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CHAPTER 11:
Traditionally, wolves had very few taboos. Pack life was inherently peaceful, with most members feeling like family. Our highest laws were pretty vague, especially since we considered our lives governed by the divine will of our goddess. With all of that in mind, there was very little that one could do wrong. However, there was one taboo our people held onto, no matter how open minded we attempted to be.
Couples who were not mates should never have children.
There were many reasons why, most of which centered around one main point: It was not the will of the goddess for unmated people to be together and so any children produced were undesirable as well. Some argued these children were not meant to exist and so it was only natural they would not have a mate, which was a curse in itself. Some took it even farther and argued the children would be hated by the goddess, and would live their lives tormented by her righteous fury. At one point, centuries ago, it was common practice for such children to be hunted down and killed so as to preserve the integrity of our bloodlines.
My parents didn’t hold such radical ideas, but they instilled in my brother and I very early on that romantic relationships outside of a goddess blessed mate bond was unacceptable. If, however, we somehow found ourselves in such a relationship, it was our duty to create no descendants. they had given us a million valid reasons such as complications if we were to ever find our true mate, the trauma of our children not having two loving mated parents, and even the ridicule that child would receive by the pack.
For those reasons and many others, a child of unmated parents was extremely rare. I knew about a handful of couples who were not true mates and they had all chosen not to have children together for these reasons. They would love each other, as was their right as autonomous beings, but they would not create a life that shouldn’t exist.
Noah was the only person I had ever met with unmated parents. He was the only one in our entire pack, possibly one of only a handful in existence, and it was suddenly blatantly obvious that this was the case. Noah knew nothing about being mates. It felt as if I was teaching him everything, as if he were a small child, but the concept of unmated parents had never occurred to me. It should have. The second he didn’t know of the healing property of saliva, or anything about heat, I should have realized. It all seemed to make sense. This realization softened the edges of the memories of our interactions and I realized just how truly ignorant Noah was. Of course he had been a horrible mate, and sometimes even a horrible wolf. He had no idea what either of those things meant.
It was amazing enough Noah had a mate, considering how widely believed the superstition was that he would not. It was amazing he had made it this far with such a dark secret. If anybody knew… Noah would be treated far worse than he ever had been. There was no way he would be made Alpha. The stigma of being what he was alone would possibly see him banished from the pack completely as most members would be unnerved by his very existence.
Armed with this knowledge, all it would take was confessing it to one person to get my Alpha position back. I would only have to repeat it once and, suddenly, my life would reset. All my worries would fade and I would lead my pack into prosperity, as was my duty.
Just as I realized that, I realized something else: I could never tell anyone. Doing so, no matter what my reasoning, would be the most dishonorable thing I could ever do. It would be a black mark on my soul. There were lots of reasons I felt Noah shouldn’t be Alpha, but his heritage would never be one of them. It would go against all my values to betray him in this way. Yes, he had hurt me in so many horrible ways, but hurting him wouldn’t make it better. It would only prove to myself that I would make no better an Alpha than him.
I was not underhanded. I was not the kind of person to share someone’s secrets, no matter the circumstance. I had been raised far too well to use this information to my advantage. It was a bit of a pity. Noah had valid reasons to be a dick. I did not.
“You’re lost in thought again.” Nico pointed out, snapping me out of my thoughts for the third time in the last few minutes. I smiled at him apologetically, thoughts of Noah still dominating my mind. I couldn’t focus on what Nico was saying, and my perceptive brother would not be fooled. “What’s going on with you? What’s so distracting?”
“Nothing.” I lied. “I’ll listen. I promise.”
“I’d believe you if you weren’t already drifting away again.” Nico groaned, pulling me from my spot on his bed into his side on the floor. “If you won’t tell me what’s bothering you, stay close to me and focus.”
“Okay.” I sighed, looking down at the white board in front of us. “What’s this?”
