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Every day the sun comes up and it comes down, the events of the day, pulling down into the dark, where the mind sleeps and forgets ,even for a little while.
This is the cycle of life- well in this case, Yoongi’s. All his life has been a serious or events that either disappointed him or changed him into what he is today.
He didn’t have a childhood quite like his lover, Hoseok. Instead of bright and full of hope, his life was gloomy and quite dark, if he says so himself.
When Yoongi was born his mother had complications that led her to be in the ICU for the first couple of days after his birth. His dad wasn’t really around so his grandmother had to take care of him.
His mother hadn’t taken the news very good. She wasn’t ready to raise a child on her own. You see, his parents were teenagers when they had him and the only reason why she agreed to give birth to him was because he said he be there to take care of them.
When things got complicated, he couldn’t take the pressure of the situation. His mother could of either made it out alive or not. And that scared his father. A lot. Which caused him to run away and made his mother run out after him to make him resonate with her. She never came back. He caused a chain of events in his life that changed in his life for the worse.
Well until he met Hoseok. He was a freshman in college and he had just said goodbye to his social worker, seeing that he no longer had to live with his foster care mom, when he noticed a boy carrying boxes, arguing who he perceived to be his parents.
The boy’s laughter had every one outside looking at him with different kind of stares. The girl in front of her was giving him a look of annoyance while the guy next to her was rolling his eyes, whispering something to the girl.
For Yoongi, that laughter made him stop and stare. He wasn’t feeling any kind of emotions but something about him stood out. His laughter was so bright and cheery, the most positive emotion he had ever seen in his life.
He had never felt joy, or what it felt to be happy yet at this moment he could feel a little glimpse of the boy’s happiness ingrained in his smile. The boy’s smile gave him hope and after that night, when everything was dark, that he couldn’t even see his hands, Yoongi hoped that, that scenerio that he watched earlier did not go with the sun, where things are forgotten. That night he lays awake, his mind replaying the laughter of the boy and his mind fills with wonder. Would he ever get to experience joy like him? And that small little hole of hope in his heart says yes, for the very first time. There is a chance of happiness for you Min, Yoongi.
~~~
It was the last day of finals. Yoongi was right outside of the classroom,sat on the middle of the bench where students can sit down, with flashcards under his nose as he replay all the information in his mind so he doesn’t forget.
Political science was his last exam for this semester. He was beyond glad to had been able to finished this semester with a solid B and he hoped that this exam would let his grade stay the same.
He turns over the green card so that the definition is facing up and he can check if he has the definition right. Knowing that he is right -and he is- he looks up with a smile. Getting the correct answer always made him smile. Being correct made him closer towards his goal: to graduate from college.
Yoongi, hearing his phone vibrate, places the green flash cards next to him on the bench, and flashes his phone towards his face. After he has finished inputting his password and his screen of him taking a picture with a kunamon plushie is shown, he immediately goes to his messages.
He smiles at the message: his boyfriend Hoseok had sent him a message saying he was in the same building as him.
Hoseok had finished his last exam of the day earlier so he was waiting for him in the library where they later would meet to go eat somewhere, and discuss how burnt they were from all the studying. Apparently, that wasn’t the cause, though.
So now he is cracking his neck trying to find his boyfriend. His short status doesn’t let him see beyond the sea of students crammed around the classroom, waiting for the professor as they try to study the last minutes they have.
Yoongi knows that he won’t find him sitting down on the bench. So he lets two girls sit in his replacement. He grabs the flashcards from the bench and slips them inside his open backpack. Yoongi gives the girls a nod and shuffles his feet towards the boys restroom.
The corridor isn’t that long so it takes a second before he finds Hoseok standing with two coffees on his hands. His boyfriend was facing the wall with large clear windows where you can see the parking lot.
“Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were in the library,” Yoongi says as he approaches his boyfriend. Hoseok turns around giving him his famous smile.
“Well I just stopped by to say good luck and give you some fluids before you take your last exam.” Hoseok hands Yoongi the coffee cup.
