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POV
As Thomas is being awaken, he sees that it’s not a nurse with his tray, but James. “I wanna go back to sleep, piss off.” He mumbles, turning over. “Wow I feel so loved.” James laughs, sitting on the edge of the bed. He stares down at Thomas, who’s light-brown hair covers his face. “Good, you should.” Thomas mumbles, his slim hand taking James’s lean one, the IV on his hand reminding them both of the situation, as does the tube.
“What’s up with you?” James asks, concern lacing his soft voice. The concern in his voice is enough to make Thomas crack under pressure, his eyes forming tears that begin to slide down his cheeks. The tears are barely visible, but James sees them, his pained expression becoming one of sadness. “Thomas,” He whispers softly, taking a finger softly down the boy’s cheek, “Hey talk to me.”
“What if I don’t get better, James.”
The breath James took gets stuck in his throat, silence setting on the men, because neither of them know what to say. James knows he’ll get better, but there’ll be relapses, but it’s possible. Right? What if both of them are gonna be stuck through this endless cycle, of hospitals and therapy.
“Thomas, recovering from an eating disorder will probably be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but if you want to get better you gotta fight. This thing is a demon, that you can win against, but you gotta eat to fight the demon.”
“But I can’t James, it’s like a demon yes, that consumes me everyday, the voices telling me I’ll get fat, that I don’t need food. My brain isn’t working the way it’s supposed to and I don’t know how to fix it.” Thomas sobs, and it makes James realize that Thomas has it rock bottom. Which is what he needs to get better. He hopes. As a psychiatrist he’s confused, his feelings clouding his vision in the boy’s mental health.
“If you wanna get better, you will. It’s all about you at this point, Thomas.”
The silence continues, except it’s not a tense one, it’s one where the words said, are silent. “When am I off of bed rest?” He asks, hoping James knows the answer. “Probably tomorrow you’ll be allowed to be wheeled around.” He explains, and after 3 days being confined to a bed, this is quite nice for Thomas. “Dinner time.” James mumbles, right on cue a nurse walks in with a tray. He pulls the table in front of Thomas and takes the tray, except there are two trays. What?
Thomas watches in confusion, as James scans the tray, panic rising in Thomas. He puts the milk and an apple on the other tray and gives it to Thomas, setting it down gently. “Drink some milk, and eat the apple first, and then I’ll add more, alright?” James explains, as the panic in Thomas settles down. He picks up the apple, 80 calories. Taking one bite, and it hits him. He can’t.
He spits out the apple, and puts it back on his tray, sliding it away from himself. “No.”
James sighs, takes the apple and tray, paging a nurse. A nurse comes in a couple moments later, with a bag of nutrients for the tube. “You can try tomorrow Thomas.” He explains, while she flushes out the tube, replacing the bag. “Any discomfort?” She asks, as he shakes his head, she just leaves. Although he does really want to talk to James alone though, so it works out.
“Do you just sleep all day?” James inquires, and Thomas nods, because that’s literally all he does, besides therapy. “I’ll wheel you around hopefully tomorrow.” He sighs, making a mental note about taking Thomas around the hospital. “It’s 7pm, can you stay the night?” Thomas asks, and James smiles, because he actually can. “Yea. I’m staying the night. I typically do.” He smiles, as James sits on the edge of his bed again.
“Do you have a lot of friends, James?” He asks, and James sits there, frowning. “People that I consider close, no. I have like 4 people that I consider close, including you.” James sighs, as Thomas takes his hand again, and the comfort that comes with it. He looks across to see James, running his thumb gently across the top of his hand, wary of the IV. “Why do you care so much about me?” He asks, and that’s when James laughs slightly. “What’s so funny?” Thomas questions, and James’s laugh stops abruptly.
“Thomas you are an amazing person, who deserves a better chance at life, is what the psychiatrist part of me is saying but the real me is saying something different. Since I first met you I felt something for you, and it’s been about a month and a half, and I’m utterly infatuated with you.”
That sets Thomas uneasy mind, at ease. The fact that someone actually cares about him, is enough to bring tears to his eyes, but tears of joy. He sits up better, so he can lean his head on James’s shoulder. The silence continues to be more of a protective barrier for the both them as time goes on, but they love the presence of each other. That alone is enough to make ether one of them happy, and that’s what’s important. “James, Tyler said something about a guy named Chris?” At that James goes stiff, even Thomas can feel it.
“I’m gonna strangle Tyler, but I’ll tell you anyways.” He sighs squeezing Thomas’s hand gently.
“Chris was a guy who I met at a bar, he had problems I wasn’t aware of. The relationship we had was good at first, but his problems took over. See he had a drinking problem, and wrong type of whiskey he got mad. He was just a really bad guy. I-I’ll tell you more when I’m ready.”
Instead of pressuring him, he smiles, “so Tyler is probably not gonna live to see his next birthday?” James shakes his head, laughing. (A/N THERE IS A DOG BARKING LOUD AF RN) “Thomas, please get better.” James sighs, wrapping his arms around Thomas, who’s mentally drained. “I love you too.” Thomas murmurs, his hopes set on getting better.
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