“You really weren’t listening at all.” Nico accused, pointing to the first name written at the top of the whiteboard. “It’s a list of all the elders and what we know about them. We’ll use this to strategize how to convince them to reject Noah’s appointment as Alpha. We have nadi, our parents, Crescent: the head master, Tranquila, Mondo, gecko: Apa’s beta, Mick: the senile old man and Chi: the hermit. Knowing what we know. It’s best not to target either of our parents or Gecko and Mick since Gecko is a stubborn ass and Mick is hardly someone you can reason with. You know when you’re meeting with each one now, right?”
“Um… yes. Apa told us yesterday.” I pulled out the document my dad had given us yesterday. “The first ones we’ll see are Tranquila and Mondo. We’re supposed to have tea with them tomorrow.”
“The mated couple, the oldest in our pack.” Nico pointed to their names on the board. “They’re desperately in love. They’ve never gone a day without each other. They’ve never had a single fight. They value the bond between wolves above all else.”
Getting them to disagree to his appointment would be as easy as mentioning his parents were unmated. I knew the couple relatively well and they were of the thinking the only real love there was one destined by the goddess. In fact, I was fairly certain Mondo was of the mindset children of such unions should be destroyed, insisting it would be an act of mercy. “I don’t know what I could say to them without making them angry for wanting to fight my mate.” I said instead. “They didn’t even come to see us fight for the alpha position. They protested that it even took place.”
“You’re right.” Nico sighed, staring down at his board hard. “You didn’t win any elder over when you spat in your mates face in front of the whole pack.”
“No, but it was satisfying.” I sighed, remembering the absolute shock on Noah’s face. However, rather than my usual feeling of pride, my stomach twisted itself. A dull ache began in my head, coupling with the already excruciating pain of not being with Noah at the moment. I recognized the feeling of regret, shocked as it welled up behind my eyes. When did that happen?
“Almost as satisfying as watching you pin him to the ground during your fight. I was dumb to interfere.” Nico mused, still staring at the whiteboard. “If not, you’d be Alpha now and Noah would be-“
“Wait.”
“What? Is-“
“I got it.” I realized. “Tranquila and Mondo avoided the fight because they couldn’t bear to watch mates hurt each other.”
“Yes, but they consider you to be at fault for not jumping for joy at being mated.” Nico pointed out. “They were very unhappy with you.”
“Were they on team ‘let Noah forcibly mate me’?” I asked. Nico frowned at the reminder, but seemed to think back to try to remember.
“No… they sided with Ama and Apa and… Nadi i believe? It was a 5-4 split against so it didn’t happen.” Nico remembered, turning his attention back to me. “The consensus was forcing you would damage any bond you two would have.”
“Yeah… except…” I hesitated, unsure if this was the right thing to do. Noah had reasons for why he was so ignorant. Did that mean he couldn’t grow? Maybe I could let all this go and focus on teaching him and being a good Luna. He wasn’t evil. Perhaps I could trust him. Time would pass and we would only grow closer and-
Nico grabbed my hand, staring at me in concern. His grip was soft, his time healing having significantly affected his strength. He was working out like a fiend now, attempting to build back all the mass he had lost while unconscious. We had never been this close in size before, not even when we were children. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze, his smile encouraging me to continue. Nico had no idea the battle going on within my mind. He trusted in me completely, sure that my resolve wouldn’t waiver. That’s right, I realized, this isn’t just about me. It was the reason I hadn’t wanted to mate Noah in the first place. The closer we became, the softer I would become. After we mated, would I even be able to stand up against him as both my mate and my alpha? I wasn’t sure. Already, I could feel my resolve weakening, and memories of rebuffing Noah that once brought me pleasure only brought me shame. “Except… he did force me.” I finally spoke, the words almost painful to speak. “If he hadn’t attacked you, I would have won the fight.”
“You’re right.” Nico smiled wide, his usual brilliantly white smile unable to brighten my mood like usual. “He tried to kill me, his mates own brother. That’s far more barbaric than anything you did… by a longshot. It’s evil, cruel. Hell, maybe even unforgivable!”
“Well, I was going to kill him.” I reasoned. “That’s definitely worse.”
“But they don’t know that.” Nico chuckled. “All they know is you were resistant, struggling to come to terms with this situation, and your own mate beat your brother within an inch of his life to get you to submit.” Nico pulled me into a hug, joyful at our apparent first success. “This could work. You’re brilliant, Micah.”
