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Sooo I didn’t like writing this chapter it made me feel bad xP Also because I wrote it when I was sad so it made me feel worse. Anyways I put glen’s P.O.V in this one bcuz i wanted to show what he went through and yeah soo here’s the chappie
*Trigger Warning*
— Rachel <3
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Chapter 6:
Recap:
“Let’s stop hiding ‘Us’.”
When those words escaped my lips, his mouth just hung open.
“A-are you sure? Aren’t you afraid of what everyone will think? I’m okay with hiding, so you don’t ha-“
“But I want to.” I smiled and he pulled me into a strong hug.
“You’re amazing, did you know that?” He pulled back and chuckled. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, babe.” I winked and we both laughed. We spent the night snuggling on my bed. He didn’t stay too late though, because he was afraid of getting jumped. That had me thinking the entire night. Andrew came back really late, and I knew because I wasn’t fully asleep yet.
What would happen if I came out? Would I get treated badly? What would people think? Would they hate me? Probably, but most importantly what will Andrew think? I fell asleep with all of these questions running through my mind.
*Monday Morning*
I walked through the halls, adjusting my messenger bag and not paying attention to anything in front of me. I finish fixing my bag and bring my head up to look around the hall. Okay, either find Glen or find Andrew to apologize for ignoring him. I scanned for one of them and to my luck I found Glen at his locker fixing his hair and beanie. He was wearing a long sleeved uniform shirt, which is strange because it was pretty warm for that. I walked over to him and smiled like a fan girl. He looked with the corner of his eye and grinned.
“Is there a reason you’re smiling like a retard?” I laughed then bit my lip to stop smiling. He came closer to my face, “I never said to stop.” I saw Andrew a few feet away, probably not paying attention but could still turn around in any minute. Glen was inches away from my lips when I dodged the kiss, causing him to almost fall forward.
“Sorry!… It’s just… I’m not ready yet.” I said, slightly glancing at Andrew. Glen turned to look in that direction and once again that face of sadness and hurt showed but then was hidden by a slight smile. He looked at me and the smile grew a little but I could tell it was painful for him.
“It’s alright, whenever you’re ready.” He wanted to hug me, kiss me or show some sort of affection but he restrained it. “…I’ll see you after school?”
“Yeah.” I replied and smiled. “Bye babe.”
“Bye Jake.” He closed his locker and walked in the opposite direction.
All I could think of was the fact that Glen is hurting and it’s because I can’t make up my mind. I was going to talk to him about it later, but now I have to go apologize to Andrew.
I had the weirdest feeling that someone was listening to me and Glen’s conversation. Oh how I hope not.
I headed to my next class, which I had with Andrew. The teacher wasn’t here and so we got a laid back sub who let us work together in pairs. I obviously paired with Andrew.
“Hey.” I said simply as I sat next to him. He didn’t respond, just kept looking at his paper. “Look… I shouldn’t have ignored you and I’m sorry, okay?”
“Damn right you shouldn’t have.”
“Okay, I deserve the attitude but I also deserve forgiveness ‘cuz I’m your best friend.”
“Oh really?? Well I think your new buddy Glen would forgive you even if you killed someone.”
“Dude, what the hell, Leave Glen out of this, he has nothing to do with this…” I trailed off after hearing the defensiveness of my tone.
“Tell me what’s going on between you two.”
“Nothing. Now can we please get back to us, please.”
I couldn’t tell him, not yet, not while he’s still angry.
“Fine. It’s just I don’t want to lose you okay…” I smiled a little and placed my hand over his. He blushed a little and turned his head to hide it. I chuckled as he looked back. I looked into those light blue eyes of his and was lost, he was just so beautiful. I wanted to tell him, then and there, how much I loved him. But I didn’t want to ruin the really nice moment by creeping him out, so I just enjoyed this moment with him.
Glen’s P.O.V
I passed by one of the classes and slightly glanced into one of them, and saw Jacob gazing at Andrew. What a shock. I felt the knot in my throat grow unbearable as I tried to hold in my tears. They fell out anyway. I ran into the bathroom and sat down on the floor with my back against a wall. I brought my knees up to my head and hid my face in them.
Why was he still with me if he clearly loved Andrew. I know I could never bring myself to end it with him, I loved him too much. Sometimes, I think that I should end it with him so that he’ll be able to pursue his happiness with Andrew. But then I realized I would be even lonelier and I can’t stand being alone anymore. I stopped sobbing as I heard someone enter the bathroom.
