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Leading Up to This
(Junhwan one shot)
It was getting darker. The sky painted colors of purple intermingling with pink to emphasize the ending of yet another day.
However, the day was not over for Jinhwan. The day could not be over without his consent. His baby was going to be delivered today; not tomorrow, today.
If only his, boyfriend Junhoe would hurry from work so that the doctor can finally start the operation.
The doctor, having been in the room twice to warn him that they had to take him to the operating room, was vigilantly watching him from the outside, tapping away in his tablet and talking to another doctor.
Due to Jinhwan’s contractions minutes apart and his inability to give birth naturally like a woman would, the more he waits, complications will start to arise that can put his son as well as him in jeopardy.
Jinhwan notices this. Every single second is spend reminded by it. Waiting while his body is turning against him terrifies him but birthing his son without his boyfriend is even worse. Junhoe is supposed to be here, holding his hand while he talks to him to distract himself from thinking of his body being cut open and having them operate until they take his son out of his womb.
A contraction appears and Jinhwan jolts, throwing himself to his mother while he grasps his mother’s hand with so much force that even her face is frowning with discomfort.
Jinhwan has his eyes close and is trying hard to think about something else other than the pain. At this moment he can’t speak, not even to ask his mom if she has called Junhoe to see if he was coming or if something was preventing him from coming anytime soon.
Then, all too sudden, he gets an image that had not appeared to him until the day that it had happened to him: his first encounter with Junhoe.
Jinhwan has always been a good boy. Never got in trouble with his parents or in his school; neither was he ever bullied.
Until one of his few friends back in seventh grade had the nerve to call him demean words to his face while he was so hard trying to concentrate on the homework that his favorite teacher had left them to do while she went and talked to the principal. He couldn’t remember why she had left to talk to the teacher or who was sent to the principal. It didn’t matter at that time. He remembers, sitting at his desk, ticking his pencil on his desk while he thought of the question that was in the first paragraph of answer-these prompts- assignment.
Then, not even two minutes after his teacher had left, when his old friend comes barging into his space, setting her ass and planting it on his homework.
With anger, Jinhwan looks up at her and through gritted teeth calls her out,” Na Hyun, what do you want?”
“Oh, nothing. Just a little favor.” She smiles, sliding to the empty seat in front of Jinhwan. She was chewing her gum almost too loudly, and her eyes were big with amusement.
Jinhwan can feel himself sigh again. He knew this too well. She was going to ask another one of her ‘please, do my homework for me and I’ll pay you with whatever you want’ favors which were total lies. She would give you a kiss in the cheek in return and act like this action was your lucky gift.
As if. If she would take the time to not be a bitch, she would know that he’s gay so her kisses in the cheek are like disgusting blobs of saliva. Just thinking of them makes him shiver.
“Na Hyun, I’m not doing you any favors. So you can get lost,” Jinhwan says with no thought to what she was going to do next.
“You’re telling me, the most popular girl in school to get lost?” She chuckles, taking back a scoff that was so snarky that it made Jinhwan’s bones rattle with fear.
‘No, fear, Jinhwan’ he says in his head like a mantra as he musters all the courage that he has to respond back with no guilt and hesitation whatsoever.
Jinhwan already fed up with her, takes his earphones out of his backpack and takes his phone out of the bottom of his legs, tightly hidden from the world, and before he can put them on his ears, he looks back at her with a sour look,” Na Hyun we’re not part of a movie, this is reality. Popularity is just based on who is pretty and who’s not so your threats don’t do anything to me. I’m not going to do as you please just because you’re pretty. I have my own morals.”
Jinhwan smiles sweetly at her as he shoves his earphones to his ears and plays music to drown the noise that his classmates were making after they started paying attention to Na Hyun’s hyperventilating anger.
Her nostrils were flaring and she looked like her teeth could break any second from how strongly she was biting them. She kept looking back from all her classmates while Jinhwan kept trying to concentrate on the paper.
