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CHAPTER 12:
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I groaned, pushing Noah out of my way so I could enter my parents home. “Did you remember your pill this morning?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’re good. Nothing to talk about.” I insisted.
“Alright, if you’re sure… but-“
“Look,” I sighed cutting him off, “My father and his beta, Gecko, should be upstairs in his office. Why don’t you go get their blessings and I’ll speak to my mother about the bonding ceremony? You can just meet me when you’re done.”
“Shouldn’t we go get the blessing together?”
“It doesn’t matter if i’m there. They’ve essentially already given their blessings. It’s nothing to worry about.”I assured him. Afterall, to my father the alpha battle was law and his beta would hardly ever disagree with him. It was precisely the reason Nico had chosen not to target them four our plan.
“If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure!” I groaned, for the first time in days desperate to be as far from him as possible. I still couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with him after last night. Even the pain from being apart would be a welcome relief as long as I didn’t have to remember my embarrassing actions. I shoved his shoulder toward the stairs gently before rushing into the kitchen to escape.
I listened to the sound of Noah’s footsteps up the stairs, breathing a sigh of relief. “Micah! What a pleasant surprise.” I nearly jumped out of my own skin as Nadi’s hand patted my back. “Oops, sorry to startle you. I stopped by to leave your mother a few tonics. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Oh, right. Well, we’re planning the bonding ceremony so…” I trailed off, involuntarily remembering the events of last night. My face flushed and I looked down to my feet, knowing Nadi would be scrutinizing me now.
“That’s nice. How has that been?” She asked, her eyes burning holes in my face.
“It’s alright.” I said vaguely.
“Is something the matter Micah? Normally you’re much more talkative.”
“No! I mean… everythings fine.” I looked up, shocked to see Nadi’s stare fixed keenly on me, eyebrows scrunched in concentration.
“Hmm… and your suppressants? How are they holding up?” She asked, her face softening as she realized she hit the nail right on the head. “Not so good then?”
“They’re working fine.” i said quickly, my cheeks feeling like they’re on fire. “It’s just… Noah missed a pill and… I went… crazy.”
“I see. Are you alright?”
“Yes! He, um, was able to make me take mine. Just a bit awkward.” I assured her, looking away.
“That’s good then. And aside from that, how is your body? Are you feeling normal otherwise?”
“Well… I’m still… producing. Ambrosia, I mean… not all the time, but… sometimes it just happens, especially if Noah’s close.” I mumbled.
“That’s pretty normal. You have alpha blood after all and you’re waiting to mate. The combination can be tough hormonally. Suppressants hold off heat, but they aren’t magic. Some bodily functions are simply unavoidable. I can bring a few things by your house later today to help you out until your bonding ceremony. When is that, by the way?” She asked, pulling out a pad of paper from her pocket and scribbling something down.
“Oh well… uh… like a month-“
“A month?” Nadi cut me off, dropping the notepad. She cursed, picking it up and then turning her attention back to me. “Micah, a month is… unheard of really. I- I… well, I don’t even really know what to say. That amount of time, with your symptoms, it will be excruciating.”
“I’m fine. Honestly.” I insisted. “It was only bad for me when Noah missed a pill and I’ll be making sure he doesn’t from now on. Noah was fine regardless.”
“That’s odd too. I mean, your symptoms might be a bit strong because of your alpha blood, but Noah is the one who skipped the pill. Really, he should have had a much more visceral reaction. Mates have been known to enter a frenzied rutting state from just the scent of their mates’ ambrosia.” She scribbled something else down before sighing. “This is all really unusual.”
“It’ll be fine, Nadi.”
“Well, if you say so.” She sighed again, putting her notepad and pen away. “I’ll make sure to leave some things for you today. If the pressure ever builds up to be too much, I would suggest locking yourself in the room alone and using some of the things to pair with your suppressants. Staying away from Noah in those moments is imperative.”
“Understood.” I nodded, just as footsteps sounded from the other room.
“Micah, here you are! Of course you’d be with Nadi.” My mom chuckled.
“I was just about to head out. I was just catching up with Micah. Anyway, if you’re not home when I stop by I’ll leave it on the porch Micah. Sounds good?” Nadi asked, walking to the side door in the kitchen that allowed one to head outside.
“Oh yes, sounds good.” I answered. “Nice seeing you.”
“Always a pleasure, Nadi.” My mom piped in.
