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THE PAGE IN FRONT OF ME is blurry. Not because I don’t understand it—well, okay, maybe I don’t fully get this stupid statistics question—but mostly because my brain’s fried.
I’ve been staring at AS Level revision papers for so long that the words are starting to rearrange themselves like they’re in a different language.
I lean back in my chair with a sigh and rub my eyes. It’s quiet. Too quiet. Dad’s out. Cora’s at a friend’s. The house feels still in that weird way where even the silence hums. I glance at the clock. 7:34 PM.
I should probably power through this chapter. Or get some food. Or—my phone suddenly vibrates. I frown, reach over, and check the screen.
UNKNOWN CALLER.
I stare at it for a second. My heart skips. Then leaps. I swipe to answer.
A robotic voice fills the line. “You are receiving a call from a resident at Suffolk Recovery Centre. If you would like to continue this call, press one.”
I press the number before the message can even finish, not hesitating for a second.
“Aaron?”
I close my eyes and lean back in my chair. Fuck. Her voice. It’s like sunlight. Like the first deep breath after holding it for too long.
“Hey,” I breathe. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she replies quietly. “Sorry for calling this late, it’s the only time I’m able to.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I say quickly. “Call me this late every day, I don’t mind.”
She laughs softly, and I swear I could live off that sound. “You okay?” she asks. “How’s school? How’s football? How’s… everything?”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “No way. You first.”
“Aaron—”
“We have, what, ten minutes on this thing?” I scoff lightly. “I’d rather listen to you ramble about your day than anything else. Please.”
She’s quiet for a second. Then she exhales. “Okay… fine.” Good. Listening to her voice is all I want right now. All I need.
“So, today Dr. Adesina brought her kid to work. He’s three. And so bloody cute. Big eyes. Cutest smile.”
I chuckle. “Let me guess—he clung to you the entire day?”
She groans dramatically. “Aaron, he would not leave me alone. I tried to sneak away during lunch and he followed me with his juice box like I owed him child support.”
I laugh, loud and real. “Sounds like you made a new best friend.”
“He made me sit on the floor and play matching games. I swear he was cheating. He’d pick two completely wrong cards and then look at me with the most smug little grin.”
“He’s trying to impress you.”
“He’s three,” she snorts and continues, “You know, he hugged me. Out of nowhere. Just wrapped his little arms around me and said, ‘You’re nice.'”
“That’s because you are,” I tell her honestly.
“I don’t feel it most days.”
God—the way she said that, the pain in her voice. She doesn’t realise how special she is. How amazing. How sweet. How funny. “Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“I don’t know. I just… sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel like myself again.”
I sit up a little straighter. “You will. Maybe not all at once, but it’ll come back to you.”
“You sound sure.”
“I am.” Without a fucking doubt.
She lets out an exhausted chuckle. “Why?”
“Because I know you,” I explain softly. “And you’ve never been anything less than strong—even when you don’t feel like it.”
She’s quiet again. Then, “You always know what to say.”
“No,” I murmur. “I just mean it.”
There’s something in the pause that follows. Like she hears it. Like she almost knows. But not quite. “You’d be a good mum, Carmen,” I add quietly.
“What?” Her voice is soft with a hint of shock.
“I said… you’d be a good mum.” I swallow. “Seeing you talk about him. I can picture it.”
There’s a pause on the line, but not an awkward one. It’s warm. Comfortable. “You think?” Her breath catches just slightly, and it makes my heart pound.
“I know.“
She’s quiet again, then says, “You’d be a good dad.”
That hits somewhere deep in my chest. I hope someday I will. “What else did you do today?” I ask gently, needing to hear her voice again.
“Oh,” she says quickly, “I had a one-on-one with Dr. Adesina today too. She’s… I don’t know. She’s good. I like her.”
“Really?”
“She doesn’t push too hard. But she knows when to call me out on my bullshit.”
I smile. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
“I talked about you today,” she adds softly.
My heart stutters. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I told her how you always made me feel like I mattered, even when I didn’t want to matter to anyone. I said… I said I don’t know how I’m supposed to be without you anymore.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on the desk, trying to breathe around the lump in my throat.
“You don’t have to be,” I say quietly. “Without me, I mean. I’m here, always.”
“I know,” she practically whispers and yet I can hear the smile in her voice, “you always say that, Aaron.”
Because I mean it. Every single bloody time.
“So, football?” she asks, changing the subject. “Still breaking ankles and scoring goals?”
I chuckle, leaning back on my chair. “Something like that. It’s going good, actually. There are a few big time clubs showing interest.”
“Wait, seriously?” she exclaims, and I can hear the genuine excitement in her voice. “Aaron, that’s amazing!”
“Yeah,” I say, smiling even though she can’t see me. “It’s all a bit surreal, but I told them I’m not signing anything until I finish sixth form.”
She pauses. “Really?”
“Mhm. My dad wasn’t thrilled, obviously. Gave me this whole ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ lecture. But I explained it to him, and… he came around. Turns out, most of the clubs are still open to signing me next year. So I figured… why rush it?”
“That’s really good, Aaron,” she says quietly. “Like, really mature.”
“Wow,” I tease, “Is that shock I hear?”
“No,” she huffs. “Okay… kinda.”
I let out a light laugh in response. There’s a beat of comfortable silence. I can hear her breathing on the other end, soft and steady.
Then, casually, “So… any girls at school throwing themselves at the famous Aaron O’Connor?”
I let out a scoff, caught off guard. “What?”
“You know, since you’re basically a pro now. Bet they’re lining up for you.”
“That’s too bad,” I sigh.
She hums in curiosity. “Why?”
“Because I only fancy and have eyes on one girl.” And I’m talking to her right now.
“Oh,” she breathes out. “Really?”
“Is that hard to believe?” I tease.
She’s quiet, but I can hear the slight hitch in her breath. “You’re so dramatic.”
“Only for you.”
She exhales a light laugh, and for a second, it feels like she’s here, lying next to me like she used to on the nights we’d talk for hours. The distance doesn’t feel as wide.
“I still miss you, Carmen,” I say, before I can stop myself.
“I still miss you too,” she whispers. “They’re probably about to cut the call now.”
I check the time and frown. “Already?”
“Yeah.” Her voice is lower now, almost like she doesn’t want to say goodbye either. “It’s lights off soon.”
My chest tightens. “You know you can call again, right? Anytime.” Fuck. I sound like a desperate, madly in love kid right now.
“I will,” she mutters. “If they let me.”
I nod even though she can’t see me. “Okay. I’ll be here.”
There’s a long pause before she speaks again, quieter this time. “Thanks, Aaron. For… not giving up on me.”
“Don’t thank me.” There’s no version of this where I ever could but she doesn’t understand that yet.
The automated voice cuts in, sterile and loud. “You have thirty seconds remaining.”
She laughs under her breath, but it’s sad. “God, I hate that voice.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
“I’ll talk to you soon?”
“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”
And just like that, she’s gone again. I set my phone down on the desk and stare at the ceiling.
Funny how a few minutes with her can make everything better—and hurt a little more when it’s over.
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