“Yeah.” I agreed, wondering why Nico’s hug didn’t comfort me how it used to. I felt Nicos nose sniff behind my ear. He pulled back, his nose crinkled in distaste. “If you tell me I stink i’ll put you back in the hospital, you brat.” I warned, not in the mood for any teasing.
“No… you just smell like that bastard.” Nico growled, giving me another sniff. “God, you reek of him. I can hardly smell you.”
“We’re spending a lot of time together now since my suppressants aren’t working well.” I defended, dropping my eyes to my lap. “It hurts if we’re not in contact.”
“Another misfortune he’s caused.” Nico scoffed, pulling me close again and nuzzling into my throat. “Ugh, its so strong. Scent marking you is just making me smell like him.”
“You don’t have to scent mark me.” I insisted, even as he rubbed his nose into the spot behind my ear. “Noah and I live together now. It’s no use. I’ll smell like him no matter what.”
“Then I’ll scent mark you everytime I see you. Even if I have to shower and then continue, i’ll do it until you smell like our house again.” Nico countered. “You deserve to smell like your family… and he is not your family.”
“Nico…” I trailed off, feeling his head fall onto my shoulder as if in defeat.
“It’s all I can do for you. I can’t protect you any other way.” nico whispered, his voice raspy as if saying the words were a strain. “It’s my fault.”
“Nothing is your fault.” I said without a hint of hesitation.
“I interfered when I should have trusted you. Your judgement is always right… but I was weak. I thought I knew what was best a-and now… I’ve doomed you to a life with him. I failed you. No, worse, I betrayed you. I’m a horrible brother and an even worse beta.” Nico berated himself, his body beginning to shake. I was in shock, only realizing the extent of Nico’s anguish as I felt his tears begin to soak my shoulder.
“No… No! Nico, listen to me. Listen, please.” I pulled back, grabbing the sides of his face and lifting it to look into my eyes. “Th-this was the will of the goddess. She willed it so. You are not responsible for any of it, especially my happiness. I am okay. I swear it. Believe me.”
“I can’t.” Nico sobbed, the tears trickling down his face and wetting my hands. “I’ll never forgive myself for this, not until I make it right. You’ll be Alpha. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Nico…” I pulled him into a hug this time, the devastation my brother was experiencing adding yet another weight to my shoulders. He nuzzled into my neck again, his scent mingled with his tears rubbing into my throat. Nico began to scent mark me again with renewed determination and this time I didn’t stop him.
————————
The atmosphere was uncomfortable to say the least.
Tranquila and Mondo, the longest mated couple in our pack, had spent the better part of the half hour since we arrived scent marking each other without end. At one point i sneezed, which prompted tranquila to reach behind her for a tissue box and hand it to me, all without stopping their open display of affection.
At about the half hour mark I looked at Noah, who seemed just as uncomfortable. “Um… we can come back at a different time.” I finally spoke. “I know how important moments of connection can be for a healthy mate bond. It wouldn’t be any problem.”
“No need, darling.” Tranquila chuckled, pulling back from her grey haired lover without a slight pout. “We’d be doing the same thing later, anyways.”
“I see.” I chuckled, trying to force my smile to reach my eyes. “How sweet.”
“It takes great effort to have a love like ours.” Mondo informed me, squeezing his mates hand. “My only purpose in this life is to please her.”
“And my only pleasure comes from his happiness.” Tranquila included, lifting their connected hands to her lips for a kiss. “A mate is the greatest blessing the goddess can bestow.”
“That’s why we were so disappointed that the Alpha issue couldn’t be resolved without a fight.” Mondo continued, looking at me with a soft frown. “It’s an absolute waste being upset with your mate. Precious hours together wasted.”
“But we’re happy to see all of that terribleness cleared up.” Tranquila smiled at me, practically beaming. “Now you have the rest of your lives to be happy together.”
“Yes.” I nodded, looking to Noah. My hands instantly became sweaty. “Um… i’m a bit thirsty.”
“Say no more.” Mondo piped in, standing to his feet. He gave his mates hand one parting squeeze before releasing her. “Come, Future Alpha. Let your mate not be thirsty for another second more.”