Yoongi takes the cup from him and drinks it. It is not coffee. Instead, it is tea. “You’re trying to make me pee?” Yoongi raises his eyebrows. Professors always say to go to the restroom before taking an exam and seeing that he already went to the restroom and that he doesn’t really have to pee, there might be a chance that he might want to go twenty minutes after he has started his exam.
“No, dummy. It’s tea to calm your nerves. I know that you get nervous before exams and I’ve seen you struggle with this class so I didn’t want you to fret over trying to get an A on the exam. Just let your mind remind everything you learned with ease. Don’t over work it.” Hoseok chuckles, kissing Yoongi on the forehead.
“You know that I love you, right?” Yoongi smiles, his gummy teeth showing. He is so darn grateful for having him in his life.
Hoseok nods and mouths ‘I love you, too’. Yoongi wants to kiss Hoseok as a gratitude towards his kind gesture. But he knows that he has no time. Class has already started and he’s pretty sure he is the last one left to not be there.
The teacher was two minutes late, after all. Which meant he had at least a few seconds to peck his boyfriend’s lips. Yoongi pouts, at the thought.
No regrets right now. Only focus. He needs to remember all the terms, all the concepts, information ingrained in his mind.
Since Yoongi’s last name started with M, the teacher placed him in the middle between a middle aged women who super nice and a young boy who looks around his age who always starts arguments with the teacher.
He sits down with hope that he might pass his exam. He has been studying for weeks for this particular exam.
As the teacher hands the exams to the students on the right in each row, Yoongi looks straight at the board, his mind recalling back on the very first day he met Hoseok. He doesn’t understand why he’s remembering back this incident when he should be trying to recall all that he was learning minutes ago but he doesn’t let it stop. He wants to remember his Hoseok, the one who showed him life, utter joy.
Exactly three years ago, he found a new meaning of life. Hoseok showed him joy and he has been feeling it ever since. He rarely goes back in time to remember his past. He doesn’t need to. He has the future to look forward to.
He thought that he would never find happiness but he does now. He knows that every second spent with Hoseok is happiness. He doesn’t need nothing more. Going to college is like a plus to him. He gets to major in English and gets to be with his boyfriend. It’s a win win for him.
~~~
His joy was extended to to the unexpected. After all of their finals were over, every single one of them, and they were cleared to be on their way to graduation, Yoongi proposed.
A day before graduation, when they were out and celebrating their success, Yoongi got this overwhelming sensation that he needed to give something great to Hoseok as a gift. His mind kept telling him that it had to be better than anything had ever given him.
A few times in rare occasions or when they were half asleep, on their bed in each others arms, Hoseok would always implied to him that he saw a future of them together spent in eternity.
And there was no better way than ensuring their future with marriage. Yoongi had grabbed Hoseok away from the dance floor and had pulled him into the restroom.
Although the club was small and packed, the restroom was a place of forgotten. Not even a single person was inside the room. Yoongi was surprised considering that the restroom was a place for people to make out and forget their sinful ways by pleasuring themselves.
Hoseok was still high from the song, his body still shaking and moving. “Are you giving me a blow job? Cause I am totally up for it right now.” He says with a singing voice.
Yoongi says nothing, taking the glass from Hoseok’s hand and places next to the liquid soap. He lightly smiles at him and with one swift motion, he pulls Hoseok on top of the counter, his hands still on his hips.
“Ohh, I see. Hmm, let me just…” Hoseok starts to unbutton his pants when Yoongi shushes him, his hand retrieving them back to the sides. “Be quiet for a second.”
“What’s going on?” Hoseok asks, confused. Yoongi only smiles at him. He doesn’t say anything, not even when he takes the small black box from his pants.
“Are you?” Hoseok asks in shock. His eyes start to water and his smile tugs in bigger. Before he can say anything, Hoseok pulls him closer and kisses him passionately. “Yes, I will marry you.”
“But you didn’t even let me ask you?” Yoongi says under his breath.
“You don’t need to. I can sense all your love for me from within your eyes. I know what you’re going to say to me because you always say it whenever you think I’m asleep. I love you, Min, Yoongi, and I do want to marry you.”
