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* Tristan’s POV*
I stared for a while. My sister and the boy sitting across from her stared back. Then Vanessa’s face darkened. “Tristan!” She barked. “I cannot believe this. Jess was talking about you? You got into a fight.. No wait, worse, you got detention! All on your very first day!” she pinched the bridge of her nose.
I shifted, feeling remorse. I didn’t want make Vanessa feel responsible for me. That wasn’t very fair, after all, she’d done a lot for me. But I couldn’t seem to force the words ‘I’m sorry’ from my lips, so I settled for saying “Don’t tell dad”
The boy, the dainty blond one curled up like a kitten on the chair, who I would have found very cute under different circumstance’s, cleared his throat. “Dad?!” he seemed puzzled, then he whipped his face to stare at Vanessa. “THIS is your brother?”
She nodded, looking worried and anxious. “Jess this is Tristan, Tristan, this is my best friend Jess” at first I was merely startled. Then I narrowed my eye’s in distaste. This was the boy who’d witnessed the fight this morning. The one who’d watched some poor gay kid get beaten without a second thought.
The one who seemed overly fond of the word ‘Fag’. I’d heard him say it this morning, then twice well I’d eavesdropped from the kitchen well they talked about me. I didn’t like this word what so ever. It was what my overly religious mother had called me when I’d came out of the closet to her.
Of course, right after she’d kicked me out, all for ‘Being an abomination in god’s eye’s’ as she liked to say. I didn’t buy that. God loved me. He had to, right? He wouldn’t make me like this just so he could hate me. Would he?
Anyways, dad had taken me in with open, if not awkward arms. We hardly knew each other, and it was weird as hell calling him ‘Dad’. I had a tendency to call him Paul. He didn’t like that very much though, so I’d been doing my best to call him just dad.
There was a catch however. Only Vanessa knew that I was gay. I’d simply told dad that me and mom were fighting, and since they hated each other, he hadn’t bothered to talk to her about it. Dad was pretty religious himself, and I was scared. What if he kicked me out to? I had no where else to go.
“Tristan, cut it out” Vanessa voice snapped me out of worrying about possibilities. I blinked, and focused on her. “Cut what out?” I questioned. “Quit glaring at my best friend, your scaring him” I turned my attention to the little Blondie, who did in fact, look vaguely frightened.
“Good” I grumbled with the curl of my lip. He shrunk back. Awwe how cute.
Vanessa sat up straighter. “You’re my brother boy, but I will kick your ass if you mess with my friends” she threatened, being the little firecracker she is. I snorted, then plopped down on the couch next to her. “I didn’t know you were friends with such homophobe’s” I growled.
“Homophobe’s?” she looked puzzled for a moment. Then looked at Jess, threw her head back, and laughed. Jess pointedly looked away, bristling. Was that a blush creeping along his neck to his cheeks? I was confused now.
When Vanessa’s laughter settled to just hiccups, she looked back to me. “Jess isn’t a homophobe” she assured me. There was still laughter in here voice “Trust me”
“But…” I faltered “He called that kid a fag. He seemed amused by it to”
Vanessa became serious then “Yeah, well it’s kind of complicated.”
Jess gave her a dirty look, then I caught his eye’s grazing over me. I wonder what he thought? Somehow it mattered to me terribly that he found me attractive. I wasn’t sure where that little desire came from, but it was there, in the front of my mind, crystal clear and vivid.
“Well” I said, diverting my attention to the piece of blond fluff in front of me “I’m gay and if you give me any of that shit, I’ll pound the crap out of you” I warned.
His eye’s got huge and surprised. They seemed.. Frightened. But there was a spark of something else to. Something that flashed through his eye’s so fast I barely got a glimpse of it. “Okay” he said fearfully, and swallowed.
Vanessa tried to muffle the fresh wave of laughter with her hand.
“Anyways” I said, trying to move onto a new topic, away from my gayness. “How does detention work at your-I mean our, school?” I asked., peering down at Vanessa’s creamy brown eye’s. everyone in my family had eye’s like that except me. I have no idea where my emerald greens came from, but I loved them.
Vanessa shrugged. “They’ll call the house. We’ll say they called because I cut class, which I do often” she smirked. “I’ll answer and pretend to be aunt Susie. I’ll claim to tell dad. Then you’ll probably have to help out with one of the schools clubs for your detention time. How long is it?”
I was in a very bad mood now. “A month. I was hoping I’d just have to stay half an hour after school, and I could listen to music or finish homework or something.” Vanessa patted my arm in sympathy. “Well it’s your fault. You shouldn’t have gotten involved in that fight anyways.”
