Array
(
[text] =>
No matter how many times Mom says that she is alright, I know for a fact that she wasn’t. She was affected by the news about Dad, the same as I was. I can’t help but feel that Dad left us for his ambition, for a better life, that he sold us, his own family, for the fortune of the Robinsons family.
Finally I found the answer why Dad left us, but it was not the answer that I was hoping for. It didn’t make me feel any better. Instead it made me feel a lot worse.
I never knew that the woman my Dad married was that well-off, I just met her once back at our old home. She barged into our house and threatened my Mom to sign the divorce paper. It was not like my Mom was having second thoughts. Dad was at work that time, but whether he knew about that woman’s action or not, I have no idea. I don’t care.
I would never forgive her for that, she and her daughter alike. I wanted to fight back, but Mom stopped me. She told me that we didn’t have to stoop down to their level. That woman and her daughter ended up being chased away by Mom.
Mom is a brave and strong woman. When those two were making a ruckus at our old home, Mom stayed calm. She picked up the phone and threatened to call the police to get the two arrested. Those two walked out of the house with absolute humiliation on their face. It was actually pretty funny. After those two left, though, Mom cried.
I could only imagine the pain my Mom felt that time. The pain of love fading, the pain of losing that the person you love for many years, the pain of letting go. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t make her feel any better.
Acting like everything is fine and nothing was wrong proved to be very difficult that day. Slowly, I could feel myself regressing to my depressed state just a few weeks ago. I could feel the sadness creeping inside my heart slowly.
“Are you alright?” Perry asked me when we were on our way to the cafeteria during lunch.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I lied. I wasn’t fine at all. A week hasn’t passed and yet many things were happening all of a sudden. After getting over seeing Dad at that café, why do I have to see him with that woman in the news as well? We moved out of our former house to move on and forget about him, but why wasn’t it that easy? Why was he in the same town anyway, what was he doing here?
Perry sighed. “Are you really alright?” He asked again as he looked at me seriously. I couldn’t reply, I didn’t want to lie to him again. “I see… I thought so… We saw the news, my Mom and I. It’s alright, we don’t have to talk about it, just, don’t think too much about it.” Perry placed one of his hands on top of my shoulder. “Just keep smiling.” Perry said and then smiled at me.
He’s right.
I need to keep smiling.
For my Mom.
For myself.
I would keep smiling.
“Thanks.” I told Perry and then smiled back at him.
There was no use on feeling miserable because of my father. It’s not like he would come back to us if we continue to be bothered by everything that he does. In order to live our life happily, in order to fully move forward, my Mom and I need to learn to ignore him. We need to live our lives without him, without thinking about him, without getting affected by him.
“That reminds me, where did you swim last night?” Perry suddenly asked.
His question made me remember everything that happened the night before at Nico’s pool. I remembered resting my head on his sturdy chest very clearly and I remembered Nico holding me by the waist. More importantly, I could remember him saying ‘Sweet Dreams’. Those thoughts were enough to make me feel a bit shy, my face suddenly felt hot and my heart started racing.
“Ahhh… that… Well…” I was hesitating if I should tell Perry the truth or not. He’s already suspicious about my sudden closeness to Nico and all.
“It’s at Nico’s house, isn’t it?” Perry suddenly said with sharp eyes.
“Ehhh?!”I was really surprised that he figured it out so easily. “How did you find out?”
“You’re quite easy to read, you know. So, why do you seem so nervous? Did something happened last night when you two are together? ” Perry asked and then raised an eyebrow.
“Nothing really…” I denied and then looked away from Perry. My ears started to turn really red.
“Ahhh! Something did happen!” Perry said quite curiously. “Kyle~… My. Dear. Friend. Tell me. What happened with you and Nico last night?” He asked, when we were about to enter the cafeteria, as he put his arm around my shoulders.
“I told you…” I replied nervously. I did my best to prevent Perry from seeing my burning cheeks. He’s quite the sharp guy, he would find out that something was up if he saw my face. “Nothing…”
“What are you two doing?” That voice was very familiar to me already. I turned my head around and saw Nico looking at us. He had a weird expression on his face and once again his eyes were furrowed. Nico’s gaze shifted to Perry’s arm and his gaze became even sharper. “It looks like you two are having fun.” Nico added, but he sounded angry for some reason.
Perry turned around, bringing me with him, since he still had his arm around my shoulders. “Say, tell me, how did Kyle ended up swimming at your house last night?” He asked Nico.
“Why should I tell you?” Nico replied in a serious tone. “You two seem close…” Nico said as he glared at Perry’s arm around my shoulders. “…so why don’t ask Drew instead?” He’s mad. Nico sounded really mad. Nico then turned his eyes on me. It was scary; his eyes were really sharp, it was piercing right through me.
“Nico…” I wanted to ask if he was angry, but I was too nervous.
