Array
(
[text] =>
I wasn’t supposed to kiss him, but as I feel my skin burn with his touch, and as I looked at him and met his pleading eyes, I suddenly felt this urge to do so. It was an unthinkable, and yet undeniable urge. An urge that was too strong for me to deny.
I moved my hands towards his face and then held his cheeks gently on my hands. As I look at Nico’s surprise expression, I knew there was no turning back for me, so I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his own.
His lips were so soft, so luscious, and I tasted the sweetest honey that anyone could ever taste in their entire life when our lips were touching. In that moment, I let myself lose to temptation; very quickly, very easily. And because of that moment’s weakness, I’ve made a mistake; possibly the greatest mistake in my entire life.
When I looked at Nico’s face at that moment, something inside of me snapped. Suddenly I couldn’t resist. He was handsome – exceptionally -, his eyes were blue – like the beautiful sky -, and his lips… his lips were simply irresistible.
So before he could say anything, I moved closer, I took the chance. I took advantage.
I kissed him.
I kissed him gently.
I kissed him softly.
I kissed him.
I kissed him and then moved back away.
When we both realized what was happening, we were both surprised.
Nico was surprised by my sudden action.
I was surprised by what I did.
Nico loosened his grip on my arm.
I let go of his face.
I moved away from him, turned around, and started running away.
I wasn’t supposed to kiss him.
But I did.
I wasn’t supposed to feel that way.
But I did.
I was starting to fall in love with him.
In that moment’s weakness, in that very short moment that I had laid my eyes on him, in that quick moment that I took advantage of the situation and stole a kiss, and in that moment, I realized that I’ve already fallen in love with him.
I was starting to fall in love with a friend, a man, that just few weeks ago, I never thought existed.
I’m falling in love with a man…
A man like me…
When you fall in love, there are three emotions that you could feel. It’s either joy, pain, or both at the same time. For me it was the last. I feel happy to fall in love with someone as wonderful as he is, but it also felt very painful, because I knew that he was still hanged up on Emily, and even though he said all those things about meeting and dating me, I knew that all of those were just something he said to keep up the pretension, the act that he started.
That was it. It was all pretending. There was no way that Nico would ever fall in love with me, not even like me. There was no way that a man like him would fall for me.
As I ran out of the hotel, it started raining. I hailed a cab and got inside. I told the driver my address and never looked back at the hotel. It was at that very moment that the pain grew stronger than the joy. It was then that my heart started aching really badly.
I couldn’t do anything.
I couldn’t think of anything.
The only thing I was capable of, at that moment, was to cry in silence.
Tears were continuously falling from my eyes; tears that came from the overwhelming pain in my chest. I was crying, but I can’t let out my voice. I guess deep inside, I was thinking, that if I let my voice out, then the feelings I was trying so hard to fight would pour out, that I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore, not even from myself.
From the very beginning, it was a love that could never be. Maybe that’s why I was crying; because, yet again, the universe had thrown me in the middle of dark tunnel without hope of finding a light at the end.
Why was I really crying? Was I crying because I knew how great my mistake was? Was I crying because I knew that the love I suddenly felt was destined to be doomed from the very beginning? Why was I crying? Even I didn’t know why.
What I wanted was to forget what I was feeling for him. To hold it back, so that I continue being his friend, so that I can continue being by his side, but that kiss did the complete opposite.
My feelings grew as soon as my lips touched his. The simple like grew into love in a matter of seconds. And I found myself lying in the grave that I dug on my own.
I needed to be alone that moment. I knew that if I go back to the flat, Brent would notice that something was wrong with me. I didn’t want to talk about what happened, I wanted to forget it, if possible.
I wanted to go somewhere where I could be alone, so I told the cab driver the address of my condo unit. It was my place of solitude. A place where I could be alone. A place that no one knows. The fact that I own a condo unit in the city was a well-kept secret, even from my own parents.
The unit was beautiful, it was modern, I was actually lucky to be able to purchase that unit, since the one who reserved it backed-out all of a sudden.
The unit was practically empty. I rarely stay, so I didn’t bother putting that much furniture. It only had the bare essentials; a sofa, coffee table, dining table, TV, and so on.
I opened my writing room, but my heart felt so heavy that I couldn’t even bring myself to think of anything. I sat in front of the computer, but my fingers weren’t moving at all.
