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Chapter 14
I exited the convenience store and went to lean against my car door, pulling the cigarette out of its package and placing it between my lips. It had been a while since I’d gotten over my addiction.
In the space of a year I had gone from being a pack a day smoker to a non-smoker, all with the help of Grady and now here I stood, ready to ruin all that work.
It’s just that back then smoking had helped take the edge off, relieve my stress if only for a little while and right now I was feeling at my wits end. I was just a big ball of nervous energy, mixed with anger, worry and utter helplessness. I felt so overwhelmed with all these emotions and this was my best solution right now. I needed to relax.
Ironic wasn’t it? That the person who had helped me over my addiction was the one who was driving me back into it? Yeah life could be a bitch sometimes. I flicked out the lighter and lit up my cigarette, taking a long satisfying drag.
It wasn’t really that he didn’t tell me himself, it was more the fact that no matter how I begged him to take responsibility for himself and no matter how much I warned him about the consequences of his actions he did the exact opposite of what I asked.
I didn’t mind helping him out; he was my mate and my best friend after all, it’s just that when you start living your life worrying day in and day out about someone, never able to relax, there comes a point where it gets the be too much for you and I was definitely at the end of my rope.
Early tonight on my drive over here I’d come to the conclusion that Grady would never change. He’d try like he always did but in the end we’d be right back where we started and I knew that one day he’d do something that would end with him being buried six feet under. Most partners would have ended the friendship or relationship by now yet here I was years later still dealing with his screw ups.
I was sick of it, sick worrying, sick of shouldering all his responsibilities; I was strong but even the strongest of men had their limits.
“Drugs.” I whispered into the night, then watched the puff of smoke travel up past my eyes and melt away into the night air.
He was only getting worse, never improving, now drugs then what would it be? Murder? And the sad part was that I still wouldn’t be able to just walk away. The connection a wolf felt to his mate was unbreakable and never-ending.
I would be drawn to him for the rest of my life. It would kill me to leave him and even if, by some miracle I actually managed to get away there would never be another person out there for me. I would never love another the way I loved him. The fates were cruel indeed.
I puffed on the cigarette until it was nothing but a stub in my hand, then I went for another and when that finished: another and all the while these thoughts kept circulating in my head: Grady was his own weakness and he was mine; he’d kill us both.
“Thomas? “ The voice rang through the air, dragging me reluctantly from within myself. I looked over at the source and spotted Megan, a cheerleader from school, walking over to me with a small shopping bag in hand and a smile on her face.
“Hey.” I said when she finally came to a stop in front of me.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” She said, the smile still plastered on her face.
“Yeah well there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” I replied, and if I had thought for a second that she would have taken my words as an invitation I would have just kept my mouth shut.
“Really? Well why don’t you clue me in.” she said. He voice had changed from light and shrill to deep and husky and I had to watch in annoyance as she put her hand on my arm and squeeze gently before she leaned in even closer to me.
“I actually came out here to be alone.” I told her firmly, hoping she’d get the hint and run along. I had no time or patience to deal with her tonight; I had way too much on my mind.
“And just think, if I hadn’t decided at the last minute to stop here to buy something I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to see you.” She continued. Clearly she didn’t get my hint.
“You know I can never get why girls do that.” I commented in between puffs on the cigarette.
“Get what baby?” she asked, pushing herself closer to my body. I could feel her heat and smell her arousal and I wrinkled my nose in disgust.
“Sell themselves cheap.” Was my answer.
She wasn’t offended and I had to wonder if she was just fine with giving herself to every available guy or she really was just too stupid to realize I’d just insulted her. She answered my question with her next words.
“Ah baby, it’s not cheap if I’m doing it with you, I’ve always-” she started but I cut her off.
“I’m gay.” I told her simply. I just wanted her to leave me alone, she’s one distraction I didn’t need and I really didn’t care whether or not she believed me.
I watched as she pulled away from me, her mouth pulling up in disgust and her eyes flashing; “You know if you’re not interested that’s all you had to say, you don’t have to go making up lies Thomas.” She replied in anger.
“Fine then I’m not interested.” I told her rudely and rather than continue to annoy the hell out of me as I expected her to she turned on her heel and stomped off in the direction of her car, finally leaving me to my depressing thoughts and feelings.
I shifted uncomfortably as I stood there. I was feeling sore from head to toe, reminding me that I still wasn’t fully healed but I wasn’t ready to go back there, wasn’t ready to face him.
