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Youngbin’s POV:
Grocery shopping was always fun for me. You get to see new people, talk to some that you already know, and just enjoy the speed of the people as they take their time to inspect the fruits, vegetables in general.
The car is already parked in the parking lot, and I’m just taking my time taking my seat belt off and moisturizing my lips with my favorite cherry lip bam.
The heat outside is verily tolerable. Even with my navy blue t-shirt, I can still feel like I’m wearing a thousand sweaters. My arms are sweating, the skin feeling damp and sticky.
The car in front of me has two kids inside, their phones under their noses. The father is in front of the steering wheel, his phone under his nose as well. They are all in their own world, no words exchange between themselves. Gotta love technology.
And not in a sarcastic way. Just as them, I can’t live without my phone. My phone is always by my side, every hour of the day, the device next to my pillow.
Without the phone, I don’t have a way to communicate with my parents who live two states away. I don’t have the financial opportunity to see them very often. Only on Christmas and when we have a vacation from school.
Inseong and I had decided that we wanted to go the same university so that we could still be together. So when he got accepted to UCLA, the same as I did, we were beyond happy. Fate got aligned with our plans and we couldn’t be even happier than that.
Smiling like an idiot, I realized I was recalling one of our happiest moments. I got so caught up that I was sweating heavier since I had just turn the car off.
My gaze was still stuck on the car in front of me. I had spaced out right in front of them. The father was now looking at me weirdly. His eyebrows were arched up, his eyes on mine. My cheeks are hot and I swear that there is a hint of blush dabbed in them.
This is so embarrassing. He must be so confused onto why I was looking at them for so long. Quickly, I look down and grab my wallet from the glove comparment.
I open the door and get out of the car without giving the father another glance. That is a situation I will never want to revisit. Or want to ever recall.
My hair is stuck to my neck, which is horrible because I hate the feeling. A hot day on top of a humid one is a horrible day.
At least the store has AC so that whatever time I take picking my groceries, I have cool air blasting me. Thank god for whoever invented the AC.
The carts next to the store were almost gone. I was lucky to get this one. I don’t know how many carts get lost everyday but I know it’s a lot when the employee has a long line stack behind him as he he pulls them up to the cart section.
I pull the kid seat out and head inside, the cool air brushing my damp hair to the sides. That feels so nice that I almost close my eyes. I don’t though. Don’t want to hit another customer and start an argument.
The paper that has all the prices of the food and the specials is right next to kid machines where they have fake tattoos, cheap toys all for the price of fifty cents.
I take my glasses from my shirt from which they were hanging and slide them in, pushing them further inside so they sit on top of the bridge of my nose. I lick my bottom lip and take one, unfolding from its half close position and scan the items.
Pineapples were on sale for a good price. I hum in surprise. Pineapples aren’t always in sale. Well since its on sale perhaps I can use them to make a recipe that goes along with the fruit or added to my juice blends.
I’m not very fond of pineapples because of the taste. But added to other fruits blended with juice that is some time of heaven shit.
Wasting no time, I push the cart to the direction of the fruit section. The smell of sweat oranges fill my nostrils and upon arriving, the smell of oranges invades the whole room and make me want to eat one right this second.
The pineapples were next to the bananas. The bananas were all green, still not mature. I grab a couple of bananas anyways since in a couple of days they become good enough to eat.
Then I cut a bag from the roll from the bigger bag and put one pineapple into the plastic bag and do the same with the other pineapple. I already have a couple of fruits so I don’t need to grab them.
I had almost forgot the list I made at home. The paper that had my lazy scribbles was folded four times and tucked in my pant pocket. I take it out and unfold it, smoothing it with my hands.
The list has ten things listed: toilet paper, cereal, milk, bananas, soap, pasta, a bunch of vegetables.
I already got the bananas so I go to the vegetable section in the refrigerator section where other frozen fast food is at. The aisle is colder and when I open the door, cool air hits my face. I grab my favorite brand of mix frozen, small vegetables and add it to the cart. I like frozen mix vegetables because you can add it to anything. Buying all the vegetables separately tend to go bad because sometimes I don’t need a lot and end up neglecting the rest of vegetables that are left untouched.
Next is the pasta. Inseong loves pasta that has a lot of cream in them or any other type of pastas. That’s the only reason why I buy the pastas; otherwise I won’t even bat an eye at the pasta aisle. Pasta is a carbohydrate which is kind of bad but good at the same time. I only eat twice a week but Inseong loves so much, he can eat it everyday and still feel satisfied.
The pasta reminds me of all the cute dates that Inseong has done in our house. Inseong has always been a romantic. Saturdays are our dates, crucial for our well being and happiness, according to him. Dates makes us have our spark, our fuel igniting to keep our relationship on fire.
The dates aren’t expensive or set in different places. Our Saturday dates are always in our living room, our special table placed in the middle, pasta as our main course. As we eat our pasta, we talk about our week, our plans. About what is that is stressing us, what we can do to help each other. Then we move the table and add a lot of soft covers and blankets on the floor, and throw pillows, and watch whatever movie is on Netflix or binge watch a season until three in the morning.
