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CHAPTER 10:
“There’s so many options really. We have simple lace, gold linings, we can do silk or, and i’ve only seen this once but it was gorgeous, a bed of wool!” Zelina, the event planner, continued to gush over the magazines she had laid out in front of my mom and I. “Really, we can do anything! The bonding ceremony for the most prestigious pack in the world is our top priority! Whatever they come up with, we can accommodate.”
“It’s all very beautiful.” My mom mused, flipping through a few pages. “Have you spoken to Noah about any themes?” My mom asked me casually, or her attempt at being casually when inside she was burning hot with the desire to know how Noah and I were fairing.
“Um… this isn’t really either of our things.” I said vaguely. “It hasn’t come up.”
“Micah, the bonding ceremony is important for the future alpha couple. You know that. The sooner this is completed, the sooner the position can be passed on.” My mom chided me.
“Not really. We have to wait for Aphelion regardless of when we have the ceremony.” I mumbled, staring down at the various fabric samples in front of me.
“Transitioning of power has many steps and you know that. The first step is to make sure the future Alpha has mated. After that, it’s much more official.” My mom argued. “It’s time to start planning the ceremony. Zelina can help us.”
“Yes, any questions you have I’ll be able to answer. Essentially, if you ask for it, it can be done. No matter what you’d like, we can get it.” Zelina continued her sales pitch, pulling out more samples from the large suitcase she had entered my mothers house with.
If I were being honest, I had thought a lot about this ceremony. The mortification that came with knowing the whole pack, including my parents, watching me lose my virginity had made it a permanent fixture in my mind. I often imagined what it might be like and had settled internally that I wanted very little fuss. I didn’t need grand bouquets and a million candles. All I really wanted was a modest ceremony, in a place with natural beauty, and a partner to hold my hand through it all.
If things were different, I might have just told Zelina to pick the softest fabric she had for our bedsheets and a simple canopy to keep away bugs and to obscure my lovemaking as much as possible. With those kinds of demands, the ceremony would take place in about a week… and that was far too soon. I was nowhere near prepared. With that in mind, certain decisions had to be made.
“This.” I pointed at an open page in front of me. “What about this?”
“It’s quite grand.” My mom spoke, looking to Zelina. “Money isn’t a problem, but time… Aphelion is in just two months.”
“Well, certainly we could get it done, or at least something very close.” Zelina assured her. “It all depends on the materials you end up choosing. To start, a whole event space would need to be built. There aren’t any glasshouses around here to utilize so… that itself will take about a month.”
“A month?” My mom turned to look at me, clearly shocked. “That’s… quite a while to wait to mate… your Apa and I had a shotgun ceremony and even that week was-“
“Sorry, I… I just thought it would be nice. It’s my first time and… I- I don’t know. I’m sorry for asking for this. It’s too much. You’re right, I-“
“I didn’t say that! I- I think it’s very beautiful. We’ll do this then.” My mom cut me off. I felt kind of bad manipulating her like that, but knew she would hardly be on board with delaying my mating just because I didn’t want to.
“Wonderful! It’s a beautiful ceremony space. I can leave these samples for you two to look over and you can get back to me as you decide?” Zelina unpacked more samples, making my stomach turn.
“Um… how many more things are there to decide?” I asked hesitantly as she continued to pile colors, pictures, materials, menus and more onto the table.
“It seems like a lot, but don’t fret. It’s just clothing, mating bed set up, fabrics, other decor pieces like flowers or lights or candles, music, whether you’ll be having food or a photographer or I even have a few painters in here who could do a portrait. Then there’s little stuff like invitations, save the dates, and oh, we also do party favors if you’re interested!” Zelina was vibrating with excitement. By the time she left, her huge suitcase was completely empty and my moms dining room table was stacked high.
“This is… too much.” I groaned from the table as my mom came back from letting Zelina out. “Why are there so many options?”
