Array
(
[text] =>
Cameron’s p.o.v
School was worst then I thought it would’ve been. People kept giving me death glares an kept pointing at me like I was some freak.
My locker even had ‘Go kill yourself’ written on it. I felt like I wanted to cry like everything was going to break inside me once again.
“What the hell” I heard someone say behind me. The arms were wrapped around my waist I tensed up freaking out a little bit inside.
“Clam down Cameron it’s just me. Isaac” he said in a low voice. An I relaxed once I knew it was him.
“I’m sorry.” I felt like I needed to say that to him. An I did need to say that to him. Like a thousand times.
“Cameron stop apologising your here alive right now. That’s all I could ever ask for. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Tears began to run down my face again.
“But I have every reason in the world to be sorry for now Isaac.” he sighed.
I turned around an actually hugged him as I was sobbing the second time today. Isaac was rubbing my back trying to help me clam down. His touch was all I needed I felt safe around him most of the time an loved his warm smile sent everything about him was just simply amazing.
“Who the hell writes that on people’s lockers” Elliot seemed to appear by us.
He mumbled something to himself before turning his head to where Issac an me were hugging.
“Well thats adorable.” He said while giving a huge smile.
“Mhm” was Isaacs response.
“How’d you to become best friends” I asked out of nowhere once Issac an me stopped hugging.
“Blake introduced is to each other when he still talked to me. Then after he stopped talking to me I had no one but him. Then we basically just hangout everyday and become best friends. As well as Stella.” Elloit looked at Isaac with a shocked face.
“What’s with that look Elliot?”
“Why do you call him Elliot?
“He hates his frist name an told me to call him something else so I asked him to tell me his full name an started calling him his middle name. Its my thing. But Are you okay Elloit.”
“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. I’ve just never heard Isaac talk that much at one time since we started hanging out.”
I turned me head to Isaac.
“So you really did become mute?”
He looked down at the ground like he was embarssed or something an nodded his head.
“Noah seems to be right about everything. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not when he told me about everyone”
“Noah?” Elloit asked in a confused tone.
“Yes Noah. He was there when I woke up an now he’s singed to take me everywhere to.”
Noah was apart of my life when Elloit was around. Those two were like best friends when Noah came to visit. They grew very fond of each other. Noah seemed to hate Elloit after the whole thing about are relationship an they haven’t talked since then.
“Noah” Elloit said in whisper.
“Noah? Who’s that?”
“My brother”
Isaac have me a shocked expression while Elloit just stood there a little upset.
“Are you okay Elloit?”
“Oh. I’m yeah I’m perfect.” He was lying an I could tell.
“I’m ganna go to the bathroom.” I said hoping Elliot would get the memo to come with me
“I have to go pee to. Isaac we’ll be right back” he just nooded
Once we got to the bathroom I sat on the sink an made sure it would hold me. Kinda felt bad for sitting on it. Maybe I was breaking it?
“Tell me.”
Elliot sighed an sat by me on the sink.
“You know how we were like best friends and everything when I hangout with him.”
“Yeah.”
“Before you he was my frist kiss. Frist love. I shared everything with him. That’s why when we frist seen each other when you introduced us we had a great connection.”
I looked at him in disbelief. But it made a lot of sense to me about how good of friends they were. Wait did he cheat on me with my brother? Wait Naoh had a boyfriend before I did. Xander was really gay?
“And if your wondering if I ever cheated on you no I didnt. He was just a messing around buddy and once we got together I broke it off with him. He didn’t seem to happy. Or even after everything he seemed to hate me even more”
Elliot had a lot of sadness in his voice. I kinds felt bad for him. But this is my brother an he’s my ex how the hell? A vibration came from my pocket.
‘hello?’
‘im outside Cameron’
‘oh sorry I was just using the bathroom be there in a min’
‘okay’
Then he hung up.
“Noah?”
“Yeah he’s outside. Are you able to see him?”
“I think I can manage it.”
We walked out of the bathroom to where Issac was sitting. He looked skinnier then the last time I’ve seen him he was very pale boy the emerald eyes of his were a grey looking green color.
I sat by him an put my head on his shoulder. I think I made this poor boy depressed. Maybe he’s doing things to himself. Harm? Is he depressed he always seemed positive about everything. But I was once like that before. I have to get to the bottom of this. I’m so hoping I don’t find anything on his arms.
“Issac”
“Hm?”
“Show me your arms.” he looked confused scared an a bunch of other emotions all at once.
“Uh. Cam I don’t think you want to do that” Elliot said quietly.
I sighed. They were trying to hid it from me. But I know how people act when they do it An how they freak out about it. I pulled my jacket off the where I had a short sleeve shirt on an toke off my banged wrap on my arms.
White lines were all up an down my arms everywhere you looked. The worst one was a white pink scar on my arms. You could tell I cut it very deep. Elliots eyes held sadness in them. Isaacs were filled with so many emotions.
Then I moved my hand over by the end of Isaacs long sleeved shirt. Looked up at his face to see if I should keep going or stop.
