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Painful Desires
When we were hit by the ripe age of sixteen, we started to realize that this was the time girlfriends were a thing. I never found interest in girls since all my attention was on you for eleven years. It has never stopped.
We watched the sunset one day as you tossed bread crumbs towards the ocean for the seagulls.
“I love you.” I blurted out. It hurt me deeply. I was too scared. These painful desires overwhelmed me. I was too scared to ruin our friendship. What if you’re disgusted by me because I am a guy? I was too afraid to admit my thoughts.
You turned to me looking shocked. “Like..how?” You said.
“I want to be with you. I want to sleep next to you at night. I want to one day come home to you. I want to hold hands with you. I want to be close to you..so much.” I felt the crumble in my chest as I sprouted those words. I was terrified. I could feel the tears wanting to escape.
I watched as you leaned close to me and placed your soft lips on mine. You didn’t say anything, but the jolt of your lips gave me all the answers I needed. You too felt the same way. I felt such a relief off my shoulders. I felt I could fly.
–
I did sleep next to you every time I stayed over. Your scent, your soft breathing at night, and your silky skin against mine. It felt like euphoric heaven.
I did come home to you when I went to your house instead of mine. I felt more at home in your arms than my own bed. You always smiled and call out my name every time you saw me.
I did hold hands with you as you guided me down the beachside near the mountains where our fort was located.
I did get close to you when our lips reunited every time we saw each other in our private getaway. It felt like magic was bestowed upon us. I felt like a Disney princess with my prince.
–
You were always so happy seeing me. I got so used to you mouthing my name when you saw me. I love how you would always come snuggle up by my side. I love how when I cried you would stay near. I love how you watched out for me and protected me. I love how you always waited outside my door until I was available to hang out. I love how when I left, you were always here waiting for me.
“Daisuke, I have to tell him.” You said to me one evening.
“Your dad?”
“Yeah. I want him to know our relationship. I’m sure he will understand. He’s my best friend. I mean I’m already eighteen. We’ve been together for three years.” You looked stressed.
“I know. Tell him. He’s a nice man. I’m sure he will be accepting.” I smiled for reassurance.
You nodded with a smile, but who knew that smile was the last real smile I would witness.
To Be Continued
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