“Have a pleasant rest of your day. If you need anything, i’ll be at the hospital.” Nadi smiled, offering my mom a small bow before leaving. Once the door was closed, my mother turned on me.
“What is she leaving for you?”
“I don’t know.” I said, which was a half truth. “She didn’t specify.”
“That’s unlike her.”
“Well, she was surprised to see me.” I defended. “Plus, she’s always very busy. I’m sure she has so much going on, it might have slipped her mind.”
“Micah-“
“You asked me to come for a reason, right?” I hurriedly changed the subject. “What did you need, Ama?”
“No what I need. Your bonding ceremony! There are still so many decisions to make.” She reminded me, pointing to the kitchen Island stacked with samples. “We have all of that to look over. Plus, you never picked a fabric for your bedding. You went home with all those samples!”
“Yes, well, some things happened.” I grumbled, memories of Noah’s dad making me frown. “They were ruined and I didn’t get to show them to Noah.”
“Micah! Zelina will have to come all the way back here from her own pack to bring more samples. That could take a week or more. We can’t waste time like that.” My mom chastised me, already pulling out her phone to contact the event planner.
“It’s fine. It takes how long it takes.”
“It cannot take longer than two months! Aphelion is almost upon us!” My mom argued. “You know, if you’d like moonstones there, it’s five weeks to order!”
“I want them!”
“Micah!” My mom slapped her hand against the kitchen Island. “You… just what are you up to?”
“Nothing! I want moonstones.”
“Really? Then what are they for?” She questioned me, placing her hands on her hips. She waited a couple seconds before sighing. “Micah… no matter how long you put it off for, it will happen before Aphelion. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I answered, prompting an awkward moment of silence. My mom stared me down, something she’d nearly perfected since I was a child. Her eyes dared me to hide anything from her. I stared back at her, half expecting her to have figured me out from prolonged eye contact alone.
We were startled out of our staring contest by the sound of multiple footsteps coming down the stairs. We both turned to look at the floor, still standing in uncomfortable silence when Noah and my father entered the kitchen. “Ceremony planning?” My dad asked, picking up a magazine from the island. “This brings back memories.”
“You helped plan your bonding ceremony, Alpha Collin?” Noah asked.
“Oh no, my mate and I hardly did any planning.” My father chuckled, going to nuzzle cheek to cheek with my mother. “We couldn’t even wait a week. We drove our parents absolutely crazy trying to create something presentable.”
“Well, we were very excited.” My mom sighed. “Anyway, Micah didn’t seem to get any of that impatience from us.”
“Lucky him. Patience is a virtue we could never master.” My father continued to chuckle, coming to me to nuzzle the top of my head.
“Thank you, Apa.” I looked to my mom, feeling the urge to stick my tongue out but knowing better. She was the kind of mother who would cut the damn thing off for such insolence.
“After all, we only have one of these every generation. Let Micah have the ceremony of his dreams. He’s my precious first born.” My father continued to scent mark me affectionately. “This is the last thing we can do for him as his parents.”
“Fine, fine. You sentimental old man.” My mom grumbled under her breath. “Have you guys decided on what you’d like to mate on?”
“Oh well, we haven’t really discussed it.” Noah spoke, looking to me. The real truth was we hadn’t discussed anything about the ceremony at all. Honestly, it was possible Noah had no idea what the ceremony was if his parents didn’t.
“A normal bed is fine.” I sighed, before thinking a bit. “I want a canopy too… for privacy.”
“They have to be able to see you consummate.” My mom pointed out. “Plus, once you’re in heat you’ll hardly notice anyone is watching.”
“I want the thickest canopy we can get without getting into trouble.” I insisted.
“They don’t really make very thick ones.” My mom countered.
“Zelina can have one made. She said she could do anything we wanted.” I reminded her. “I want as much privacy as I possibly can.”
“Making something like that… You’re already looking at a ceremony five weeks away. This could add another week!” My mom turned to Noah. “Surely, that’s an unreasonable amount of time.”
“Six weeks is…” Noah trailed off, looking at me again. “If it’s what will make Micah comfortable, then we have to have it. No matter what.”
“What a good mate.” My father whispered against my head, giving me a soft peck before releasing me. “Then it’s decided.”
“Everything you pick from here on out needs to be quicker to get, Micah.” My mom warned me.
“Understood.” I agreed, knowing that might not be the case.