He was dead meat. The stares were consuming his mind revolting him from his concentration. The number ‘500’ was stuck on him like a taunting warning of you can’t run away from this even if you focus really hard on me.
“Why isn’t she doing anything by now,” he says under his breath, tapping his leg with a beat that went along with the music that he only hears as he drowns the static noise of the classroom that had just began to shout at each other.
As he wished to be send to another dimension, he feels his earplugs plucked away; without the music he can finally hear his classmates yell with such enthusiasm of a ‘supposed’ fight happening right now.
“I’m not popular because I’m pretty. You make it seem like I’m shallow,” She defends herself.
“Well, aren’t you shallow? That’s the entire system of being popular. Have you ever seen someone ugly remotely popular? No! This system is shallow just like you,” Jinhwan retorts with calmness as he waits for his punishment.
“What’s your problem? Why are you embarrassing me?” She pleads, tears forming but she forces them down. Jinhwan can see it. She is scared of loosing her popularity. That’s all she has in her life. Her comfort, her stability. But at what cost is she willing to keep it if she hurts other people in the process?
“What’s my problem? You are my problem. You have been saying shit to me ever since I told you I was gay then you distance yourself from me and keep hurting me. You act like you never knew me so you manipulate me into doing your pathetic mediocre homework that anyone can do. I’m tired and you deserve to lose everything that you made me lose. I hate you!” I yell at her, yanking my earphones from her and pick the rest of my stuff and walk away form the classroom only to be faced with the teacher.
“Can I speak to you outside, Jinhwan?” The teacher says, upset and disappointed.
With tears plastered in Jinhwan’s face and his body shivering with panic of getting in trouble, he follows her outside.
At the end of her discussion with Jinhwan about what happened in the classroom, he leaves to his next class with an after school detention slip. Jinhwan was so glad that he almost cried with glee.
The teacher was not going to call his parents or alert the office because it was a warning and since he’s a good kid she knew that it wasn’t going to happen again.
His parents won’t have to know and he can just say that he’s staying after school to tutor a kid in his class. That takes worry off of him. Seeing his parents disappointed in him is what he tries to prevent all the time. He’s a good kid and he plans to stay that way.
~~~
“This is the last warning, Jinhwan. We need to go to the operating room,” the doctor says, his tablet still tucked in his arm.
“Junhoe is not here,” he says shaking his head.
Everything was hurting him. His head, his body, his heart, even his eyes from all the crying.
“The father still has time to see his son be born but if we don’t take you now, he might not get that opportunity, Jinhwan,” he warns with a melodic tone.
Jinhwan understanding the doctor’s warning, yet he still refuses to listen. He won’t go through this if Junhoe is not here. He can’t. It’s scary to have someone rip his body open and Jinhwan has no one to be by his side. No one can make himself feel safe like his boyfriend can. Not even his mother. He loves her so much but Junhoe is supposed to be there with him through the process of their son being born.
It’s their experience together that makes it special because they created this thing out of love and now they have to go through with it and see their creation come alive. They are supposed to be the first one to hold him and give him love.
“Jinhwan, your contractions are only minutes apart. Your body is signaling you to push but since you don’t have the ability to push we need to take you to the operating room right now,” the doctor warns him again, this time coming closer to him and checking his vitals which were getting worse.
Jinhwan releases his mother’s grip and turns on his side to grasp the arm of the bed while he’s clutching his belly, desperately trying to stop the pain from getting worse despite the pain already going over the threshold.
“Jinhwan, listen to the doctor. My grandson is in danger; Junhoe will come soon even if he has to miss the birth of his own son but you will go to the operating room, now,” Jinhwan’s mother’s says in anger. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was wrinkling her mouth into a frown.
“I can’t, mother. I’m not strong,” Jinhwan whimpers. He shakes his head furiously, refusing to acknowledge his mother’s command and the doctor’s warning.
As if by fate or by a force that knocked over Junhoe, the tall boy who is about to become a father any second if they don’t hurry off to The OR, comes in stumbling, catching his breath while sweat dribbles on his chin.