Hoseok’s agreement to marry Yoongi was one the happiest day for him. Marriage was one step closer to his forever happiness. He could finally claim his boyfriend as his. Hoseok will forever be eternally his, where they can share their love with each other, sealed with their kiss and vows.
A couple months later, before their wedding was supposed to happen, Yoongi got the news that he can get pregnant.
Weeks after his proposal, Yoongi started to bled, more like spotting. Yoongi didn’t think of anything since he had spotted before. It wasn’t anything new to him, except that this time he was flowing more blood than usual.
On top of him bleeding, cramps started to occur. It wasn’t so bad that he had to lie down but it was enough to have him complaining and holding his stomach throughout the day.
It was during his fourth complain while they were looking at shoes at the mall, that made Hoseok worried.
Hoseok turns Yoongi around and sits him on the small bench in the middle of the store. “Are you okay? You’ve been touching stomach a lot?”
“It’s nothing.” Yoongi dismisses his worry and attempts to get up but Hoseok’s hands prevent him from doing so.
“Scoot over,” Hoseok says, pushing Yoongi to the side so that he can sit down next to him. Hoseok grabs his hands and puts down his two other bags he got from Hot Topic. “Tell me what’s going on?”
“Fine. I have some bleeding coming from my, you know, my manhood.” Yoongi takes huge breaths as he explains to his fiancee what he was. The embarrassment of explaining what he has prevents him from looking him in the eye. His lover might not know what he has but he knows exactly what it is, though it is weird and abhorrent for him to have it.
“Bleeding?” Hoseok asks, sounding concerned and confused.
“Ahh, yeah. You see I’ve been bleeding blood for almost all my life, since I was like 13. I never thought much of it because, one, it didn’t really bother me and, two, because it was so light that it was like it was never there.” Yoongi sighs, taking his glasses from his eyes. His sight immediately goes worse. He can see but not as clearly when he has his glasses.
His left eye gets a little blurry so he blinks a couple of times. Once he can see better, he focuses his attention to a lady in front of them, talking on the phone and examining a blue sneaker in her hand.
“You’re sounding like you have menstruation. My sister started her period when she was 13 as well.” Yoongi hears Hoseok say through calmness. He doesn’t sound disgusted which means that is a good thing for him so he keeps going.
“I don’t know if that’s what I have but lately I’ve been bleeding more so I, uh,have to use a pad. And today, my cramping- which started two months ago- is worse.” Yoongi bites his lip, feeling like the weirdest thing to ever encounter this earth. What kind of a man gets a period. I mean he gets trans people but him?
He gets to have a period when he doesn’t want to. Guys don’t get periods. Period. Yet here he is. Bleeding every month and having to wear a pad. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to wear a pad with a dick? It is very uncomfortable. Yoongi swears he isn’t even a man when he is on his period. He feels like an alien.
“Is that why you’re refusing to have sex with me some days every month?”
This question takes Yoongi by surprise. He was expecting Hoseok to suck in a breath, to make any sound of disgust, anything other than question, actually. “Yes.” He cracks his neck to look at him. “I didn’t want you to know about it.”
“Why? You thought I would bolt if you did? I’m not like that Yoongi. I told you that I was going to marry you and I meant it.” Hoseok’s face softens, hus hands cupping Yoongi’s face so that his cheeks look chubby. “I love you, even if you have menstruation.”
“I love you too,” Yoongi says through muffled sounds. Once again, he defeats all odds, and he is once step closer to his happiness.
The very next day while they were watching tv, their usual hang out spot after coming from work every Friday night, he gets thought that he never thought before. What if he can get pregnant?
His head was lying pillows that were being supported by Hoseok’s leg. His arms were folded in his stomach as he try to press the pain coming from his lower belly.
Yoongi doesn’t really know a lot about the human anatomy but he does know that in order to conceive, a women has to be on the menstruation cycle.
“Hoseok, do you think I can conceive?” He asks, nervously. He didn’t intent to blur it so soon but his mouth thought by itself and the question slipped out.
He closes his eyes hoping that this doesn’t freak Hoseok out. He wasn’t ready to ask him yet, though. He was planning to read more about this so that he had better knowledge on this type of topic. Though it would be hard since there is not information on men having their periods or having the ability to conceive.
