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“Mickie’s sister swears by this place,” Stephanie explained, her hands flying animatedly. “Their fake IDs look so legit, even your parents wouldn’t know the difference.”
“Those are some big claims.”
“We may as well try it, El.” Rin fell back against his locker, smiling like he knew I’d agree. He was wearing one of those wire headbands today, exposing straight dark brows that made his eyes look that much more striking. Focusing on his chin made this conversation easier for me. “You want to stick with house parties for the next three years?”
Ah gee, do I want to settle for grinding between Nana’s old leather couches or dance in a real club? What a hard choice.
“The worst they could do is take the ID from you. They’re not going to arrest us,” Stephanie tagged on with a sweet smile.
I’d promised Rin that I would respect his relationship with Stephanie. That meant respecting everything about her, including her dangerous, manic-pixie-dream-girl ideas. In this case, her idea would mean fulfilling a high school dream of mine that fell right next to being confessed to at a football game and seeing a kid get dunked into a toilet.
Just because one of those was an example of inhumane bullying didn’t mean the other two couldn’t still come true.
“Fine, I’ll do it.”
“Great! Maybe they’ll be ready before Saturday so we can go out this weekend~” she sang. Along with showing off her nonexistent vocal prowess, Stephanie celebrated with a little jig.
Rin watched Stephanie.
I watched him watch Stephanie.
And spending my morning in front of his locker felt like a horrible idea for the umpteenth time. If misery could make me get over him, I would have been out of love by now. Meaning I was torturing myself by being around them for no good reason.
“What are we celebrating?”
James came up behind me, his hands sliding deep into my front pockets. It felt like two spotlights dropped straight to my pants and I squirmed for the next 5 minutes straight.
“We’re going to get fake IDs this week, maybe go clubbing on Saturday,” I shivered, struggling to answer my boyfriend.
“That sounds like fun. Sign me up,” James said, his body coming flush against my back.
“I didn’t know the royal family was allowed to go to clubs.”
James’s chin rested on the crown of my head, so I felt his throat bob after hearing Rin’s playful comment. Except Rin didn’t look so playful with his stiff smile focused on my pants’ pockets.
If Stephanie didn’t start playing with the fine hairs coming out from his headband, I don’t know how long Rin would have stared. I understood his reaction. It probably was as weird to see James inside of my clothing as it was to feel him there.
At this rate, James and I did more PDA than Rin and Stephanie. James was already a touchy-feely guy–I couldn’t call myself his boyfriend if I didn’t know that. But after our last date, the affection quadrupled.
I didn’t have to wonder why when all James did was tell me the reason.
I heard it when he asked about my favorite baby names or cities that I want to live in. He didn’t have to say that he was excited about our future anymore. I knew that’s what he was thinking when he rocked us back and forth, keeping me upright with his hands in my pockets.
If it wasn’t for Rin and Stephanie standing right there, he might have brought up joint-retirement plans and the pros and cons of homeschooling.
“Okay, I’ll let the group chat know about the IDs so everyone can get that done today.”
Stephanie was already typing on her phone. The satisfying clicking of her nails punctuated her confident instructions.
“If they’re finished before Saturday, we’ll all go out together!”
“When these super realistic, hyper professional IDs are done, what club are we going to?” I asked albeit sassily.
Turns out that the 16 year olds I’d surrounded myself with had thought hard about that question. James, specifically, had done a lot of research into clubs in the city and was a never ending source of information about club reputations, drink prices, parking availability, the list could go on. The four of us talked about this hypothetical night of clubbing until Rin and Stephanie broke off so he could walk to her class.
James didn’t share his desired level of PDA with the entire school as we made our way to history. His hands popped out of my pants and he settled for just holding my hand.
There was something sweet and wholly domestic about walking to class with James. I’d tried not to imagine what dating would be like while I was single because I thought it would be a lifetime before I wasn’t. Yet, in times of weakness where I let myself dream, I would dream of moments like this.
Walking down the hall with my boyfriend.
Our steps weren’t totally in sync so our shoulders bumped together softly every other step. And, if we had to weave between a crowd, he stepped ahead of me, dragging me through while he looked over his shoulder and gave me a little smile.
I wanted to stick to stuff like this. Whether it should or shouldn’t, James’s frequent discussions of life past high school made my breath grow short. It was too much pressure for us. If James didn’t beam like the fucking north star any time he talked about it, I would have cut him off.
But clearly, I had no spine and no chance of setting boundaries when my boyfriend got all starry-eyed like that.
“James!”
One of his friends, a dude I never warmed up to after he flung his boogers at me in the 3rd grade, called him as he stepped into history. I didn’t mind James befriending people that reminded me of trauma so after plopping a kiss on my cheek, James left my side.