The mother is silently angry at both of these teenagers in front of her. She leaves her son’s bed and stomps her feet in front of Junhoe who was just about to pass out.
They are teenagers. They don’t know what to do. Or who to be. Unfortunately for her, they had to get a child at this age. It infuriated her to see her child with a child. Sadly she can’t do anything but be there for her son because, not in a million years would she let her son take care of her grandson by himself with his son-in-law. They may be parents know, it doesn’t take the fact that they are inexperienced children who are still figuring out what to do.
“I called you ten times, young man! You’re boss said you left forty minutes ago,” Jinhwan’s mother interrogates Junhoe like she does when she’s in court and is asking questions to the accuser.
Junhoe’s chest is moving rapidly as if his chest is being inflated with a pump. He removes sweat with his arm and then looks up at his mother-in-law with fear.
“My car stopped working and then no one could pick me up so I came running here. I seriously couldn’t hear my phone ringing,” Junhoe says, standing up and going towards Jinhwan who was in shock and the anger that was non-existent was boiling right inside of him, bursting to come up.
“Are you okay? Why aren’t you in The OR?” Junhoe takes Jinhwan’s hands but it is faced with a slap to his own hand.
“Because of you,” Jinhwan cries. “You know I can’t go in there without you. I’m scared and all I need is you by my side.”
“I’m here. I’m sorry, Jinhwan.” Junhoe kisses his lovers forehead and massages his boyfriend’s bump after he wails out another cry of pain.
“We need to go in now! I’m going to prep the OR, bring him as soon as possible.” The doctor gives the nurses the order and hands the tablet to one of the other training doctors who are always by his side.
“Only one can come to the OR with us” the dark-hair female doctor says to both Junhoe and Jinhwan’s mother.
“Go ahead. Come to me when my grandson is born.” She smiles at him with tears filling her eyes and her hands in her chest.
Junhoe nods and quickly goes back to Jinhwan so he can hold his hand and be there for him. Just like him, Junhoe is scared.
After this, their entire world will change. It will no longer be just the two. After his son’s birth, they are an official family and they are both going to be official parents. Both dads to a beautiful baby boy.
As they wheel his bed into the operating room and Junhoe is anxiously asking questions to the dark-haired doctor, Jinhwan closes his eyes and recalls his favorite memory of all: when he locked eyes with Junhoe.
~~~
Jinhwan’s heart was beating so loud. The room was practically empty with the exception of the detention teacher and a tall kid who sat in the back with his head rested on his arm while he tapped his desk with his pencil.
He takes in a huge breath and sits two seats away from the kid but in the front row before the tall kid’s. Jinhwan keeps adverting his eyes from the kid’s and his desk while he situates himself in the chair.
Being in detention made him angry and disappointed. This room was his worst nightmare. One of his rules was to never step foot into a room of slackers and trouble makers yet here he was, wrongfully brought here and stupidly for not standing up to the teacher and proving his innocence.
Jinhwan rolls his eyes as he takes his packet and notebook and pencil pouch from his backpack.
Because of Na Hyun, he is stuck in here instead of going back home and eating ice cream while he watches Rick and Morty in Hulu. He was almost done and his stupid ex-best friend had to ruin it for him.
With a low whisper, he makes a sound of irritation. He almost wanted to stomp his foot but he stopped himself. He was not going to throw a tantrum just because things didn’t go his way. He was rude to Na Hyun and basically humiliated her in front of the class so this punishment was well deserved.
Stomping for was children and he is no longer a child. He was 12 turning 13 in a couple of months so it was time that he acted his age. Sometimes he wished he wasn’t so mature beyond his years, he couldn’t understand the big fuss with people his age.
With a loud clear of his throat, the detention teacher perks both Jinhwan and the kid behind him, their eyes going strictly to the front.
“Here are the rules for both of you,” The detention teacher declares, pacing back and forth.
His name was written behind the white board in huge black letters: Mr. Song.