Instead of hearing the ‘what’ question, Yoongi gets his head plopped down to couch, his pillows falling to the floor. Hoseok had removed his leg which had caused his head to fall lower on the couch.
“Hoseok?” He twists his body to see where Hoseok was. Yoongi searches him, his eyes looking for him.
Yoongi gets up from the couch and goes straight to their bedroom knowing that he’ll be there.
At the foot of their bed, Hoseok is plopped down, his leg on top of the other, a phone in his ear. Yoongi watches him intently as he leans on the wall, afraid to make another move without startling him.
“Yes, thank you very much. We will wait for you here. Thanks, Doctor Kim.” Hoseok laughs and then removes his phone away from his ear, ending the call and shutting his phone off.
“Who is Doctor Kim?” Yoongi asks, once Hoseok’s stare is on his direction. Hoseok comes over to him and stands in front of him, leaning his body on his. His hands cup his hips and he kisses Yoongi on the lips.
“Doctor Kim is my friend who I met in college. He had moved away three months before I started dating you. We keep in touch once in a while. He told me he was visiting his mom this week and since he is still in Medical school and he is aiming towards obstetrics, I thought I would have him come talk to us about your possibility of being able to conceive.”
“Thank you,” Yoongi says, through a shaky breath. He thought this would make Hoseok bolt. That didn’t make him, either. Yoongi smiles, knowing now that Hoseok isn’t going anywhere. He will always be his reason to withstand the sun coming down every day because his day does not go down to disappear, but it rather stays on his mind where he can replay it again, his joy.
Two hours later, Kim Namjoon, is at the door with a black binder from under his arm. “It’s nice to meet you.” Yoongi shakes his hand with the tall, blonde guy and lets him pass to the kitchen.
Hoseok was adding cookies to the plate on the table, three mugs of coffee next to each other in a circle. “Namjoon.”
“Hey, Jung.” Hoseok hugs Namjoon and then motions him to sit down on the chair. He does so, Yoongi sitting after him, next to Hoseok.
“So, from what Hoseok tells me, you have menstruation and you’re concerned with pregnancy?” Namjoon directs his question to Yoongi, his eyes on him as he picks a cookie from the plate and brings it to his mouth.
“Um, yeah,” Yoongi says, gulping his coffee down and refusing to look at Namjoon in the eye for more than a second.
“When did you start menstruating?” Namjoon moves the mug farther into the table so that he can place his binder on the table. He opens the binder and with his thumb, turns the pages until he finds a blank one. He clicks his pen and then focuses his attention on Yoongi.
“When I was thirteen.”Yoongi nods his head at him.
“Not too young. Can I ask why you never thought it was a big deal? Did you ever thought that what you had was exactly what a girl goes through?”
“Yes, of course. I was very confused but I didn’t want to tell my foster care parents in fear that they would kick me out and I really liked my foster parents.” Yoongi clears his throat, the memory coming back.
“You were in foster care?” Hoseok buts in. His face is shocked and sorry again, just like every time he tells him something he didn’t want to say.
“Yeah. My grandmother isn’t the best mother either. She got busted for stealing a pack of beer so they took her to jail for a couple of months since it wasn’t her first offense. Social services had to put me in foster care until she got out. But I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to tell you how fucked up my life was.”
“Alright. Moving on. I hope you don’t mind. I have to go back to my mother soon. Anyways, from what I see you might have all the same organs as a woman does except your penis, of course.”
“How is that impossible?” Hoseok asks Namjoon, his eyes stuck on Yoongi. His body language shows him that he is there supporting him, trying to understand what exactly he has inside his body.
Yoongi feeling uncomfortable, shifts his body so that his body is leaning against the sides of the table, his elbows promenantly on top as his hands upports the weight of his chin.
All this talk of him having all the sexual organs of a woman is making him feel more less of a man the more he hears about it. He is quiet, letting his ears send all the information to his brain where he can store all that he is learning about himself.
“So then there is a possibility that he can conceive?” Hoseok is adamant to believe that Yoongi can no matter the possibilities thrown out there that he might not.
