Array
(
[text] =>
*Jessie’s POV*
My emotions were attacking me, all swirling around and demanding my attention. SHUT UP! I finally just shouted at my thoughts. Nothing happened. Of course nothing happened, I was yelling at myself. What was that going to accomplish, except of course, more thoughts.
I still had little butterflies in my stomach from Tristan yesterday in detention. He’d been so different with me, so nice and sweet and funny. That was one of my emotions, and with annoyance I realized my little tiny crush had grown a bit.
The second emotion was anger at Vanessa. She was pretty much pushing me out of the closet with all her obviousness. How would she like it if I told Evan everything she’d ever said about him? Devon to for that matter. She would be angry, but hey, I’m angry.
The third was anger at her brother. Tristan could be such a jerk.. Or he could be someone I really got along with. He seemed unable to decide which one he really was, and I felt about ready to stab him. With a pencil. In the throat.
The fourth was jealousy. I didn’t get why I was so jealous of Marco, but I knew I was. I hated him for pretty much no reason at all. Only jealousy. It was really annoying, because what did I have to be jealous of? Tristan’s attention? Why on earth did I want that?!
Which lead me to emotion number five. Confusion. Why did I care so much all of a sudden? Did I like Tristan? Like really, really, really like him? I hoped not. But just thinking about him set off my heart like I’d run a few mile’s.
Dammit! Being a teenager sucked. Really and truly it did. Your hormone’s took you on way, your emotions another, and your thoughts a complete different direction you hadn’t even realized was there. I needed to forget Tristan. The closet was safe and cozy.
Heading downstairs I knocked on Kelsey and Kelso’s bedroom, knowing mom wasn’t here to do it for them. “Up and at’em!” I ordered loudly. There was groans from the other side of the door. Ryan was already at school, mom took him to the care center an hour early on her way to work.
“Kelsey! Kelso! Your going to be late!” I warned, and with that, headed down stairs. Mom had left us three a note on the counter, printed in her familiar writing. The short stubby letters stated:
Kelso & Kelsey
If your late, your grounded, simple as that.
Jessie:
Get Kelsey and Kelso up. Have a good day at school.
Remember you and your dad are hanging out tonight.
Love you all, have a good day!
I rolled my eye’s. She reminded me unnecessarily every Friday. Fridays were me and my dad’s day to hang out. Wednesday was Ryan’s night, Kelso went on Saturdays, Kelsey Sundays. It had been that way since the split up, and it was practically programmed into my brain.
I went to the fridge and rummaged around. Finding the lunch mom had prepared for me last night, I shovelled it into my bag, did up the zipper and was on my way to school. School.. So boring. Really, it was an endless cycle of the same thing.
Life was really an endless cycle of the same thing. Go to pre-school. Public school. high school. Collage. Get a job. Get married. Have children. Send them to pre-school. Then public school. Then high school. Then collage. You get the point, right?
Anyways my rant finished taking me the way to Vanessa’s house. I waited at the edge of her drive way. Again, it took a couple minute’s and I was getting restless by the time Tristan came out. Alone. No Vanessa. I raised my eyebrows at him.
He smirked slyly. “Nessa has a soccer tournament today. Didn’t she tell you?” he asked, faking innocence I knew wasn’t there. He was happy to be alone with me. He thought it was funny that I was scared to be alone with him.
“No she didn’t. Do you think you could walk yourself?” I asked rudely.
He pouted, his bottom lip jutting out. Gah, again I was struck with the desire to kiss him.
“No I can’t Jessie” he said, closing the distance between us “I’m a poor defenceless new kid that’s unable to fend for himself. I’m afraid you’ll have to walk me” his eye’s glittered with praise towards his own craftiness.
“Fine” I grumbled. I shrugged my backpack off my shoulders.
“What are you doing?” he asked curiously.
“Well, you said you were defenceless, right?” he nodded “Well I can’t defend you with a heavy backpack slowing me down. You carry it.” I shoved the backpack at his chest. He laughed, his hands reaching out to grasp it. “I’m assuming this is my payment for your company?”