The anger I’d felt when I understood what was happening this morning rushed through me again. I clenched my hands into fits again. Those kids better watch it when I came around. Being a senior like them, and well muscled, I’d pound any of them who pissed me off.
If your wondering, I only plan on staying in the closet around the house. I didn’t care what the kids thought in high school. I was tough enough to look after myself. Plus, I really wanted a boyfriend. I was practically aching with my own loneliness.
Back home in California, I’d been afraid of what people would think. So I’d dated girls instead. I loved them dearly… as really good friends. When I became to close to them, I’d feel bad for using them, and break it off. Then I couldn’t keep doing it any more. So I started dating girls I hated.
I dated some really big bitches. I hated them all, which made breaking their cold little hearts easy and painless. Well, painless for me. Kissing the girls that I both liked and didn’t like did absolutely nothing for me. In fact, it sadly bored me. All this is probably the reason I’m so cold myself.
This is what lead me to come out of the closet to my mom. Do you know what it’s like being seventeen and never having kissed someone under an intimate light? Maybe it was intimate to the other person, but I wanted to enjoy the feeling to.
Anyways, by now my anger had faded again, and I was just a human bucket of regret. “I know I shouldn’t have” I sighed. Vanessa sighed to. The little blond boy squirmed at the awkwardness. He stood up abruptly. “I’mma head out” he announced. “Bah-Bye Nessa” he said in a sing song voice, then looked at me. His eye’s widened as if he’d forgotten I was here for a second. “Umm. Bye Tristan” he said hesitantly, his tone mellowing.
“Bye Jessie” Vanessa gave him a big smile, which he returned. He got no reply from me, even after Vanessa elbowed me in the ribs. Blondie waved shyly, then left.
I found my eye’s trailing him as he left the room. Me and Vanessa sat in silence for a moment, then when the front door clicked shut, she exploded in a huge gush of girly ish energy “DO YOU LIKE HIM?!” she squeaked. My eyebrows shot up. “W-what? Him? He’s tiny!” And cute, my mind added “Probably a weakling” fragile, my conscious supplied “and what the hell make’s you think I’d like him?” I was stumped on that one.
Vanessa clapped. “Oh my god this is so adorable. Your blushing!” she grinned huge.
“I was completely mean to him! Where in your head did that become an admission of love?” I asked frantically, trying to get her to listen to me.
But my little sister wasn’t listening now. She was bouncing up and down, completely amused. “Awwe you guys will be absolutely adorable together. And shut up, Tristan, your always mean to people you like” she stuck her tongue out at me. “Soo” she asked, waggling her eyebrows at me.
“What?” I asked, completely dizzy from all the random accusations she’d just spit at me. She poked me in the ribs and rolled her eye’s, like it was completely obvious what she was hinting. “Soo, your going to ask him out right???”
“Vanessa” I said slowly, trying to get this through her head.
“Yes?”
“Come closer, it’s a secret” I ordered. She obeyed, putting her ear close to my lips.
“I DON”T LIKE HIM” I exploded, making her jump about six feet into the air.
She grumbled at me well I laughed my ass off. “Plus” I added soberly “he’s straight”
“No he’s-” she started to protest something, then cut herself off and looked embarrassed and ashamed. My eyebrows shot up. Vanessa got up to run, but I caught her and dragged her back to the couch.
“He IS straight right?”
She looked around, as if desperately looking for help. “Why do you care?” she said teasingly, regaining her poise. If you could call it poise. It was more like an attitude. “You care because you do like him!” she answered herself with a huge smile.
She successfully jumped off the couch this time, then danced on the spot, ready to make a move in case I jumped up to catch her. “VANESSA!” I protested to my younger sister “He’s straight, right? Right?!” I asked frenzied.
I did stand up when she didn’t answer. “I dunno!” she yelped slyly. Clearly she did know the answer, but was leaving me to wonder. She went around the coffee table so there was an obstacle between us. I circled it and she circled the same way, avoiding me.
“Tell me!” I begged. I gave her a puppy dog look.
“I thought you didn’t care” she mocked
“What if I do?” I shot back.
She looked satisfied. “Then admit it, and I’ll tell you.”
“I might be interested in your friend. Maybe. I don’t really know him, he’s just kind of cute” my mind disagreed. This is how the words sounded in my head ‘I’m definitely interested in your cutie of a friend. I don’t really know him, but I want to. He’s incredibly cute and adorable and so on. I want him.’. but of course I didn’t say any of that!