“I know it seems overwhelming, but it’s okay. If you want everything, then sure this is a crazy amount of stuff to go through, but let’s say you don’t want flowers or party favors, suddenly you can toss out like twenty of these samples. Trust me, it’s manageable, especially since we have a month.” She came up behind me, rubbing my shoulders soothingly. “Still… a month. That’s quite some time.” I nodded, not wanting to speak about it. “How are the suppressants then? Working fine?”
“Somewhat.” I grumbled.
“Somewhat?”
“Well, i’m still… producing… you know. Nadi said it’s normal. We haven’t mated yet so my heat is just stronger. The hormones are persistent. She thinks I’ll probably stay like this until we mate. After that they should work better.”
“Micah, that doesn’t sound too good. What if you accidentally go into heat?”
“Impossible. Nadi assured me as long as we take the pills, we’re fine. It’s just uncomfortable for now. It hurts if Noah isn’t right next to me. The only relief we get is when we’re together or if he’s so far away my body can’t sense him. Which actually is way farther than you’d think so… it’s just constant. It’s driving me crazy! Even now, it’s like my whole body is being smushed. It aches and throbs.” I complained, dropping my head onto a few fabric samples. They were furry and tickled my nose, but I was too tired to move.
“Then you should be with your mate.” My mom sighed. “He should have come with you to meet Zelina.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I didn’t want him to.” I admitted, not wanting to go into detail.
“Why not?”
“Bad taste?”
“You’re making things up.” My mom sighed, yanking me to my feet by my collar. “Just because you don’t live here anymore doesn’t mean lying is okay now.”
“Sorry, it’s just… just… Nico’s home now and…” i trailed off, not knowing how to finish my statement. Could I tell her the truth? Could I say I couldn’t bring myself to allow Noah around Nico after what he did? It was a traumatizing moment for me, watching Nico’s unconscious body flop around as Noah attacked him. Even though I knew Nico was strong… I needed to protect him.
My mom sighed and patted my head, seemingly understanding what I didn’t have the words to say. “Well, you should get back to him now.” My mom instructed me. “All of this can wait for another day. For now, stick close by him so you don’t suffer.”
Little did she know being that close was a suffering itself.
——————————
Finding Noah had gotten a lot easier these last few days. Some days it felt like we were two magnets constantly being drawn to one another by an invisible pull. Now, I let that pull guide my steps until I was almost back at Noah’s house. I slowed my steps, my pace a painful punishment for my own thoughts.
Over the last few days, my guilt seemed to grow suffocating. Just a few days ago, I was plotting Noah’s demise with my brother and, a few days after, I was trying to convince myself Noah wouldn’t be that bad as Alpha. The more time we spent together, now a necessity to avoid all over body aches, the more Noah seemed to grow on me.
He was not that smart. That much was clear. Either from his fooling around in school or his parents lack of guidance, but he was almost painfully ignorant of the way pack life worked. Still, when I spoke, he always listened intently. He nodded and asked questions. He caught on fast and seemed to trust my words as fact. He was surprisingly tender with me, even as I actively made his life difficult.
Maybe… he could be different. Perhaps Nico’s plan wouldn’t be necessary. After all, his devotion to me was clear and far deeper than any feelings I had for him. If anything, I could mold him into exactly what i wanted, couldn’t I? Just this morning, Noah jumped to his feet the second I mentioned a change in his home’s decor, and vowed to me to makeover the whole thing in my vision. Could anyone that desperate to please me really cause me any trouble?
I slowed my pace until I was standing in front of Noah’s porch, a new smell mingling with Noah’s and mine. I didn’t quite like it. My hands were pretty full of fabric samples my mom had shoved at me to show Noah and I contemplated just tossing them in a nearby trashcan and staking out the house to see who Noah had invited into ‘our’ house without telling me.
Before I could make up my mind, the front door opened and Noah was bounding down the porch steps, excitement on his face the second he saw me. “Micah! I missed you!” He had me in his arms in a matter of seconds, spinning me around. My chest tightened as all the pain left my body the second Noah’s skin touched mine. Against my will, I relaxed against him, comforted by his strong arms supporting me completely.
