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Days later…
Walking out of the bathroom my mom catches me before I make it to my room, “hey honey” she stops me in the hall by standing in front of me. “How was your date with the college boy?”
“It wasn’t a date mom just coffee after school”
“I know but how’d it go? Meeting for the first time, what’d you guys even talk about?”
“Um he mostly talked but it was fine”
“Think you’ll go out again?”
I shrug “maybe” then walk past her. Heading for my room my heart stops the moment I walk in “Jesus!” I jump seeing Damien just standing there. “You have to at least text me you’re coming I’m too young for a heart attack”
“You actually went out with that girl’s brother?” He asks ignoring my comment
“You say actually like I wasn’t supposed to”
“No just surprised didn’t think you’d do it,” why because you give me everything I want and need, so I don’t have to go find it from someone else?
“Well I did and it was fun, he actually invited me to a party this weekend and best part he lives alone which means I might spend the night on Saturday.” Not watching Damien’s expression as I do my version of bragging, I pretend to clean up the clothes lying everywhere. “and who knows we might even-“
“I have to go,” he cuts me off and I look at him
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah forgot to take care of something… might come back” he starts climbing out the window without saying another word.
Confused by why he’d act like that I stand there thinking, could it have worked? Did I actually make Damien Allen jealous? Wait I need to know for sure
Dropping everything in my hand I rush outside through the front door to find him heading for the gate. “What was that?” I ask stopping him “why’d you come just to leave?”
“I told you-“
“Yeah you said but come on Damien” I smile
“Come on what?”
“You’re jealous right? Admit it”
“Jealous?” He chuckles “of what you and some loser? Yeah I’m so jealous”
“See I’m not buying the sarcasm”
“Ok then I’ll say it simple for you genius, I don’t give a shit. That clear enough for you?”
“So you won’t mind if I-“
“What sleep with him? I was the one who told you to find someone to have sex with remember? I don’t care who you do it with”
“Just as long as it’s not you right?”
“Exactly” why do I even bother?
“Fine guess I’ll fuck every guy I meet”
“Have fun” he smiles walking away.
FUCK!!! I throw a quick fit when he’s gone, every time I give up on there ever being an us I do stupid shit like this to prove to myself he actually doesn’t give a shit about me, why do I keep trying?
Maybe it’s time to let go and actually mean it, I mean there were no sparks with Nel but at least he’s nice to me. We’ve been texting the last couple days and finally met up at a coffee shop near school yesterday, meeting Nel was good but I couldn’t even fully concentrate on him. How fair is it talking to someone very uninterested because of a guy who is closer to hating me than he is to ever liking me?
I’m really the biggest idiot on this planet for still giving a shit about Damien, even after he’s showed me countlessly that my feelings are one-sided. What will it take to get over this guy?
Next day as I’m sitting in calculus Georgia walks in and sits next to me, “hey” she smiles dropping her bag on our shared desk.
“Hi” I reply
“So I spoke to my brother, he really enjoyed hanging out with you”
“Yeah same I had fun, he’s a talker.”
“Oh I know, the guy never shuts up about anything.”
Wanting to ask something in the nicest way possible I look at Georgia and start, “hey so you know how we’re always top of our classes right?” She nods “your brother he seems kind of…” find the right words Baz
“Dumb as hell?” She asks finishing the sentence for me
“Your words”
Georgia laughs “trust me Nelson is dumb, he focused so much on music and his band that he forgot to try in school. We’re not even sure how he got in college” at least he’s pretty. “He told me you’re going to the party tomorrow night”
“Yeah first college party couldn’t pass up the opportunity”
“Right! I’m going too maybe I’ll see you there” yeah maybe.
Nel and I don’t talk too often since we’re both in school and he’s pretty busy, but I’m actually excited for a college party. Part of me said yes to make Damien jealous but there’s no making that guy jealous, so I’m just going to enjoy myself fuck Damien and his indecisiveness.
“Baz!” I hear my name as I’m sitting on the ground outside reading, looking up I see Daryl McManus captain of the basketball team walking towards me. “I’ve been looking for you man”
“Well, you found me” I stand up “what’s up?”
“Topher told me you help with school shit”
“Help is a loose definition but yeah… I’m not really writing papers for people anymore though,” haven’t had the need to these last few weeks.
“This isn’t about a paper I got a trig test I know I’m going to fail, and if I do I’m benched the rest of the school year, can you help me?”
“I don’t know Daryl test answers aren’t easy to get” yes they are My dad’s literally the vice principal.
“Please, 50 bucks with your name on it if you can get me the answers” he takes out the money flashing it, I don’t need the money but he seems desperate
“What class?”
