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CHAPTER 9:
“You called for me, Apa?” I mumbled, standing before him in his office. For the first time in a long time, I was alone. That could only mean one thing: my father was gonna chew me out.
“You left quite abruptly a few days ago.” He reminded me, memories of our fight regarding the war still fresh in my mind. “It was very unlike you. I’m concerned about you and your behavior.”
“What behavior exactly?” I wondered aloud.
“You’re very cold to your mate.”
“My brother almost died… right before my eyes. I was powerless to help him. In the last month i’ve been locked in a cage, attacked, locked in said attackers home, humiliated in front of the entire pack-“
“I know your pain, Micah.” My father cut off my rant. “You are my son. Your pain is mine.”
“Ofcourse.” I agreed, but my tone disagreed. I bowed my head, unsure of what else was left to be said. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I was alone in my feelings. The only one who understood was Nico… and even then he had to be knocked unconscious before he realized how dangerous Noah really was.
“You’ve sacrificed a lot for our pack. You have lived your life earnestly working toward creating a prosperous world for our people. I commend every effort you’ve made. There is no greater pride in this world than the pride I gain by being your father. Don’t you believe me?”
“I do.” I mumbled, but the sound of my voice still lacked confidence. I couldn’t help it. A part of me felt… abandoned by my father. Actually, I felt abandoned by my pack as a whole. I had tried so hard to protect everyone. Hadn’t I earned some support?
“Do you still love this pack, Micah?”
“You know I do!” I shot back, my voice slightly raised. “This pack… it’s the reason i live.”
“If that’s the case then… Noah needs help, doesn’t he?” My dad’s voice was soft, delicate, trying his best not to offend. I was immediately offended anyway.
“I tried to help him. I tried to guide him. He didn’t listen.” I argued just as softly back, doing my best to contain my frustration. “He’s looked down upon by the pack and for good reason.”
“That may be true,” he sighed, “But… nevertheless, we have no choice but to rely on him. He will be Alpha. With that knowledge, can you still give up on him so easily?”
“But Apa-“
“He doesn’t know how to lead. I know that very well, son. Thankfully, the goddess has blessed Noah. She has given him… you.” My dad stood from his chair, walking around his desk to come embrace me. “With you beside him… I know that our pack will be okay. You will do the right thing and teach him… because that is how I raised you and because that is who you have been since you were born. You are a blessing to this pack. You will save us, won’t you?”
“Yes, Apa.”
——————
It was dark when I returned home, having gone for a long run after speaking with my father. I had been upset at first. I felt as if my father didn’t understand. Noah was a dangerous choice for Alpha. We all knew so why were we even humoring this possibility? He needed to be taken out, not taught.
However, as day turned into night, I allowed my mind to drift for just a moment. What… What if the goddess truly doesn’t make mistakes? What if there were a reason for Noah and I being fated this way? Maybe… maybe my father had a point. He was far more wise than I, afterall, with the collective knowledge of all Alphas before him coursing through his veins. Perhaps Noah’s ignorance could be cured. He had been obedient enough with me the last few days, desperate for scraps of affection. Could I use that to my advantage?
With that thought, I drifted home, shifting back into my human form on the porch. I let the cold soak into my bare flesh as I hesitated. After all, Nico and I had a plan forming. There was still a chance I could be Alpha one day… but, honestly, it was slim. Convincing Elders set in tradition to turn their back on it… well, I was popular, but possibly not that popular. If it couldn’t be done and the pack was stuck with Noah, could I really watch him flounder and fail just to protect my own ego?
I entered the house, marvelling at it’s warmth when it was basically empty. Noah was asleep upstairs in his room, a fact I had made certain of before entering the house naked. I grabbed a throw from the couch and wrapped it around myself, warming up more with each passing second. The question continued to run rampant in my mind, keeping the drowsiness from reaching me even at this late hour. Could I do it?
I walked up the steps slowly, each step felt like a weight wrapped around my ankle. It got heavier as I reached the top of the stairs and my stomach began to turn. It was that string sensation again, tightly wrapping around my internal organs and giving a painful squeeze every time I took a step away from Noah’s bedroom. This pain was contant, ceasing only when we were buildings apart. Otherwise, I ached.