He nodded at me telling me I could move it up if I really wanted to. I slowly moved it up to find little cut marks that were fading away. They didn’t see very visable if you didn’t know if they were there you probuly couldn’t tell. Dragged my finger up them feeling how they felt a little like bumps.
He was depressed. I made him that way because of what I did. Never thought he would actually hate me for that. Thought everyone would be more then glad that I left. I kissed every scar he had on his arms he gave me a weird expression.
“How long?”
“Haven’t done it in a month but I was doing it like 3 days after you did what you did. Went on for awhile. About four months.”
“Wh-” I stopped. It was simple it was my fault he seen me have the scars that one day I showed him them an he though it was a good idea. Its all my fault for this. Fucking hell Cameron.
‘its all your fault Cameron. You killed his inocance’
“I have to go.” I walked out of the school building while Isaac an Elliot called out for me.
I couldn’t do it. He did that because of me. If I never met him he would never done that an he wouldn’t have fallen for me. I messed up his life. God Damn it I never do anything right. Fuck fuck fuck.
No one was behind the building an I was angry at myself. I couldn’t control how I was acting I wasn’t in control of how I act most of the time. Noah tells me that it’s bipolar. But I’m not crazy I’m not mental.
“No! I’m not!” tears began to come down my face an I started punching an kicking the wall making my hands bleed.
“I’m not mental.” I said quitely to myself.
Then fell to the ground holding my knees. What am I going to do with myself? I hate this. I don’t want this. I want to die. Why couldn’t I just die. It would have been a whole lot better if I just died.
Isaac’s p.o.v.
Seeing Cameron was a little weird. I mean I loved Seeing him I just wanted to go up to him hug him kiss like there’s no tomorrow. That would be a little to weird for him though. Don’t want to freak out the poor kid.
When I seen his arms they were worse then mine. Way worse, mine were basically fading where they’ll probuly look like they’re not there in a few months but when it comes to his they stand right out. They’ll never go away specially the ones that are his vains. They looked better then when I first seen them at the hospital that day.
He kissed every single one of my scars. It made butterflies swarm my stomach and made me blush like crazy. Xander seen it to. Cameron seemed to be in his only little world though.
After the doctor told me what he had Xander and me read about them. It was worse then I actually thought he was. He has bipolar and a very like bad depression. He wasn’t crazy or anything like Blake likes to say. He was just sick.
I found out his parents had the same diagnosis to. His father didn’t seem like a very good man and his mother was a complete bitch. His life wasn’t a good life at all. It was way worst then what I thought his life was like.
When I first came to his house he said something about his dad not being home since like two weeks. Who the hell does that? Deadbeat dads do that’s what.
His mom is abusive. I told the doctors about it when I frist went and seen him in the hospital. They found bruises on him to that help put her in jail. I don’t think Cameron knows that’s she’s in jail since he’s only been with Noah this whole time.
Cameron ran off somewhere. I remember Xander telling me that his medication still hasn’t probuly kicked in yet.
So he could go off the rails at any moment.
“Isaac” I heard a unfamiliar voice say my name.
I looked at him with a confused expression wondering who the hell he was. He actually looked like Cameron in so many ways. Light blue eyes Brown hair.
“Noah?” I heard Xander say.
Noah looked over at Xander and looked completely shocked in so many ways. While they were ‘having a moment’ I walked quietly past them to find Cameron.
He was behind the building hugging his knees. Whispering something to himself. Sound liked he was saying the word no over and over again.
“Cameron?” I said trying to get his attention.
He lifted his head up. His cheeks were stained with tears. His hands were bleeding. He looked like a complete mess.
“Don’t look. I might hurt your vision.” he looked back at the ground.
“You could never do that. Your so handsome Cameron. I wish you could see that” I said the last part more to myself then him.
“I wish I was Issac. But I’m not. I’m this freaking ugly freaking transgender freak.” He stood up like he was angry and started kiccking the wall.
“IM FAT. Ugly a freak. I’ll never be good enough. Everyone hates me. I fuck everyone’s life. I’m a complete fuck up Isaac. I’m sorry.” I walked up to him hugging he so he would stop kicking the wall.
He was being bipolar. He was happy one second depressed the next then he was angry. He clinched to my shirt crying his eyes out.
“I’m crazy Issac. I’m so crazy I have to stay in a hospital an my brother has to take me everywhere.” he laughed to himself.
“Your not Crazy Cam. You just can’t control your emotions correctly. It happens to the best of us.”
“I’m mental. Crazy. Sick. Tever you want to call it Isaac. I’m freaking crazy I have to be forced to take meds for something I don’t even have. I’m not bipolar I’m perfectly fine.” He was in disbelief of what he had.
People are like that a lot of the time. But is he really being forced to take pills.
“I’m sorry Isaac.”
“Why?”
“For walking into your life. If I never walked into your life it would be so much better an not this complicated.” it hurt to know he wished he didn’t meet me.
But for the reason why he’s sorry for it wasn’t true. My life wasn’t all that great before I met him. He actually showed me how it is to love to actually laugh smile have friends.