“Well well well, what do we have here? Did Prince Queer get dumped by his boyfriend…”
“Not even close, you retarded douche.” He gave me a threatening look and to piss him off, I flirtingly winked at him. He grabbed me by the shirt and shoved me up against the wall, bruising me slightly on my neck and my back.
“Anything else ya wanna say fag?”
“A-actually yeah…” I coughed as he gripped harder, “I know why you where such baggy pants… Cuz you don’t want people to see how small your dick is.” I chuckled dryly because he was slowly cutting off my breathing. His strong clenched fist connected with my side and again with my face, making me bleed from the inside of my mouth. Finally finished, he let go of me and I hit the floor, really hard.
“Next time you say something smart fag, you won’t be so lucky…” He gave me a dirty look then exited the bathroom. Assuming its safe I try to get up but can’t due to the pain in my ribs. I cough some more and spit out blood.
Well this isn’t really new, I have been gay for a majority of my life and lets just say I wasn’t well accepted in the places I’ve lived in. I sighed as the pain settled in. I waited a while then finally got up and began to walk. I took my time and used the wall for support. I finally reached my class and as I walked in everything grew quiet and all eyes were on me.
Oh yeah, just stare, I can totally deal with my bleeding face and bruised body parts. I got my bag and the teacher let me leave.
After so much time struggling, I finally reached my dorm. I walked in and collapsed onto my bed. I sighed, this pain I could handle, but knowing how much I loved Jacob and him in love with Andrew, that practically killed me. I had fallen for Jacob, and I had fallen hard but there was nothing I could do. I only had one ‘solution’.
*Warning*
I walked into the bathroom and took out a metallic box with hearts on it. I opened it, took out a small blade and pulled up my sleeve, revealing an arm with many thin red lines and a few pink lines.
I began to trace along my previous scars gently. Why couldn’t he love me like I loved him. Swipe. Small droplets of blood trickled down my arm. I just want him to look at me the way he looks at Andrew. Another swipe. A little deeper, now letting out some more blood. I know this is stupid, but it’s how I cope. I love the feel of the cold thin blade on my skin, as it pierces through the surface.
But, I love the feel of Jacob’s lips on mine, more. Another swipe. I let the blood slide down my arm as I lifted it up. I stood and walked over to the sink and began to wash the blood off. I sighed, this was a nasty habit that I really couldn’t break.
Finally clean, I change out of my uniform and into some more comfortable top and pants. I laid on my bed and began to play angry birds on my iPhone. I was trying to beat this really hard level when a message popped up on my screen, causing my bird to fly way over the pigs. I groaned as I checked the message. A smile grew on my face as I read Jacob’s name.
Jacob: Hey Babe, Call me.
Smiling, I dialed his number and pressed the phone to my ear.
“Hellooo?” He sang, stretching out the ‘o’.
“Hey Jake.” I grinned. He was too cute.
“Hey babe, what happened to you? I didn’t see you at lunch.”
“Oh yeah, about that…” My voice trailed of as I glanced at my bruises and cuts. “… I’m not feeling well, so I’ll have to pass on hanging out tonight.”
“Aww, my poor baby… I guess..Wait I know! How about I visit you-“
“No. I mean, you don’t have to babe. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
“Oh okay, well I hope you feel better love.” My heart jumped a little at that word. I know he didn’t say it the way I wanted him to, but just hearing him say the word made me excited.
“Thanks babe, bye.”
“Bye.”
I clicked end call and laid back onto my bed. I let out a tired yawn and settled onto a pillow. I was really tired, probably from the beating and the blood loss. So i have decided to take a nap for a while. I let my eyes droop and i slowly drifted into my dreams.
Jacob P.O.V
I sighed as I put away my phone. I wanted to see him, no matter what he says.
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I looked up at the clock for like the fifteenth time and still not time for school to end. I was anxious because I wanted to make sure that Glen was okay.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, so I turned to see those beautiful blonde locks draping slightly over crystal blue eyes. Andrew. He probably sensed my anxiousness so he gave me a calming smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.
“What’s the hurry Jacob?”
“I…I was gonna visit Glen later…” He smile slowly faded.
“Oh okay…” He brought it back but it looked like he struggled to keep it there. Finally the bell rang, dismissing school, so I bolted out of my chair and ran to the door. Before I could get any further, a hand caught my shoulder. I turned and saw Andrew, with a hurt look?
“Andrew? Are you okay?”
“Uh…uh yeah, but I need to ask you something…” He looked serious but nervous and so I nodded. He took a deep breath and blurted, “Are you replacing me with Glen?”