“Nice to see you again, Micah.” The sound of that voice filled my body with tension once again. As Noah set me gently on my feet, my eyes settled on the boulder of a man coming down the steps.
“Neil.” I nodded a greeting at Noah’s father, hating how he looked me up and down as if in appraisal.
“Glad to see you’ve calmed down since the last time I saw you. I’m sure you must feel embarrassed making such a fuss when you were fortunate enough to be mated to my son.” Ick, I thought, as Neil’s pompous monologue continued before I could respond. “Quite lucky, right? You’ll still get to play Alpha.”
“Dad.” Noah frowned, subtly shaking his head at him. “Micah will be Luna. It’s an important title as well.” My heart swelled at his words. I knew it, I thought. Noah wasn’t so bad. He could be redeemed. He could change.
“Did he tell you that?” His dad laughed, the sound hateful.
“Yes, I did.” I finally spoke, anger pooling in my stomach. “But it is our goddess who said it first.”
“Right, what a good boy.” Neil was in front of me now and it took every ounce of self control I had to keep myself from attacking him when he patted my head like a dog. “Forgive me, I guess, still getting used to the way you people do things. First it was the faggot stuff, and now this.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped.
“Micah, go into the house please.” Noah urged. “That looks like a lot of stuff, you should go set it down.”
“Yes, Micah, run along.” His dad’s tone was sickly sweet as he grabbed a fabric sample from the top and rubbed it between his fingers. “Yeah, this kind of work suits you much better, don’t you think?”
“You vile-“
“Micah!” Noah snapped, cutting me off. “Go inside.”
At that moment, I saw red. Perhaps my anger was misdirected, but it didn’t really matter at that moment. My hormones were an absolute mess and he was lucky I hadn’t already lunged at him. “Oh, feeling mighty enough to order me around?” I growled, releasing the samples in my arms. The dirt floor ruined them almost instantly. “Why don’t you try to make me, oh mighty future alpha?”
“Micah, I’m not going to fight you.” Noah frowned, reaching toward me.
I smacked his hand away and bared my teeth. “Scared you’ll lose without a beloved family member to beat to death?” I spat.
“Mouthy little fag, isn’t he?” His dad taunted.
“Oh, I’ll show y-“
“Micah! Go inside the house now!” Noah yelled, catching the attention of a handful of nearby pack members.
“Really? Even after what he said?” I cried.
“Micah,” His tone was pleading, “He’s my father. Please, go inside.”
I stared at him, his handsome face having been almost all i could think about in the last few days. How stupid of me, I realized, turning on my heel and marching into the house, slamming the front door with all my might.
Stupid Micah, i thought again, what an idiot. I stomped up the steps toward my room, not even turning when I heard the front door open and close behind me. “Micah?” I ignored Noah’s call and continued toward my room. I slammed that door behind me too, locking it just as he reached for the doorknob. “Micah, don’t be angry with me.”
“I’m not.” I scoffed and it was true. I wasn’t upset with him. He was just being Noah. I was upset with myself, for thinking he could be anybody else. My phone buzzed, displaying a message from Nico.
‘You didn’t come see me before you left? :(‘
I sighed, responding ‘no, sorry. Ama rushed me out. I’ll be by again soon.’
A second later Nico texted ‘We’re still on for phase 1 of the plan?’
I hesitated, just a couple minutes ago having almost completely changed my mind. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath before typing back ‘yes. Start preparations please.’
Not a second passed before Nico responded with ‘:)’.
Nico knocked, startling me into dropping my phone. “Now if you don’t mind, this mouthy little fag is busy.” I snapped, wishing he would just go away.
“Micah, i’m sorry. I didn’t want my dad to say those things in front of you. That’s why I wanted you to go in the house.” He explained.
“In front of me or behind my back, it’s the same thing!” I argued. “That’s really the kind of man you’d ask to be your beta?”
“I thought you said you weren’t angry with me?”
“Just, go away Noah!”