“Oh, yes of course.” Noah patted my knee before standing himself and following Mondo out of the sitting room.
“He’s quite handsome, your mate.” Tranquila continued to smile at me. “And such a good sport. A good mate forgives, and his forgiveness of your rejection is proof he will be good to you. I promise.”
“Right.” I chuckled awkwardly. “Finding he was my mate was quite a shock. He wasn’t always the kindest to me before so-“
“Mate bonds change everything.” Tranquila assured me. “Now that he knows, he will live to serve you. He couldn’t harm you even if he wished it, which he never would.”
My heart ached, desperately wishing I could believe her words. “Tranquila?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Forgiveness… it should be easy between mates?”
“Of course.” she assured me. “After all, mates never intend to hurt each other.”
“No… maybe not.” I looked down at my hands, anxiety clawing at my stomach. Could I do it? Could I say it? Or could I forgive?
“Have you asked his forgiveness, darling?” Tranquila asked me. “I’m sure if you asked, he would forgive. I can see it in him. He loves you dearly already, from the very first moment.”
I felt the color drain from my face. “I-is that why he did it then?”
“Did what, darling?”
“Attack my brother.”
“I beg your pardon?” Tranquilas smile fell, her eyes wide in concern. “He… he did what?”
“During the Alpha battle… he was losing and my brother… my brother foolishly wanted to end our fighting and… and he rushed out onto the field. He hadn’t shifted and was only speaking to me, telling me to stop, when Noah attacked him. Nico passed out almost instantly but… Noah kept biting him and throwing him and… I had no choice but to concede.” I stopped talking, peeking from under my eyelashes to see her face. Tranquilas mouth had fallen slightly agape, horror stricken eyes blinking back tears as she shook her head in disbelief. “Nico had to be rushed to the hospital. He almost died. Noah wouldn’t let me stay with him. I was locked in the house for a few days until I promised not to fight.”
“Micah-“
I cut her off, looking up into her eyes with the saddest face I could muster. “Do you think he did that… because he loved me? Was it my fault?”
“Oh, darling-“
“We’ve returned with treats.” Mondo declared as he and Noah rounded the corner back into the room. I looked up at the pair, forcing a smile. “Noah, why don’t you pour your mate a cup of tea?”
Tranquila tried to fix her face, the pain in her eyes intensifying as I politely grabbed a cup from Noah. “Future Alpha, may i ask how the battle was settled between you?” Tranquila asked as her mate joined her on the couch.
“Now Tranquila, that’s bad memories better off forgotten.” mondo chided, lifting a spoonful of honey to her lips. “Let’s discuss more pleasant things. Look, the future alpha couple brought delicious honey.”
“It’s my brother’s favorite. We ate it often as children.” I added. “When we were sick, my mom would give us a spoonful right after the medicine to help wash it down. It was that sweet. The bad taste was gone in an instant.”
“I would really like to know.” Tranquila spoke again. “It’s important to know how the future alpha handles these kinds of things.”
“Very well, my love.” Mondo patted her hand reassuringly before turning his eyes on Noah. “How did the fight end?”
Noah looked to me, expecting me to speak. I looked down at my hands as if I hadn’t noticed. “Micah conceded.” Noah responded, his answer vague enough to make Mondo raise a brow.
“Why did he concede?” Tranquila asked, her eyes narrowed. “Was he losing? Had you pinned him?”
“No.” Noah answered, hesitation clear in his voice. “I… I was fighting someone else.”
“Someone else?” Mondo exclaimed.
“Who?” Tranquila asked, her voice eerily calm.
Noah hesitated again. “Someone else entered the field… my wolf was on edge… I-“
“Who?” Tranquila repeated.
“Nico, son of the Alpha.” I spoke up, grabbing Noah’s hand. He squeezed me tight and shame welled up in my belly. I was doing this to him. This was all my own design. His hand had begun to sweat too but I kept hold of him, trying to portray my apologies from just my palm against his. “He’s doing well now.” I spoke, wondering which side I was actually on.