Those are the best dates that he can give to me because we become closer as we share everything, our values, our views in life, our goals, our opinions in different subjects; and I can never be as grateful as I want to be towards him.
Our last Saturday date was three weeks ago. The last pasta that we ate makes me smile in a faint recall. His famous pasta has not been made because he has gotten too busy.
Ever since he joined a dance group that competes with other dance groups, he has been far less time home. He goes to practice four times a week, his route going exactly to the dance studio instead of our apartment right after his last class.
The apartment has been a little sadder, my times spent on cleaning the house and trying new recipes. Also doing DIY’s cause why not.
I have made frames out of popsicle sticks, colors painted all over. A rug made from a useless water hose; making different jars as vases and putting any kinds of flowers all around the house.
I sound like a mom reinventing the house. I don’t mind the comparison at all. DIY projects help the day pass faster. I’ve been used to being all the time with Inseong that being by myself is a little boring.
I get message from Inseong that his class is over and that he’s heading home when I am done picking all the groceries. The lines in the registers are short so it won’t take long before I am completely finished with grocery shopping.
Three people are in front of me, my cart next to stack of dishwash soap. I stop the cart, my foot on top of the metal tube at the bottom, and message Inseong that I am almost home.
I can’t help but think that I am becoming boring. I’m acting like a house-spouse, spending all the time cleaning the house and always staying home. After all I am getting married to him. And perhaps someone needs to be putting more attention to the house and I think that person is me.
Yet I still feel like he might be getting bored out of me. We’ve been dating for seven years and just now decided to marry me.
We were at LGBTQ parade, our faces painted as we hold hands and march across the streets. I was having a marvelous time, what better than a day to show our pride and advocate our rights, demand that we are heard, treated equal as anyone else.
People were loud, holding posters, chatting with others and I never felt so in place. People who wouldn’t shame me, wouldn’t look at me in disgust when I hold hands with my boyfriend.
Afterwards we went to a bar and had some drinks with our friends. Had some laughs, some stolen kisses, danced our hearts out until it was dark. The sky was so different from when we entered. It felt like we were in a different dimension, the street a different vibe.
I kept stumbling after Inseong, giggling all the way until we found a cab that would take us to our apartment. We were both too drunk to drive; we couldn’t risk getting into trouble with the law.
On the drive over there, the drunkenness was getting out of us making us sober and very aware of the night that we had just left behind.
The lights off the apartment indicated our absence but once the light was on, the room became alive with our presence. It wasn’t just our presence that made the room be lit, it was the candles surrounded all across the room. The candles weren’t actually lit with a match, it was electrical but the same beauty uphold.
An enormous gasp surrounded the room. It wasn’t Saturday but our special date was in front of me. Everything so special, so breath-taking.
My mouth gape on, I didn’t realize I had made that surprised noise until I closed my mouth. Inseong, smiling, pull me by my index finger and dragged me to the couch nearby and sat me. Then he kneel down in front of me and took a ring, a beautiful, small diamond.
“Oh, Inseong.” I was breathless. I didn’t know what to say. Of course the right answer. I would say yes but what can I say that can tell him all that he means to me.
Inseong shush me and instead kissed my cheek and took my sweater off from me. “I love you,” he said sitting next to me and told me what I can never forget, ” you are meant for me. We will always be together and our marriage will be the symbol of our undying love.” After that I said yes. Said yes over and over even after our midnight dinner date was over and we had our steamy, hot shower sex.
And now I feel like maybe he is regretting all that he said to me. Our sex used to be amazing and now with him gone, he is too tired. And I don’t pushed him because I understand him. Maybe I should of have pushed him. Ask him that it is not only about him, that is about the two of us and we both need to give each other everything.
Sometimes I think he’s with someone else behind my back. How can you explain not wanting to be with me. He does spend a lot of time with his friend Rowoon. He even sometimes comes to our apartment and they watch sports, the same sports that we watch. When he’s there, I just stay quite. I haven’t actually talked to him just as alone.
He kind of gives me bad vibes. While they are in the long couch, laughing and shouting at the screen, I am in the smaller couch, my bare feet close to my chest as I try to stare at the screen and try to tune them out, the noise in the screen a distraction.
Inseong’s relationship with Rowoon is strange. I don’t know how to explain it but all I can say is that I don’t like it. How is he more with Rowoon than with me? That infuriates me.
I try to keep my temper and not let the other around me see me angry. The lady in front had just finished paying her groceries so I was next. The cashier scans the items and then punches the total. She tells me my total and I insert my card’s chip into the machine.
The other lady who was packing my groceries into the bag, hands me the bags, and after pulling the card out and being handed the receipt, I thank them and head to the car.
The guy with his kids are no longer in front of me and a smaller, grey car is in his replacement. I can still feel my cheeks hot and my face flustered because of the embarrassment. I had to just loose my mind thinking of Inseong while staring at the guy. I could stared at my steering wheel or some other part other than him.
