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“Do you have your phone?”
“Yes”
“Is it charged? Like fully”
“Yes… I think”
“That’s not funny Ewan” my mom sits on my bed interrogating me as I get ready, “do you have money?”
“Yes mom my debit card is in my wallet, I’m gonna be fine”
“I don’t know if I trust that Silver”
“My best friend?”
“Well, what kind of person dates a bully? Just doesn’t make sense” I knew I shouldn’t have told her about that, “are you sure dad and I can’t drive you?”
“No mom” I sit next to her about to put on my shoes, “Silver’s picking me up.”
“I’m just trying to make sure you’ll be ok”
“Are you?” I come up from my shoe to look at her “or are you micromanaging me because someone took a video of me and put it on the Internet?” She’s been on a warpath since that happened begging me to turn Eddie in but there’s honestly no point, he’ll always be who he is. I’m just shocked for the time being he’s left me alone.
“You sure you don’t want dinner before you leave?”
“I’m fine mom” I get up and my phone dings, “thank god,” I say under my breath reading the text from Silver. “Silver’s outside so I have to go” I grab my jacket and keys “be cool all right? If you freak out dad won’t let me go”
“I know I know I’m cool” she gets off my bed
I catch my mom eyeballing me as I’m trying to make sure I have everything, “what?”
“Nothing you just look so handsome” she says with a smile
“Jesus ma” I walk out of the room leaving her, “dad I’m leaving” I go to him while he’s at the dining table typing on his computer.
“You’ll be careful?”
“Always”
“Call if you need anything”
I nod “bye guys”
“Bye honey” my mom walks me to the door watching as I walk to the gate.
“Woah hey there handsome” silver grins as soon as I get in her car.
“You sound like my mom,”
“I am your mom, now buckle up and let’s go get fucked up” she pulls away. As she’s driving “so I didn’t want to say anything until this very second because I knew I wouldn’t get you here otherwise but… the party is at Natalie Higgins house.”
“Natalie Higgins? The same girl everyone’s been saying Eddie moved on with, you want to go to her house?”
“Yes and the whole Eddie thing is just a rumor ok, Natalie’s cool and she invited us-“
“Us? I wrote a paper for her and she sent me a text that said thanks Buz, she thinks my name is Buz”
Silver laughs “all right she invited me and I said I’d bring you, happy?” She turns to me as she’s driving “so it’s ok right? That we’re going to her house, I know how popular people make you feel”
“Trust me I don’t give a fuck who’s house it is, I’m just trying to have fun.”
“Ok good because we’re here” she stops in front of Natalie’s house, we turn to look and see the front door open, people are walking in and we can hear the music from the car. Finding parking Silver pulls the key out turning to me “let’s go.”
My first high school party and I’m going in with open arms, no judgments, and real excitement. What do you think that means?
Remembering what Damien said in the staircase I agree wholeheartedly, I am already tired of the same old shit and I don’t want to spend 4 years bitter. So, I’m taking matters into my own hands and changing shit, maybe that means without him but we both knew what this was.
“Come on let’s go find Natalie” Silver takes my hand pulling me through the house, it’s not too packed yet but I know that’ll change soon. “Shit” Silver stops “she’s talking to Eddie and the boys”
“Eddie’s here?” I quickly look at him talking to Natalie and the other guys around them, scanning around I don’t see him anywhere “do you think Damien’s here too?”
“Who cares! I asked Eddie if he’d be here tonight and he said no, damn it!”
Seeing the distressed look on her face I pull her away “hey it’s fine we don’t have to be near him”
“You’re right” she breathes calming down, “I need a drink, which I can’t get because they’re in the kitchen ugh!”
“Calm down I’ll get you a drink” I walk away heading for the kitchen, I’m not scared of Eddie so I walk into the kitchen heading for the table with bottles and punch.
As I’m pouring juice and vodka in cups I hear “hey Baz” next to me and look to find
“Georgia hi” I smile at the girl from AP Calc.
“What are you doing here?”
“At the party?” I look around
“I know it’s a party just weird seeing you here, I’ve never even seen you outside of school before” that’s true I don’t go anywhere.
“Yeah thought I’d change that,” I finish making the drinks and before I can walk away she asks
“Do you want to dance later?”
“Uh…” she serious you think? “Yeah sure,” I walk away quickly. Finding Silver I hand her the cup “guess what just happened in the kitchen”
“What?”
“Georgia asked me to dance with her later?”
She laughs “that’s weird”
“I know!” I sip my drink “think she knows I’m gay?”
“Maybe not, how was she acting? Do you think she was flirting?”
“She was smiley and nice but Georgia’s always like that”
“I don’t know … I think she was hitting on you”
“Shut up no she wasn’t”
“Why not? You’re a catch Baz and you look so cute in this jacket”
“Thanks my mom bought it” she laughs thinking it’s a joke.
“Come on let’s go dance” Silver takes my hand.
You want to know what sucks? Being gay in high school, being surrounded by hot guys you can never look at because looking is just as bad as assuming one’s gay. Then you end up like me at a party 4 shots in and I can’t help it, fuck I want one… a guy I mean, I’m surrounded.