Mr. Song was tired and had white in his almost verily visible stubble. His face indicates that he is a grumpy old man that can get you in trouble which made Jinhwan feel uneasy. He doesn’t want to get in trouble any further than he already is.
“Rule number ONE! Don’t wonder around the school without my permission. TWO! You guys can talk to each other since there is no one else but in hush voices; I don’t want to hear your voices at this late hour. And lastly, don’t get in trouble again. I hate doing this,” the old man says with tired eyes.
“Okay,” Jinhwan says, astonished at the rules. They weren’t even rules at all. It was as if he made them just for the sake of having rules. Just as the teacher, he wanted to go home too.
Just one hour and he’ll be able to see his favorite show at the moment.
Jinhwan nods to himself, satisfied and collects all his things and sits right next to the quiet tall kid who was no up, confused and somber.
“Hi, my name is Jinhwan and I was wondering if we could help each other out with our homework. I’m guessing we have the same English teacher,” Jinhwan overly excited exclaims, opening his pouch to take his favorite blue, mechanical pencil.
“Dude, detention is an hour to do nothing. Chill out, just relax and do nothing,” The kid says in a lazy voice.
Jinhwan is taken back. Since when is detention a way to “relax”. It should be an opportunity to finish your homework.
With a frown, he picks his pencil up and starts writing below the prompt question. “He’s probably in here because of that attitude.”
“Not, really. I’m here because I was chewing gum and my math teacher hates when I do that. It was my last warning, apparently,” the kids responds to Jinhwan’s statement.
“What?”he turns his head to the left to see the kid who was too ridiculous at this moment.
Jinhwan searches the kids face all over. His eyes were really attractive he must admit although they looked kind of sluggish. He looked like he was on drugs but his body figured look totally different.
“He couldn’t be possibly be on drugs,” he gaps, in his head. He shakes his head lightly.
His too young to be doing such act. Do 12 year olds do drugs? That is so terrifying.
The kid smiles at him while he locks eyes with him. The smile was lazily too yet it was such an interesting smile that it made his lips touch into a small smile that he tried to hide with a small frown.
“My name is Junhoe by the way. No one has ever introduced themselves like that. I like you overly excited, homework obsessed seventh grader,” Junhoe says in a mockingly tone, extending his hand to Jinhwan.
“Hey,” Jinhwan says again this time shyly and less enthusiastic. He can feel his cheeks turn red so he plants his hands on his cheeks to hide his redness away.
“Anyways I already did my homework. Too easy,” Junhoe changes the topic and takes out his paper out from his backpack.
While he does that, Jinhwan is lost in his world and totally puzzles himself after confirming his likeness to the boy next to him,” woah he’s hot!”
~~~
“Have they opened me yet?” Jinhwan’s lips are trembling and his hands feel cold despite having Junhoe’s warm him being rubbed on his.
“Yes but let’s not think of that. Let’s think of our baby that is just going to be born any second now,” Junhoe tells a frantic and nervous Jinhwan as he caresses his damp hair.
“Okay,” Jinhwan groggily says, his throat dry and his mouth still quivering.
The room felt cold on his body. His eyes kept adverting to everything in the room. There are so many doctors and they all speak of a different language, too much Jargon for his brain to decipher.
At one point, the voices became much more louder and precise. He could hear one doctor start to panic, his voice frail and vulnerable.
That doesn’t make him be more positive like Junhoe promises that he should. He focuses on the fragile voice, the shaky not-confident doctor that keeps asking questions to the surgeon.
‘What is going on?’ He wants to ask Junhoe but he can’t speak now. He’s weak, his pupils lower and lower until he can’t open them up. Every sound becomes distorted and his heart is beating at lower pace. Before he can dream again, he hears one of the doctors shout,” We are loosing him!”.
“Jinhwan! Jinhwan!” Junhoe screams his name but he can’t hear him.
He still hears his name being called. The voice becomes distant as if he is falling down a hole just like Alice in Wonderland did and found a place of adventure and craziness.
Jinhwan turns around and his body hits the ground although it is soft mattress that engulfs his lower half.