From what he has seen and heard at last moments from the conversation which he had tune out in the middle of it, Hoseok is showing more interested of that possibility that he can. Yoongi is grateful that Hoseok is all positive about this but he can’t. He doesn’t want to he positive. How can he conceive?
He has a uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, all that crap that woman have except a vagina. He can feel himself sweat, his palms shaking from embarrassment. He can’t even look at his fiancee without feeling disgustingly inhumane.
Yoongi, once again tuning the conversation out, lays his head on the table and closes his eyes. ‘I’m still a human’. His hand goes to his stomach as if he already has a tiny human in there. ‘I am human. I am no less of a man for having female reproductive organs.’ He tells himself over and over so that he does not go deep into self loath. He has every right to be himself, even if that requires learning to be okay with the fact that he has female reproductive organs.
That self love came gradually from him. There were times were he had no motivation to get out of his bed knowing that he did not deserve to live. He was a monster, an alien, someone who walked this earth pretending to be a man. Sometimes he couldn’t stop thinking of the uterus inside of him, especially when it was his time of month.
The only reason he learned to accept it day by day was Hoseok who would hold him tightly and would whisper in his ear all the reasons why he was chosen by god to have the ability to conceive.
Hoseok’s self assurance didn’t always work. The only thing that would work for him was to lay still on his bed while he stared far ahead, million thoughts clouding his reality. Happiness was always at the top of his thoughts. Was he really cut out to experience joy? To experience the wonders of the world with the man that he loves by his side?
That question would be answered the minute they’d take a pregnancy stick the day they’d come back from their honeymoon.
The sign said positive. Their honeymoon love had its rewards. Making love resulted in their miracle baby. They knew the possibilities of Yoongi getting pregnant and they took it because they knew it was a blessing rather than a curse.
Though that happiness was cut short. It wasn’t enough for him to experience bad pregnancy symptoms, three weeks after finding out Yoongi was pregnant, things turn out for the worst.
They were in their kitchen baking, Hoseok’s body pressed on Yoongi’s back as he proceed to mold the cookie dough into small balls and placed them on the tray. Hoseok was telling him about possible gender names for their fetus when he felt a pain in his lower belly.
“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks as if he can sense that is something is hurting him. Yoongi is afraid. He can feel something liquidity discharging from his manhood.
“I don’t know,” he says frighten. Yoongi lets go of the cookie dough and removes his body from Hoseok. In a quick attempt to clean his hands on the faucet counter, his legs become wobbly from the force and he tumbles down to the floor.
Hoseok is there to catch him before he really hurts himself further. Yoongi cries out from the pain and from fear of loosing his child. His hands go to his pants were there is moisture and gooey from blood leaking out.
“Call the ambulance,” Yoongi advices Hoseok knowing that he is too shocked to do anything but look horrified.
“Hurry,” he pleas, his hands filled with blood. His heart is racing and he can’t stop shaking. He doesn’t even want to move an inch in fear that if he moves any further, he can loose his baby.
The ambulance takes a while which makes him more worried and angry that the more they wait, the more he is loosing his baby.
In the mean time, Hoseok has moved him from the floor and into the sofa. Hoseok had added a towel on top of the sofa just in case he discharged more blood and stained the fabric.
“They’re going to come.” Hoseok tells him, their hands intertwine. Yoongi doesn’t know if he told him that to keep him less worried or if he told himself that so that he isn’t freaking out.
“I know.” Yoongi tries to remain calm. He doesn’t want to alter himself. Worrying will only cause more harm. Instead, Yoongi focuses on Hoseok’s breathing. His breaths are abnormal, he can sense him trying to normalize his breathing but his worry doesn’t let him.
“Hoseok, are you mad at me that I didn’t want you to take me to the hospital?” Yoongi swallows his worry down to the pit of his stomach where it rumbles in agony and pain.
“No.” He can hear Hoseok’s hesitation. His hand is being held tighter that he can feel his hand go numb.