Whenever I’m stuck and couldn’t type anything, I take a piece of paper and did it the old-fashioned way. I realized when I was in college that writing on a piece of paper was oddly satisfying and somehow a bit more inspiring. There was a time in college that I had a serious case of writer’s block and ended up writing with a pen for a whole month.
I thought that it was just like that, that I would be able to write and leave reality, forget what I just did, forget the pain in my heart, as always.
But I couldn’t write anything at all. I couldn’t think of anything but the feeling of my lips touching, kissing Nico’s lips.
My mind was slowly being filled up with nothing but the memory of my action, so I gave up on writing that night, and instead chose to go the pool. The pool was empty, so I dove right into it and slowly let the calming water swallow my whole body.
After being in the water for a quite a while, my mind and my heart finally calmed down, although I still didn’t know what to do with my growing feelings for Nico.
You may call it running away, but I don’t know what to do at that moment, so I contacted my friends and family and told them that I needed some time off, that I needed a few days of rest. Of course, I told my office the same, I told them that if they need some work done from me, then they could just email it to me. I’ll still be doing my job, but from inside my condo. I won’t be attending any meetings for the time being, they could just update me over email. That way, I could lessen the possibility of seeing Nico.
I’m running away.
I just wasn’t ready to face Nico yet.
I don’t know how to face him at all.
I was afraid that after my actions, that Nico would hate me. That he wouldn’t want to be friends with me, or worst, he wouldn’t even want to be near me. I was afraid of rejection, of Nico hating me, that I blocked his number.
That way, he wouldn’t be able to call or text me. No, the truth was, I was afraid that he wouldn’t call or text me anymore. I thought it would be easier if I have no clue if he’s calling me or not. Just like Schrödinger’s’s Cat.
Until I remove his name from the list of blocked numbers, Nico hating me or not is both a possibility. Nico wanting to talk to me or wanting nothing to do with me are both possible.
I was holding on the possibility that he doesn’t hate me, but I was too afraid to know that he does feel towards mr.
My own emotions were a paradox, at that very moment.
Our friendship is over. I couldn’t help but think that, after all, friends don’t kiss each other. Friends, don’t fall in love with each other.
If only things were different, if only my situation was just like Perry and Claire’s, then probably everything would be a lot easier. I really envy Perry, because he had the confidence to confess his feelings for Claire, he had the confidence to face his feelings and take responsibility,
I don’t have that kind of confidence. I wasn’t confident that Nico would not go away, I wasn’t confident that he would accept my own feelings.
Then I remembered what that lady I bumped to told me. ” Don’t run away from it. Don’t deny it. Accept it and face it.” I sighed. “Repair the tie…? What was that all about…?”
My parents, Perry, and Brent, kept contacting me, asking me if I was fine, and when I’ll be returning. I felt really bad for making all of them worried, especially Brent who had been acting really strange for the past few days.
I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Brent, because, I would just feel guilty, hearing his worried voice. I texted him, though, that I would go back soon, and that he shouldn’t worry too much about me.
The week was about to end. And I was feeling a little bit better, but I still didn’t have the strength to face Nico. I was still really frightened.
An unexpected message was sent to me that day, it was a message from Liam Brooks, a friend and an irreplaceable ally. I couldn’t ignore that message, because I knew that he’d finally done what we were planning for so long.
Even though I still wasn’t feeling that great to go outside, I agreed to meet Liam for coffee that afternoon. We met at a cafe in the middle of the city, and when I arrived there, Liam had that proud expression on his face. It was very obvious that he’s got good news.
“You’re finally here, Kyle.” Liam greeted me with a smile.
“Sorry, did you wait long?” I took my seat.
“Not at all.” He replied with a smile.
“With that smile, I’m guessing you have good news.”
“Of course.” Liam smiled meaningfully. “We’re in.” He said in a very proud tone.
“In? You mean?” Frankly, I was really surprised. I didn’t expect that he would get in that soon.
“Yes. That’s right, I finally managed to get my hands on more ten percent of the Crown Robins shares.” He smiled proudly again.
“I’m surprised. I didn’t expect you to acquire that amount of shares this soon.” I said honestly.
“Me too. One of the shareholders got into a little bit of gambling problem, and when I heard about it, I took the chance.” He said. “To tell you honestly, acquiring such amount of shares from the Robinsons wasn’t easy, making sure that they wouldn’t get suspicious made it even more difficult. For the past five years, I’ve been acquiring shares little by little, finally we have enough to have influence on the board of directors.”
“Thank you for all this. I know how difficult this is for you, given your position. I’m sorry, for asking for such favor.” I told him.