His eyes are having trouble adjusting to the place around him. There is no longer the beeping sound of his heart displayed on the monitor, no abundance of noise filling the room; no one is holding is hand and his stomach is flat as a board.
Jinhwan tilts his head and brings his hands to his stomach, missing the commotion that his baby would cause inside his uterus.
Instead of noise he is met up with one single voice shouting his name that is still going and going.
As if shaking his head helps, Jinhwan is brought up to this sense of reality. His vision is clear and he is no longer looking so right as if he’s daydreaming.
Right in front of him was Junhoe, a 16-year old Junhoe. Jinhwan lightly smiles.
Then he gets rid of his smile. Something was wrong. And he couldn’t pin point. Junhoe was irritated. He wasn’t angry, just irritated.
His muscles were tight and he kept blowing his hair away from his eyes. This was before Junhoe decided to have his hair in a quiff just like he was now at 19.
Jinhwan is so confused. This isn’t reality though. Nor is it a dream. It’s more like a memory. A living memory that he is reliving again although he does not remember a thing.
What did they have a discussion for? If Jinhwan recalls correctly, they had never had a fight before.
His mind at the moment is foggy that he’s surprised that he can remember Junhoe.
His ears are buzzing so loud and his head is spinning so fast yet he feels calm, recollected. He isn’t panicking nor he is freaked out. The situation is just too weird for him.
“Jinhwan are you even listening,” Junhoe implores,taking his hands with his and kneeling down.
Then something happens that brings Jinhwan to the memory, very vividly.
They were fighting because Junhoe had found out that he was planning to go to an University three states away which meant they would be separated. Junhoe when he found out about the application forms, threw a tantrum and ignored him for three days straight even if he still went to his house.
They would be in his room watching whatever was on tv but Junhoe would be apart from him, hugging a pillow and sulking.
Now he understood everything. Why he was brought back to this single memory. It was the moment that he almost lost everything. The source of indication that he was losing his sanity.
His life was not just in his future in education but his future with Junhoe. His future could not just depend on his dream that he so bad wanted since he could remember. It also depended on Junhoe.
Their love had blossom into years of beautiful flowers being tested by the winds, the petals strongly holding on.
“Junhoe!” His voice cracks, his body melting to the look of his boyfriend hurt and holding back his tears without realizing that he can see through him.
“No. You’re not going to persuade me into believing this is a good thing. It’s not. You’re leaving me.” Junhoe shakes him as he looks at him with repulsion.
“Junhoe, I’m not leaving you. Why do you keep saying that!”
“Because I’m not smart like you. I can’t get in the same University as you do. I don’t have all these crazy AP classes like you,” Junhoe lets go of him and sits right next to him, putting his hands on his legs and lowers his head down.
“Don’t say that. You don’t know what’s going to happen. Stop feeling your inferior to me.”
“Then why does it seem like I am no good for you. People see it. I see it.”
“For fucks sake,Junhoe!” This was so ridiculous.
Junhoe looks back at him with astonishment. This was his first time cursing.
Hell yeah he was going to curse at him if he didn’t already understood the concept of ‘I love you despite our differences in school that really don’t add up to anything when it comes to your value and self worth’.
“You know why I’m dating you, Junhoe? It’s not because you’re hot! Just like you’re not dating me for my brains. We’re both dating because we love each other for who we are as human beings, we are meant to be.”
“Then why are choosing universities that are far away from here?” The fragility of his fear was showing too evidently right in front of Jinhwan.
Jinhwan understood. He was scared. He didn’t see it until now. He thought that he was just too shocked that he begged him not to go to a far away university.
That wasn’t the case. He was afraid to loose Jinhwan. They both know that long distance relationships sometimes don’t last because of the problems that arise with this kind of relationship.
Jinhwan is scared as well. Not because of their pending future but because this memory was his own way of telling him that if you survived this fight you can survived what is going on at the moment.
