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Kellin has been staying with me for a little over two weeks now. We both agreed that we should try the whole relationship thing. I don’t think it’s such a good idea though. I know I’m just going to break his heart when I tell him that I have been planning on killing myself. Now though, I’ve been kind of iffy about it.
“Ooh, I packed sandwiches, fruit, and juice boxes!” Kellin said excitedly. I chuckled at his childlike attitude. He handed me one of the grilled cheese sandwiches and I happily ate it. We were having a picnic on the beach where Kellin found that stone. I mean, of course ‘the magic of the stone’ wasn’t real, but the happiness it brought him was too heart-warming to take from him. I’d be a monster if I did that.
“What fruit do you got in there?” I asked.
“Let’s see. I brought watermelon, blueberries, limes, lemons, and some very important cherries.” He pulled out a jar of those cherries you put on ice cream.
“I’m pretty sure those don’t count as real cherries.” I chuckled. He glared at me which only made me laugh harder.
“I’m pretty sure they count as whatever I say they count as.” He snapped. I smiled warmly at him and he smiled back.
“Okay, chill diva.”
“I am not a diva! You take that back.” He playfully smacked my arm and I started laughing again and he joined me this time. My stomach filled with butterflies and I slowly leaned towards him. Our faces were just inches apart.
“I take it back.” I whispered before closing the gap between our lips. It was a short kiss but still sweet nonetheless. I love the feeling of his soft lips on mine.
“You do?” He asked me. Shit, did I just say that out loud?
“Yes, you did. Now answer.”
“I, I uh, I do.” I replied shyly. Kellin began to blush. He was trying to hold back his perfect smile so he looked down to his lap so I wouldn’t see.
I placed two of my fingers under his chin and lifted his head back up.
“Don’t hide yourself, love. I wanna be able to see your beautiful eyes. They twinkle, you know. Like a thousand diamonds. It’s like you have your very own galaxy inside your eyes. And your smile, oh my God your smile. It’s enough to brighten anyone’s day. The sun can’t compare to the beauty and brightness held in your smile. And your hair flows like the ocean breeze. It’s perfect. Just like the rest of you.” I don’t know what came over me or why I just said all of that. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Kellin looked at me through sad watery eyes. He choked out a sob.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, getting concerned.
“I just feel so pathetic. So much has happened to you but you still find ways to make others happy. ” He explained.
“Just the ones I care about.” I stated matter of factly. “And for the record, that’s only you.”
“You’re gonna hate me.”
“Kellin, not a million fights could make me hate you. You’re invincible.” I told him.
“You’re just saying that.” I wiped a stray tear from his rosy cheek with my thumb.
“No, it’s true.”
“Well, I just thought you should know… I wanted to kill myself Vic.” I felt my heart shatter. “I see now how stupid I was being. I thought there was nothing left for me. I thought I could never be happy again. I-I thought that it would just be easier to end it all. I believed that nobody could ever care about me anymore. I just, I thought I’d never love again.” I whispered the last part.
“Y-you love me?” I asked. My shattered heart slowly began to pull itself back together and beat rapidly. Kellin’s eyes widened in realization.
“I mean, I just, I didn’t… I, yes, I think I do. Yeah. I do, I love you, Vic.” A tear streamed down my cheek. “Oh no, why are you crying? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“No, Kellin, baby. I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because I am so so happy.” I grabbed Kellin’s hand and held it to my chest. “I’m crying because, I love you too.”
I had never really thought about it before now, but as soon as I said it, I knew it was true. I love him.
“I wanted to kill myself too.” I whispered. I immediately regretted my decision once I saw the pain in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Vic.”
“Kells, you don’t understand. My life was so bad. I lost my sister. I lost both my parents. I lost my brother. I lost everyone. I had no one. No one to miss me when I was gone. No one tot care what I did with myself. My job sucks and I haven’t been promoted in years. It barely pays anything which had me landed in my shitty apartment. But I see now that if I hadn’t had that job, or my shitty apartment, I never would’ve met you. Actually, I was planning on killing myself the night you came to me. But I decided to help you instead and decided I would do it the moment you left.” I looked down, ashamed of myself.