———————-
“That was…”
“Brutal.” I finished for Noah as we trudged away from my parents house. “Looking through samples for hours can do that to you.”
“I didn’t know there was that much to a bonding ceremony.” Noah admitted.
“Honestly, neither did I. Actually, what exactly did you think the ceremony was?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“My dad told me we would have to have sex in front of everyone.” Noah said slowly, as if trying to remember. “Is that wrong?”
“Well, it’s not far off. All the alphas from all the other packs, their families, whoever they decide to bring really, they come to watch and make sure you’re a fully mated wolf. That means they get to watch for as long as they like, although most people leave after the initial insertion. The point is for the other packs to recognize you as the future alpha. So there’s a little ceremony where we pledge our loyalty to each other and the pack and then… well… what your dad said.” I explained.
“Are you nervous about that?”
“Not really. I mean… I’ve had years to come to terms with knowing I would have to do it one day. I actually witnessed one, a few years back, when a neighboring pack invited my father. It wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be. If anything, it’s kind of beautiful to love someone so much the world around you disappears.” I noticed Noah was no longer beside me. I paused my walking and turned around, wondering what had stopped him.
“Are you stalling our ceremony?” Noah asked slowly, pinning me to the spot with his eyes.
“Um…” I wasn’t sure of what to say. I wondered if I even could put my explanation into words. Was I stalling? The answer was, probably, yes… but then he would ask why and it became much more complicated an answer. Why would I stall? Our mating would be inevitable. I knew that. I had resigned myself to that. A part of me, although small, even wanted that. Still, I needed time.
Noah approached me, somewhat cautiously, before taking my hand in his. “It’s alright.” He whispered. “It’s fine. You don’t need to answer.”
“But-“
“Let’s go for a run.” he said instead, pulling us into the nearby treeline before I could protest. I gulped, knowing I would have to protest. There was no way I could change into my wolf form with him beside me.
“Wait, I-“
“Please, Micah?” Noah coaxed me, his pleading weighing heavy on my heart. “Your father… he mentioned to me you love running. The way he described you sounded beautiful. I want to see it.”
My stomach twisted with guilt. I let my mind drift, recognizing the familiar consciousness of my wolf. Unfortunately, my wolf was bristling and growling, forcing images of Noah attacking Nico into my mind. Months of training had hardened my wolf’s heart, the affects far deeper than even I realized at the time.
Noah released my hands and my wolf stopped snapping at him, but was apprehensive at best with being near Noah. “Strip down behind the tree if you’d like. We can phase and then run as fast as we can.” Noah laughed softly, nudging me toward a tree before he went behind his own.
The moment to argue had passed. There was no way to get out of this now unless I told Noah the truth, which seemed too cruel to admit. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I walked behind the tree and began to strip. I attempted to call my wolf, telling them it would be alright. Noah won’t hurt us, I assured them, Noah is kind. My wolf began to force images of every cruel word Noah had ever spoken to me into my head, obviously not convinced.
This is a bad idea, I thought to myself. When shifted, my wolf’s consciousness would be somewhat in control. My wolf was all instinct. It was not easy to reason with him, especially from the passenger seat. I hear the familiar crack of bones, signalling to me Noah had shifted. With one last final prayer to the goddess, I shifted as well.
The breaking of my bones as I transformed was painful, but swift. In just a few seconds I was a wolf, on all fours. Noah emerged from behind his tree, his wolf panting in excitement. Almost instantly, I felt a growl building low in my throat. I gave my wolf a mental shove to run, which frustrated him but he obliged nonetheless. With a flick of our tail, we were running, darting between trees and jumping over exposed roots and logs. I could feel Noah rushing to catch up behind us, his happiness palpable in the air between us.
Annoyed, my wolf took a sharp turn, attempting to lose our tail. I grumbled at my wolf to stop, but he simply gave me an annoyed sniff in return. Stop, I insisted, just try to be kind. My wolf scoffed at me, making another abrupt turn and then a jump onto a nearby mountain edge. Noah was dragging behind, no match for our speed and reflexes.
The mental argument between my wolf and I reached a fevered pitch, where both of us were projecting images into each other’s minds simultaneously. Noahs sleeping face. Noah calling me a fag. Noah holding our hand. Noah locking us in a cage. Noah saying sorry. Noah smacking Nico’s head into the ground. Noah sharing his secret with us.
