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I’m Not that Cruel Showki *Part 13
By the time Kihyun and his friends got out of the room, Shownu was already inside, walking into the kitchen. His smile had been present but very distant. His usual quirky smile and talkative mouth was gone.
There was no surprise to see Shownu change his demeanor with Minhyk and Hyungwon present. His mind briefly looked at them while he put the grocery bags on the table. A tiny smile crept up onto his mouth. “Sorry for the delay. I got caught up with work. Have you guys eaten anything?”
Kihyun for a few seconds stood silent, dumbfounded. With his friends finally finding out about Shownu’s secret, Kihyun found it difficult to say anything that wouldn’t sound like he was angry or had a slightly different pitch than the one he usually had.
As he watched Shownu pull ingredients out of the plastic bags, one of his children began to kick. The kick was light, unharmful. These light kicks brought him to forget about his mixed emotions regarding Shownu and his secret.
There was something about him that when he was around Shownu, butterflies would erupt. It didn’t help that his kids would kick whenever Shownu was present. Kihyun desired him the same as his kids did.
“We got caught up on our conversation that we forgot about food, ” Kihyun finally said; he walked toward Shownu, forgetting about the butterfly sensations his belly was producing. He stands next to him and helps him with the rest of the groceries.
Kihyun can feel the intimidation that Shownu was feeling by the way his shoulders tensed up and his mind is fiddling coming up with something to say. To help Shownu release some of that intimidation, Kihyun interlocks his pinky with that of Shownu’s and softly speaks to him so that Minhyuk and Hyungwon cannot hear what he’s telling him. “Don’t let your position at the office ruin the person you are outside of it.”
“I’m not, ” Shownu began, tumbling over his next words, unable to say something comprehensible. His hands were out of ingredients and he looked for more. When there wasn’t anymore he finally said, ” I don’t know how to behave with them when my nickname is ‘sociopath’. A nickname like that makes it really difficult for people to see the humanity in me.”
Kihyun opened his mouth only to shut it a second later. He didn’t expect Shownu to say ‘sociopath.’ Everyone in the office called him by his nickname whenever Shownu wasn’t around or when he left cubicles only after he had shouted them for something they couldn’t control.
He thought that everyone had been discreet. They only whispered, adding negative connotations to the sentences, fueling their hatred for their boss with the intensity of their voices.
But he had not expected Shownu to know his nickname. No one dared say it in front of him. No one dared to talk back to him, not even to complain.
Kihyun, while still keeping his pinky intact with that of Shownu’s, averted his eyes to his friends who were intently watching them with curiosity and uncomfortableness.
Minhyuk nodded his head as if to say, ‘What is going on?’ Kihyun shook his head and bit his lip. He wanted to scream ‘help’; the confession had turned his body cold. Having his pinky still there while he wanted to flee from the situation changed the way he wanted to respond to Shownu.
Finally, looking back at Shownu, he removed his pinky and instead interlocked their hands; Kihyun brought their hands behind the counter and whispered with certainty, “Then prove to them that you’re a human with feelings. Show them that you’re not what they say you are. Show them Shownu, not Mr. Son.”
Before Shownu could respond, Hyungwon cut through, ” Aww, don’t think I didn’t see that hand-holding moment. I wanted to scream.”
Kihyun relaxed his shoulders. Thank God for Hyungwon’s quirky self. His comment caused Shownu to chuckle. Shownu shook his head and looked to the ground.
“Shut up, Hyungwon, ” Kihyun said, adding a little bit of himself to ease up the scene.
By this time Shownu had removed himself from Kihyun and was now closer to Hyungwon, allowing himself to laugh a little louder to whatever Hyungwon was saying. Minhyuk was with Kihyun but was silent. He was opening a plastic box full or grapes and was putting them on a bowl.
Kihyun loved this silence. He could tell Minhyuk was thinking about the situation and analyzing it. He was getting comfortable with the idea of a Shownu who was farther from the image of the cruel boss he was used to. And Hyungwon. He was always comfortable with anyone. With Shownu laughing to Hyungwon’s jokes, Kihyun is sure sure they were friends in another life time.
A small smile crept onto his face. His three children were now kicking, one after the other. With his hand on the middle of the belly, his hand comforted on the feeling of their touches, one foot gently passing through his hand and then following with another. These moments when he was watching Shownu reminded him that he was in love with him and it vexed him to think that he was lying to Kihyun about his other child.