“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to never leave.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. His eyes were glistening with tears. Even sad he looked perfect. Whereas I, get blotchy and gross.
I wrapped him into a hug.
“Thank you Kells.”
“For what?”
“Everything.”
—–
Kellin and I walked hand in hand along the beach. The tide barely reached our bare feet. The moonlight made the water glisten while the sounds of crashing waves soothed us. We were just enjoying each others company.
“So, has your wish came true yet?” I wondered.
“Mmm, no. Not yet. I feel like it might soon though. That’s only if we wished for the same thing anyways.” He reminded me.
“So what did you wish for then?” I asked turning to look at him. We stopped walking and he turned to face me too.
“I can’t tell. If I tell you what my wish was then it won’t come true at all.”
I grabbed both of his hands and held them in between us.
“You’re so beautiful.” I complemented. His cheeks turned crimson.
“No I’m not. You are.” He insisted. I shook my head.
“If that’s what makes you happy.” I agreed. I leaned forward and kissed his nose. Kellin started to giggle. It was probably one of the most adorable things I have ever heard and I couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across my face.
“I love you.” I told him quietly but loud enough so he could hear.
“I love you too, Vic.” He stepped forward so out bodies were pressed against each other. His arms were around my neck and my hands were rested on his hips. Our foreheads pressed against one another.
“Do you hear that?” He asked.
“Hear what?”
“The music.” He informed me. Then I heard it. There was the faint sound of music playing somewhere far from here. We could barely hear it over the waves. I started to sway us back and forth as I quietly sang the familiar tune.
“They say before you start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for. Well baby, you are all that I adore. If love is what you need, a soldier I will be.” Kellin was smiling and we continued to dance under the moonlight and the stars.
“I’m an angel with a shotgun. Fighting till’ the war’s won. I don’t care if Heaven won’t take me back. I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.”
“Don’t you know you’re everything I have.” Kellin sang with the most angelic voice I’ve ever heard. Could he be anymore perfect?
“And I-I-I-I-I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight.”
“Sometimes to win, you’ve got to sin. Don’t mean I’m not a believer. And major Tom, will sing along. Yeah, they still say I’m a dreamer.” Kellin continued. Then we sang the chorus together.
“They say before you start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for. Well baby you are all that I adore. If love is what you need, a soldier I will be. I’m an angel with a shotgun, fighting till the war’s won. I don’t care if Heaven won’t take me back. I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe. Don’t you know you’re everything I have. And I-I-I-I-I, wanna live not just survive, tonight.” Kellin stopped singing then I continued the rest of the song on my own. I got quieter towards the end.
“And I’m gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight. They say before you start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for. Well baby, you are all that I adore. If love is what you need, a soldier I will be.”
I leaned in and kissed Kellin softly on his lips. He kissed back immediately. Then, we heard a bunch of cheers on the boardwalk above us. Clapping and “whoo’s”. There was some whistling. These people were listening to us. They were watching us dance and sing together. And kiss.
Kellin, being the shy person he is, hid behind me with a bright blush on his cheeks. I pulled him to stand next to me, with his hand in mine, and I bowed. He bowed after me then we bowed together.
Not long after, the people left us to be alone once again on the moonlit beach.
“I didn’t know you sang.” I told him, genuinely surprised.
“I was about to say the same thing. You have an amazing voice, Vic. And I’m not just saying that. You could be like, super famous.” He ranted. I hushed him with another kiss.
“You have a stunning voice. So much better than mine.” I insisted.
“No way. Oh my God. We should totally start a band!” He said excitedly. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not so I just laughed awkwardly.
“We should probably start heading back. It’s getting kind of late.” I informed him. He nodded to agree. Then we made our way back to my apartment. Happy, and in love.
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