I smile in regret and turn the engine on. By the time I get home, I have long forgotten the incident. The music on my phone got me to relax and not jump into conclusions.
Inseong got out earlier for a Friday afternoon and was home already. By now he would be practicing with Rowoon and the rest of the dance group. What is he doing here so early?
I take the groceries out from the trunk, two bags in each hand, and walk two buildings of apartments until I get two mine. Our apartment is on the second floor so I take the stairs, one at a time, using my time slowly.
The apartment looks dark. I take a peek from the window and it looks like there is no one there. Weird. I fumble with my keys, the exact key always getting lost from the rest of the others.
Once the key is inserted and the door is open, I click the lights upward, and the entire room is illuminated. It takes me a couple of seconds to realize that I am not totally alone. Inseong is on the floor, his phone in his hand, caught red handed.
“What is going on?” I ask, confused. The room was made into a date, exactly as how it was three weeks ago.
“Come here.” Inseong pats the throw pillow on the floor. I follow his order and sit down, not before placing the bags of groceries on the couch.
“But it’s Friday,” I say puzzled. He nods like he understands. He does know that having a dinner date any other day than Saturday is weird and strange. What does he have in his mind?
“I know it is love. But we haven’t had our dinne date in so long and I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow night. Our dance practice was canceled so I wanted to spend time with you.” Inseong opens the bottle of red wine and pours the liquid into the two goblet glasses.
“Why? Rowoon wasn’t available so you decided to be with your boring house- spouse?” The second the question is out, I immediately regret it. The venom coming from my voice surprises me.
Inseong is taken back. He hands me the goblet wine glass and places his own next to his plate. “Youngbin what has gotten into you? Why would you insinuate that I want to be with my friend than being with my boyfriend?” He sounds hurt.
“Because all you do is be with him. I’m left alone with my crazy thoughts.” My voice shakes and I place my fingers on my lips to stop them from moving.
“I don’t always leave you alone, Youngbin. While I’m in the dance studio you can go with your friends. I don’t like leaving you alone.”
“I don’t have friends. It’s true and I feel ashamed of it. The ones we have are the ones we have together and I don’t feel comfortable hanging out with them without you being there.” I feel so stupid for assuming things. But I did because I feel like he’s not paying attention to me anymore.
“I don’t think we all mind. You guys can hang out just like I can hang out with Rowoon. But it seems like you don’t like him no matter how much I tell you that he is no threat to our relationship,” he says disappointed. He closes his eyes and opens them with tiredness.
I take a sip of my wine in silence. I ruined the mood and our date. He was tired and instead of making him better, I gave him more reasons to drain him. I regret saying it but him telling me that he has nothing to do with Rowoon really does ease me.
“It’s not that I don’t like him,” I start to say but by the way he is looking at me he isn’t buying my confession. “Alright. I don’t really like him,” I say rolling my eyes.
“Why?” He takes a gulp of his goblet wine glass. His stare is making me nervous. What is the real reason why I don’t like Rowoon. Is it because he spends more time with my soon-to-be-husband or because he is all that I am not: beautiful, talented, funny.
“One word: intriguing.”
“Intriguing?” He asks.
“He has all that I wished I had. Just add you to the equation and you have the perfect solved problem.” My face fells and I can feel my throat tightening. This so embarrassing, admitting my insecurity to him.
Inseong laughs. He gets up and sits next to me. He brings me to his lap, where I lay my head in his thigh and I stare up to his eyes. His fingers go through my hair, the feeling satisfying.
“You are so silly, love. I don’t want a solved problem. I want a complicated one so that it takes me years to complete so that I can explore all the possible steps and never get bored. You are an unexplored territory and I want to take my time to look around and learn every single land of yours.” He lowers his head and kisses my nose.
“So I’m not boring?” I ask, still feeling insecure.
“Nope. Not all. You’re all that I want. Boring just comes with the package. But you’re very entertaining when it comes to watching sports even more than Rowoon. I missed your wild voice rooting for you favorite team.”
I giggle. He’s right. When it comes to sports I get wild and I yell like crazy when one of the guys make a mistake. And if you offend my favorite teams, we are no longer friends. Either you respect my team or I don’t respect you at all.
“So are we going to eat or not?” He asks me, his fingers still playing my hair. I giggle some more. I’m hungry but not for his food but for something else.
“How about if instead of eating, we devour something instead.” I bite my lip and bring his face closer. Inseong smirks, pulling my hair and stealing a quick kiss from me, tempting me into my game. “I’m all yours.”
~~~
A/N:
Here’s the long waited SF9 one shot. @Exo-Byun I would love to say thank you for introducing me SF9. I fell in love with the group and their cover of Boy in luv got me shooked lol. I hope you like this one shot and it made you smile. I don’t know where the idea of Youngbin going grocery shopping came to mind but here it is. My weird pasta dinner, jealousy SF9 date. Love u 😉 and to my readers it won’t be long before I publish the next part of I’m not that cruel.
-Laterz Kelsi.
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