I just wanted to not think about the situation for awhile; To relax and with that thought in mind I stomped out my cig and jumped into my car. Since smoking wasn’t doing the job maybe I should try something more effective; I needed a drink…or three.
…………………………….
~Grady’s POV~
I threw the phone onto the seat next to me, cursing under my breath. I’d tried calling him ever since he’d left last night and he still wouldn’t pick up. Usually after an argument I’d leave him be and allow him time to himself for awhile but this time had been much worse than any arguments we’d ever had.
He’d never told me off like that before, I’d never seen him lay his heart bare like that and I’d never seen him quite so disappointed.
I felt hurt and scared at what had gone down and I had this feeling that if I didn’t make it right soon, he’d leave me. I’d have never thought it possible before but the look in his eyes when he’d said he couldn’t even stand to look at me had shaken me to the core.
He really was at his end and this was possibly my last chance to make it right, if he hadn’t given up on me already.
I’d make him understand, I’d explain why I did it and he’d forgive me like he always did…he had to because if he didn’t it would just kill me. I couldn’t lose him, not now, not ever.
At the moment I was in my car, driving all over trying to find him since he wouldn’t answer my calls. I had no idea where he’d slept last night and it had felt strange not seeing him all day today. Now that darkness had descended once more and I still hadn’t heard from him. It was driving me crazy.
I’d already checked out four of his usual hang out spots to no avail and I’d even finally broken down and called Carson who had said he had no idea where he was. I was getting desperate. What if he’d gone for good this time?
I knew that when I did things to put myself in danger it took a toll on him, I’d always known that and I’d selfishly continued, taking for granted that he’d always be there for me so if he left I couldn’t really blame him. This was my fault.
I took a deep breath and tightened my fingers around the steering wheel.
‘I’d change, this time for real’ I swore to myself, determined.
There was only one more place I could check that I knew he hung out at a lot, if I didn’t find him there then I had absolutely no clue where to look next and so I crossed my fingers and made my way there, my heart pounding and my stomach cramping with nervousness.
………………………
The relief that poured through me at seeing his car parked in front of the club was too much to even describe. In no time, I was out the vehicle and after paying my way in I stood surveying the crowd for a few minutes and when I didn’t spot him I went to the bar to check with the bartender who was also a friend of mine and Thomas’.
“Grady, what’s up man!” Jerry greeted when he saw me.
“Sup bro, have you seen Thomas?” I shouted over the music, but he still had to lean in in order to hear me.
“Ah, yeah yeah I did, but he left with some guy about an hour ago man.” Jerry explained, his head moving to the beat of the music.
I was instantly on alert. “A guy?” I asked, surprised by the revelation.
“Yeah, I was kinda surprised too cause I swear the guy looks like some kinda fag dude, had me wondering for a second there you know?” Jerry continued.
“Can you describe him?” I asked but he told me to wait a minute as he served another customer. He was back in no time.
“He was short, his hair was kinda long and blond, ahmm that’s all I can remember, like I said he looked like a queer.” Jerry said again, his nose scrunched as if he’d smelled something bad and I gritted my teeth.
I turned and left without another word to him. My heart was heavy in my chest and my mouth was dry. I knew he was pissed but to leave with some guy?
Jesus.
My breath came in harsh gasps as I thought over what this could mean. When I entered my car I could only just sit there for the time being, shaken to the core. Please tell me this isn’t happening! I prayed.
It took me three tries to finally get the key into the ignition, then I stepped on the gas, speeding out of the lot and down the street. There was only one person I knew who fit that description and the thought left me sick to my stomach.
If Thomas had left with him then that was saying a lot. The tears built up in my eyes but I fought to keep them at bay. This couldn’t be the end, we’d only just begun!
I maneuvered the car around another bend, not slowing for anything. I’d get there in the next ten minutes and I could only pray I wasn’t too late.
………………………………..
~Rivers’ POV~
He was drunk out of his mind. I would’ve thought he would have called his mate but when I’d picked up and found him on the other end I’d been ecstatic. Turns out he and Grady were having problems. Well that’s what I was getting from him at least.
He had yet to tell me the nature of the problems they were having and that was probably because he was too busy, flopping around the place and giggling up a storm. I’d never seen him drunk before and the cigarettes on his breath told me he’d started smoking again which meant whatever had happened was serious.