“How badly was his brother injured before you stopped?” Tranquila asked. This time, Noah chose not to answer. Tranquila, however, continued, “Did he attack you? Did he even fight back?”
“Future Alpha… please answer the question.” Mondo spoke after many seconds of silence. “Did the boy try to fight you?”
Noah looked at me again, and this time I looked back. He was squeezing my hand tightly, the same amount of pressure seeming to wrap around my throat. Guilt, I realized, watching how his frown deepened when he looked into my eyes. Noah turned back to the Elders, but I kept my eyes on the side of his face. “No, not at all.” Noah answered them. Tranquila gasped, covering her mouth. Mondo wrapped his arms around her shoulder, his eyes hardening as they remained on Noah. I waited for Noah to continue, to attempt to explain himself, but he simply bowed his head in shame.
After a few painfully quiet moments, Mondo spoke. “It has become apparent to me that… you are not the Alpha I believed you to be. I cannot give you my blessing. I formally reject your ascension to the Alpha title.”
“Never in my life could I have imagined a mate could do such a thing to their partner.” Tranquila spoke, her voice breaking. “Shame on you, Noah. Shame. The goddess blessed you with a beautiful mate and you have hurt him. You are not deserving and… you are not the kind of man who should be Alpha. I reject your ascension.”
“Understood.” Noah nodded, somehow still calm. In the past, the Noah I knew would have exploded. He was a person unable to cope with failure and would lash out anytime he fell short. The noah now simply nodded, squeezed my hand and pulled us both to our feet. He bent at the waist, bowing his head in respect before thanking them for their time and pulling me out.
When we were outside of their home, Noah began to tremble. For a moment I thought he was about to explode. He squeezed my hand even tighter, walking all the way home without so much as a word. I wanted to speak, but I worried my voice might sound guilty. A smaller part of me wondered if he was a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any sound.
When his house door closed behind us, Noah collapsed to his knees, His hand still clutching mine. I sunk to the floor with him, putting my free hand on his shoulder. “Are… are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. I tried my best not to embarrass you.” Noah’s voice trembled as he spoke.
“What? What do you mean?”
“You’re loved here and… and I am not. All I could think the whole time we were there was ‘don’t say anything dumb. Don’t react. Just be calm. Be like micah. Make Micah proud’.” Noah admitted. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry they didn’t approve of me.”
“He-hey it’s alright.” I assured him. Rubbing my hand comfortingly from his shoulder to his elbow. “You did a good job. You did very good.”
“I let you down.”
“You didn’t.” I insisted, the weight on my shoulder growing even heavier. “You did so well, Noah. Even when they disapproved, you kept your cool. You were polite. You did so, so well. Why would you think you let me down?”
“When I was younger, when i failed, my father would explode. He’d say things like ‘your failures are a reflection of me and I’m no failure so either you’re not my son or you need to work harder’ or when he was really upset he’d say ‘Maybe these people are onto something. Maybe you should’ve never been born. You’re a curse on my life. You’re-“
“Don’t repeat it.” I stopped him, wrapping him in my arms. “Those hateful words should have never been spoken. Forget them. Don’t ever repeat them.”
“But-“
“Nothing like that will ever leave my mouth.” I insisted. “No father should ever speak like that to their son, but now that i’m here with you… I promise you won’t ever hear those words again. So erase them from your memory. Replace them. I’m proud of you. You’re learning so much and doing so well. Your father was wrong.”
“Micah, you’re a dream.” Noah sighed, pulling away to look me in the eyes. “Before I knew we were mates… I had heard stories. I had always wondered…”
“Wondered what?”
“If there was a person out there for me. If I wasn’t supposed to exist… it would make sense that I wouldn’t have a mate. I had no expectations that night with everyone running around us. I thought I’d stay a few hours then give up, pretend to be shocked even though deep down i knew… there shouldn’t be anyone there for me.” Noah lifted my chin, tucking his head in my throat and inhaling deeply. “But then… there was this feeling. It was tingling and kind of tight. I started to smell something really good, but it was faint. Everytime I followed the tugging in my chest, it would tug me in a new direction. I thought maybe I really was cursed. Maybe the goddess was tormenting me.”