His silent moment was interrupted by the offering of a grape by Minhyuk. Minhyuk was munching and looking at him intently. Kihyun took it and began to play with it. “It looks like they’re getting along just fine.”
“Hyungwon is always making new friends. Mr. Son is no different, ” Minhyuk said, his softening as if he had just taken a long sigh.
“That’s good, right? Hyungwon can make people trust them. This is a good sign, ” Kihyun said, a little confidence growing in him as he looked over Minhyuk to Shownu.
His mouth was moving really slow. It looked like Shownu was explaining something, his usual behavior at work. He was no longer smiling but he looked comfortable. Probably showing a little bit of the Shownu inside of him.
Hyungwon was probably the key. He can help Kihyun find about Shownu’s secret. Maybe Hyungwon telling him the truth will hurt less than finding out through him. The truth was something he could not bear, even if he doesn’t know about it yet.
“Are you planning to use Hyungwon to get close to your boyfriend and then find out about his secret? Are you willing to play them both?” Minhyuk raised his eyebrows, surprised at his words.
“You’re right, it’s a bad idea. Hyungwon won’t go through with it. He doesn’t like playing with people. Not that I do either, ” Kihyun sighed, taking a bite of his played grape. ” I want answers, Minhyuk. I want to have peace; I want to wake up knowing Shownu is trusting and willing to change with me for the sake of our children and our relationship, whatever the status of that is.”
These last sentences were uttered with a slow whisper, the weight of his worries and paranoia pushing down on his words.
“I’m going to watch him closely. He has to fall on his lies soon or later. That way Hyungwon is not involved. Mr. Son doesn’t like so that will be less damaging, ” Minhyuk said, taking another grape from the bowl and popping it into his mouth.
He had said these words casually. He had said them loud enough that Kihyun worried Shownu might heard this sentence.
“No. You will do no such thing. ” Kihyun said, taking a couple of grapes from the bowl and threw at Minhyuk’s face, “And lower your voice. If Shownu finds out about this right now, you will not be a godfather to one of my children and Hyungwon will be godfather to all of them.”
Minhyuk frowned, slapping Kihyun on the hand. “I will slap you for being stupid.”
“You already did. I’m warning you, Minhyuk. Don’t spy on him, ” Kihyun said, massaging the spot were Minhyuk had slapped him. It wasn’t red but it still hurt. He forgot how strong Minhyuk was when he was mad. He liked slapping people’s hands to make them understand.
“Oh, I see. You are willing to use Hyungwon to get answers but when it comes to me, willing to help regardless of the outcome, you prohibit me.” Minhyuk looked offended. His mouth was parted and was picking up the grapes only to throw them at Kihyun.
The grapes missed Kihyun and they felled with tiny thuds.
“Oh, no. They’re cat-fighting again, ” Hyungwon said, his voice normal, implying this argument happened frequently. Hyungwon’s voice broke their hushed conversation, Minhyuk glaring at him for bringing attention to them when they were clearly trying not to be heard.
“Hyungwon, stay out of it. I am mad at Minhyuk, I don’t want to be mad at you as well, ” Kihyun said, rubbing his stomach. He wasn’t really mad at Minhyuk, more like angry that Shownu had to witness their childish behavior.
“What did I do?” Hyungwon pouts, clearly surprised that he was scolded.
Kihyun’s stomach dropped. He didn’t want to make Hyungwon feel sad. All Hyungwon does is light the mood and there he went getting angry for that same reason.
He wanted to reach to him and tell him he was sorry. He wasn’t really angry at him. He didn’t mean to take his anger out on Hyungwon. No words would come out every time he opened his mouth. He knows Hyungwon isn’t that upset. That is how they are. Kihyun wouldn’t really be mad at Hyungwon for a silly little thing. Still. His heart ached at the meanness of his spoken words.
Shownu beat him to soothing Hyungwon. He had whispered something to him and was touching his back. Hyungwon shook his shoulders nonchalantly and refused to look back at Kihyun.
A pang of guilt surfaced on the pit of his belly and he moved closer to Hyungwon and touched his hand. Was he really upset?