“Micah, open the door, won’t you? Please?” His tone was soft again, pleading. It was the same way he had spoken to me everyday since we began living together. “You’re hurting too, aren’t you?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I was ashamed that I sounded so unsure.
“I know you’re angry at me. You deserve to be, but don’t hurt yourself to get back at me. Use me if you need to.” He continued to plead. My resolve to be angry wavered. I knew it was hormones, definitely, but that didn’t matter. Begrudgingly, I unlocked the door.
Noah turned the knob slowly, opening the door even slower. In frustration I yanked the door from him, opening it wide. “Happy?” I growled.
“Yes.” He admitted anyway, wrapping me in a hug. Over the last few days, I’d become much more comfortable with this level of contact as nothing but touching each other eased the pain. Still, I was ashamed at how happy I felt to be wrapped up in his arms. I inhaled deeply, his scent so amazing it relaxed every muscle in my body. “I’m sorry for raising my voice at you.”
I hid my face in his chest, not wanting to show any reaction to his words. “Your dad is… awful.” I grumbled as he sat us down on my bed.
“He’s ignorant, like you said I am.” Noah sighed, pulling me to lay down with him. “My dad… he doesn’t like to talk about it, but I want to tell you.”
“What? Is he gay?”
“No, no! He’s… human. Or was human I mean. The way he tells it, he was in his thirties as a human man when the war began. He was changed then. He was treated badly by the pack that changed him, like he was worth less because he wasn’t born with lycanthropy like the rest. He came to this pack soon after, not wanting to be known as someone who had been made. No one asked so… he just went with it. That’s why… there’s so much he doesn’t know and so much I didn’t know. My mom tells me that humans in the past were very homophobic because of their religion. She asked me to be patient with him. He’s unlearning a lot of toxic human ideas.”
“Well, that explain the faggot comments.” I mumbled. Wolves, in general, weren’t very homophobic as the chance of you getting a same sex partner were 50%. Mates are not chosen, so by extension, we understand that sexuality is not a choice either. Although there are rare cases of homophobia in packs, it’s usually due to humans who have been turned. “Still, I never would have thought your father wasn’t born a wolf. He’s very involved in pack business.”
“He likes having a wolf. He just doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. I told him not to call you those names when you went inside. He still might not listen, but i’ll keep working with him. He’ll learn.” He told me, stroking my hair. “I learned after all.”
“You really have that much faith in him?” I sighed. “Because, honestly, I don’t.”
“You don’t have to.” He assured me. “Until he can treat you fairly, I won’t allow him around you again. He’s the one who has to change, Micah. I know that. I won’t ask anything of you, but to let me handle him.”
“Okay.” I mumbled, closing my eyes in satisfaction as Noah began to scratch my scalp. If I were a cat, I would have purred. He continued scratching me in relative silence, moving his hand down to softly scratch my back. Even my wolf, which was constantly uneasy in Noah’s presence, began to relax.
If I were being honest with myself, Noah was proving himself to be a fairly good mate. He was kind, gentle, attentive… He was hardly the man I had known to begin with. It seemed all I had to do was ask, and he was willing to accommodate whatever desire I had. Was it wrong to be cautiously optimistic? Would it be wrong to think maybe, just maybe, this was the real him? Could I really forgive what he’d done and live happily ever after? When the hormones faded, surely we would both still feel the same, right?
Noah was still rubbing my back, lowering my walls with every passing second. The smell of his hair was so sweet, I was almost dizzy. Going purely on instinct, I began to nuzzle into his throat, rubbing my head against his jaw affectionately. A contented smile found its way to my face as Noah’s scent mixed even more with mine. Each nuzzle brought a new wave of satisfaction.
“Micah, what are you doing?” Noah asked, sitting up. I was so focused, my body followed his, continuing to nuzzle into his neck.
“Hmmm? What do you mean?” I asked absentmindedly, my nose grazing his collarbone.
“You’re rubbing me… weird.” His confused tone halted me and I pulled away, searching his puzzled expression.
“Scent marking?” I said it as more of a question, his confusion rubbing off on me. “Do you… not like it?”