“What are you apologizing for? Because of this, I managed to elude boredom for the past five years.” He said with a smile. “Besides, five years ago we made a promise, a deal; you’ll the sign contract with me, and I’ll help you take that back from the Robinsons. With the shares, you can finally take back what they stole.”
I smiled at Liam. “Thank you. So now, our next move would be to… wait.”
“Right.” Liam. “We wait for an opportunity to upset the board of directors. The Robinsons still have about forty percent of the shares, and some of the shareholders are still loyal to them. In order to get what we want from them, we must push the Robinsons in a situation where they would need this shares badly that they would be willing to negotiate with us.” Liam explained.
“Basically, we need to make the shareholders lose confidence in the Robinsons, enough to threaten them for a change of management. For example, if the board of directors threatens to take away the position of CEO, or even the presidency from the Robinsons. In order to do that, we need a catalyst.”
“Have you heard the rumors?” Liam asked in a meaningful manner.
“What rumors?” I asked.
“Crown Robins Publishing is planning to acquire another printing company, by doing so, they can have direct control of the printing schedule, cost, and delivery. This project would be handled by no other than, Sylvia Robinsons.” Liam explained.
“I see. If we manage to find out which company they’re planning to buy and stop the deal from happening then…”
“Then we’ll move. Our insider would convince the shareholders to take actions against the Robinsons, and an opportunity would open for us. It wouldn’t be that easy, though. We should make sure that Crown Robins Publishing’s revenue would go down in the process, or else the Board wouldn’t move.” Liam explained.
I sighed. “That would be the difficult part…”
“Leave it to me. Corporate warfare is my specialty.” Liam said with a proud smile.
My mind was filled with very conflicting thoughts, as I drove back to my condo. I was ecstatic about the news that Liam gave me, but I couldn’t quite feel really happy that day. I was still filled with too many doubts and fears regarding Nico. I guess I didn’t realize how much he really meant to me.
Somehow, my worries about my relationship with Nico was overshadowing that great news Liam had over the advancement of our plans against the Robinsons.
The night was falling and I decided to make my way to The Black Bull to eat. It’s been long since I last tasted their cheeseburger. I sat at my usual spot, right in front of the bar. “Oh, Kyle, long time no see.” Dan greeted me.
“Well, a lot is going on, so…” I said with a small smile.
“I see… ahhh, that’s right. Your friend had been here a couple of times looking for you.” Dan said.
“Ehhh…? Who…?” I asked confusedly and curiously.
“You know, the one you brought home a couple of times after getting dead drunk. The one who stole a kiss from you after getting really drunk.” Dan explained.
I blushed instantly as he mentioned that kiss.
“He’s looking for me…?” I was actually surprised. I couldn’t believe that Nico was looking for me.
“Yes. He said that you wouldn’t answer his calls or even reply to his messages, he seemed really worried. What happened? Are you two fighting?” Dan asked.
“Well, I did something…” I sighed.
“Really? Anyway, I probably shouldn’t interrogate you any further. Will you have the usual?” He asked.
“Yes. Thanks.” I said and then Dan left.
After a few while of contemplation, I took my phone out and unblocked Nico’s number. I couldn’t believe what I saw. There were countless texts and calls from Nico. Seeing those sent butterflies on my stomach and made my heart pound.
Guilt and excitement filled me at that moment. I was guilty for making Nico worried, but I was really glad that Nico wanted to talk to me, that he didn’t cut all ties with me.
If he wants to talk to me, then maybe he’s not angry at me. Or maybe he’s as confused as I was. Maybe he just wanted to clear things out. Even though that Nico might be worried about me, I knew that nothing would be the same between the two of us. We can never go back to our old friendship after what I’ve done.
I was about to check the messages that Nico sent me, I was curious about them, when my phone suddenly rang.
“Nico…” I muttered as my heart skipped a beat after seeing Nico’s name on the screen. I was shaking, as I answered the phone hesitantly.
“Hello, Drew?” Hearing Nico’s voice after so long made my heart weak. I missed hearing his voice, and yet it made me afraid as well. I couldn’t speak at all. I was very nervous. “I know you’re there, please, just talk to me.” Nico said in a pleading tone.
His voice sent an overwhelming sensation all over me. My heart was racing at that moment, that when Dan spoke, it almost jumped out of my chest.
“Here you go, the usual chocolate milkshake.” Dan said and then placed the tall glass of milkshake on the bar.
