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*77 days BeFoUr*
It had always been Liam and Zayn. Like LiamandZayn. Not Liam and Zayn. Liam didn’t remember when they became LiamandZayn or how they became LiamandZayn. Actually, he didn’t remember a life where they weren’t LiamandZayn, except the one he was living in now.
Sigh. It felt like they were ages away from the time where they were close enough to be regarded as only one person, instead of two very different people. They were always together, If you found Liam, you’d find Zayn and if you called Zayn, Liam would be there with him. You could never find one without the other and vice versa. But it wasn’t like that anymore. Quite the opposite, in fact.
That’s why when he woke up that morning with Zayn cuddled to his side, everything felt wrong. It was surprising actually. He should’ve been happy. After all, he had been longing for such contact since months now. But all he felt was the oddness of the situation. He would’ve listed it as disbelief but it wasn’t even that. It was just very very…odd.
” Zayn?” He couldn’t help but say it, confusion dripping out every word.
Zayn tilted his head up to look at him, his brown eyes sparkly and wide. And it was like everything Liam had felt before that moment had been flushed down the toilet. It was all rainbows and unicorns after that. Smiling brightly, he brought the younger lad closer to himself, so close that he was practically on his lap. His hands found naturally found their way onto Zayn’s body. One in his hair and the other on the small of back.
Zayn giggled as the hand on his back started moving in a crooked eight. Liam laughed, just remembering how ticklish his best friend was.
” Li!” The hand in Zayn’s hair started untangling them on its own accord. Scissoring them apart as gently possible. It was his favourite trait on Zayn. His silver hair. Wolves were known to have unnatural hair colours but Liam had never seen a colour that could rebel Zayn’s. Purples, Reds, Bright Oranges, Pinks and even Silvers but not Silver enough like his best friend’s. It was bright like the halo of an angel but electric like zeus’ bolt, simultaneously. Perfect. Liam loved it.
” Zayn.” Liam laughed as Zayn’s body went lax in his arms. It was like every other time he had played with his hair, but the first time that he realised how much he liked it. The power he had over Zayn. How he could turn him to mush by the simple act of untangling his hair, no less with his too thick fingers. Zayn hummed contently. A smile graced Liam’s lips. The biggest smile he had managed in days.
” Why did you do it, Li?” Zayn sighed, shuffling off of Liam.
” Hunh?” Liam frowned confused. What was Zayn talking about? “Di what?” He asked, trying his hardest to take his hands back but they had a mind of their own and they wouldn’t budge from where they rested on Zayn’s body.
” I couldn’t bear it you know. I couldn’t bear it.” Zayn moved away from him, prying both of his hands off of his body, leaving them devasted and cold. ” I tried. I swear I did. But it hurt too much.” Liam watched as his eyes glistened with unshed tears, his heart cracking a little in his chest. He wanted to ask him what he was going on about. What had he done? But his lips wouldn’t work, glueing themselves to each other not even letting the teeth move. ” I thought I could live through it but I couldn’t.” Liam wanted to hug him as he started crying but like his lips, his body had given up to. ” It was too painful. Every second of it too painful. I was hurting every day while you lived peacefully. I wished every happiness for you and you got it. Only I wasn’t your happiness.” Liam wanted to shield his ears. He wanted to cry. He wanted to do a lot of other things but he couldn’t do anything. ” But you were mine.” He could only watch. Zayn’s face twisted as if he was in pain and Liam just watched. He folded into himself and Liam just watched. He screamed in sheer agony and Liam woke up.
He shot up in his bed, a partial scream escaping him. He was sweating he could feel it. Beads of sweat crossing his forehead making their way down his temples. His breathing wasn’t the best either. It was uneven and rushed making him sound like an old lady dying of tuberculosis. His heart had stopped and for a few moments, the only thing he could hear was Zayn’s scream, repeating itself in his head like a broken record.
” Zayn!” It came out as desperate as he felt. He needed to see him and he needed to see him in that very moment. Haphazardly, he took the covers off of himself jumping off the bed and into his jeans. He was frantic as he pulled them up falling down at the first attempt, only to realise that he had placed both his legs in one hole. Huffing, he tried again careful enough to get them fastened in that attempt. As he rushed through the dressing process he didn’t hear the knocking on the door. He just had to get to Zayn and see for himself that he was well and dandy and then everything would be fine. It would just be a stupid dream and not one of those meaningful ones which his dad always talked about.