Letting Silver go off for a little bit because she’s been spending most of the time with me, I stroll around as I drink and see what everyone is doing, some people are dancing, playing games, and kissing. The backyard is pretty much nonexistent at this point, people have taken it over with dance circles and a bunch of phones out as they record every stupid shit.
I’ve been here for almost 2 hours now and yet still no- my train of thought is cut short when I feel someone’s drink drip down my chest. “Oh my god Baz I’m so sorry” Nora uses a napkin to wipe my chest, “at least it’s just milk” she smiles
“Milk Nora? What’s wrong with you we’re at a party” I walk away annoyed, who in their right fucking mind drinks milk at a party? That’s gonna smell like ass if I don’t wash it off, finding my way through the party my eyes land on Natalie so I go to her “I need a bathroom”
“Check the basement there’s one down there might be empty” she replies then points me to a direction. Following her finger, I walk down the basement to find even more people playing beer pong and flip cup on giant tables. Seeing the bathroom door open I quickly rush in before anyone else.
Taking off my jacket I grab a hand towel wetting it and I begin wiping off the excess milk left, I do the same for my shirt. As I’m cleaning myself up someone knocks on the bathroom door “someone’s in here!”
“No fucking duh hurry up I need to piss” turning off the water I stare at the door stunned, that voice and attitude could only belong to- he opens the door and sees me. Stopping in his tracks Damien reacts “oh it’s you” he comes in shutting the door, “well I still need to pee so…” he walks to the toilet behind me and I turn so I won’t see. Pretending I’m still cleaning my jacket I keep my head down wiping it, I should say something right? I mean it’s weird that I’m just standing here listening to him pee. “How long you been here?” He asks midstream
“The bathroom?”
“No” I hear him scoff “the party”
“Oh a while, you?”
“Just got here not too long ago” he finishes and flushes. Looking in the mirror I see him standing behind me and move over picking up my jacket, “what happened?” He asks as he washes his hands
“Nora Paisley dropped milk on me”
“Milk?” Damien turns facing me when he’s done, I nod and he chuckles “what the fuck?”
“I know”
“Well you still look good” he slowly scans me. Fuck how do I reply to that? Just say thank you, dickhead!
Before I can even open my mouth someone else knocks on the door “can you hurry up?” The person asks and not saying anything else Damien just opens the door leaving.
Going back upstairs I join everyone and immediately feel someone grab my arm, “where have you been?!” Silver asks
“Bathroom, Nora spilled milk on me”
“Milk?” She questions confused
“Don’t ask”
“All right well I just saw Damien” she looks at me waiting for a panic attack but I just shrug, “do you want to leave or”
“No, I’m good”
“Great!” She grins “because I have a surprise” I wait as she reaches in her pocket pulling out a joint.
Smiling I take it from her “where’d you get this?”
“Party favors now come on I need a breather.” Walking out Silver and I sit at the curb in front of Natalie’s house, she lights the joint. “Are you having fun?”
“Yeah I am actually it’s not as bad as I thought it would be” and Damien Allen said I looked good after weeks of not talking to me, so that’s a plus.
“Good I’m glad” as she’s handing me the joint, “hey did you hear about what happened with Topher?”
“Oh god, what happened?”
As I’m smoking she starts “so apparently someone just caught him making out with Jessica Schaefer in Natalie’s parents’ bed”
“Are they together?”
“No! That’s the best part supposedly he’s been talking to Felisha but she’s not here tonight”
“Woah”
“I know right and Felisha’s a fighter so I feel bad for Jessica when she finds out.”
“He was kissing her in Natalie’s parents’ bed though that’s-“
“Mind if I join?” I’m cut off
Silver and I turn to find Damien standing behind us, “uh” she looks at me and I stare blankly with no answer, so she answers “yeah sure” he sits next to her on the curb and she hands him the joint.
Fucking wonderful, he sure knows how to make things awkward. With Silver between us, he smokes and we sit there silently waiting for our turn “I brought more if you guys wanna keep going after this” he says as he reaches past Silver to hand it to me
“Cool cool we’re always down for more” she replies, then seconds later her phone rings. Pulling it out she reads a text “shit Nat needs me, I’ll be right back ok?” Oh fuck of course she’s leaving me with him, please don’t! She gets up walking away leaving a gap between us.
There really shouldn’t be any awkward silence between us, I mean it’s not like we don’t already know each other, or made out for hours on end in my bed and at school. This should be easy “you know it’s probably not smart for you to be seen with me”
“Why not?”
“Well people love to assume shit and I wouldn’t want-“
“Don’t worry about it no one’s gonna assume shit about me” I pass it to him, “does Silver know about us?”
“What?”
“When I asked to join she gave you a look which clearly meant she knew.”
“She kind of figured it out the day you both showed up at my house, but she won’t say anything.”
“I once heard her tell Eddie that when you were younger you used to eat paint chips off walls, and that’s why you’re gay now.”
“What she said that?” I ask shocked
And Damien laughs “no, but she is a gossip”
“I know but she’s not going to tell anyone, I promise”
He nods handing the joint back “I trust you.”
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