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The wind blew against my face as we stood at the lookout, my hair blowing around from the breeze in the open area. The gum leaves rustled and shook above us; the tree’s limbs bending and swaying in the sky’s current. Despite that the weather was nice, the clouds were a puffy white and the sun had just the right amount of heat as it sat dormant.
This was why Kevin kicked us out of the tent; apparently out last day out here cannot be spent in the confinements of a tent. Although I do feel a little bad that I’ve been spending more time with Chase than him but at the same time, I don’t regret it. We went hiking; Up the road we came in on and veering down a side road about halfway up the mountain. The walk took about 2 hours but it was by no means boring as we all laughed and joked about anything and everything. I chuckled to myself at the memory of Seb tripping on a root and practically face-planting on the path; he got a few little battle scars but nothing he didn’t laugh off. I don’t know how he does it but if anyone has an accident or does something stupid it’s guaranteed to always be him; and although I feel bad for the guy I’m glad it’s not me.
You could see most of our town from up here; the town and the cars as they hurried through their everyday lives, the bridge that traversed the channel with silent glory and the world that we’ll be returning to tomorrow. I wasn’t sure how I felt; sure I missed being at home and the comfort of my bed… but that just sounds lonely. Sure I have Kevin just 3 doors down but things have change now. Things have happened; Chase happened. Not until now, thinking about sleeping in my bed alone and just not seeing him, have I realised just now terrible that sounded. This could all just be because of how new and exciting this whole thing is but even in such a short time it feels like I’ve become reliant on him; his smile and his touch. What happens when all this is over… would he still want to try? Would he still want this? Would he still want me…?
I shook the thought out of my head before it cemented itself in my mind, this wasn’t the time for worries like that. Just as I did 2 birds flew out from the trees; twisting their wings and spiralling against the wind in synchronised motions. I’ve never been the most superstitious person but I took it as a sign; this, whatever it is, can work. I made the mistake of watching them as they crossed the path of the sun, temporarily blinding me before I looked back down and rubbed at my eyes.
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” I heard a voice ask beside me. I turned my head, staring at Imogen as she stared out at the view. How long had she been standing there for?
I nodded my head in response “Though I’d say it makes the town appear a lot nicer than what it is” I chuckled.
“Well that’s not very fair” she stated, “You can hardly blame it when it has someone like you living in it” I would have taken offense if it wasn’t for the tone of her voice; light-hearted and joking.
“You’re one to talk” I chuckled, paying most of my attention to the view to avoid any awkwardness. It probably shouldn’t have been but only a few days ago I would have given anything to have sex with her; now I couldn’t care less.
“So you and Chase huh?” She asked quietly. I was trying to read how she felt by her tone but I wasn’t too sure what I was getting… what she disappointed?
“Yeah” I chuckled, a small smile playing at my lips “Who would have guessed” The words were directed to myself just as much as to her.
“I’d say you have me to thank for that” She grinned
“That’s one way to put it” I chuckled, “So, how much did you know before you made me kiss him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you know he was gay?” I reiterated
“Oh yeah” She nodded, “Though I had no idea about you. I thought you were going to be disgusted; or at least a little put off by the idea but you sure proved me wrong” She chuckled, “You were like really getting into it… like real-“
“Okay I get the point” I laughed cutting her off, “Although in my defence I didn’t know either”. I crossed my arms over my chest. “On the topic of kissing, about the other night, I still haven’t properly apologised for that”
“Wait what? Trae Williams is about to apologise for something? I have to record this!” she all but exclaimed, pulling her phone out of her pocket.
“You know what? No apology for you then” I stated trying to sound serious, “You ain’t getting nothing!”
“I was kidding” she giggled, “What was the deal with that?”
“You better have been” I tried to keep a straight face but I let a smile slip. “I dunno” I shrugged, “Everything was happening so quickly and basically I kissed you to see if this was all real, if I really was falling for another guy.”
“And you were” she mumbled.
“Yep” I nodded, “Well that or you’re just a really bad kisser” I smirked, trying to lighten the mood.
I was expecting her to get defensive like most girls would but she didn’t. “Maybe” She shrugged, “Though I’ve never had any complaints so I highly doubt that was the issue” I couldn’t help but notice the smirk on her delicate features.
“Im?” I questioned before looking around the area for Chase, noticing him sitting with the others on a bench quite some metres away. His cheeks were a bright shade of red as Teegan and Skye appeared to be interrogating him. I felt a little sorry for him but I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah?” She asked slightly confused, probably at me looking around.
“Out of curiosity. Say none of this happened; Between Chase and I. Would I have stood a chance with you?” Even if she said yes I knew it wouldn’t have changed anything between us or the way I felt about Chase but part of me just wanted to know if I was wasting my time; if Trae Williams could really get any girl he wanted.
