said to me He was dangerous. He dangers others.
How could someone as cute as Cameron be dangerous. Then Conner rephrase what he ment.
Cameron is dangerous to himself.
He was put on consistent watch to make sure he didnt go off. Something little can trigger him at this state. The pills should being working by next week. His emotions are everywhere.
I’m surprised I can deal with someone having so many emotions at once. Its hard to keep up with him sometimes.
Today he only show one emotion though. He show happiness. This was probuly the frist time I’ve seen him have one emotion in 30 mins. But it happened and I couldn’t be more happy.
He was getting better weather he ammited he had bipolar or not He did and he was getting better.
Leaving him was probuly one of the hardest things I had to do. Even though I was going to see him in two days that wasn’t enough for me.
I wanted to cuddle him kiss him hold him love him I just wanted him to myself again.
I loved Cameron and it grew everyday I seen him. Everytime I see the kid my heart gets all heartbeating and I become all warm fuzzy feeling and that.
He was my frist love and is my one and only person I love in everyway. I just wanted to be with him addoped kids with him grow old with him have a life with him.
He’s going to be seventeen next year and I have the greatest present for him. Hopefully he’ll be out of the hospital by then or it won’t work.
I just want Cameron to be happy with himself and his life. But the bipolar and depression doesn’t help that at all. It just makes it worse I think.
Conner is actually a cool guy once you get away from his sarcasm. He has one older sibling that in his parents words is ‘the perfect child’ Conner on the other hand wasn’t the perfect child his parents wanted.
Conner never got their attention so he always acted out. Never really got their attention he just kept getting himself ground and most of his belonging token away even had to go to bible camp one year. Lets just at he set his cabin on fire.
One day Conner just completely stopped acting out because he thought it was useless. Then he become obsessed with his weight he had magazines of skinny people. Scattered around his room.
His parents noticed he barely ate anymore or even left his room. The one time Conner was gone at school his mother looked through his room. Found his pictures of skinny people where you can see their bones and everything. Some piturecs had what they weighed and how much it would take to weight that much.
His mother was horrified about it all. She asked him about it making him yell at her for invading his privacy. His mother got really mad at him she kicked him out. Then remember he was no where to go so she throw him in here saying to keep him in here at least till his 18 acting like she cared.
What kind of parent does that?
Go knows who’s.
Sleep was creeping up on me as I lay on my bed thinking.
Wonder what Cameron thinks about me being in love with him?.
[text_hash] => ba18cdb9
)