My heart jumped and I hanged the phone instantly. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Nico yet. I wasn’t ready, I guess not knowing what he really thinks and feels about what I did that night was what frightened me even more.
I guess I was hoping for Nico to call again, that’s why when he didn’t I felt kind of disappointed. I wanted to read his messages, but by the way my heart was pounding at that time, I didn’t think I could handle any more surprises.
Dan served me my cheeseburger and I kept on looking at my phone as I ate. Deep inside, I was really hoping for Nico to call again.
I feel so conflicted. I was afraid to talk to him, but I wanted him to call me anyway.
The most unexpected thing happened to me that night. I just reached my car and was about to open it, when I heard that familiar voice that made my heart skip a beat.
“Drew!” Nico’s voice sounded excited and yet worried. I turned around nervously and saw Nico standing not too far away from me. I wanted to run away, but my feet wouldn’t move. I wanted to tell him to stay away, but words wouldn’t come out of my mouth at all.
Seeing Nico again, after a long while, it’s like everything around me stopped. Everything else disappeared, and all I could see was him. That time, in my eyes, there’s only Nico.
Nico took a step forward, closer to where I was standing. I wanted to step back, but I still couldn’t move. Slowly, Nico started walking towards me. Every time Nico would take a step forward, my heart would pound strongly.
“How did you…?” I muttered.
“I heard Dan’s voice over the phone.” Nico replied as he walked closer. “I kept on coming back to the pub this past week, so his voice is now very familiar to me.” He explained. He stopped just in front of me, he was just a few inches away. “I finally caught you.” He added.
I looked down, avoiding Nico’s intent gaze. I bit my lips and sighed deeply. I don’t know what to say at all, except “I’m sorry.” I said and then took a step back. As I thought, I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I just felt so ashamed of what I did.
“I’m not letting you go.” Nico said as he took me by the arm. “I was right that night. That night, I did let you go, and I regret that, even now. I should’ve hold onto you tighter, I should’ve run after you. That’s why this time, I won’t let you go, absolutely not.” He insisted.
Not this scene again. If he keeps on doing that, then I might do something I might regret once again. “Nico, I…”
“Stop.” Nico said and then to my surprised, he pulled me closer for an embraced. “You have no idea how much I worried about you. You suddenly disappeared and no one knows where you went. You wouldn’t answer my calls, you wouldn’t respond to my messages as well.” Each time his embrace became tighter and tighter. “I was really afraid…”
Being embraced by Nico like that was something I never thought that I would ever experience. His embrace was warm and I felt so secured being wrapped around in his arms like that. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and it felt like it was going to pop right out of my chest. I was pretty sure that Nico could feel my strong heart beat at that moment.
“This is unfair… Nico… you’re unfair…” I muttered. “This whole week I’ve trying my best to clear my mind, to forget… I know what I did is unthinkable, and I can understand if you can’t forgive me, if you can’t be my friend anymore, but please don’t do this to me… you’re only making things worst for me… Please, just give me some more time, I’ll do my best to stop liking you.”
“What are you talking about, Drew?” Nico said and then moved slowly back. He looked at me in the eyes, but I avoided his gaze. “Do you think I would even look for you, worry about you if I don’t want to be your friend anymore? You don’t have to stop liking me too, no, you can’t stop liking me. This whole week, I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think straight, and do you know why?”
I couldn’t answer.
“Because I couldn’t stop thinking about your kiss.” Nico said and my heart stopped.
“Ehhh…” I was utterly surprised. I slowly lifted my head and looked at Nico. “What do you mean?”
“All week long, all I could think of was your kiss, your lips, and it was driving me totally crazy. I didn’t find it unpleasant at all, actually I liked it. I liked it a lot that I couldn’t stop thinking about it at all.” Nico’s voice was gentle, and yet a bit shaky. “When you left me at the party, you said you were right, that all I proved was that I wasn’t over Emily yet, but after you kissed me I proved something different; I’m definitely over Emily, because I found someone more amazing, someone more beautiful, and someone I care about even more… I’m over Emily… because now there is you.” Nico said and then gave me small smile before embracing me again. “Because now I have you.”
At that very moment, I was confused. My mind was blank, and my body was frozen. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t even know what to think. I had no idea what Nico was trying to say, what he was feeling, or why he was doing and saying all that. All I know is that I don’t want that moment to end, I want Nico to keep on holding me like that.
[text_hash] => f770661d
)