“No ones ever done that to me before,” he clarified, grabbing my hand reassuringly. “It felt very nice… i just… don’t know what it is.”
“Oh… oh!” Realization dawned on me. “Your dad wasn’t born a wolf! I get it! Um, well scent marking is just… scent marking I guess. You rub against someone, their throat mostly but you can do the whole body really. You use your head, right, because it carries our scent most stringy and you just kind of drag it around someone to make them smell like you. It’s… affectionate I guess.” I felt my face turn red as I debated telling him scent was about claiming someone as yours. Family did it often, especially fathers, who marked members of his immediate family so others could readily recognize which grown male wolf they were connected to. Mates, however, do it all the time. “It’s very common in families and between mates. It’s bonding, good feelings, stuff like that…”
“I see. I really liked it.” He squeezed my hand. “Can I try doing it to you?”
The butterflies in my stomach multiplied, fluttering up into my cheeks and turning them bright pink. “You… you can.” I answered, looking down at our tangled hands.
“You’ll tell me if I mess up?” He asked, leaning toward me.
“It’s not really something you can mess up.” I mumbled just as his hair grazed my neck. I flinched, falling back onto the bed as Noah leaned over me, hesitantly nuzzling into my throat. His scent was much stronger while he nuzzled me, and I found myself holding my breath to keep from becoming too worked up. This was different from being scent marked by my dad or brother. Everytime Noah’s nose or lip brushed against my skin, my face turned a shade redder.
By the time Noah pulled away my cheeks were flaming and my eyes were watery. I gasped for air the second he pulled away, taking in oxygen again in shallow little breaths. He looked down at me, his amber eyes pinning me to the bed. “Was that okay?”
I was pretty sure I was painfully hard. “Yes.” I squeaked out, not knowing what else to say.
“I’m glad.” He smiled at me, his perfect soft vermillion lips parting. My eyes were transfixed by that movement. “Is it okay if i do that again?”
“Yes.” I repeated, covering my face with my hands. “It’s embarrassing if you keep asking.”
“So I can do it whenever I want? I don’t need to ask permission?”
I uncovered my face, narrowing my eyes in suspicion. “When are you planning to do it?”
“Everytime I see you.” He answered, as if it were obvious.
“Okay no. If we’re… alone… you don’t have to ask.” I clarified.
“Okay then, Micah?”
“Yes?”
“Are we alone?”
“You just did it.”
“I can’t do it again?” His lips slipped into a pout and my eyes focused on his bottom lip. Noah noticed and grabbed my chin, forcing me to make eye contact.
“I told you already.” I closed my eyes, embarrassed again. “You don’t have to ask right now.”
“If you say so.” he chuckled and then leaned down again. I could feel his breath on my throat as he nuzzled me now. This time his lips rubbed against my neck much more, almost like kisses. At one point, he just buried his nose behind my ear and inhaled deeply, making a satisfied noise in response. He nuzzled my throat thoroughly, occasionally scent marking my chest as well.
“Seems like you’re a natural.” I joked, trying to dispel the sexual tension building up in my body. “You’d never know you’d never done it before.” Noah chuckled against my throat, the vibrations making my whole body tremble. “You sure you didn’t know what it was?”
“I swear.” I whispered against my ear, making me bite my lip. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“I believe you… it’s just… s-surprising. My parents scent mark constantly. It’s really common with mates.” I thought aloud, remembering how many mated couples absolutely wreaked of one another. Noah pulled back, his expression unreadable. “Noah?”
“I didn’t explain myself well enough.” He sighed, still staring down at me. “Both my parents were humans. They were married, in their thirties, when my dad was changed. My father then changed my mother.”
“Oh… I see.” I nodded. “That’s quite lucky for them that they found each other even as humans.”
“Micah…” Noah looked pained at this point. He reached toward me, brushing my hair behind my ear. His next sentence shocked me silent for the first time in my life. He kept his hand on my cheek, rubbing it gently as he spoke. “Micah, my parents are not mates.”
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