“Let’s talk later, I don’t want to interrupt your time with your close friend.” Nico said in a firm tone and then walked passed Perry and me.
“What was that all about? What’s wrong with that guy?” Perry said and then shook his head. “Well, never mind.”
“I think he’s mad…” I muttered.
“About what?” Perry asked. “I told you, be careful of that guy, no one knows what he’s really thinking. You don’t even know why he wanted to be your friend in the first place.”
“Then, what about you? Why did you approached me?”
“Well… that’s…”
“It’s because our Mom’s are bestfriends, right?” I said as I looked at Perry. “But, that doesn’t make our friendship now any less real. I mean it’s not like we’re continuing to be friends for our mothers.”
“Of course.” Perry replied.
“Exactly. That’s why, no matter what Nico’s initial intention for approaching me were, it doesn’t exactly means that he’s not being sincere in being my friend. Because I can feel that he is sincere, and for me that’s what’s important. If there’s one thing that I learned in life, it’s that the present is more important that the past.” I said and then smiled at Perry.
“Fine.” Perry said. “But if that guy does anything bad to you, tell me immediately, I know some people who can deal with him.” Perry sounded serious and that worried me. “I’m joking. It was just a joke.” Perry chuckled as he saw my expression.
Nico was acting unusual that day, no, he was acting really usual. By that, I mean that he’s acting the way he usually does. He’s very quiet, and almost always have that serious expression on his face.
I guess in the past days I just got so used to the friendly Nico – he’s much better that way – that I almost forgot that the quiet and slight snub Nico was the normal and usual one.
Maybe Nico was just in a really was in a bad mood that day. We had the same class the period after lunch, he did save me a seat next to his, but he was very quiet, his expression was a bit scary too. I wonder what caused him to have such a foul mood, I wanted to know, but I was very afraid to ask.
I finally understood why although Nico’s very popular no one dared try to get close to him.
“Nico…” I called his name carefully and nervously after the school day ended. Nico just walked out of the door and he looked back at me. He didn’t look that angry anymore, but his face was still a bit serious. “Ummm… Ehhh…” I was a bit lost for words, I had no idea how to ask him properly.
“What is it?” He said, his tone was a bit impatient. He’s definitely angry.
“Are you angry? Did I do something wrong? I just that…” I said quickly as my heart raced.
“Wait…” Nico said. “Calm down… What made you think that I am angry?”
“Because, during lunch, you sounded angry, and during class you rarely talked, and every time I would see your face, you would either have a serious or an angry expression…” I replied carefully.
“Let’s just say that I am angry; what made you think that I am angry at you and that you did wrong?” He asked. I was about to answer but then Nico put his hands on top of my shoulders. “I’m not angry, and you definitely didn’t do anything wrong. I was just simply in a bad mood.” He said and then smiled at me. It was not his usual smile, it was not as bright as before. I could feel that he was just trying to comfort me.
I feel good about that, but still it worried me.
“Why are you in a bad mood, then?” I asked.
“It’s nothing. I just saw something that ruined my day. You can say that I am just being unnecessarily childish.” He replied as he took his hands away. Nico sounded like he was still upset, and it bothered me.
“Then… is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” I asked impulsively. Why did I just ask that? I sounded totally concern for no reason…
All of a sudden Nico smiled. “I’m happy, that you’re worried about me.” He said.
Those words.
Those short and simple sentence made me blush.
It made my heart race.
I was a bit embarrassed that I was too obvious.
I was really glad that the he’s happy that I am concerned about him
“Well… ummm…. I…” I was once against lost for words. There’s nothing I could say that would make that time any less embarrassing for me.
“Actually there is something.” Nico said with a smile. I looked at him curiously. “Give me your phone.”
“What?” I replied confusedly. I have no idea what Nico was up to at all.
“Give me your phone… you want to help me feel better, right?” Nico persisted with a smile.
A bit hesitantly, I unlocked my phone and then handed it to Nico. “So you really love swimming huh…” He said with a smile, he must’ve seen my phone wallpaper, which is a picture of the moon reflecting on a lake. Actually, I took that picture personally, it was the picture of my lake. I hope he doesn’t recognize it.
Nico’s phone suddenly rang, he took it out of his pocket and then hanged it. “Alright, I have your number now.” He said to himself with a small smirk. He then raised my phone and took a picture of himself. “There, now I have a picture on your contact.”
All the while I was just looking at him confusedly. What is he doing exactly?
“Mmm… Shall I make my picture your wallpaper?” He suddenly asked.
“Ehhh?” I was surprised. “Hey! That’s embarrassing!” I complained and then snatched my phone from his hands. Although I was really happy to finally have a picture of Nico on my phone which I could look at every time I want to see him, making it as my wallpaper for everyone else to see was simply too embarrassing.