“Noah-“
“Then it appeared, this thin red string. I was tangled in it. It kept yanking at me, harder and harder to follow it to its end. I didn’t know what I’d find, but I knew I had to go. So I ran and the crowd parted for me and then suddenly… there you were all wrapped up in the same string. Your brother was practically carrying you away and every step you took away from me physically hurt. I felt like I was being robbed. I ran toward you, as fast as I could…” Noah’s lips brushed my throat as he continued his story, making my face flush. “You were a dream. I had to chase you before you got too far away and I woke up and realized I was all alone again. But you hated me.”
“I-“
“It’s fine. Your feelings were fair. I was horrible to you.” He admitted. “It really felt like the goddess had played a sick prank on me. Like ‘here is the one thing you’ve always wanted but the catch is you can’t actually have it’. I was angry at her, and myself, but I made that your problem. I did absolutely everything wrong and somehow… somehow you still gave me a chance. Probably because of the hormones, but hell i’ll take it. All I need is one chance to prove to you that I can do this. I can be a good mate. So even when the hormones fade, please… please let me continue to prove it to you.”
He pulled back, his eyes pleading. My whole body began to tingle with the desire to be closer to him again. I must have been visibly shaking, since Noah grabbed my shoulders to steady me. There were too many feelings assaulting me all at once. Lust, empathy, pain, fear, desire… My mind was a mess of all the things I could say and reasons why I shouldn’t. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to make sense of my scattered thoughts. There was only one thing I really wanted, although it shamed me so much to want it. “Please…” I opened my eyes, watching as Noah waited patiently for my answer. I knew, no matter what i said, he wouldn’t relent. Even if I told him no, he wouldn’t give up. I could see it in his eyes, the sheer determination making the legs tucked under me feel like jello. I nuzzled into his throat, lovingly caressing the slope of his neck with my head. Noah began to nuzzle me back, returning my affections. I tensed a bit as his smell seemed to get even stronger, even more mouth watering than usual.
“Oh, Micah…” Noah moaned as my lips brushed his Adam’s apple, the vibrations of his throat making me moan as well. I was getting hot, way hotter than I’d ever felt before. I was scent marking him greedily, my tongue escaping my mouth to lick a line along his jaw. “Fuck, Micah.”
“You smell so good.” I whimpered, my body still shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t get enough of it. The smell was making me dizzy. I opened my mouth against his throat, letting my fangs scrape his flesh. I moaned loudly at the thought of sinking my teeth into him, burying my fangs in his delicious skin.
“Shit!” Noah shoved me off, the loss of contact making me whine. I reached for him again, but he grabbed my arms. “I didn’t take my pill this morning. I was so nervous… I forgot. Have you taken yours yet?”
I could see his lips moving, but the words weren’t quite registering. Pill? I leaned closer, flicking my tongue against his chin. “You taste so good, Noah. I wanna taste you more.” I admitted. Noah’s eyes widened, the amber irises darkening. The sight of lust filling his eyes made my thighs clench together, ambrosia flooding down my legs. Noahs nostrils flared and his grip on my wrists tightened.
“Goddess, Micah. You smell fantastic.” Noah groaned, clenching his eyes shut. “Have you taken your pill yet today?”
“Pill?”
“Your suppressant, Micah. The pill.” Noah urged as I turned my attention to his hands. I leaned my head down toward his left hand, marvelling at how big they were. I licked one knuckle, chuckling when Noah tightened his hold. It was so tight it hurt… and that felt so good.
I kissed the knuckle, feeling my fangs lengthen in anticipation. “I want to bite you so bad.” I whined, licking him again. “Can I?”
“Micah, listen to me! Do you need to take your suppressant?”
“No.” I answered.
“Where do you keep them?”
“Them?”
“Fuck.” Noah released me and I lunged toward him. He stood up, quicker than my lunge, and I remained face planted against the floor. My body was still trembling, but my legs were too shaky to stand up. After a few seconds, and Noah taking a few steps away, my mind began to work again.
“Pill.” I groaned, my whole body still tingling with lust. “I need my pill. Now.”