“I accept your apology, ” Hyungwon said before Kihyun had time to say anything.
Chuckling, Kihyun answered, ” You’re the best.”
Kihyun smiled, his eyes glistening with contentment. His face had this glow that he had never witnessed before. He had been secretive with Minhyuk earlier. Shownu hadn’t mind talking to Hyungwon. Hyungwon was easy going and once they began their conversation, Shownu had felt at ease. He didn’t feel like he had to pretend. It almost felt as if they were just regular friends and not boss and employee.
From across the table, Kihyun beamed, joyfully dumping Chinese take out onto his porcelain plate. Shownu was seated next to Hyungwon, a seat away from his lover. It was strange to have company.
Dinner was already on his plate yet he hadn’t had the nerve to move a muscle. His eyes watched his boyfriend, the way he moved when he was with his friends, the sneaky jokes they brought into the conversation and left him clueless, and the muscles of his shoulders that seemed to relax whenever Hyungwon made a joke.
Shownu was intrigued.
A different side of Kihyun showed up and Shownu took this opportunity to learn and remember this version, forever wanting to keep it on his brain.
With Hyungwon, he didn’t have to pretend to be anything. It was Minhyuk he had to worried the most. From previous conversations with co-workers and his from his employees when he would accidentally hear their conversation, Shownu learned that Minhyuk wasn’t an easy-going person.
In fact, he was sort like himself. Minhyuk worried for everyone; he worried excessively on Kihyun, something he was content on. Kihyun had friends who would be there in case he ever fucked up which he’s pretty confident one day he would.
Hyungwon had let him in and approved of him. Minhyuk would be hard. If Minhyuk is anything like Shownu -which he pretty sure he is, considering he is strict and not easy going- then it would take a long time to have him be an approved member of Kihyun’s life.
“Aren’t these noodles from two blocks away from work? I and Wonho go sometimes during lunch, ” Hyungwon said, turning his fork under the noodles.
Kihyun takes a gulp of his soda. “Who’s Wonho? Is he a new employee?”
Next, to Kihyun, Minhyuk drops his fork on his plate as silently as possible and wipes his mouth. “He works under Mr. Lee. Since I am doing your job, ” Minhyuk said, nonchalantly, touching Kihyun on the hand lightly, ” I don’t have time to eat with Hyungwon. I get a different lunch time.”
“Oh, ” Kihyun said, baffled at his friend’s response. Minhyuk didn’t look upset. He looked tired. Maybe agitated.
Taking a bite of his broccoli, Shownu watches Kihyun changed from emotion. From surprised to happy to sad.
“Did you replace me?”
“No, ” Hyungwon gasped. His eyes went wide and his body almost jumped out of his body. “Kihyun, you will never be replaced. Wonho was new and I was lonely and I asked him to hang out. He said yes and turns out he’s a great guy.”
“Can I meet him?” Kihyun’s voice changed from a adult to that of a small child who had been deceived and was trying to comprehend the situation.
“Of, course. He knows about you and thinks I’m in love with you because I talk so much about you, ” Hyungwon joked, lighting up the mood that had gone down since they sat down to eat.
For Shownu awkwardness wasn’t a new thing. He felt awkward around his employees and even now he can’t even look at Minhyuk and Hyungwon as easy as he had hoped.
Somehow that awkwardness was a good thing. It allowed Shownu to say nothing. Observe and say nothing.
“You are obsessed with me, aren’t you? I wouldn’t blame you. Minhyuk doesn’t give you as much attention as I do. You crave my attention.”
“No, I do not, ” Hyungwon gasped once again, this time hurt and offended.
Shownu raised his eyebrows, unfamiliar to the moods of these people that seemed to change every few minutes or so. Shownu felt like he was in a room playing a psychologist watching people for observation and learning.
He was getting to know Kihyun’s world.
Sadly, he refused to show his. Shownu had nothing to show. Only heartbreak and deception. Shownu had Jooheon but Jooheon wasn’t Hyungwon and Minhyuk. They were not soul mates as these three appeared to be.
Sorry, Kihyun, that just won’t happen.
As he shut himself down, his shoulders dropping down, he let his ears do the working.
The three of them began to play around, forgetting that Shownu was in the room as well. Their laughter subsided the awkwardness and Shownu was relieved for them. They didn’t need to worry about making small talk with him.