Sweat starts to form and a slight, pounding at the left side of his occipital bone begins. Yoongi’s eyes are becoming foggy, his eyesight in and out of focus. He tries to focus but his mind is only focused on wanting to see so his eyes blink repeatedly until it is no longer blurry.
“Hoseok, “Yoongi begins to say. His throat is dry, which can be the cause why he can’t go any further into his sentence other than just Hoseok.
He wants to scream, and hell, even shake Hoseok’s hand but he is becoming weak. He can feel his muscles relax and his eyes becoming droopy. The last thing he hears is the distant sound of the ambulance. His lost thought is his prayer that the ambulance is for him before he is into a deep sleep where he doesn’t remember a thing.
~~~
They had just wheeled out Yoongi inside the hospital. Inside of the ER, there was a lot of chaos. Doctors talking to each other in high voices, tension, patients whining of pain, and the smell of death lingering in each wall.
A rough, callous, hand guides him out of the ER and into the waiting room. Blue eyes tells him that they’ll do everything they can to save his husband and child.
Hoseok feels hopeless. He doesn’t know what to do. Sitting, left behind is giving him anxiety. He can’t just sit and do nothing.
His leg is shaking impatiently. The doctor had console him with sympathy eyes and a pat to his back. The gesture didn’t really help him but he had hope that they would do anything possible to save his fetus and husband.
The clicking of the minute hand going slowly as the seconds pass become the only noise he hears. It was really late at night. The hospital waiting room was deserted with only a few people who were either reading or sleeping.
Hoseok blames the time. He blames his suggestion of making late night cookies. He blames his lack of knowledge on pregnancy, especially male pregnancy.
Perhaps if he hadn’t suggest the late night baking, they would still be at home sleeping.
Hoseok rubs his face with his hands, the desperation becoming stronger. He hasn’t gotten any information regarding how the surgery is going which makes him desperate. It has only been about twenty minutes which are an eternity in Hoseok’s stressed out mind.
Hoseok can’t help but think of how Yoongi is going to take the news if they do loose their baby. For Hoseok, the news will crush him. Their baby was a miracle. He never thought that there could be a slight possibility of them every having kids. You don’t think about that when you’re dating someone of your same gender.
There is endless opportunities of having children : sperm donation of either one of them to a surrogate mother, adoption, adoption from foster care, being a foster parent. Having a child conceived by them to was not on the list of opportunities.
So when Hoseok found out, he jumped to that very slight possibility. It did not matter that it was coming from a male’s body, after all, the baby was inside the man he loved, a creation of their love.
And now that same possibility is being crushed. Yoongi has always been insecure, afraid that he wasn’t destined to be happy. It wad Hoseok’s job to ensure Yoongi that wasn’t the case. Hoseok was born to make Yoongi happy.
Hoseok could tell that the baby Yoongi was caring, forming inside of him, was the reassurance that he was destined to be happy and the death of their child is going to change everything. That same thought scares him. He needs to ensure Yoongi that he is destined to be happy. That the death of their child is not a sign of unhappiness but a sign that his baby’s life was cut short.
The sound of padded footsteps woke Hoseok up. He was in drifting a sleep when the doctor said his name. He sits right up and yawns as he looks up to the doctor.
The doctor sighs and shifts uncomfortably. She is still on her scrubs and is just taking her hair cap, flowing her down, when she delivers the bad news. “I’m sorry for your loss. Will you like to see your husband? He’s still a little hasty from the anesthesia but he’s lucid.”
“Yes, please. Thanks.” The news hits him hard and as much as he wants to throw himself on the floor and sob, he does not. Being stronger for his husband will help tremendously.
As they walk to Yoongi’s room, his heart beats accordingly to the beats of the machines hooked up to every patient in the OB unit.
From the entrance room, they go straight to the left side where the door is slightly open. The first bed is occupied by a sleeping woman. The next bed in the room is off view due to the curtain being close. The doctor opens the door wider and leads him the other side of the room.
A nurse is checking Yoongi’s vitals as Hoseok approaches him. Hoseok is a little hesitant to grab his husband’s hand. He gulps as he watches Yoongi flutter his eyes, searching the ceiling desperately.
