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Once I closed my bedroom door behind me, I let out a tightly held in sigh.
What. a. night.
So what happens now? Are we all friends? Or we will eventually realize the List was the only thing we had in common?
I tried to sleep but that didn’t work out, and reading didn’t work, so of course, once again, I ended up laying on my floor, stuck in my own head.
In normal circumstances, I don’t think me and Thomas would have ever interacted. So should I take this opportunity to tell him how I feel? The others are great but Thomas is the one I want. I could analyze all his actions and try and figure out if he maybe liked me too, but in the end, I don’t think it would really help.
There was a gentle knock at my door. I rushed up to get it, and it was none other than him. Thomas Elliot Levesque.
“You’re up… I didn’t want to wake you but I can’t sleep cause Noah snores,” he spoke softly.
“Oh yeah, no worries, come on in,” I said, letting him past.
“Now this is more you,” Thomas said, looking around my room.
“I try,” I chuckled.
“What were you doing?” he asked.
“Honestly? laying on my floor and pondering the universe,”
“Can I join you?” he asked.
Fuck, this kid.
“Of course,”
And there we lay, on the floor of my bedroom, looking at the ceiling, but seeing much farther. Possible ways to start the conversation raced through my head, but eventually, I just spoke.
“Hey, Thomas?” I said, breaking the thoughtful silence.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t you think it’s kind of crazy, that last week we hadn’t really spoken, and now we’re here on my bedroom floor?”
“To be honest, not really. Life has creative ways of connecting people,” he responded, then asked, “do you think it’s because of the List?”
“I’m not sure…what do you think?”
“I like to think no,” he answered.
There was a pause. I could feel that there were things he wanted to say. God knows there were so many I wanted to.
“I have wanted to talk to you for a long time…long before the list,” he said softly.
A flood of emotion washed over me. This was it.
“I wanted to talk to you too, that’s why…you’re number one,”
“Number one?” he asked, confused.
I could ditch it. Say I meant something else. anything else. Then things would be normal, expected and controlled. Maybe we were better friends. But maybe we weren’t. Oh well, fuck it.
“Number one on the List…I…I wrote it,” I replied.
And there it was. I had spoken the words. The ones that had weighed me down all week, but they were also the words that had weighed me down for years. And now they were out in the open. There was another one of those pauses where I could feel thoughts being formed into words in his head. For a few moments, it was just us, on the floor, the sound of our breathing and the weight of a revealed secret, looking for somewhere to settle.
Thomas sat up.
“Arthur?” he said, with his back to me.
“Yes?” I replied hesitantly.
“I think you’re my number one too,” he said, turning to face me.
In that moment all I wanted to do was hold him. Hold him and never let go. Hold him so that this moment could last forever. Where years of loneliness ceased with a simple sentence. I looked into his golden freaking eyes which actually were pretty golden up close and I saw he was feeling the same thing. For one of the few times in my life, I wasn’t in my own head alone, I was sharing this moment with someone else.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked.
Fuck yes.
“Yeah,” I replied, sitting up to meet him.
And then, Thomas Elliot Levesque leaned in slowly, closed his golden eyes, and stole away my first kiss. And I loved him for it.
He pulled away after a few moments. I spoke first.
“So what now?”
I realized what a question that was. Why couldn’t I just let things be for once?
“Will you read the ending of the book to me?” he asked so innocently.
“Of course I will,” I replied contently.
We crawled into my bed and he laid down while I took out the book. Our book. The one we did have to write a report on, but could definitely wait for later.
I read for about an hour until I finally turned the last page.
“He will always be waiting, I realize. He will never go away. And in time, I may find myself his first mate whether I want to or not, journeying to points exotic so that I might make another dive, and another, and another. And maybe one day I’ll dive so deep that the Abyssal Serpent will catch me, and I’ll never find my way back. No sense in denying that such things happen.”
I paused as I heard his soft breathing. He was asleep. His golden hair fell over my pillow. Once again I only wanted to hold him.
“But it’s not going to happen today—and there is a deep, abiding comfort in that. Deep enough to carry me through till tomorrow.”
I set down the book, switched off the light, and did just that. I held him, and he held me. And I knew then that things would be okay, for both of us. Because for at least tonight, we wouldn’t be alone, but together in each other’s arms.
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