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{{okay, so his is just an idea I got…idk it’s weird and stuff and just all around weird I’m sorry… First of all, i’ve been getting messages asking if I’m gay and that’s why I’m writing gay Tadashi X Reader. First off, no. I might be kind of gay, but i’m not gay completely. I’m a bisexual and biromantic demiboy, no matter if i was once a cisgirl. }} (boy version)
[trigger warning]
Honestly, you’re pretty smart. You’re only 17 you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Now, don’t think you’re just here to throw it all away. You’ve got a purpose, at least that’s what everyone says.
I never said I’d lie and wait forever
If I died, we’d be together
But, what is it? That would be the question at hand. No one really noticed that you were alive, anyway. Almost like you didn’t exist. No one noticed you close your eyes and enter your mind. No one noticed you living in a closet.
I can’t always just forget her
But she could try
You knew you shouldn’t think that way. There’s always the possibility that there’s a person, but he was so overprotective. Like you were only a little brother/sister. {{A/N: haha I hope there are other boys on wattpad, transboys, cisboys, demiboys, genderfluid people who feel like a boy today, you get it.}}
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
But you did think that way. You couldn’t stop. In the past, you were a terrible self-harmer, and you were ready to throw away all those days clean tonight. You’d throw everything away to get some stupid endorphins in your system for a change. {{hope you guys know what those are…}}
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
You rolled up your pant-leg. It’d been almost a month. No one helped you out of it, you did it in your own. You were stubborn, I guess. You wouldn’t let your “older brother” save you from yourself. You fumbled around with a screwdriver, even though you knew how to do it perfectly.
Could I? Should I?
You pulled the pencil sharpener’s blade out. Should you really do this? Of course you should. You need to. You need to give yourself everything you deserve. One, Two, Three. You didn’t get a dizzy-light headed feeling that you had gotten in the past. You loved the feeling of the blade across your skin too much to just do it once.
And all the things that you never ever told me
Maybe you should’ve stopped. But what would that mean? Maybe it’d mean your “older brother” would’ve found you regretting it. If you don’t stop, you don’t have time to regret. Slit, slit, slit. You loved watching the blood bead up on the surface of your skin around the slits.
And all the smiles that are never ever…
Ever…
“Y/N!!” he shouted, and you knew you were going to be told that he shouldn’t have trusted you and how you could’ve died and how you might have lead poisoning and everything along the lines of that. He worried too much, but he always used the excuse ‘if it makes you feel any better, I worry about everyone’.
Get the feeling that you’re never
All alone and I remember now
“Calm down!” you told him. You held your hands up, your palms facing out, trying to give him some sort of calming hand gesture.
“No! Y/N, all this time, all this time I loved you, how could you just go and throw everything–” he stopped himself, regret filling him more with every word.
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
You sat in awkward silence, him holding his jaw with his hand. “Why?” he finally asked, his voice sounding like some sort of injured puppy.
You shook those thoughts about him out of your head. You knew full and well that he wasn’t helpless,even if he looked that way. Sure, you’d had feelings or him for a while, but to him that would be the same thing as Hiro saying he loved him and not meaning it in a sibling way. Incest.
At the end of the world
Hoping that he knew a thing or two about emotional science and such, you said “Oh, y’know, endorphin…?” you hoped you got the word pronunciation right.
Or the last thing I see
You are
“Endorphins aren’t worth this, Y/N! You need help!” you knew for a fact everything he was saying was true. How could he be true and the voices in your head…? You wondered. “That’s it, you’re coming with me. C’mon, Hiro’s not home tonight. I’m not leaving you alone.”
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
“N-not that I don’t trust you, it’s just…” he trailed off. You knew what he meant without him saying it. He was going to be his usual, protective self.
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Truthfully, he didn’t think of you like a younger sibling. He thought of you as something else, but he was confused as to exactly what he thought of you. He liked you, a lot. He didn’t know this feeling. He didn’t understand, though it was probably near-impossible not to notice Y/N’s lovesickness.
-Tadashi’s POV-
Never coming home, Never coming home
“Y/N, c’mon. I’m not giving up on you.” I persisted. Y/N eventually gave up and walked with me. I could see every step hurt him after that, which is understandable. I mean, he cut so damn deep…
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
He wobbled, avoiding putting much weight on his right leg where a bit of blood was showing on his leg. He’d never seemed so helpless before and it was killing me. He’s so much more than a little brother to me. A little brother is years of free babysitting, and I’ve never had a moment with him that wasn’t good.
If I fall
If I fall (down)
Y/N and I were almost there, him trying to plaster on a smile or people. Truthfully, before tonight, I never knew what he meant by “save me from myself”. I never knew what you could do to yourself. So naive. Great job, Tadashi. Ignoring the boy you can’t live without.
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
He walked straight past Aunt Cass. And she always says she’s great at reading emotions. She thought Y/N was happy. I guess I could’ve been in sweet ignorance like this whole time before tonight. I push him all the way up to the room I share with the younger brother who’s not just considered one, meaning biologically. Hiro. Hiro wouldn’t have probably cared if Y/N was there, but he’d make things awkward.
You are
“Now, tell me, what’s wrong? What made you want to hurt yourself?” I ask gently.
“Is there a lot of questions?” he asked.
I mentally face-palmed. He’s been through a lot, best not to shove questions down his throat. “Only as m you feel like answering.” I tried to reassure him. “Yo’re a real knucklehead some times, I swear to it. You think you’re immortal, like nothing can ever hurt you.Why? Y/N, what’s it like to feel invincible?” Maybe I hit a soft spot. It’s just…sometimes he acts like there’s not only one life, like everything can just start over and he can come back. That’s just not how it works.
Never coming home
He replied with, “Most of the time,I care too much. There comes a point when you just can’t give a fuck anymore and have to do something to make yourself happy. If everyone hurts you, you hurting yourself makes it hurt less. Like screaming in a crowd of screaming people.” I never thought of that. I just assumed people did it, but he always seemed happy. Maybe it was some sort of mask..
Never coming home
Never coming home
-midnight-
Never coming home
His chest rises and falls in little puffs. He breathes in and out deeply, but not as if he was having a nightmare. Like he wasn’t okay. Like he was scared of something far worse nthan a nightmare, something real.
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
“little brother. ha. you’re something more than that. You’ll make it far in this world, little brother.” I whispered. He’stayed with me, no way I’m not protecting him from himself. I’m not even sure I trust myself enough to leave him alone.
Never coming home
Never coming home
“you can do it, I believe in you. Not alone, though. No one deserves to be all alone and no one can save themselves from themselves. But don’t worry, I’m here for you. I’ll always be here.” I kept talking, even though neither one of us would be able to remember come morning.
Could I? Should I?
I’m not the type to leave people. Who could leave someone likeY/N? I know too many peple have in the past, and I want to change that so much. He, of all people, doesn’t deserve it. Just…no. I can’t even describe him. His eyes, oh god I sound weird. Is this normal? Who gives a shit, normal is overrated. Since when are we normal anyway?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
“I love you, Y/N.” I whisper as his H/C hair presses against me. He slept in an old T-shirt and shorts, but he still looks amazing on his own. He stirrs a little in his sleep, then goes back to being still. My “little brother”.
For all the ghosts that are never gonna…
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