He waits for the nurse to finish his work. The nurse jots something down and then turns his body to face the doctor. He tells him something and they both engage in a conversation. Not understanding a word they are saying, Hoseok shifts his attention to his husband.
“Hey, love. How are you feeling?” Hoseok grabs his hand and kisses it. With his other hand, he strokes Yoongi’s hair, smoothing it down.
“I lost my baby, didn’t I?” Yoongi asks, his voice raspy and sad in tone.
Hoseok can’t hold his cries any longer. “Yes,” he sobs. His tears soon are accompanied by Yoongi as well. He cries silently as he grips their hands harder. “How?” He croaks.
Hoseok dries his tears with his sleeve and then turns around to ask the doctor what was the cause of Yoongi’s miscarriage.
“Yoongi you had an Ectopic Pregnancy which means your fertilize egg was implanted in your fallopian tubes. Normally, the fertilized egg travels through the fallopian tubes until it attaches to your uterus lining, commonly known as the endometrium.
However since it did not travel and the fertilized egg stayed, and since it was not protected, you had a miscarriage. The possibility of having an Ectopic Pregnancy in women isn’t really high but since you’re a male, things are really different.” The doctor closes the binder she was just writing in and puts it behind her.
“So is there a possibility that he can conceive again?” Hoseok asks, once again hopefully. Just because this one time their fertilized egg implanted on Yoongi’s fallopian tubes doesn’t mean it will happen aging.
“Hoseok, please don’t,” Yoongi pleads, still tired and hasty from the surgery.
“There is small chance that he won’t survive all the way to the third trimester. However if he did get pregnant again, it is important that he comes to us so that we can watch him and help if there is any complications. I have to go but if there is any complications or concerns, please page me.”
Hoseok bows down to the doctor and follows the direction of the doctor until she leaves, the nurse trailing behind. Once they are gone, Hoseok adverts his attention to his husband.
“Why did you ask that question?” Yoongi asks, irritated.
“Because it was important to know. What if you get pregnant again? I want to be cautious.”
“Who says I want to be pregnant again?” Hoseok’s heart sinks in. How can he say that? “Yoongi, don’t be like that.”
“Be like what? Pessimistic? I just fucking lost my baby and you’re thinking of making another one? My baby. Hoseok, I lost my baby.” He wails, looking away from him.
“I’m sorry, Yoongi. I was trying to positive. I don’t do this. I don’t… I can’t show my emotions,” he says, sitting at the edge of the bed. He feels like an asshole. His entire soul is shattered but he can’t shed a tear. His weakness can do no good. But god, he is so hurt inside. He yearned for his unborn child.
“Hoseok, is this a sign that I shouldn’t have a baby? Maybe god doesn’t want a useless man to take care of a miracle child.” Hoseok shakes his head, at last, his emotion guard down.
“Our baby’s time was up. God chose our baby for a reason. It did not mean we weren’t up for the job. God knows you’re a wonderful person but he made a mistake of assigning you to the wrongful parents. You deserve the world, Min Yoongi.”
“You think so?” Yoongi sniffs, pulling Hoseok into a kiss. “We can always make another right?”
“Yes. We can make as much as we want to.”
“Thank you for being there for me. And for being my happiness. You are my day that does not go with the sun. You are my day that stays, keeping me company and happy.”
Hoseok smiled and climb up to the bed. He engulfed Yoongi’s body into his, being extra careful that he did not hurt him. Yoongi closed his eyes as Hoseok sighed. Their upcoming day was going to be stressful just like the upcoming months as well.
Yoongi will always have this insecurity of belonging, of his worthy of happiness, but Hoseok is his day, his motivation in life because he does not let him go with the sun, where things are forgotten.
~~~
A/N:
Alright my lovely readers, it has been a while since I have posted. I will like to sincerely apologize. So this long ass one shot should make up for it.
@YALLGOTNOJAMS love I hope you like it. I know you wanted a sad story but I hope you really like it. I had a lot of fun and frustration writing this. The good thing is I have my writing motivation back. I wanted to write something positive out a sad one shot. ❤ feedback will be much appreciated.
-Laterz Kelsi.
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