She laughed quietly before smirking at me. “I guess you’ll never know” She winked before turning and walking away, leaving me all on my own. I couldn’t help but notice the slight sway in her hips; ‘there’s the Imogen I know’ I chuckled to myself before turning my attention to Chase. He now had his face in his hands as Teegan practically begged him for what I assumed to be details.
“Chase!” I called out. It didn’t take long for his head to turn in my direction as he waved, a shy smile taking over his expression. How the hell did I meet someone so god damn adorable. I gestured him over before leaning my back against the lookouts barrier. He turned back to the others and said something before getting up and looking more than pleased to be leaving his little interview early.
He adjusted and pulled at his shirt nervously after realising my eyes were on him. He looked a little nervous as he approached but he didn’t look away, his eyes were on me the whole way and I couldn’t help but smile; he was really trying. I pulled him into my arms when he stopped in front of me, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“Thank you” he mumbled contently
“For what?” I asked quietly.
“Getting me away from the terror twins”
“No worried” I chuckled, “Thank you”
“For what?” he asked quietly.
“Everything”
…
The wind got colder as the sun started to set. We were just over half way back from our little hiking adventure before the sun started falling behind the cover of clouds, which seemed to burn bright orange against the darkening sky. I watched through the openings of the trees as the blue started to tinge a shade of violet, signalling the forthcoming night. I turned to Chase as he walked beside me, “It’s beautiful huh?” It reminded me of the exact same sunset that we saw on the first night that we were here. I’m not too sure if it’s happened before since then but I don’t remember seeing it; and this is definitely something you don’t forget.
“It’s just like the one from the first night we were here” he nodded with a smile, “It’s one of the many things I love about living here in Australia. I know Ireland has them too but I feel like they would be nothing compared to this” I watched him, admiring the animated smile that seemed to take over his body. “The colours as they form, slowly developing as they take over of the sky-” his eyes caught mine before he suddenly stopped; his face turning bright red. “Yeah, it’s beautiful” he ended; looking at me like he’s done something wrong; and he had, he stopped. I frowned at him. “Sorry… I just got a little carried away”.
I shook my head slightly before smiling at him reassuringly, “You looked so happy just now – why’d you stop?” my frown returned.
“I just thought I was boring you” his eyes were back on the ground.
“Hey” I mumbled, placing my finger under his chin and making him look back up. “What did we say about that? Eyes up, okay?” I tried to sound gentle, yet with a stern undertone to help get my words across. He nodded slowly. “I love the way you see the world – and I love so many things about you. Like I said, things we find least interesting about ourselves others find the most fascinating. You weren’t boring me; not in the slightest” I assured him, “How happy you were just now – I’d listen to you talk about watermelons all day if I got to see that again” I put my arm around him, “So the next time you take that away from me you’re gonna regret it” I teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.
“Okay” He nodded, “And seriously…” he looked at me with a confused expression, “watermelons?”
“It’s the first thing that came to mind” I laughed
“You are so weird” he chuckled, shaking his head. I was about to reply when I felt something jab me in the ribs. I jumped back at the sudden contacted; knocking Chase in the process. I turned, glaring at Kevin as he sported an innocent yet mischief grin.
“What the hell man?”
He completely ignored me before focusing his attention on Chase. “Can I borrow this one for a few minutes?” He put his hands on my shoulders as he spoke.
A look of confusion crossed his features before replying with a nod, “Sure, go for it”.
“Cool, thanks” he pulled me to a stop as everyone kept walking, “I’ll give him back in one piece I promise” he then called.
Chase didn’t even turn around when he replied, just shrugging his shoulders followed by a brief “whatever”
“I think he’s over you” Kev chuckled as I scoffed.
“I’ll deal with him later” I muttered before looking at Kev, “What was with all the theatrics?”
He shrugged before looking down at the ground, “It just feels like since you’ve been spending so much time with Chase you haven’t even wanted to talk to me lately” His voice was low, sad. To say I felt guilty would have been an understatement.
“Bro, I know and I’m so-” I started but he cut me off.
“I’m just fucking with ya man” he laughed, hitting me on the back. “I can’t believe you were about to say sorry”
“I hate you so much” I dead-panned
“You love me” he grinned, “Although, not as much as you love Chase I bet” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.
“You’re disgusting” I laughed, “and no, we haven’t done anything like that”. I know he didn’t say it but I knew perfectly well what he meant.
“And it’s been what? 3 days?” He mused, “Wow, must be like true love or something” he chuckled.
“Yes I get it, I’m a pig” I groaned, “And can you stop saying love. I like him, yes, but I don’t love him; okay?”
“Sounds to me like someone’s in denial” He mumbled teasingly.
“Whatever” I chuckled, “What’s been going on between you and Teegan huh?” I smirked.
