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sorry for not updating in so long! I hate when people do that honest. Things have been really crazy this early February. I had funerals, frozen pipes, long hotel stays… okay enough of my boring life-sorry for any grammar errors I have a lot on my mind!
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“I hope it’s a lot of extra credit,” Sutton came up behind me as I walked to my locker. Tuesday morning was as tiring as Monday.
I exhaled loudly. “Don’t talk about it,” I stopped at my locker. Sutton probably didn’t care what I had to say. She always did what she wanted.
She shrugged her shoulders, “Not like I was announcing it over the PA.”
“Mornings suck,” I heard Jason’s voice behind me also. I shut my locker and turned around. There they were, Sutton, Jason, Gavin, and Charlie; crowding me and my locker.
“Is this a community hangout?” I asked jokingly. It was true, for some reason they all came toy locker when I got to school.
Then I noticed Jensen wasn’t here. When I dropped him off yesterday, things got a little heated. After he kissed me, I didn’t say anything else. So he just went inside. I don’t know where we stand exactly now. I’m sure we are still friends because he didn’t seem mad at me.
“He is retaking his test for English,” Gavin looked at me.
“What?” I said, almost automatically. Was he talking about Jensen?
“Jensen,” Gavin grabbed Sutton’s hand and they walked off. I could tell Gavin couldn’t take having to keep a secret. It’s only day one and it was eating him away so much he didn’t want to be near me.
“Gosh, what did you do to make him upset?” Charlie punched me playfully. I just wish the bell would ring already. I wanted to hand in that extra credit and see if it was truly worth it.
I sighed. “Nothing, hey can you believe they are together?” I tried to change the subject.
Charlie laughed. “Could have been sooner. Now there is now more girls left in the group, so if you want one you have to explore in the outside world.” She leaned on Jason. Jesus everyone’s together now aren’t they? “Or you have Jensen,” What? Did she really just say that? My face flushed.
Jason scowled. “Charlie don’t even bring that up, its gross. Whiat would never be with Jensen. He’s not a faggot.” That word hurt. I should have known Jason was going to say something like that. He always does. He makes fun if things calling them gay. No respect for somebody that likes the same sex. I never really thought about it until now. I never really liked someone of the same sex until now. Wait what?
“Unless…” Jason broke my concentration. I wasn’t answering him so he was starting to think otherwise. And I crack under pressure. I crack big time.
“No,” I renounced. I left them for class. When I got there Jensen was sitting at our table as well as Sutton and Gavin at their table.
Mrs. Dillton started class. “Class, class, there seems to be a misunderstanding. The extra credit on the back of the assignment was not for you it was for my classes at the community collage. Sorry for anyone who attempted to do it.” She sat down and took attendance.
My mouth dropped clear to the floor. Well not really, but almost. Jensen was doing the same. We looked at each other and without saying a word, turned to glare at Sutton. She pushed this whole thing for what? Nothing. I jeopardized my good friendship with Jensen for non existent extra credit.
All day long I wanted to chew Sutton out. but at lunch, she wasn’t there. She went home. Gavin joked that she was probably scared of me and Jensen. She should be.
At the end of they day I offered Jensen a ride home so at least we can talk about it. I didn’t want this left hanging in the air.
“It’s so stupid,” I said and started my car. “just stupid.”
Jensen got in the passenger seat and threw his backpack in the backseat. “What is?”
“The whole extra credit crap,” I looked at him before backing up. “don’t you think?”
“Yeah stupid,” He answered coldly. His face went down; looking at his lap. He was just saying this to agree with me hoping I would stop the conversation.
“What do you think then,” I asked him.
“Its stupid,” he said again. He was acting like a child. I stared at him, but kept driving. Two could play this game.
“Tell me or I won’t look at the road ever again.” I declared war. I stared at him and he stared at me. Then he looked a the road. Then at me. Then at the road. Finally he gave up, didn’t take long, and told me what he really thought.
He rested his head in his hands. “I told you…I liked it.” Thats not what I wanted him to say. Thats the opposite of what I wanted him to say. I looked over at him and he had his eyes closed. He was obviously done talking for the time being, and so was I. You can’t say anything when you have nothing coming to mind.
Well, many things came to mind. Like what if he liked me? What if he liked boys in general? What if he was just confused and experimenting? What if he wasn’t gay but only for me? And the big one: what did I feel? Hundreds of questions like these came across my mind when I was driving Jensen home.
After I dropped him off, I really wish I would have asked some of them. Now I was left unsure of myself and our relationship even more. I parked my car in the garage and went to my room. I needed sleep. Unfortunately, as soon as I laid down and shut my eyes, my phone rang. Fortunately it was Jensen.
I answered, “Hello?”
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