Anyways, Vanessa was dancing In delight.
“Now tell me his sexuality!” I ordered. Huh. That sounded really strange.
She leaned across the coffee table to tell me in whispers. “My friend Jess is…”
I’d leaned into listen, falling out of the running position I’d been in. She’d taken this as her chance, and like all of hell was chasing her, she darted down the hall. “VANESSA!” I shouted, running after her. I got to the end of the hall just fast enough for her to slam her door in my face. I heard it lock.
“That’s so unfair!” I yowled
“Life’s not fair!” she shouted from the inside of her room.
“You promised!!” I whined.
“Did not. I SAID. Saying is different then promising” she protested.
“Your such a brat” I complained, jiggling the door handle, just making 100% sure that I couldn’t get in.
“Hmm. How shall I tell Jess that you think he’s cute?” she mused “I could text him right now, but I think I’ll just tell him at school tomorrow. I’ll love to see the expression on his face.”
I pounded against the door. “Don’t you dare!”
She laughed.
“I hate you” I seethed
“Love you to” she called back, completely cheerful.
*****************************
Vanessa had the brains not to leave her room until Paul was home. I’d sulked the whole time in the guest room, which was technically my room now, though I didn’t think of it like that. Carefully I’d listened for any sounds in the hall way, signalling she’d left the safety of her room.
Not that I was going to beat her up or anything. No, I wasn’t like that. I’d probably just tickle her until she promised not to say anything, or something along those line’s. But it was to late now. Paul was here to protect her, and he’d question us about why we were fighting.
All three of us, the most uncomfortable looking family in the world, sat around the dinning room table. Paul wasn’t a very good cook. The fish was slightly burnt, the broccoli under-boiled, and I wasn’t quite sure how he’d managed to make the rice taste like salt. I ate it without complaint.
Every once in while I’d sneak a glare at Vanessa, who would smile a huge smile in return. She was only picking at her strange food, and I wondered if Paul’s cooking helped her stay in shape.
When everyone was half way done eating and not a word had been uttered, Paul cleared his throat. “So Tristan. How was you first day?”
“It was good” I mumbled, then shovelled in another mouthful of salty rice to save me from saying more.
“Did you find all you classes okay?” he continued.
I shrugged, and mumbled a reply that I didn’t even understand.
“Mhm… Any girls catch you eye?” I nearly choked.
I was about to lamely say ‘not really’, but my evil little sister beat me to it.
“Yes” she said thoughtfully “Her name is Jessica” she winked at me.
I spluttered. Oh, I was going to get my sister back good one day!
Paul was chuckling. “You’ve never told me about an Jessica before, Nessa”
She shrugged “It’s a big high school dad”
He nodded, equally thoughtful.
“Does she like you back?” he aimed this question at me
“Absolutely not” I said with a smirk. Vanessa looked like she wanted to protest at this, but she kept her mouth shut, so that she wouldn’t be answering my hidden question.. Paul’s eye’s went back and forth between us, looking mildly puzzled. “Umm. Alright” he murmured.
No one spoke for the rest of the meal.
****************************
Doesn’t it absolutely suck when you have one of.. Those dreams. You know, the dreams that are really just sexual fantasies in disguise. Well that the kind of dream I got that night, annoyingly.
It was rather average at first. I was walking down the halls of my old high school in California. It was the kind of dream where you instantly know who’s who and where you are. Anyways, an ex girlfriend of mine, one that was actually a great friend, pranced down the hall, blond hair swaying
She saw me and smiled huge. I smiled back kindly. Then she flung herself into my arms and we were making out heavily. Something was.. Not right. I was becoming aroused, something that never happened when I was kissing girls.
I opened my eye’s to slits. The girl I’d been making out with had shrunk a foot shorter. Her hair had become shorter and a paler golden blond. There was still plenty of the silky hair though. Startled, I recognised the figure. It was Vanessa’s friend, Jess.
He was really soft in my arms. I clung to him tighter and backed him up, pressing him against the wall. Pressed my body against his. I licked and sucked at his bottom lip, but he didn’t open his mouth. Grr. I forced his lips open with my own and was just going to slid my tongue in when…Beep…
..Beep….Beep….Beep… I slammed the alarm clock off, completely pissed. I’d been rather enjoying that dream. Dammit! I had a little problem to, that much was obvious from the swell in the front of my pants. Grumbling and not very pleased, I rolled out of bed.
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