Well that was unexpected. I had no idea how to answer that. Was I? No of course I wasn’t, Andrew is my best friend, who I love and in that way, and Glen is my boyfriend, who I… My thought was interrupted by a hug. He had pulled me into a strong hug, as if he were afraid to let go.
“N-no, I’m not… He’s… we’re just… ” I couldn’t tell him yet, I was still too afraid and what if he felt the same way? What would happen to Glen? Oh, Glen. I slipped from his hold and smiled at him. “I really have to go but we can talk in the dorm. Bye.” I waved and began to run straight to the dorm rooms.
Panting, I reached Glen’s dorm and knocked softly. No response, so I knocked again but harder. The door opened but it wasn’t Glen who opened, it was his douche roommate who had tossled hair and a wrinkled t-shirt.
“What do YOU want?” I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“Is Glen here?”
“Nope.”
“What? Were did he go?”
“I dunno, he was acting weird…” He started focusing on the things around him.
“Weird how?”
“He’s a queer, so that’s kinda hard to tell.” He smirked to himself. I pushed pass into the room and grabbed him by the collar. I may not seem it, but I am actually pretty strong.
“I asked a question… weird HOW?” I growled in his face. Why was I being so aggressive? I’m not usually like that.
“H-he… I don’t know he seemed, more depressed than usual… He cut himself… but that was a normal thing…”
“What?! H-he cuts himself?! and It’s normal for him?!” I released the boy, and brought my hands to my head. I couldn’t believe it.
“Well ya know, it’s not easy being gay and letting everyone know it… He used to get bullied and abused constantly.”
“But, when he came here, the first day yeah, then he wasn’t bothered by anyone anymore… My uncle made sure of it…”
“I don’t know… I guess something else is making him feel that way… Oh and I’m sorry for being a douche…” He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes.
“It’s alright dude… but please do you have any idea as to where he could be?”
“He left recently, he said he was going to take a walk, so probably near the gates of the campus.”
“Thank you.” I patted him on the shoulder then ran outside.
I still couldn’t believe what he told me, Glen cuts himself? I would’ve never thought because he usually is happy, well up until recently. Oh my god, I am an idiot. I kept running and looking, then I saw a figure laying down by a tree. As I came closer I saw who it was. It was Glen and the closer I got, the clearer the pink and red lines on his arms became. I gasped and he looked up at me, completely surprised.
“Why?” I spoke softly, looking down, trying to hold in my tears. He stood up and walked closer to me.
“Jacob I-“
“WHY?! Why are you doing this to yourself?!” I was now crying.
“Because life isn’t peachy and amazing, okay?! I…I suffer so much…” He yelled and now he was crying too.
“But people have stopped bothering you right? And you’re happy with me… Aren’t you, isn’t that enough?” He looked at me, crying but with a small uncomfortable grin on his face.
“That’s just it… Haven’t you realized yet? I LOVE you and so much,” I was speechless. He was in love with me and I hadn’t realized it. “…but you can’t stop thinking about Andrew…”
“I..I-“
“Don’t say anything… I’m not mad at you or hate you or anything like that… I could never… You love Andrew and you can’t pursue him with me in the way… So you can leave me and go tell him.” I couldn’t believe it, he just smiled and let all the tears fall out.
“You want me to leave you? H-how could you say that when you just said that you loved me?” He walked up to me, leaving only a few centimeters in between us, and held my chin.
“Exactly why I want you to be happy… You were my boyfriend but you were my friend first… and when you talked to me you were so passionate about Andrew.” He kissed me on the cheek. “Go, try to see if he feels the same way.” He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, “I’d wait for you even if you two do end up together… I’d wait until I know that it’s time to move on…” He pulled back and leaned in for our ‘last kiss’. I lean in too, allowing our mouths to passionately melt together. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Go.” I didn’t protest, we hugged and I turned to walk away.
Glen’s P.O.V
I watched him walk away, his figure slowly disappearing. I felt more tears fall as I went back to lay by the tree. I was half hoping that Andrew did accept Jacob’s love and they ended up together but, there was also the half that didn’t want him with Andrew, but with me instead. I sighed, I wish I could be his one and only choice. But I’m not, and if Andrew were to say yes, which he probably will then he’ll definitely choose him over me. I wiped my face and stood up. I began to walk towards the dorms when two big guys stood in front of me.
“Why hello there fag.” One said.
“Wanna have some fun queer?” The other one asked. I nervously shook my head and they laughed. “Well, too bad.” And with that said they came after me.
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Oh nooooo poor Glen :'( and i know i said more andrew in this chapter but i guess it didnt fit Well i hoped that you enjoyed this chappie please comment and vote. Now I am off <3
~Rachel <3
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