“Nothing” He said too quickly for it to be remotely believable.
“Now I’m just offended” I held my hand against my chest, feigning offense. “Were you even trying? Even someone who didn’t know you could tell you’re lying” I chuckled.
“Shut up” He muttered, “So maybe ‘things’ have happened” he shrugged.
“Oh now you have to tell me” I grinned.
“Nothing much” he shrugged again, his hands finding their way into his pockets.
I looked at him sceptically, “You like her don’t you?”
“What? No, where did that idea even come from?” he tried to sound unaffected by my words but I could read past it.
“You do realise that when you say to me that ‘you’ve known me for all my life'” I used air quotes to help my point, “it also means that I” I held my hand against my chest, “have known you all my life. You’re not the only one who knows the other better that they think. You’ve never hesitated to tell me about one of your little conquests until now so I know something’s up”.
“Yeah I know” he shrugged, “I’m just a little confused. I’m just not sure what we are, y’know?”
“Yeah I know exactly what you mean” I chuckled, “I’m guessing you thought it would be just a quick little hook up or whatever but it feels different in a weird and confusing way; a good way”.
“Sounds about right” he mused with a chuckle.
“So when did this all start?” I asked curiously. I know that they snuck away together the other day but would that when this all started?
“It actually all happened before this whole camping thing” he admitted quietly with a chuckle.
“What? How the hell can you make me tell you shit when you don’t tell me shit?” I nudged his arm playfully, feigning offense.
“That’s completely different” he exasperated, “I wasn’t going to confront you about anything but you were really worrying me. I didn’t know what to do or what was going on in your head… you seemed so anxious and conflicted.”
“Yeah I see your point” I nodded, “So how longs it been? This thing between you and Teegan?”
“Not too long. It was last week; you know that party we went to?” I nodded; thinking back to the party that we ended up at. I don’t even remember how we got there… I just remember being there and waking up in a bed with a random blonde with a splitting headache. “Well she was there too and we were both drinking and having fun and before you know it we were hooking up in someone’s bedroom. Not much has happened between us since then and for the most part we both pretended that nothing had happened. Until the other night; the first night we were here, we were all drunk and then things happened again. We didn’t do too much; just kissed a little but I dunno… it feels different”
“And the other day when you two snuck off?” I probed; intrigued.
“It was the first time we tried anything without being drunk. We tried to be secretive but I guess that didn’t go too plan” he laughed.
“You should have known better” I agreed with a chuckle, “Nothing, and I mean nothing; gets past your sister without her knowing… It’s scary how much that woman sees and hears” I cringed at the thought.
“At least you don’t have to live with her” he laughed, “I can’t do anything without here knowing and it’s so annoying! Do you know how many times she’s bribed me cause she caught me sneaking out?! It’s ridiculous” He shook his head with a sigh.
“I can only imagine” I chuckled, “She’s probably a vampire and never sleeps; that’s how she always knows what’s going on I bet”
“You know what? You could be right” he nodded with chuckle, “She’s probably listening to us right this second with her vampire-like hearing” he mused.
“I wouldn’t joke about that man” I warned, “Vampires are real”
“Seriously?” He looked at me like I was slightly crazy.
“I’m just fucking around” I laughed, “But you never know; it’s a big world out there”
“And an even bigger universe” he nodded in agreement.
“So you two snuck off together? How’d that go for ya?” I asked getting back on topic.
“Dammit” he muttered quietly. I laughed at the sound; he really thought he could get out of it that easily? Oh Kevin… “It went well” he mumbled, “too well. It’s weird, we’ve been friends for years and I thought it would feel strange, wrong even, but it doesn’t. It felt really good y’know; so much better than all of the other random chicks I’ve hooked up with and-“
“It’s confusing the shit out of you… yeah I know they feeling” I finished for him and he nodded his head. “How does she feel about all of this?”
“I’m not too sure” he shrugged, “After the other day she just said she needed time to figure things out and it’s the last we’ve spoken or done anything about it. Sure we still act normal around each other but I dunno…” he trailed off as we walked. A few moments of silence passed as I thought of what to say.
“All I can say is pretty much what you told me… you just gotta man up and do what you gotta do. Nothings gonna fix or change itself if you do nothing to fix or change it. Maybe she is just a little confused or maybe she just wants to stay friends but you’re not going to find the answer by doing nothing. I was scared; terrified even, but I listened to you and look where that got me. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. No matter the outcome I’d say it would be better knowing than to waste time worrying about something that could or couldn’t be.”