Looking down at his plate, he picked a piece of beef and slowly took a bite. The meat didn’t taste as before. He was aware of every bite he took. The juice of the meat tasted too watery.
This was a bad idea. Shownu shuffled on his seat, picked the box of shrimp and dumped it on his plate. It looked like he would be the only one to finish his food and the rest that is still on boxes.
As Hyungwon whined about something, Shownu grumbled in silence. If only he could leave the table without making them notice he was leaving.
It was hard to admit but Shownu disliked this very moment. It’s not because they’re talking and he’s not. It’s the feeling of being a stranger. Sitting there while they speak of something foreign and unfamiliar.
Spurs of jealousy bad sprunged up earlier when he watched Minhyuk and Kihyun fighting. It hadn’t been a regular fight. This fight had love in it. Both of them hadn’t really been angry at each other. Not the hatred kind of angry. More as caring angry.
Shownu wanted that caring angry. He wanted to silly fight; be vulnerable. Deep down inside, he knew that was not possible. He can’t show himself, his true self. Not even to Joheeon.
He was his best friend, in many aspects of his life, except in his interior self. His family’s death was the proof that he was being punished and his punishment was to keep his past his past no matter how much that hurt.
The beef tasted funny, no longer having the savory juice of the condiments. His plate was empty, his stomach unsettled and crying of the forced fullness trapped inside.
Because of the pains his stomach was producing and his mind occupied on his pain, he had not heard the voice of Kihyun calling him.
Shownu wiped his hands on his legs and then pressed his stomach to stop some of the pain. “Yeah?”
“Will you show them the nursery?”
His mind still recovering from overthinking, Shownu nods. Perhaps removing himself from the table and escaping this scenery will help him be more put together for his guests.
“Let’s go!”
The visit was ending. Kihyun clung to Minhyuk for a couple of minutes not wanting him and Hyungwon to leave just yet. He had forgotten how good he felt talking and hanging out with his friends. His worries went away and he even had forgotten about Shownu’s secret.
His smile slowly diminished as his friends prepared to leave. He wanted to be with them a little bit longer.
Their visit ruined his expectations of staying home. Tomorrow he would be so lonely that even sleeping would not pass his time.
Hyungwon was putting some of the leftover food to the empty, used boxes. His hands were slow and patient. Shownu was beside him once again. He was talking yet his face had no emotion.
Kihyun had noticed that he had been quiet and far away. He was into their conversation and would rarely look back at him. He was a stranger and Kihyun failed to not make him a stranger anymore.
He had been caught up with talking to Minhyuk about everything and what was going at work that his mind had forgotten about where he was. He realized that was wrong, but that wasn’t what really bothered him.
It was still that freaking secret that was flashing across his mind like advertisements on the road wanting you to think about their product. That sonogram was on his mind every single day since he found out.
And he was going crazy wanting to find about the truth to the point of telling Shownu about his past. He wants Shownu to dive into his past so that he can realize that Kihyun can trust him, and maybe he can trust him back; perhaps enough that he will tell him about his other child.
“What are you thinking about?” Minhyuk was all settled. The black backpack he always carried was on his back, and his hands were behind his back, a sign that he was ready to go and was only waiting for Hyungwon to stop talking so they can leave.
“I told Shownu about my trauma, ” Kihyun said. Kihyun turned his attention from Minhyuk to Shownu who was looking back at him.
Kihyun faintly smiled at him before he spoke to Minhyuk with a solemn tone, ” I’m hoping that by telling my past he will trust me enough to tell me the truth. It’s probably not going to work but I want this relationship to work and it can’t work without being honest.”
“Oh, love, don’t rush him. He will eventually tell you. But if he’s cheating on you we will figure it out. Now, don’t jump to speculations, okay? Let us help you be at ease, ” Minhyuk said, squeezing him on the shoulder.
“Visit me more often; I will literally die from suffocation if you guys don’t come visit me, ” Kihyun warned, lightly hugging Minhyuk.
With this last warning, his friends said goodbye, leaving Kihyun to medle with his emotions regarding Shownu and his secret.
Part Three is up. Don’t know how many more parts there is but it doesn’t exceed more than thirty lol
Comments and votes are highly appreciated.
-Laterz Kelsi.
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