Tonight, the ache was nearly unbearable. Nadi had warned me of this, of course, before I left the hospital. Suppressants only worked so well, after all. I may not enter heat, but my hormones would still be elevated. My body would still call for him. It might even hurt, she had admitted, especially if we weren’t physically together. I wondered if I was the only one who felt it.
Hesitantly, still unsure of myself, I walked toward Noah’s room, each step a physical relief. His room door was wide open, but I stopped at the doorway, battling my own self. Yes, being closer was much less painful, but how close was too close? Even at his door, I felt as if I had gone too far. Noah and I needed lots of space, I told myself, so that I wouldn’t kill him in frustration.
Still, it was such a relief not to be in pain. I walked into the room, still tightly wrapped in the blanket. My breath hitched when my eyes fell on Noah, who tossed in his bed. He was still obviously asleep, but seemed to be in extreme discomfort. His blanket had been kicked off and sat on the floor at the foot of the bed.
He was in a tank top and boxer briefs, his tank top having rolled up his stomach due to his tossing and turning. His abs glistened in the low moonlight coming from his window, a very faint sheen of sweat covering his chest and forehead. He turned again, groaning in his sleep. I approached slowly, a bit concerned with his state of being. Softly, terrified I might wake him, I touched my fingertips to his shoulder.
He was freezing. I pulled away, wondering how someone could be ice cold and sweaty at the same time. Noah shifted again, his handsome face coming into full view. He shivered and scooted toward the edge of the bed where I was standing, most likely searching for the warmth of my hand. I sighed, wondering why I had come in here.
He was so handsome. It didn’t seem fair. The goddess could have made him ugly. Still, with our mate bond, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference. Being this close to him, the pain had almost completely gone. I wondered if I could get away with sleeping on the floor and leaving before he woke up.
Noah seemed to shake from the cold again. Quietly, I walked toward the foot of the bed and picked up the blanket, dragging it back onto the mattress and over Noah’s sleeping form. As I reached his shoulders, i decided to tuck the blanket under his chin and leave. However, as my gaze shifted to his head, I noticed large amber eyes blinking up at me. They were still heavy with sleep, but every blink showed more and more alertness. “Micah, are you alright?”
“Yes.” I said quickly, trying to hide the panic in my voice. “I went for a run. I just got back but I heard you moving around and… well… you looked cold.” I hoped the room was too dark for him to see me blush. “I didn’t intend to wake you. I’m going to be-“
“Wait.” He grabbed hold of my hand that had just released the blanket. “Stay.”
“I told you-“
“It just… hurts so bad when you’re gone today.” He explained. “I won’t touch you that way so… please stay.”
I stared at him, unused to the vulnerability in his eyes. His grip on me was gentle, as if he was sure I would shake him off. He probably wouldn’t have realized our pain would be the same. He had no idea I needed to be this close too. “If I stay… will you do something for me?”
“Like a favor?”
“No… well maybe. We can call it a favor.” I mumbled, my mind still trying to talk me out of it as I spoke. “I want you to accompany me tomorrow to some place very special to our pack and, while we’re there, I want you to listen to me. Even if it’s boring, you still have to promise to listen.”
“I promise.” Noah answered quickly.
“Then… I guess i’ll stay.” I mumbled, lowering myself to the floor. Before my bottom could make contact with the floor, however, Noah tugged me by the hand onto the bed. I fell into his arms, which he quickly wrapped around me in a vice like grip. ‘Wait, I didn’t-“
“Shhh. It’s just a hug. I promise.” he mumbled against my hair, pulling my face deeper into his chest. “When we touch… the hurting stops.”
True to his word, in a matter of seconds, his breathing evened out and his chest began to rise and fall to the rhythm of someone deeply asleep. I would have sighed in relief, but I found myself holding my breath. Noah smelled too good. My brain couldn’t take it. It felt like I would short circuit if I kept inhaling it. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to persuade myself to pass out.
One of Noah’s arms shifted from my shoulder to my waist, pulling our bodies even closer together. If he were conscious of it, I might have attacked him, but it was hard to blame a sleeping man for moving. I let out a shaky breath, deciding I would need to turn away from him if I had any hope of surviving this night. Slowly, I wriggled, turning my whole body until I was facing away from him. I took a deep breath, trying to get Noah’s scent out of my head.