“Yeah I get what you’re saying” he nodded, “I just don’t know if I could give up my old life; drinking, partying and sleeping around. Although in saying this” he continued, “I don’t think it would be quite the same without my wingman now that he’s hitched” he mused with a chuckle, though I couldn’t help but notice the essence of sadness in his tone. Things are changing I know that; for better or for worse I’m not too sure yet but I guess I’ll find out sooner or later. I’m not too sure where it’s going to take me and it’s a little scary but something tells me I’m to be just fine.
“You’re right” I nodded, “It won’t be the same cause let’s face it; I’m fucking amazing” I grinned cockily, “but regardless of what happens you’ll always be my brother and best mate, okay? That will never change”
He groaned audibly. “Dammit… Really?”
“Till death do us part baby” I winked, slapping him on the arse playfully.
…
We all had drinks in our hands as we sat by the fire, watching the flames flicker against the black of the night. We’ve been back from our little adventure for a few hours now and everyone was pretty tired as we sat around the fire in a comfortable silence. Conversations was a little scarce tonight and if I had to guess why I’d have to say because it was our last night; nobody really wanted to leave. That much was evident. It was no different for me; leaving this place, this escape, sounded like a terrible idea but we don’t have much of a choice. Work, life and other commitments all require our presence.
I was bought out of my thoughts when I felt someone poking my arm. I turned to face Chase just in time to see him let out a tired yawn; I couldn’t control the yawn that also left me. “Yeah?” I smiled.
He nibbled at his bottom lip before responding, “I’m kinda tired” was all that he said.
“Do you want to go to bed?” I asked quietly.
He nodded his head slightly, “Only if you want to.” His words were soft; tired and a little shy.
“Of course” I smiled, “You’re not the only one who’s exhausted.” I stood up, brushing the dirt off my arse in the process. Chase followed suit. “We’re gonna head off to bed, we’re exhausted”. We got a few ‘goodnights’, a ‘sure’ and a ‘see you in the morning’ but it was Kevin’s response I chose to respond too.
“No worries, just try to be quiet when you’re going at it K’ bud?”
“No promises” I chuckled as I turned and walked to tent; dropping my half-full bottle in bin along the way. “It may be best if you just cover your ears” I unzipped the tent, pulling the flap opening and motioning Chase in. I heard a quiet ‘thank you’ before following behind him. I heard Chase playing around with the blankets as I turned around to zip the tent back up.
I turned back around, looking down at Chase as he lay down already under the blanket. I pulled my shoes off before joining him, laying down and pulling the blanket over myself. I yawned, stretching out my back and moving myself closer to Chase; letting my body relax against his warmth. “What did you want to talk about?” I know I was cutting straight to the point but I’d rather know what’s bothering him now than to beat around the bush pointlessly.
He was quiet for a few moments before responding, obviously lost in his own thoughts momentarily. “What happens after tomorrow?” Was all he said. His words were soft; it was obvious he was nervous and a little worried.
I was quiet for a few seconds, thinking about my answer. I know what I wanted; all that mattered was what he wanted. “What do you want to happen?”
“I don’t know” He mumbled, “I like you and I want this to work… but-” My chest tightened at the word before I cut him off.
“This can work… I know it can” Now it was my time to sound nervous and worried. My words were soft yet desperate; he didn’t want this.
“I know it can” he mumbled, “I just – please don’t take this the wrong way” He paused as I watched him; my expression worried, “I just – I… I’m scared”. My expression changed from worry to a frown. I was about to ask why but he continued. “Tee’s warned me about you what she calls it, your ‘track-record’. We’re out here and it’s just us. You’ve said it yourself, it’s new and it’s exciting… What if that excitement wears off? What if we leave here and you get sick of me or find someone better? I just don’t know if I can handle that…”
I reached out; brushing the back of my fingers along his cheek. “I’m not going to lie and say that anything Teegan told you was a lie because I wouldn’t be surprised if she mellowed it down for you. I have a terrible history when it comes to random hook-ups and I’ve never been ashamed or even bothered by it until the other day; until I met you. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve you; like I don’t deserve for you to feel about me what I feel about you. I’m not going to say I love you because I don’t; or not yet. We hardly know each other and I know we still have a lot to learn about each other. But what I can say is that I like you, a lot… more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I can’t promise that whatever this is will work between us but I can promise that I can try, and I will try… If you’d let me. I want you Chase; and I want this to work, please. Please just give me a chance.”
He went quiet again as my words sunk in. Seconds passed before he nodded his head slowly, “Okay”.
-The End-
A/N – I know the end was kind of abrupt but i kinda like it like that… And i have decided there is going to be an epilogue which should be finished ASAP.
The attached song is ‘Dancing in the dark’ by Rihanna from the ‘Home’ soundtrack. Mainly because I started listening to it on repeat as i was finishing off this chapter but it really is a beautiful song that actually made me really emotional when i first saw the movie.
Many thanks for reading and expect a proper thank you on the epilogue, but bye for now 🙂
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