The universe was telling him to be strong. He needed a new reassurance that he was strong, that he could overcome anything that life throws at him. The universe was reassuring him that coming back to reality was him coming back to his own reality where his baby boy was waiting for him to hold him in his arms.
“Whatever happens, Junhoe, I will always love you. We can overcome anything that threatens us to separate.” He wifely smiles at him while everything around him vanished and he is met up with darkness.
A pounding noise becomes filled in his head. His heart beats regularly and he can feel Junhoe’s sweaty hands still on his.
He hears two distinct cries as he shakes himself to wake up. This movement reminding him of when he had sleep paralysis and he couldn’t wake up only this time he hadn’t been able to wake up for ten minutes rather than the couple of seconds that you can’t wake up that normally follows sleep paralysis. His breathing calmed him, focusing on his chest, up and down.
“His blood pressure is back to normal,” the doctor sighs.
“Let’s close him up,” another doctor says, commanding the others to do as he says.
Jinhwan is confused. Was he dead? Why isn’t Junhoe noticing that he is awake? Where is his son? Why can’t he speak?
With all his force he tries to move his hand but he’s too weak. His entire body is heavy; his body stuck in one place, unable to move.
The voices become distorted again and soon a nurse is hovering over him. She appears as if she is speaking but he’s becoming to be sleepy again.
Soon again, he is into another memory. A happy memory this time.
His favorite memory.
“You’re pregnant?” Junhoe asks.
Jinhwan bites his lips, nervous and scared. The news Can either brake them or make them into a family.
“Really?” A cheekily grin appears on Junhoe’s face and he picks him up, his arms holding his hips and spins him around.
They were at a park near a tree. The breeze was in his cheeks, his tears blowing away only to be thrown back, the saltiness touching his tastebuds.
“You’re making me a dad,” Junhoe cries from joy.
“We’re becoming dads. I love you so much,” Jinhwan says, being put down and his head plastered on Junhoe’s chest.
“I love you as well.”
His memory is cut once he hears the voice of his beloved Junhoe. He was talking to him sweetly with so much sadness.
He had to open his eyes. Being in this state was only causing harm. He was okay. He survived the birth of his son. He wants to celebrate it with his boyfriend. If only he can open his eyes.
“Our baby is so beautiful.”
“He, is?” Suddenly, his voice is back and he now speak to Junhoe.
He’s in a bed with lots of tubes and beeping machines. The room is too white. A blurry figure slowly becomes clear, Junhoe’s face happy.
“He looks so much like me. I have a doppelgänger,” he laughs causing Jinhwan to do the same.
“Aww no. I won’t be able to tell you guys apart,” he jokes, smiling as well. “Where is he?”
“Donghyuk is coming really soon. He had a little problem but he’s okay.” Jinhwan sniffs, sitting in the chair next to the bed and takes his hand.
“You named our son?”
“I didn’t know what was going to happen but I chose to name our son after your favorite uncle.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I only did what i was supposed to do regardless of what happened. I’m so glad you’re alive.” Junhoe gives Jinhwan a light kiss on the lips and then grabs their son from the nurse who had just brought him into the room.
“Are you ready to see our son?” Junhoe brightly smiles, shaking Donghyuk to the sides so that he doesn’t wake up.
“I’ve been ready since the day I found out I was having him.”
“Isn’t he beautiful?” Jinhwan smiles as Donghyuk is placed into his arms. His smiles is the brightest he has ever had.
This moment is his newest memory. No more past memories. Everything led up to this. His first ever memory of Junhoe, their falling in love moment, their fight, all the way to this moment.
Their actions led up to this. Leading Up to their happy ever after, that no matter what, their family is their happily every after.
~~~
A/N:
Phew long one shot 😂😂 bare with me people. I loved writing this one shot. Junhoe and Jinhwan are such a cute couple. Even if I’m not an Ikon fan, I’m still a Junhwan shipper. They’re so cute together.
I hope you like the one shot @Snow-Kpop it won’t be long before I write your other requested BAP one shot.
-Laterz Kelsi.
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