“Cameron don’t ever be sorry for meeting me. Your one of the best things I have in my life. You showed me how it is to live to love to smile laugh. To have fun. Cameron you are the world’s greatest person to me. I look up to you in so many ways. Your strong kind helpful funny adorable. Your just you and that perfect enough.”
He was smiling right now it was the greatest thing ever my heart began to race like it used to when he was around.
“You said love Isaac.”
Did I really say love? Did I just basically tell him I’m in love with him? Oh God he’s going to hate me.
“Isaac. Don’t give me that look. Its fine that you said that. I just want to actually hear you say it.” He looked into my eyes.
“I Isaac Anthony Red I love you Cameron Blue Vince”
He began to cry. I felt bad. Did I do something wrong?!?
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no. I’m just. I. I don’t know how to react right now.” what’s that a bad thing?
I told him I loved him. God Damn it I can be so stupid sometimes.
“Just kiss already” someone screamed behind us.
Cameron stood there looking at his hands trying to get the blood off them.
“Damn it Noah you ruined the momnet” Noah hissed at Xander playfully.
“Cameron what the hell happened to your hand?” Noah asked concerned.
“Emotions.”
“Bipolar” Noah said quietly.
“No Noah not bipolar. IM NOT CRAZY!” Camron yelled then ran away from us to the parking lot.
“He’s in denial. I hate seeing him like this. He worse then I thought he was.” Noah said.
“He’s always been in denial about being anything like that” Xander pointed out.
“He’s only in denial about it because he thinks it means he’s crazy.” I stated.
“But he isnt crazy he’s just. He’s just sick in a way.” Noah didn’t really seem happy about it.
“He hates it. He knows what he is but doesnt want to believe it.” I said form what I’ve observed.
“I think I’m gann go take him back now. He’s having a moment as one of the doctors said he may have.”
“Huh?”
“The meds don’t kick in till a week or so. During the time it kicks in some people have moments meaning they’ll be worse then before with their emotions because his body isn’t acting well with his meds. Mainly because he doesnt believe he has what he has. So he reacts like this if something triggers him in any way. I just wish his meds would kick in already I hate seeing him like this so much.”
We all hated seeing him like this but its him. It isn’t really his fault he’s being this way, he was born like this from his genes. Both his parents had Bipolar and depression. From what Noah said before their sister Della has depression only Noah has neither and Cameron got both.
Noah hoped when Cameron was younger he wouldn’t have what his parents had. But that didn’t work. He has both problems and it was worse then what it should’ve been.
“Bye guys” then Noah left.
“Cameron is going to act like this for awhile Isaac are you able to deal with his emotions?” I nodded my head.
I could deal with it because my sister Margot had bipolar and acted almost the say way. So I’ve delt with it before.
But could I really deal witht the love of my life acting this way?
Cameron’s p.o.v.
I’m not crazy I’m not mental!
They all think I’m crazy. They all want me to change!
I mean why wouldn’t they want me to change I’m not perfect. Isaac was just lying to me. Just so I would stop crying.
He said he loves me.
No one loves me. I’m incapable of ever being loved. It can’t happen.
No no no.
‘Your crazy Cameron’
‘He’ll never love you.’
‘No one could ever love someone like you’
‘your just a freak.’
He can’t love me. No one can love me. Its just impossible. I wouldn’t even love me if I was someone else.
I don’t love myself as it is. Who could love me if I can’t even love myself?
Why would Isaac lie to me?
‘maybe just so you would shut up’
I’m annoying. Freak. Ugly fat insane. I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m fine…
Noah parked the car I’m the parking lot of the hospital. A panic attack began to spring.
“Cameron breath. Claim down. Breath”
“One” I told a deep breath
“Two” another one
“Three”
“Four”
“Five”
“Six”
“Seven”
“Eight”
“Nine”
“Ten” I toke one last breath that seemed to claim me down.
“When will I be left out?” we were walking into the building
“For what happened today probuly not for awhile.” I stopped in my tracks.
“No Noah no please no I beg of you”
“The only way you’ll get better is if you stay in a actual hospital being obserrved to make sure you’ll be okay.” at this point I was crying like there was no tomorrow.
“I’m sor-” I cut him off be for he could finish.
“Don’t Noah. Leave me alone.” I said as I walked into the doors.
Noah just stood there with a hurt look. He wasn’t sorry this wasn’t going to help me. I’m not crazy or mental or even sick. Im just perfectly fine. I’m how I’m supposed to be why change me…
I walked into where my room was. There was to men in while cloths. Waiting for me.
“No no no!”
“IM SO CRAZY NO LEAVE ME ALONE!”
They both grabbed my arms dragging me out of the hospital into another one.
I kicked an screemed trying to get out of their grip. But it was no use.
“Please let me go. I’m not crazy I’m perfectly fine please” I sobbed.
We were by the front doors where Noah Elliot an Isaac was standing.
“SCREW YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL. IM NOT CRAZY” was the last thing I said to all of them before I was shoved into a car.
The people locked me down so I couldn’t move. Oh great.
I rolled my eyes an looked outside the window.
I’m not crazy..
[text_hash] => 7d6e56c8
)