“Yeah” I said sheepishly. I started walking, hoping to leave him a few pace’s behind. Who was I kidding, with his long legs he caught up to me without a hitch. “Hey slow down” he said in a whiny voice “I might need you to hold my hand if we cross any streets”
I stopped. It took him a moment to realize this, but when he did he stopped to, and backtracked to where I stood. “What are you doing?” he pestered. I clenched my teeth and glared up at him. He seemed.. Amused. I kicked him in the shin.
“Gah!” he complained, hoping on one leg now. “What was that for!?!!”
I frowned at him. I was surprised I kicked him myself. I had never been the violent type, in fact I even sucked at violent video game’s and hated overly violent movie’s. but.. Something had just come over me. I felt like I really had needed to kick him.
“Stop flirting with me!” I shouted. Loudly. A few people on the street looked at us weirdly.
He actually had the nerve to laugh. “No” he said between laughter.
I threw my hand sup in exasperation. “Give me my back pack then” I demanded. He thought about it for a moment. “No” he said again.
“Ugh!” I stepped forward and lunged for my backpack. He sidestepped my attack easily. Then he held the backpack above his head. “Jump for it Jessie, jump for it” he mocked.
I ran up to him and jumped. Every time I thought my hands were going to wrap around it, he put it higher in the air. Finally I was out of breath. I landed flat on my feet and didn’t jump again. Tristan looked smug. That’s when I realised how close to him I was.
I’d been slowly getting closer and closer, trying to get within jumping distance, but now we were so close that if either of us shifted our weight our chests would brush against each other. I blushed fiercely, and looked at the ground. I was about to step back, all hope for my backpack abandoned, when a strong, steady, warm and masculine hand captured my chin.
He tilted my head up so my face was turned towards him. Everything around us seemed to disappear to me. My breathing hitched.. Then I wasn’t breathing at all. I was holding my breath, counting my heart beats, which I could count clearly.
I kept my eye’s down, hiding them with long golden lashes. I was staring at our feet. Not my feet, our feet, because even looking straight down, his feet were clearly in my line of slight. “Hey” Tristan murmured softly. Betraying myself, I looked up. Into his eye’s.
And I felt.. Something. Something warm and, and powerful built up in my chest. It felt like a balloon that someone was pumping to much air into. It felt like I might burst unless Tristan kissed me that exact second. I closed my eye’s.
And I felt Tristan leaned down. I kept my eye’s squeezed shut tight, waiting for the brush of his lips against mine. I took one unsteady breath, even as I felt his breath tickle my lips. I’d never kissed anyone before. I was scared, but something in me was crazily excited. Happy. I felt light headed.
And Tristan. Tristan was really close now. Why hadn’t we kissed yet? Each second seemed to tick by in slow motion. Tick, tick, tick. Then…
“Get a room, you bunch of fagots!” a disgusted voice shouted. My head snapped that way, eye’s instantly opened, and the result was Tristan’s gust of breath filling my ear before he followed my gaze. It was a kid from our school. A stupid little freshman at that!
I couldn’t get a good look at him because he was across the road, and thankfully, that meant he couldn’t get a good look at us. At who we were. That relieved me a little. As soon as I felt relieve another emotion stole its place. Anger. That little acne faced son of a bitch had just ruined my almost first kiss!
But then, as the kid approached the anger drained. Waves of fear and embarrassment took over. Again I was caught up in a whirlwind of emotions. Soon it was clear that fear was the most dominate. I looked over at Tristan, who had long ago dropped my backpack on the ground, and was now staring at the kid in fury.
Feeling my gaze he looked over and opened his mouth to speak. I never gave him the chance. I darted forward, grabbed my bag, then I was off. Running so hard that my legs hurt after a couple steps. But I didn’t let up. I looked over my shoulder.
Tristan looked like he was going to kill the kid, well the kid just looked frightened. He took a look after me, seeming hurt. I ignored the way that his look made my stomach twist and ran all the way to school.