I wondered briefly if maybe I should call Grady but if he was the one who put Thomas in this position in the first place then calling him would be worse than a bad idea.
I walked over to my ex lover and pulled him up into a sitting position on the couch.
“So what happened with you and Grady?” I asked, looking into his face intently.
Okay so I thrived on drama, was that a crime?
“Grady.” He said with a smile and I could see that I’d lost him. I shook my head.
“Yeah Grady, you’re pissed at him remember? What did he do?” I asked again.
“I jush need shum time away, to relashhh.” He slurred and I had to smile. Thomas hated not being in control so seeing him like this was definitely a turn on.
He rested his head on the back of my couch and looked up at me with those big beautiful blue eyes. He looked so trusting, so…innocent, which was laughable considering he was anything but.
I reached over and ran my fingers through his short cropped hair, then over his face, cupping his cheek. I remember a time when I used to pray for him to be my mate. He had every quality I wanted my mate to posses and more.
Strong and determined. Always set on doing the right thing. Possessive but not too controlling, kind, compassionate and downright sexy not to mention the fact that he was the best lover I ever had. Damned if he didn’t know how to make a guy squeal.
I sighed as I continued to stroke his cheek. “Why couldn’t you have been mine?” I whispered in question. I missed having him to myself, our late midnight chats, his soft touches, rough when we were especially in the mood.
I missed the way he used to listen to me; as if everything I said was important, no matter how ridiculous. He was the only person who had ever treated me seriously and just like that I’d lost him to someone who couldn’t possibly care for him the way I did.
He’d never have to worry about a thing if he was with me. I would make sure his every need was satisfied, he wouldn’t even have to lift a finger. Too bad I’d already lost out.
It was strange to me though; the fact that his mate had done something so horrendous that it drove him to leave; if only for a short while. I’d never witnessed mates so at odds with each other before and I had to wonder if maybe this meant I still had a chance.
I mean strange things had happened before; his mate was human after all. Maybe he could fall for me still.
“You’re a good friend.” Thomas spoke up after a while. He was still staring at me with those same big eyes; eyes I’d stared into so many times before, eyes that I loved. I had one shot at this now that he was drunk.
Maybe I could get him to see what he had been missing out on. Maybe I could get him to see me the way I saw him!
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” I said, then pulled him up from where he sat.
As we walked toward his bed room; I couldn’t even count the number of things he stumbled into before we got there and considering the fact that he wasn’t even fully healed I could just imagine the pain he’d be in come morning. Pain that I’d gladly help to ease.
When he was safely stretched out in my bed, I proceeded to pull off his clothes. Starting with his shoes, then his jeans and on to his shirt. Jeez I’d forgotten how well built he was. His strong firm chest, smooth skin, hard muscles. I could just die right here from the magnificence of it all!
I crawled onto the bed with him and ran my hand over his chest. He shivered in response. Then laughed when my fingers brushed his nipples.
“It’s okay Thomas, I’ll make you forget all about Grady.” I whispered.
“I can’t.” came his tortured reply. He was trying to be the good guy even while drunk. I smiled. He really was one in a million.
“It’s okay, I’ll do everything.” I told him and kissed a trail from his shoulders down to his waist line. When I lifted the material I felt his hand on my arm. I looked at his face which was flushed and I really couldn’t tell if it was just from being drunk or simply because he was enjoying my ministrations.
“Don’t…my mate, we can’t.” he said again and actually started to sit up, unsteadily.
I pushed him back down gently and he went without a fight. “It’s okay Thomas, I promise you’ll like it.” I smiled and my mouth was on his heated flesh once more, kissing and tasting, craving more of him. I didn’t make a move to his boxers again; I figured the best way to do this was to get him worked up to the point where he wouldn’t try to stop me again.
So I kissed and teased and managed to hold him down again when he tried to push me away. That’s why I didn’t drink; it made you weak; something I never wanted to be.
I was so focused on my task that I didn’t hear the pounding on my front door and it was only when I felt myself being hoisted off Thomas’s body that I even registered the fact that someone else was in my home. I spun around swiftly causing the intruder to stumble and when I saw who he was I growled in anger.
“Get the fuck away from me, I’m taking him home!” Grady shouted and tried to side step me but I shoved him roughly and considering my sheer strength in comparison to a human’s he didn’t stand a chance.
“He doesn’t want you here, whatever you did, drove him to me and I’m not just gonna let him go.” I told him adamantly.