We were so engrossed in our mental conversation, neither of us saw the cliff’s edge. We didn’t notice until our feet no longer connected with ground. WIth a surprised yelp, we toppled down the small cliffside, landing with a loud thud on our back. The fall winded us, allowing Noah enough time to catch up to us. Shocked by our sudden fall, he circled us in concern, coming forward to bump his muzzle against ours to see if we were okay.
My wolf snarled, snapping at him in warning. Noah jumped back, mere centimeters from getting his face torn into. I was still woozy from the fall, unable to keep my wolf in check as he struggled to his feet and growled at Noah, who stood shocked a foot or so away. By the time I regained my senses my wolf was charging him, slamming into his body with all the force they could muster. Shocked, I forced my transformation, my bones snapping back into their human positions.
I wrapped my arms around his wolf’s neck as he fell back, having just been knocked off his feet by my wolf. He let out a shocked whimper as we smacked against the forest floor. “Fuck, I’m so, so sorry Noah. Are you okay?” I cried, petting his furry head as he shook off his dazedness from my hit. “Are you hurt anywhere?”
His form convulsed and I scurried to get off of him before he transformed back. In a few moments human Noah was naked before me, rubbing the back of his head. “What was that?” He groaned, checking his hand for any speck of blood. When i didn’t respond, Noah turned his eyes on me, scrutinizing my face. “Micah, what the hell was that? You attacked me!”
“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, not sure what else I could say and not wanting to tell the truth.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“Micah.” His tone wasn’t soft anymore. “Why did you attack me?”
“I-I…” I tried to search my mind for an excuse that made sense, but nothing came up. “I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to, but I can’t help it. My wolf… doesn’t trust you.” I blurted out. The confession felt like ice water over my burning body and I chased that relief with all my might. “I- I didn’t know we would bond. I was just so upset when you beat me and you were horrible to me and I couldn’t just let you be Alpha when you only won because I couldn’t fight back and Nico helped me and-“
“Wait. Micah, wait! Slow down! I don’t understand. What are you saying?” Noah grabbed my shoulders, rubbing his thumbs softly against my skin in a soothing motion. “What do you mean?”
“The first time you challenged me… I realized then we were mates because my wolf wouldn’t fight back. It’s how you won. Back then, I hated you Noah. You were so awful to me and I didn’t know about your parents or anything like that. I just felt you weren’t right to be Alpha so… for the pack I decided to fight you again. I trained for months and months, letting Nico beat the shit out of me until I could finally fight back against the bond. During that time, we conditioned my wolf to ignore the bond and treat you as an enemy and… and now it can’t be undone. My wolf hates you.” I explained, the words tumbling out of my mouth one after another until the forest felt so silent I had to stop speaking. We sat for what felt like hours, but was most likely a few minutes, Noah’s expression unreadable.
Finally, he sighed, the sound tired and sad. “It’s okay.” He shook his head, as if to shake some of the thoughts from his mind. “I did some horrible things to you. I understand why you felt you had to do what you did.”
“You do?”
“I do.” He answered, dropping his face into his hands. “Forgive me. I’m… i’m only a man and I can’t help but be hurt anyway.”
“I’m sorry…”
“You don’t have to be sorry. Your actions were warranted. I deserve it, every single thing you did to protect yourself from me.” Noah’s voice cracked at the end and it felt as if my heart would break at that sound. “I brought this on myself. I can’t be angry at you for not wanting me. I didn’t deserve you. Even now, I don’t…”
His voice broke again and so I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his chest. Noah hugged me back, his arms pulling me in so tightly it almost hurt. I didn’t complain. I couldn’t bring myself to say another thing that might hurt him. “I’m sorry… if… if I could take it back, i would. I don’t want my wolf to hate you. I swear.”
“It’s okay.” Noah repeated, pressing his cheek against the top of my head. “We can figure this out too. We’ll work on it, little by little. I’ll prove myself to both of you. One day, hopefully, I can earn his trust back.”
“Noah-“
“Just let me hold you a bit longer, please Micah?” He held me even tighter. “Is that okay?”
“Y-yeah. Yeah… it’s okay.” I squeezed him in response, keeping my face hidden. For the first time, I realized I had been wrong. I had openly admitted to wanting to kill him and Noah, somehow, forgave me. In fact, he didn’t think I had any reason to be sorry. My sweet, gentle mate… I had wanted to kill him.
Goddess forgive me.
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