***************************
I sat with Abby, Evan, and Devon at our lunch table. OUR lunch table. Not Tristan’s. I wasn’t in the mood to encounter him. Even as I thought the thought I felt eye’s on me. You know that feeling you get when you know someone’s watching you? The one that rose hairs on the back of your neck and made your skin crawl? Yeah, that was the one.
I looked away from our group and saw him looking at me, unsure. I narrowed my eye’s. “Don’t you DARE come over here” I mouthed. He winced, like what I’d done was physically painful. Then he scowled at me. He strode across the lunch area, making a show of it.
My eye’s followed him. He went to a certain table with purpose, and then before pulling the finally, he looked at me to make sure I was watching. He then draped his arm over Marco’s shoulder and slid into the spot next to him. Marco’s face lit up in delight.
My nostrils flared and my face coloured. But not with embarrassment. With fury. Fine!!! I screamed in my head. Sit with stupid Marco! I don’t give a damn! No really, I don’t! I rejected YOU!! I don’t regret it at all either! Don’t you feel stupid Tristan? Ha ha ha, well you should! Even my thoughts were sobbing by the end of my mental rant.
Then how come you want to cry? A small voice in the back of my mind asked. SHUT UP! I demanded of him. He ignored me completely. This was his opinion, which he did not spare me. In fact, he reminded me of it for the rest of the day.:
Your SOOO stupid Jessie. Tristan is the hottest thing that’s ever showed an interest in you. Ever! Not to mention you adore his looks, personality, cockiness, and confidence. But, you know. You totally DON’T care. Be a dear and note my sarcasm on that one.
In fact, the Tristan adoring voice followed me every where. I was extremely grateful that I didn’t do art this afternoon. Thank god it’s Friday my mind sighed softly. I never want to see Tristan Stone again!
*************************************
My dad was an awkward man. Not by appearance or hygiene or anything. I’m pretty sure he even had friends that he wasn’t awkward around. But around his oldest son, as in me, who disrespected and sort of kinda hated him he was awkward as hell. He should have stayed with mom.
I wasn’t naïve. I knew there was no love in that relationship any longer. But he left her financially screwed. He wasn’t that great on money either, but he was a lot better off then we were. He had the apartment that we sat in now, the ever present silence between us as we sat opposite each other in his clustered living room.
Ha-ha. That reminds me of a saying Devon uses. Every awkward silence a gay child is born. Maybe all the awkward silences between me and my father made me gay. I chuckle at my thoughts and my dad give’s me a weirded out look. I glare at him in response.
“So, Jess, Got a girl yet?” he asks, trying to be fatherly. Trying to have a man to man talk. I wanna laugh and say ‘No, if you knew anything about me, you’d know I prefer the other gender. Also, you’d know that I almost had a really FINE boyfriend, but I messed it up by being a chicken shit and not able to accept myself for who I am. Isn’t that funny?’ then I’d laugh. As it was, all I did was shrug.
“So you do?” he said annoyingly. I nodded, just for fun.
“When can I meet the young lady?”
I look off into the distance, seemingly thoughtful “I dunno dad. She’s pretty busy considering she’s got to sell crack and work the streets for her pimp. Plus, she is the school slut, so how the hell is she going to fit meeting my dad in between giving random jocks blow jobs?” I said this in a completely serious tone.
My dad’s jaw dropped. “Jessie!” he shouted, horrified “You can’t date a girl like that!!!”
I pretended to be offended, surprised he was actually buying it. See, if he had of been around to raise me he would have known that I was lying and enjoying it. “Why not?” I whined.
“Because..” he spluttered. He was at a lose for words.
“But she’s experienced in sexual stuff” I complained. His eye’s were so wide the white’s seemed to take up most of them “Jessie!” he shouted. It was hard to keep a straight face now.
I spent the rest of my evening getting lectured on the proper girlfriend. Cuz you know, I want a girlfriend SOOO bad. Not. I couldn’t help but wonder what my dad would have said had I told him about Tristan.
[text_hash] => 7cb88062
)