I had to hand it to him though, he looked absolutely lethal and if I wasn’t confident in my own abilities I would have cowered in the face of his glare.
“He’s my mate.” he gritted out, looking over my shoulder at Thomas who was now sitting up in bed and looking over at us in drunken confusion.
“Grady.” Thomas said with a smile and I shook my head; he didn’t even seem to remember that he was supposed to be mad at him.
“Thomas.” Grady replied and moved to go around me but I grabbed his arm.
He glared up at me and tried to shrug me off “You know last time I checked it’s against your law to try to mess with someone’s mate.” he told me and I bristled.
“It’s against the law to mess with a fellow wolf’s mate, you’re human.” I replied. Still holding onto him.
“Fine then I’ll call Carson and see what he has to say about this.” Grady answered and I watched as he extracted his cell phone from his pocket with his other hand.
I let him go in an instant. It was no secret to anyone that Grady and the Alpha were friends and I wasn’t about to get myself into trouble.
I watched in anger as Grady went over to Thomas and stooped down to his level.
“Hey baby.” Grady said, his voice soft and loving.
I shifted uncomfortably at the feelings I heard in just those two words and it suddenly occurred to me what could have happened if I had actually finished what I had started with Thomas.
He was the Beta, he loved Grady, if I’d made him cheat on his mate….shit I hadn’t been thinking clearly I had just been caught up in the thought of getting back with my ex lover; wanting us to go back to the way it was without really considering his feelings in the matter. He would have hated me.
Thomas giggled rather than respond to Grady’s greeting, but under that alcohol induced haze in his eyes I spotted something deep he was happy to see his mate despite their argument. He loved him.
“You’ve been smoking again.” Grady whispered in awe and I watched as his face contorted in pain at this discovery.
“I’m so sorry Thomas.” He said softly and I watched as he dropped his head onto the bed at Thomas’ side. When he lifted it again, his face was wet. He lifted Thomas’ hand and kissed the back of it.
“I should have told you, I was selfish and stupid and I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.” He continued, his voice shaking with the emotion he felt.
I didn’t like the guy but any fool could see how much he loved Thomas. He looked utterly broken and scared and I found it hard to watch.
“IthinkIdranktoomuch.” Thomas replied, his words running together and Grady chuckled through his tears.
“Yeah you think.” He said, then; “Come on we’re going home.” Grady announced.
“No I hafto stay here.” Thomas said, shocking us both.
Grady froze at his words and looked at me briefly then back at Thomas “No, no Thomas, I made a mistake, I’ll change I promise, all you have to do is come home with me and you’ll see.” He said brokenly and I bit my lip.
“I need a smoke.” Thomas replied and tried to push up off the bed but Grady forced him back with some difficulty. “It hurts” Thomas continued and my eyes narrowed at his words.
“What hurts? Your side? I knew you shouldn’t have left, you’re still healing and-”Grady began but froze at Thomas’ next words.
“Loving you hurts.” Thomas said and it just broke my heart to see the tears build up in my Beta’s eyes and cascade down his face. Just because he was drunk didn’t mean he couldn’t feel anything but a second later he was giggling again and I shook my head. The man was drunk up to his balls.
“I saw that cheerleader today.” He chuckled. Going completely off topic but Grady didn’t even seem to notice. He was just staring unseeingly at Thomas’s face.
The pain etched in his features evident and I instantly felt sorry for the way I had acted towards him. This wasn’t a guy deserving of my dislike because if he could love someone this much then there had to be something good about him.
“I’m gonna change, you’ll see.” Grady whispered again and then stood, kissed Thomas on his forehead and took a step back.
“Grady.”I started, wanting to tell him how sorry I was for the way I had acted but in no time at all, Grady was up in my face, his hands tightening around the collar of my shirt. I was too shocked to even respond.
“You could be superman for all I care, touch him again and I’ll break your fucking neck.” He said. His voice low and deadly despite the tears cascading down his face. Then he let me go and was out the door.
I stood there for a second, trying to catch my breath. Grady may be human but instincts told me that that was one threat that he wouldn’t have a problem carrying out and that alone sent a shiver down my spine.
AUTHOR’S NOTES
THERE YOU HAVE IT MY LOVELIES. ENJOY!
ShOutOuts: To ThornQueen85 and to BLOODYHEART thanks so much for reading and lending your support guys I really appreciate it! <3
Thanks to you all and I hope you enoy! keep sweet!
-DoUbLe.A
-unedited.
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