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A/N: 27.12.2020
Hey guys, so I’m thinking of doing a Q/A since the book is slowly reaching the end.
If you guys have any questions about the story/characters, please leave it here! I’ll post an individual chapter answering as many of your questions as I can ❤
🌻🌻🌻
Dear,
Things have been getting better between Parker and me. It was mostly thanks to Parker. For someone who is impatient and hot-tempered, he made an effort to be more patient around me. He always wanted to try new things, pushing me to step out of my comfort zone but never forcing me to do anything, which I deeply appreciated.
I’ve realized how I’m slowly opening up to him. The Dark Thoughts have been quiet. They’re scared of Parker, I know they are. Whenever he’s around, they crawl away and I feel like I can take on the world. A few days ago, they came back and told me I didn’t deserve Parker, and that he was getting bored with me.
He’s with you because he pities you, they said. I almost believed them. Almost. I remembered what Parker had told me when he put his hand against my chest, over my little heart, telling me he’d never purposely hurt me. So I did something I rarely did. I told him what worried me. If I remember correctly, our conversation went something like this (it might not be completely accurate. I may have forgotten a few of his words… I hope that’s okay):
“Parker? Do you miss sleeping with other people?”
“I miss having sex, but I don’t miss the people,” he said. We were lying in bed, and he was playing with my hair.
“You can sleep with other people if you’d like.”
Parker scowled, tipping up my chin, so I’d look him in the eyes. I was staring at his chest before he did.
“You’re okay if I sleep with someone else?” He asked, displeased.
“No, I’d be upset. But-“
“But what?”
“I want you to be happy,” I told him.
“I am happy,” he said. “With you.”
My heart did a funny little dance, and there was a weird feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t the same feeling I had when I wanted to puke, but it was more like a million little butterflies tickling my organs.
It made me nervous, but I didn’t hate it. Parker wrapped his strong arms around me and kissed my head, then my cheek, and then my neck, leaving small bites and traces that would remind me he was here, at that very moment, with me.
I like Parker. I really, really like Parker. I’d like to use a stronger word, but I’m scared. I hope I can tell him before I leave.
Parker is brushing his teeth right now. I have to finish writing before he sees my journal.
Yours Truly
🌻🌻🌻
I went from hating being touched to craving Parker’s touch. I could never initiate physical touch with him, so I patiently waited until Parker did. He’d kiss me on the forehead every morning after we took our dinosaur vitamins. But on Monday, he didn’t. I frowned, wondering what I had done wrong.
“So, when the play?” Zev asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“It’s after New Years. Will you and Freddie come see me?” I asked.
“I thought you’d never ask,” sniffled Zev, wiping away a fake tear. “I’ll bring you the biggest boquet of flowers, don’t you worry, and Freddie will bring a huge sign with your name written in bold, and we’ll wave it around and cheer you on like you’re the brightest on stage, because you are.”
He tapped my nose and I giggled.
“Zev, it’s a play, not a basketball game,” Freddie reminded him.
“You have to think out of the box,” Zev said, tapping the side of his head with two fingers. Freddie opened his mouth, but decided not to say anything. Zev looked at me and winked.
“He’s just stressed about our seven page essay on the European Union,” Zev told me, rustling Freddie’s hair.
“It counts for 50% of our grade,” Freddie moaned miserably.
Freddie always stressed for his exams, but I believed he’d do great no matter what. He was studious, and smart, and well organized. I admired Freddie for being so ambitious. But he was always studying so much, he seemed tired. Thankfully, Zev was around to make sure he got some rest.
Zev would often take him out to eat or watch movies. He’d invite Parker and me, too. I didn’t know what we’d do without him. He was always smiling and laughing. I felt as if he were the incarnation of the sun but as a human being.
“And you’ll ace it,” Zev told him. “You always do.”
Freddie’s face flared red, and he looked away. Zev continued to tease and comfort him, while I contemplated on what I might have done to upset Parker. I didn’t want to ask the Dark Thoughts for help. They always said hurtful things. So I confided in my best friends, Freddie and Zev.
“I think I upset Parker,” I told them.
They looked up from their plates, blinking blankly at me. That was another change I noticed in my life. I began joining my friends at the university’s cafeteria for lunch, and we often had meals together.
“Conan, I love you, but no,” Zev said.
“The day you upset someone is the day Zev stops eating candy,” Freddie said.
“No lie there,” Zev chuckled. “Besides, Parker seemed okay when I saw him this morning. In fact, he seemed better than usual. He’s smiling a lot more.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of creeping me out,” Freddie shivered. “He hasn’t looked this happy since-“
He quickly paused and cleared his throat, shifting his gaze to the side.
“Since his ex-boyfriend?” I asked, and Freddie flinched but nodded.
“Parker dated another boy before Conan?” Zev asked. “Huh, I thought Conan was the first. I actually used to think Parker was straight, but that was definitely my mistake. Never judge a book by its cover. But does that mean he’s bisexual? Pansexual? He’s definitely not asexual.”
“I’ve never asked him about his sexuality,” Freddie murmured, pursing his lips to the side. “But he’s more of a ‘I don’t do labels’ type of guy.”
He looked towards me. “What do you think?”
“Parker is Parker. I think that’s what matters,” I smiled shyly. Freddie and Zev looked at me, then grinned.
“Aw, look at these two love birds,” Zev gushed.
“I’m getting jealous. What did Parker do to deserve such an angel?” Freddie sighed, shaking his head. I blushed, looking at my brocolis until the heat lowered down my neck.
I remembered the first day of university, Parker and I chatted in the halls after I puked on his shoes. I told him I didn’t think I was capable of love, and yet… And yet here I was. I loved my friends. I loved Parker. I loved so many people. It was impossible not to love them.
I’ve read in books and blogs of how some people couldn’t love others until they loved themselves, but I didn’t think that was true. Humans were creatures of society, not isolation. I believed you could love others first, perhaps even more than yourself.
Whenever I was with my friends, I felt a certain peacefulness I couldn’t feel before. The world felt less bigger, less darker, less horrible, and suddenly my world — perhaps not the world — but mine, was much brighter, more alive, more spectacular than ever before.
“Why do you think Parker’s upset?” Zev asked me, and I drifted back to reality.
“He didn’t kiss me on the forehead,” I murmured quietly, dangling my feet uncomfortably. Zev and Freddie burst into laughter, and I felt my cheeks turn pink. I couldn’t understand the joke.
“Aw, Conan, don’t make that face,” Zev chuckled. “Parker probably just forgot.”
“Oh,” I said, suddenly feeling relieved.
“He’s actually not that responsible,” Freddie added. “The only moments in which his brain actually works is when he has a bio test or when he’s worried about you.”
“How ’bout you do something special for him so he doesn’t forget the next time?” Zev suggested.
My eyes brightened. Zev always had the best ideas.
“Something special?”
“Yeah,” he nodded encouragingly. “Isn’t Parker always cooking for you two? How about you make him breakfast?”
Breakfast. I had never made breakfast for anyone before.
“Do you think it’ll make him happy?” I asked, hopeful.
Zev and Freddie shared a look, turning towards me with wide grins.
“He’ll be over the moon.”
🌻🌻🌻
A/N: Please don’t forget to leave a vote!
What’s your favorite fruit? Mine would be watermelon and clementine.
BTW, if you guys would like to see pictures and drawings related to my books, you can check out my Instagram @letsgohomehidee
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