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IT’S BEEN A BIT OVER TWO months now. The start of May. The weather’s good. The vibes are good. And I’m feeling good.
Every day is getting a little easier, a little lighter. I still have bad moments-bad hours-but they don’t swallow me whole anymore.
I’ve been calling Aaron, usually once or twice a week since that’s all I’m allowed. And God, I love hearing his voice.
Every call, I ask him about his day first, and he always refuses to answer until I tell him about mine. It’s his way of making sure I keep talking, at least that’s what he tells me.
You know, since we started calling I expected him to stop sending me letters. But he hasn’t. He still does.
I’m not upset about that. In fact, it’s the opposite. They’re my favorite thing I own right now. I keep all of them in a box that Dr. Adensina gave me.
A sudden clap snaps me out of my thoughts. I glance up to see Dr. Adesina grinning, her hands coming together in a sharp, bright noise, her gold bangles clinking against each other.
Today her hair is different-copper coloured braids that curl at the ends instead of her usual afro. “I like your hair, Doc.”
“Why thank you, Carmen,” she chuckles, settling into the chair across from me. “You’re in a good mood, huh?”
“Maybe.” I shrug with a smile. “And maybe it’s because I might be leaving soon.”
Technically, I’m only supposed to stay for three months, but that could change if Dr. Adensina thinks I’m not ready yet. But I think I am. I hope she does too.
“Seems like you will,” she counters.
“Actually?” I can’t hide the excitement bubbling in my chest.
“Don’t seem too happy to leave me,” she jokes, pretending to look wounded.
“I’m not,” I laugh. “You’ve been great. Amazing. It’s just…” I trail off, letting out a breath. “I think it’s time for me to go back. I’m ready.”
“You’ve been improving really well, Carmen,” she says warmly. “I’ve been hearing lots of good things from your group session leader.”
“Really?” I ask, eyebrows lifting.
At first, I hated those group sessions. Hated the stares, the judgments I thought were hidden behind polite smiles. I almost refused to open up. But eventually, I realised the truth-everyone here was just like me. Struggling. Fighting their own battles.
And once I talked, really talked, they didn’t look at me like I was broken. They understood.
“Remember last session when I asked you, if you could let anyone visit, who would it be?” Dr. Adesina says.
I narrow my eyes at her, immediately suspicious. “I remember.”
I said Valeria and JJ. I miss them. I miss them so much. The last time we talked, I snapped at them when they were only trying to check if I was okay. I still feel so guilty about that.
I thought about saying Aaron, but… I didn’t want him to see me here. I don’t know why-it’s stupid, maybe. But it feels like something I need to keep separate, for now.
“Well,” Dr. Adensina says, her voice gentle, her smile wide, “your friends are here.”
My mouth drops open. “Val and JJ?” She nods. “You’re serious?” I breathe out in shock.
Another nod. “I am.”
I nearly jump out of my seat with excitement, a huge smile on my face. I have the best therapist in the world.
“I’ll let them in now if you want?” she asks, already standing.
“Yes, please,” I blurt out, maybe too quickly, but I don’t care.
She laughs again as she steps out of the room. A few seconds later, the door swings back open- And in they come.
Valeria’s the first one I see. She’s still gorgeous, her long dark hair falling perfectly around her shoulders. There’s a wide, nervous smile stretched across her face, like she doesn’t know if she’s allowed to be excited yet. Her eyes-dark blue and shining-are already glassy, like she might cry just from looking at me.
JJ is right behind Valeria, her brown wavy hair almost looks like a mess as if she’s been running his hands through it all morning but still perfect. Her smile is huge, too wide for her face, and I haven’t seen her this happy and excited in a while.
I don’t even know what hits me first. The shock. The ache. The relief.
And before I can say anything, before I can even take a full breath, they crash into me-Valeria’s arms flinging around my shoulders, JJ squeezing both of us into the tightest, messiest group hug imaginable.
It’s clumsy and overwhelming and perfect.
I feel JJ’s fingers knot into the back of my hoodie like she’s scared I might disappear. Val lets out this half-laugh, half-sob sound right next to my ear.
And somewhere deep in my chest, something fragile and broken stitches itself back together.
I laugh. A real, loud, ugly kind of laugh that I didn’t even know I still had in me. They’re here. They’re really here. I can’t believe it.
Dr. Adesina gives us one last knowing smile before slipping out, pulling the door gently shut behind her.
“Carmen-“
“We missed-“
“I have-“
We all start talking at the exact same time and immediately burst out laughing. “Okay, you guys first,” I say, waving my hand as we all flop down into the seats scattered around the room.
Valeria leans forward, her fingers fiddling nervously with the hem of her dress. “We’re so sorry.”
“We should have been there for you,” JJ adds, her bright blue eyes shining with something heavy.
The guilt in their faces twists something inside me.
I did that. The more addicted I got, the more I pushed them away, terrified they’d see the mess I was turning into. I thought if I kept them far enough, they wouldn’t notice. Wouldn’t hate me.
“It’s okay, really,” I say, and for once, I mean it.
“We still should’ve tried harder,” Valeria insists, her voice breaking a little.
I smile, feeling that tight knot in my chest loosen. “You’re here now, it’s okay.” We’re quiet for a second. Just breathing the same air. Just being here.
And then, like we can’t take the heaviness anymore, JJ blurts out, “Okay, but also-you look so good. Like, glowy.”
Valeria’s eyes light up. “Literally! Your skin is actually glowing.”
I laugh, a little embarrassed. “I think that’s just healthy rehab food. And the no drugs part.”
They glance at me, eyes wide, and I nod my head as if I’m telling them it’s okay to laugh and they finally do.
We start talking about everything and nothing. Valeria tells a story about how she tried to bake cookies for her mum’s birthday and almost set the kitchen on fire. JJ says how she’s been bored out of her mind without me during maths class.
Valeria then picks at a loose thread on her jumper, glancing around the room. “So… what’s it like here, really? I mean, you look good. Happier. But is it… you know, boring?”
I snort. “Sometimes. The days kind of blur together. Group therapy, meals, more therapy, journaling, phone calls…” I trail off
Valeria catches it immediately. “Wait. Phone calls?” She lifts an eyebrow at me.
JJ leans in too, grinning. “Oh my God, who’s putting that smile on your face?”
I roll my eyes, feeling my cheeks warm up. “It’s not-” I start, but JJ cuts me off.
“Don’t even try to deny it. Spill it, Carmen.”
“Yeah,” Valeria says, nudging my leg with hers. “We need all the updates.”
I laugh under my breath, giving in. “It’s just… Aaron. We’ve been calling a couple times a week.”
JJ’s mouth drops open dramatically. “A couple times?”
I shrug, trying to seem unbothered. “He tells me about his day. Stupid little things. I like talking to him.”
Valeria puts a hand over her heart like she’s about to faint. “I think… I think that man might be obsessed with you, Carmen.”
JJ smiles too, softer this time. “He sounds… really good for you.”
She hesitates before adding, “I’m sorry for having the wrong idea about him.”
I meet her eyes and shake my head. “It’s okay. Honestly. You were just trying to protect me.”
Valeria nods. “But you look… really happy right now, Carmen. And that’s all that matters.”
We all fall into an easy silence for a second, smiling at each other. And then Valeria claps her hands together loudly. “Okay, but seriously. We need to have the best sleepover ever when you’re back.”
“Like rewatching the whole Fast and Furious saga in one night,” JJ adds.
I grin, leaning forward in my chair, ready to keep talking and laughing and planning a future that I’m finally excited for.
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