The sleeping Noah kept one arm slung over my waist and his face buried in my hair. His breath tickled my neck and I tried to shift farther away to avoid these unwanted feelings. Sleeping Noah didn’t seem to like that. He huffed in annoyance, tightening his grip on my hip and pulling my waist back against his.
I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. Unbeknownst to the clearly out cold Noah, his dick was now pressed against my ass and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I covered my face with my hands, ordering my body to calm down and go to bed. I was breathing heavily, trembling in his grasp, and Noah had no idea. If he woke up, would he try to mate with me? If he tried, did I have the will to resist?
Noah took a deep breath against my hair, his cock twitching as his body responded to my smell. A familiar sensation trickled along my thigh, the embarrassment slapping me hard in the face. Regardless of my feelings, my body was making it very clear it wanted Noah.
I spent the rest of the night trembling, drifting in and out of sleep. I was too scared to move, worried I’d awaken Noah and something would happen that I was sure I didn’t want to happen… I think. Noah’s sweet scent continued to make my head hazy, my erection weeping profusely at this point.
When Noah began to shift the next morning, slowly coming out of his sleep, I realized I would need to escape before his eyes opened. There was no way to explain my body to him. Before he was fully awake, as he turned away from me for the first time that night, I bolted out of his bed and out of the room, only stopping once my own bedroom door was locked behind me.
I was still shaking as I collapsed onto my bed, my cock so swollen all I could do was begin to stroke it. I was so horny I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The pain was back with a vengeance, but I was too hard to notice it. I had to finish.
I bit my lip again, trying to keep in any noises that threatened to slip out. I turned on my stomach but kept my ass in the air. I was jerking my cock quickly, but my thighs were sticky with the need for something else. I reached behind me with my free hand, letting my face rest against the cool sheets as I attempted to finger myself.
I had never done that before, but my ass was aching. I felt so empty and I desperately wanted, no, needed to be filled. I bucked my hips wildly, trying to get enough pleasure to orgasm. I needed to so badly. I tried to clear my mind, focus only on the sensations of my hands on my body, but I slowly began to realize that was impossible.
The second my mind was clear, the feel of Noah”s erection pressed against my ass flooded my memory. We were only separated by a thin piece of fabric. I thought back on this with so much disappointment, wishing that fabric had been gone. What would it feel like if that had been the case? How would Noah pleasure me?
I whimpered, the thought of Noah thrusting away behind me too much for me to take. My whole body tensed and then spasmed, the hours of build up in Noah’s arms leading to the greatest orgasm of my life. I collapsed onto my stomach and buried my face in the mattress.
Fuck.
————————-
“You’re acting odd.” Noah pointed out. We had been walking in the forest behind my parents house for about ten minutes. We didn’t speak, mostly because I wasn’t sure i could face him after what i’d done in my room that morning. If he gave any hint at all that would lead me to believe he knew, I planned on finding a bear in this forest and letting it eat me.
“You don’t know me.” I grumbled. “You can’t say i’m acting odd when you have no idea how I act normally.”
“So you admit you’re not being normal?”
“Did you even hear me?” I cried, finally turning on my heel to face him. “I said-“
“I heard. You may think i’m stupid, but my ears work fine.” Noah snapped, his tone the harshest it’s been with me since finding out we were mates. If I hadn’t masturbated to the thought of him a couple hours earlier, I might have felt insulted. Unfortunately, my hormonal brain made my chest ache with sympathy. You’ve hurt his feelings, I thought to myself sadly before mentally slapping myself. Get it together Micah.
“That’s a lot of attitude for someone who promised to come with me and listen.” I scoffed, turning my back to him again. “So just be quiet and follow.” We continued deeper into the forest, with me stopping every few minutes when Noah fell too far behind and my body began to ache in protest. I would start up again once we were side by side. At one point, Noah stumbled, and I used it as an excuse to grab his hand. Upon contact, the pain faded away. When I went to release his hand a moment later, Noah refused to loosen a grip. Normally, I could make him let go of me, but a part of me felt relief to have an excuse to continue to touch. I sighed in annoyance, but allowed him to lace our fingers together.
“Really odd.”
“Noah-“
“I think you’re opening up. It’s nice.” Noah cut me off. “That’s all i wanted to say.”