I chilled by myself in my familiar, lumpy desk seat until Rin sped into class, running in seconds before the bell rang.
“Cutting it kind of close there.”
“Gots to be with the missus. You know how it is,” he smirked, talking under his breath as he scooched his chair closer to mine.
Mr Anderson’s reliance on group activities showed again that day. He didn’t waste time lecturing, just passed out some random letter from 1893 and told us to pair up. With James preoccupied with Mr Booger, Rin and I partnering up was inevitable.
Mr Anderson’s excuse to keep us busy while he caught up on premier league matches was embarrassingly easy. It wasn’t even 15 minutes before the noise in the room rose and people started talking instead of working. In all that hubbub, I could gossip about my childhood nightmare, Bicari, without the villain in question overhearing us.
“His parents did not raise him right,” I argued, glancing over at James and Bicari with disdain. They were laughing. So predictable. “How could he ever think people would forgive him for flinging boogers at them?”
“I did,” Rin deadpanned, to which I just rolled my eyes. “Along with everyone else in that class. You just love holding grudges.”
“It was unacceptable, Rin. He’s lucky I didn’t spill his business to James.”
“So James could bring up the booger currently hanging out of your nose?”
I gasped, hands flying up to cover my face.
“Are you serious?”
Rin just shrugged at the question, which left me no choice. I raced over to Mr Anderson, claimed I had a nose bleed, then sped out of class. There was no way I was spending another second in that room without knowing if I had been embarrassing myself the entire time.
When I thundered into the men’s bathroom, the entire place looked empty. That alone was a miracle considering the number of tiktoks dudes liked to shoot in there. With no one around, I was able to expose full nostril to the mirror and see that yes, there was a bugger in my nose. The thing was so small and faint, it could have been passed off as a nose hair.
But I knew the truth.
I couldn’t believe Rin waited so long to tell me! I hoped for his sake that he’d just noticed it when he made the joke. Two seconds later, I had that disgusting parasite out. I also started washing my hands with plans to sing happy birthday twice so I could ensure that my precious hands were clean.
“You get it out?”
Rin strolled in casually, the boys’ bathroom pass dangling off his wrist.
“Did James see that booger? Did he kiss me goodbye adorably while that heathen squirmed in my nose?”
Rin sighed deeply, walking up to me while I continued to scrub.
“I’m serious! What if my boyfriend saw that?!”
“Then he’d still be your boyfriend and the world would continue to spin.”
Rin’s attempt at perspective did nothing for me. I wanted to wallow and freak out and take a long bath in self pity. Now was not the time for reasonable trains of thought.
“You’re not seriously thinking he’ll judge you for that, right?”
I took my time splashing water over my face and drying off with a paper towel to avoid answering him. But when I dropped the damp sheet from my face, Rin stood there, waiting intently for an answer.
“No, not really,” I shrugged. The quiet hum of the A/C made it so obvious that we were alone. The reminder had me gulping loudly. “But I don’t want to disappoint him. I don’t want to see what that looks like.”
Then came that deafening silence. A horrible silence that the occasional click clack of shoes down the hall couldn’t fix. I think staring down at my crumpled wad of paper instead of meeting Rin’s eyes made my anxiety worse. I could imagine any sort of expression settling into his face.
Like confusion or judgment or pity.
The fidgeting power of my paper ran out quickly. If Rin wasn’t going to say anything, I thought that I may as well throw it away. I moved to toss it into the trash can and it had barely left my fingertips when Rin swooped in.
He grabbed my wrists, raising my arms with a warm, firm hold. Surprised, my head shot up, struggling to take in everything I saw. The distance between us disappeared when he took 2 confident steps towards me. But he also seemed pained when he looked into my eyes and I couldn’t figure out why.
“Elliot, he’s lucky to have you.” His shirt brushed against me. His thumbs slid up my wrists and dug into my palms. His hands slotted into mine. “I need you to know that.”
Then he was gone.
I was relieved that was all he’d done. I was excited by how close we’d gotten to doing more. And I was confused.
Rin confused me. And for the first time, I wondered if he knew that. Because in those seconds where he held my hands, something happened. I just don’t know what.
———————————
I might have to start adding Trigger Warning: Cheating to the start of certain chapters. Or maybe I’ll just add a hashtag.
Which would you prefer?
Since you guys (who are reading this as I’m updating) didn’t get either, please consider this a formal warning.
Also, just because I wrote about my characters making certain decisions does not mean I agree with them. That will matter more later.
Okay, thanks for reading! Please check out my socials!
Vote, comment, share, follow, anything else you can do with this book and I will see you next week!
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