Dreams always held more meaning than people were willing to believe. That’s what he always said.
Maybe that was why Liam was freaking out that much and not because Zayn was too important for him not to check on him after a dream as such. Totally not because of that.
” Alpha. You’re awake.” Liam flinched, startled. His heart finally making its presence known. ” I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He looked at his caretaker as the curly haired lad folded into himself, fear radiating off of him. It reminded him of how Zayn folded into himself in the dream. He shook his head hard enough to get dizzy. ” Are you okay? Should I get a cloth for your hands?” Squinting at the caretaker, Liam asked.
” Why?” He followed Harry’s gaze to his charcoal covered hands and suddenly everything made sense. His hands were covered in charcoal! He smiled. It wasn’t there when he had fallen asleep, so it was fresh. That meant Zayn had been drawing, recently too. Charcoal meant he was sketching and it made Liam smile harder. It had been a very long time since he had had any sort of art supplies on his hands and it just made him extremely joyful.
” What is he drawing?” Liam raised his head to look at a perplexed looking Harry. He was new to the pack and it was understandable that he didn’t get it. Not many people did. Zayn and Liam had this weird attachment where their hands were joined physically to eachother. So what one did affected the other and vice versa.
” Who?” It was tentative and Liam knew that it was because of their very first encounter. He felt bad about it but didn’t know how to come clean. Zayn would know.
” Zayn. The youngest of the pack. Silver hair.” Liam knows Harry must know Zayn since it’s been awhile since he joined the pack but the need to specify him like he’s the only one who knew him is real.
” I don’t know, Alpha. He was asked to make a gift to congratulate you on the coronation date decision by mama Luna but I don’t know what exactly he’s drawing.” And of course, his mum would ask Zayn to make something for him. She knew how to make everything special.
Liam smiled catching his bottom lip in his teeth before walking over to Harry and hugging him. Harry just looked at him like he had gone berzerk but Liam doesn’t care at all.
” Tell me he’s fine and I’ll give you the day off.” Harry looked pale but still nods his head. ” No, say it.” Liam had both of his hands on each one of his shoulders.
” He’s perfectly fine. I just saw him going to his room.” He swallowed hard. Liam shook his head letting the satisfaction wash over him but it wasn’t enough. He had to see Zayn in person or else he’d die worrying.
” Get him here and then you can have your day off. I promise.” Harry blinked at him before nodding and scurrying out of the room. Liam was left all to himself, one shoeless and crazily grinning. He didn’t know what he was doing. Not at all. Would sane Liam act around Harry like he did? He didn’t think so but what if that Liam wasn’t actually the sane one. What if he was the sane Liam?
He sighed trying to push all his thoughts away. He didn’t need to think about anything. He just needed to see Zayn and inspect his health and maybe hold him for a little while. Or not.
The door creaked again and this time, it brought the silver hair Liam was so used to seeing in front of it. And suddenly Liam was at peace. He knew what it was. Zayn just belonged there. In his room. With him. It was why that day he had flipped out when Harry had come instead of him. His mind processed it as someone trying to replace Zayn and he reacted to it as naturally as he could. By lashing out.
Zayn looked exactly as he did when he last came to Liam’s room. Tiny and beautiful but unlike every other time he wasn’t smiling and it bothered Liam. It bothered him a lot.
” Zayn.” He jumped forward, the words singing their way out of him. He wanted to hug Zayn and so that’s what he did. He threw his hand around his neck and stuffed him into his chest, inhaling his scent for the first time in months. Living in the mint and floating in the honey.
” Alpha.” Zayn went rigid in his embrace, squirming to get away and even with a stone at his heart Liam let him go. The dream had shaken Liam up to such an extent he forgot the events that had occurred in the past few months. He had forgotten that they weren’t LiamandZayn anymore. They were Alpha Liam and Zayn.