A part of me wanted to rebuff him. I could point out we were both experiencing pain due to the hormones we were producing and that was the only reason we were this close. A nagging feeling began to tug at the back of my mind, however, discouraging me from being so cruel.
It was then that I realized, regardless of who became Alpha, Noah and I would have to mate. Obvious, I know, but our relationship had been the least of my concerns. I’d spent so much time plotting his murder and wishing him dead that i never bothered to realize we were stuck with each other. No matter what my feelings were, Noah and I would be together.
“We’re here.” I pointed out, yanking my hand out of Noah’s relaxed grasp. I walked in front of him, hesitating at the entrance to our sacred caves. The entrance was huge, a giant black whole slapped on an even more monstrous mountain. My skin already began to tingle as I hesitated at the threshold. “These are the sacred caves of our kind. It’s said this is where the very first alpha gained his divine power as a wolf. The first transformation happened within its walls and now, every time our pack changes alphas, it occurs here.” I turned to Noah, urging him to come stand beside me. He obliged, confusion clear on his face. “Do you feel that?”
“It’s like a buzz in my head.” Noah groaned.
“You have to accept it. Don’t fight it.” I urged him, grabbing his hand in support. “My father brought us here many times because it is the alpha family’s duties to protect them. I’m used to it now. You just have to allow the energy to pass through you.”
“What is it?”
“There’s no concrete explanation for it. My dad told us it was the ghosts of past alphas when we were little, but he was just teasing. Personally, I think it has to be something divine.” I watched as Noah closed his eyes and slowly untensed, his shoulders relaxing. I knew exactly when he stopped fighting it. The crease in his brow disappeared and his hand in mine felt like it was vibrating. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good. Now let’s go inside.” I yanked him through the entrance before he could protest. After the first step inside, the tingling intensified.
“It feels weird.” He commented, but allowed me to pull him in even deeper. We walked for a couple seconds until i recognized a familiar spot.
“It’s because we’re outsiders. It’s the caves way of keeping animals and other unwanted pests away. Until you become alpha, you’ll have to get used to it. Drinking from the stream helps.”
“The stream?”
“Here.” We stopped in front of a thin stream, about as wide as my arm. “This stream stretches all throughout the caves, but it doesn’t seem to have any beginning or end. It’s clean so don’t worry.” I dropped to my knees in front of it, dipping both my hands inside. The water was cool and yet somehow burned a hot trail down my throat. After a few moments, the tingles subsided to butterflies in my stomach. “Here, drink. It’ll help.” Noah kneeled beside me and cautiously cupped his hands for water. Slowly, staring at me as if he didn’t put it past me to poison him, he drank. “Feel better?”
“Yes.” He responded. “Thank you.”
“No problem. It’s a happy accident I even knew that. My brother and I-” I stopped speaking, the thought of sharing memories of Nico with Noah feeling wrong.
“What?” He asked, urging me to finish the story.
“Nothing. Just Nico and I goofed around too much when we were little. We drank from it on a dare.” I mumbled.
“Your brother, Nico, he seems like a good person.” Noah said hesitantly.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Lie.” I snapped, but quickly softened my tone. “Just…you’ve always hated Nico and I. So don’t lie to me and compliment him. You don’t know him or me. The bond we have… you’ve spent our whole lives mocking it so just… don’t lie to me now.”
Noah was silent for a moment and we simply sat in the uncomfortable aftermath of my outburst. “I don’t have any siblings.” Noah finally spoke, his voice surprisingly gentle. “I think, honestly, I was very jealous. That’s not an excuse. I know I… I messed up big time. There’s no rational explanation for it. When we were children, I was very lonely. Watching you with your brother… it was just another thing you had that i wanted. As we got older, my eyes always seemed to follow you. I wondered why a lot. For a while, I thought maybe I hated you. What else could it be, right? Why was I always thinking about you? Why did your voice drive me crazy? Why was I so annoyed every time you were with someone, even your brother? None of it made sense. So that night, the first night I felt the pull toward you, I think it all seemed to suddenly make sense for me. All the feelings I didn’t understand finally had a name. We were mates. A part of me might have always known.”