“Reznikova on Monday”
“All right” I sigh and he grins, “but give me the money first” I put my hand out waiting
“Uh no I want the answers first”
“You’ll get them all right I always come through, but I want the money.”
“Why?” For literally no reason, I shrug and he hands it to me “I better get—”
“Yeah yeah, you will” I sit back down going back to my book and Daryl walks away.
Saturday night after getting ready I get a text from Nel saying he’s outside, walking to my parents’ room “I’m leaving,” I say to my mom who’s in bed while my dad stands in their bathroom brushing his teeth.
“You remember your curfew or should I change my mind about letting you go?”
“Mom it won’t happen again all right I swear”
“Fine” she agrees, “have fun.”
“Thanks, bye dad” he waves and I walk out shutting the door.
Standing in the middle of a house full of people with Georgia next to me we drink our beer watching college kids make fools of themselves. “They’re all such a mess” Georgia comments and I chuckle “is this college life?”
I shrug “at least we have good enough grades to never have to go here” she laughs, “where’s Nel?” I look around
“Talking to his band, I think they’re gonna perform” she points and I look and see him talking to other people. “Oh weird” I hear Georgia and turn to her
“What?”
“Look” she hints in a direction, “Damien Allen’s here” quickly looking over I see him, Eddie and their other friends walking in with girls. What the fuck?! I can feel myself get nervous watching him, and of course, his eyes move around until they land in mines. He sees how uneasy I look and smiles, “wonder what he’s doing here.” She shrugs it off and I find myself wanting to say so bad he’s probably here to torture me, but Georgia isn’t Silver and she’s the only one who knows about us.
Just keep your distance Baz it’s a big house… I say to myself getting more drinks for Georgia and I.
The party is in full effect and I’m pretty loose because of those drinks, nothing like alcohol to take you out of your comfort zone. “Having fun?” Nel walks up to me asking in my ear and I nod,
Looking over I see Damien staring at us and I ask “you want to dance?”
“Yeah” taking his hand we walk to where everyone else is dancing and I make sure Damien gets the perfect view of us. If he doesn’t give a shit and he isn’t jealous then Nel’s hands on my waist as we dance close shouldn’t bother him. Getting carried away as we dance, Nel and I start to kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair I make sure to kiss him deeply. Opening my eyes as we’re kissing I look over and see Damien smoking with girls not even looking at me. Giving up I stop kissing Nel and he takes my hand dragging me to the backyard of the house.
There aren’t as many people in the backyard, but the few that are out here seem pretty occupied kissing and dry humping each other. Pushing me against the wall Nel starts kissing my neck and I wish I could say I was into it. No matter what that asshole puts me through somehow he’s still the only guy I want.
Not in the mood I say “we should go back inside I think those 2 need some privacy,” I look at a guy and a girl vigorously making out with each other.
Nel laughs “Nah we’re good” he goes to kiss me again and I turn my head, “you ok?”
“Yeah just not really in the mood”
“You were inside” he tries again “Come on don’t be a tease”
“I’m sorry I don’t want to” I try to move away but he pins me down, “get the fuck off me”
“Or what?”
“Or I kick your ass” Damien comes out of nowhere yanking Nel off of me, taking his arm Damien twists it behind him until it hurts. “If I ever see you anywhere near him again you’ll lose this arm, got it?” Nel nods and Damien lets go. “Come on we’re leaving.”
Not saying anything I follow him inside the house walking behind him, as we’re about to make it to the door Georgia grabs my arm “hey are you leaving?” I nod “where’s Nel?”
“Go find him yourself” Damien retorts to her before I can answer. Leaving the party we get in his car and the drive to my house is quiet, as in Damien didn’t even look at me the entire time. Until we get to my house and we both get out of the car, “had fun?” He asks while we stand in front of my gate
“I didn’t need your help”
“Yeah just let that guy rape you, right?”
“He wasn’t going to rape me”
“Of course not because what was happening looked very consensual”
“I’m confused you tell me to go have sex with someone and when I try to, you find something wrong with it”
Damien laughs shaking his head “Baz if I told you to jump off a fucking bridge too would you do it?” Not answering he asks “you want to have sex with me that bad that you’d fuck the first guy you met?”
“Damien I don’t want anything from you, all right? If I was going to have sex with that guy it would’ve been for me not you.”
“Bullshit! You were gonna do it because I said to, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Well for starters I don’t have a proper backbone
“You know what? Fuck you, Damien, I don’t need this” I take my keys from my pocket walking to the gate unlocking it, before I go in I turn and say, “everything I do is a fucking joke to you, you’re never going to take me seriously.” Damien doesn’t say anything so I open the gate walking in and leaving him on the sidewalk.
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