“Alpha?” He couldn’t help but ask his heart in pieces. Zayn had never called him that and no matter how much the title meant from his lips it sounded worse than an insult.
” Alpha. You wanted to see the sketch.” It was all wrong. Zayn’s posture, his body language. Too uptight. Too formal. Liam had thought the dream was the oddest thing that he had experienced in his life but how wrong could he be. It was way worse than the dream itself.
” Yes.” He whispered, trying to grasp at his composure but failing miserably. Zayn had reminded him of what he had done and maybe this was what the dream Zayn had told him. This was what he had done.
” Don’t call me that.” He flipped open the sketchbook, watching Zayn’s movements from his peripheral vision. He wanted to smile at the drawings he saw, the feeling of pride blooming in his chest but the atmosphere of the room was too thick for even that.
” What?” There it was again the tightness in that voice. Liam didn’t like it even a little.
” Alpha. Don’t call me that.” Liam tried not to sound too desperate but if it slipped out in his words he couldn’t have helped it.
” But that’s what you are. Alpha.” Liam closed his eyes, trying to escape the mocking tone in Zayn’s words but somethings can never be unheard. For a second he couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t like Zayn to sound this…this..rude.
“No, I’m not.” Liam looked at him directly. ” At least not for you. I’m Li.” He said. Something sparkled in Zayn’s eyes and then he started shaking his head.
” You don’t have to do this.” His eyes filled up with tears, but he wiped them away before they could fall. Liam felt as if he were dreaming again and in a few seconds Zayn would scream and he’d wake up.
” Zayn.” Liam walked closer to him, flipping the sketchpad close. His heart broke as Zayn raised his hands in front of himself to stop him from coming any closer.
” You said we’re not friends anymore.” The tears started falling and Liam felt his heart explode and exactly like in the dream his body just disconnected with his mind. ” And we’re not. So, we don’t have to do this. We don’t have to pretend anything just because of a stupid attachment. You don’t have to be stuck with me because of some useless attachment when you clearly don’t want to.” Maybe it was because Zayn was talking and Liam can never seem to do anything when the other lad’s talking but he didn’t move. He didn’t say a word. He just watched, waiting for Zayn to scream out in pain and the dream to be over but it never happened. And he never woke up. It wasn’t a dream. It was all real. Too real.
Zayn ran out of the room a few seconds after his outburst and Liam just stood there, looking at the air where Zayn had stood. Trying to blink himself out of the paralysis but it doesn’t happen. The sketch pad in his hand dropped to the floor and his eyes found the picture drawn on it. His heart broke and suddenly he had all his bearings back. He collapsed to the floor, his legs too tired for any more drama. His eyes started stinging as they go over and over the drawing. Two wolves, silver and black standing right next to each other under the protection of the moon. The background still only a pencil sketch, colourless and vacant of life. It was them.
LiamandZayn.
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*That Day*
Zayn smiled.
He had hoped that too.
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A/N
Hey guys!
Oh my god, It’s been a while. Two months and two days, to be exact. I suck I know. You have the right to kill me and not go to jail for it. I know not many people remember this book cause two months a lot of time and well it’s a lot of time to read new books and forget about the other ones. Also, I might’ ve barely passed the med school test, still waiting on the results btw. But my dad says he’d do anything to see me in that doctors coat. So Idek. Anyways I was way too uninspired and then I read I’ll give you the sun and suddenly back on my feet. So if u see a present tense issue here and there please tell me I’ll fix it. I’ve missed this so much, I feel like I’m living now. Also unlike the other journal enteries I wrote this myself, ignore my shitty writing. And also the drawing which is by my sister MyraSaeed btw, is not perfect but I love it. Also follow give her some love and me and her are gonna be writing this new book called The bad boy is a graffito. Which is unfortunately a hetrosexual love story and non fan fiction. So i’m not sure if it’s for you guys but spread out the word anyway and yes. If you like her art follow her on Instagram as agyrareed_art. She’s real cool btw. Too much talking I know.
So update schedule. I never do this but t must be cool since everybody else does it. Tommorow I’ll update my oneshot book and the day after it’s reticence day.
Comment.Preach.Vote.Love.Dm me if you wanna be friends.
Love, Sara.
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