I remained stone faced, trying not to let my feelings show. I was torn, swaying between embarrassment and disgust. I was embarrassed because his words made me happy and disgusted that was the case. “You attacked Nico. You nearly killed him.” I said aloud, unsure if I were responding to him or reminding myself. “He’s everything to me and you gambled his life to get your way. I might have ended my own life if he were gone.”
“I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but I am. I need you to know that. I didn’t understand and I did something awful. I’m so sorry.” His voice felt like an ice pack over my wounds. He was right. Sorry wasn’t enough, but a part of me wished it was. An even tinier part of me forgave him.
“Nico and I are special, even as far as siblings go.” I said, realizing I couldn’t respond to his apology, at least not now. “We are bonded because we are family, but he was also supposed to be my beta. We trained together a lot. Nico and I bonded even closer. Our connection is unique in that way. We’re so close our wolves are bonded too.”
“I-“
“You know… you should be thinking about who your beta will be. It’s an important decision.” I changed the subject.
“I have a couple friends… or maybe my dad…” he trailed off, his handsome face troubled.
“Whoever you choose, consider it carefully. The beta is an extension of you. They hold a lot of power. You want to pick someone who can handle that. My father always told me I was free to choose whoever I want, but to always keep in mind: those who ask for that power usually can’t handle it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Beta’s can become alpha under certain conditions, like if an Alpha dies in battle. Beta’s job is to keep the alpha alive, basically, and that can get complicated if someone wants what you have.” I explained. “Your father or your friends, can you trust that they would jump in front of a charging dragon for you? Or… is there a possibility they might just hesitate, just to see?”
“I hadn’t thought of that.” Noah answered vaguely.
“I was raised to be alpha by the alpha. That has some advantages.” I admitted. “There’s a lot you need to know. That’s why I brought you here. This is where my dad brought me when he taught me these things. I thought it might be good to teach you too.”
“I would like that.” Noah answered quickly.
“Okay.” I responded just as fast. We sat in silence again, the only sound coming from the rushing stream. “Hey Noah?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you want to be Alpha?” I asked.
“To make my father proud.” He answered without an ounce of hesitation.
“That’s the first thing we need to change then.” I told him. “Your answer should have been to protect the pack and see us into a prosperous future.”
“I can’t have my own reason?” Noah frowned. “You’re very bossy, you know that?”
“I do.” I confirmed for him. “And no, you can’t have your own reason. That’s lesson number one. There is only one good reason to be alpha and that’s for the pack. Fathers die. Friends grow apart. Fame, prestige, power… it’s all temporary and fleeting. The pack is all that lives on. Being Alpha isn’t a position of power, but a life of servitude to our people. You have to remember that, okay?”
I expected Noah to protest. Everything I knew of him led me to believe he would flip out at my insolence. He would be somewhat justified in his anger, especially after saying his father would die one day, which was harsh enough despite it being true. However, Noah sat in quiet contemplation after I finished speaking. For a moment, I wondered if he had even been paying attention. I opened my mouth to call him out for ignoring me when he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. “I’m very lucky.” He chuckled, staring at our intertwined hands.
“What do you mean?” I asked, caution in my tone. I still wondered if I should chastise him or not.
“You’re so smart, Micah. I’m lucky to have a mate I can rely on like this.” Noah was still smiling at our hands, not at all aware of the effect his words were having on me. “I’m unbelievably lucky. Being with you, it’s a dream come true. So no matter what, i’m going to do my best so you can feel the same. It might be hard for a while because there’s so much I don’t know and I make dumb mistake, but I can do it. With you, I can do anything. I’ll work hard and do everything I can to make you happy. We’ll have a long, happy life together if it’s the only thing I can ever accomplish. Hopefully then, I’ll deserve you.”
My face was flaming and I didn’t know what to do. The cave was dark, but not dark enough to hide my blush. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees, trying to ignore Noah’s hand in mind. The effect his words had on me were immediate. I was touched, warm, and terrified that I enjoyed his praise so thoroughly. “I already said… being Alpha means your priority is the pack. If there’s only one thing you can do, do it for the pack. Not me.”
“Will that make you happy?” That question made my heart skip a beat. “If it does, then I can do both.”
“Okay.” I squeaked out, still hiding my face from him. My heart was racing and my blush wouldn’t go away. The hormones inside me swirled around until I felt dizzy. “That would make me happy.”
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