“Where are they?”
“Bedroom… second drawer down.” I instructed, keeping my face against the floor. The thought of seeing Noah’s face scared me, as I was pretty sure I’d lunge for him again. I heard Noah walk away, but I still continued to tremble. The feeling of my boxers and jeans rubbing painfully hard against my cock was so uncomfortable, not to mention they were sticky and wet. I wanted to tear everything off and feel the cool air against my skin. I was certain i might even cum from just the breeze against my flesh.
“I have it.”
“Stay there!” I snapped. “Don’t get closer to me. I’m too worked up. I need you to toss the pill at me and then go lock yourself in your room.”
“Are you sure? You don’t look well? Can you stand? Let me-“
“If you touch me, i’ll go crazy.” I warned, clenching my eyes closed. “You’re handling it better so… go into your room please. I would if I could. Please. I can’t take you being this close. I want you so bad.”
I heard the pill smack the floor beside my head. I sighed in relief, groaning as Noah’s smell entered my lungs with my next breath. My head snapped up. I lifted myself back up onto my knees. I couldn’t bring myself to reach for the pill. Noah was staring at me, his eyes so dark they were almost black. He was breathing heavy, his muscled chest rising and falling in the most erotic way. My eyes traveled down his muscled chest, stopping at the large tent in his pants. My mouth watered. I tore my eyes away, looking back up into his. He looked as if he knew exactly what I had been staring at.
“I bet that will taste good too.” I moaned, loving how his face turned red at my words. I rubbed my own fingers against my lips, imagining they were his. “Don’t you want to give me a taste?” My mouth felt empty. I pushed two fingers inside, sucking on them and imagining it were Noah again. I closed my eyes, my imagination running even more wild. My mouth continued to water and the desire to have the real thing was almost too much. I opened my eyes again, pleased at how turned on Noah looked. I could break him down, I realized. I pulled my fingers out of my mouth, smiling innocently at him. “Please? I’ll do a good job. Let me show you.” I opened my mouth, pleased when Noah took a cautious step forward.
“Micah, close your eyes.” He spoke softly, but his voice was hoarse. Without a second thought I obliged. I felt something small and round land on my tongue. I opened my eyes, frowning as Noah put his hand under my chin to close my mouth. “Swallow, Micah. Do it for me, please?” I did as I was told, the desire to please him winning out over my horniness for the moment. “Did you swallow? Show me.” I frowned, but opened my mouth, moving my tongue to prove I had swallowed. “Good boy, Micah.” He patted my head, the feeling otherworldly. I leaned into his touch, but he pulled away.
“Let’s give the suppressant some time. I’m going to go to my room. When you’re feeling better, let me know.” He sighed, his frown making me frown as well. “I’m sorry, Micah. This was all my fault.”
He walked away, each step making my chest clench. I still couldn’t think straight. I was just sad. I wanted Noah so bad. Why didn’t he want me? My heat frazzled brain continued to fret, missing the warmth of Noah’s touch. What had I done wrong? Was my inexperience a turn off? Noah had sexual partners before… and he didn’t turn them away. so maybe something i did was wrong.
As the heat faded, my brain began to think more rationally and the rightful emotion of shame had become to bubble up. Not only had I said such vulgar things, but i had been so serious while saying them. I was mortified. Facing Noah again would be the greatest embarrassment of my life.
I stood to my feet, ready to strip down and shower. As I walked up the stairs, another strange feeling began to bubble up again: confusion. How could Noah had resisted me? Did he not want me? I knew these thoughts were stupid. Noah had to resist. I would have done the same had the roles been reversed… but thoughts of Noah with other people, not resisting, began to fill my head again… only this time I was able to think about it with a clear mind which felt much worse in my opinion.
Noah had slept with other people before. I knew that. He had openly admitted it. They weren’t his mate, I told myself, closing my room door behind me. They weren’t his mate but he still did it, I thought again, sinking to the floor. They weren’t his mate but he liked it, my mind thought against my will. I was his mate… and he resisted me just fine. Maybe I didn’t rank up very highly on Noah’s list of temptations.
Thats a stupid thought, i told myself but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking it.
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