Nico burst out in laughter. “I was joking.” He said. “Ahh… I feel much better now.” He said with a grin.
I sighed heavily as I shook my head. Nico took out his phone and then started typing. “I just saved your contact. Do you want to see your contact picture?” He asked. Contact picture? I don’t remember giving him any picture of me. “Here, take a look.” He said and then showed me his phone’s screen.
“Ahhh!” I was really surprised to see my sleeping face on his screen. “Hey! You took that last night, didn’t you?!” I complained. “Delete it, it’s too embarrassing.” I tried to take the phone from his hands but Nico raised his hand above his head. I tired reaching for the phone, but failed many times. I tired leaping for it, but Nico moved quickly and stepped away.
“That’s unfair…” I complained, almost like a little child.
Nico chuckled at me and then smiled. “How cute…” He said. “You look cute while complaining like that.” He added.
“Cu…cute…?” I stuttered a bit. My face felt hot and I started blushing. Being called cute by the one you love is both flattering and yet somehow embarrassing. I couldn’t even look at Nico straight in the eyes.
Hearing me stutter in embarrassment only made Nico laugh more. “Your embarrassed expression is also cute.”
You think hearing Nico say that for the second time would not affect me as much, but it does. Actually, hearing it again made my heart race even faster. “Hey! You’re teasing me right now, aren’t you?!” Nico’s reply was a meaningful grin. “Tsk…” I clicked my tongue and then walked passed him. “I shouldn’t have been worried…”
“Drew…” Nico said as he stopped me from walking away by holding my shoulder. “Are you angry?” He asked, sounding really apologetic.
“Not really…” I said sarcastically. I wasn’t really mad, I just wanted to get back at him for teasing me. Well, I am childish that way. I’m not going to let him do anything he wants to me just because I secretly love him, I’m not that easy.
“Sorry, for teasing you…” Nico sounded really sorry, I guess my scheme worked. Maybe it worked too well, because I started feeling guilty for making him bad.
I turned my head and then stuck my tongue out, a bit, at him with a grin on my lips.
“How childish…” He complained as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. In an instant, my whole body was electrified.
Having Nico touch me like that…
Having him so close to me…
It was electrifying…
It was very… very exciting….
If that wasn’t enough, Nico suddenly pinched my cheeks lightly while saying “How cute…”
“Stop that…” I complained childishly as he continued to pinch my cheeks.
“Stop what? Pinching your cheeks, or calling you cute?” He replied teasingly.
“Both.” I said as I looked at him sharply.
“Ehhh… But it’s so fun…” He said and then chuckled. “Teasing you is so fun…” He added as he stopped pinching my cheeks. “Oh! You look great with reddish cheeks. You look way cuter that way.” He said and then laughed.
I rubbed my cheeks with my hands. “It hurts, you know…” I complained.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it, it was like your cheeks were begging to be pinched.”
My relationship with Nico took a steady pace. Each day that passed, we get closer and closer. As we get closer, I got to learn many new things about him, one of them is that he really, really likes texting. During that weekend alone, my inbox was filled with messages from him.
Boredom became an unfamiliar term for me. There was never a dull moment whenever Nico is around. He may seem distant and cold to others, but he is in fact very lively. Nico loves to laugh, and he makes me laugh all the time.
He gained a penchant for gaining a good laugh from teasing me. He kept on saying, cute to me over and over again, and although it made me happy, being a 17 year old, cute is not really a term you would really like to be called in public by another boy. Not that I am being prejudiced or hypocritical, not that it didn’t flatter me, it’s just really, really embarrassing. I would have no problem if it’s just the two of us, I could get over my embarrassment quickly, but Nico, well, he likes calling me cute in front of a huge crowd.
People would look at us, and I would feel really embarrass, and I tend to blush a lot when I feel that way. When Nico sees me like that, he would say that I look when I am embarrassment, then I would get shy even more, then he would call me cute again. It was a vicious cycle that I could not escape at all. Nico would only stop teasing me when I pretend to get angry and shout at him.
The angry act doesn’t last long though, he figures out my act all so quickly.
Being friends with Nico has it perks, one of them is being able to swim at the Bellards’ beautiful pool. I was practically swimming at that pool the whole weekend. There are times when Nico would join me and play in the water with me, but there are also times where he just reclines by the pool while reading a book.
I got to meet Nico’s mother and little sister as well. Rosemary “Rose” Bellard, is a very nice, but a bit quirky woman. She really loves flowers and tea. There are no times where I would not see Nico’s Mom smiling. Paula Bellard, Nico’s 10 year old sister, was a bit shy, on the other hand. Whenever I would see her, she would either run away or hide. I thought that she was afraid of me, at first, but Nico said that his sister is just really shy.
I didn’t get to meet Nico’s father though. He was out of the country that time.
Quite honestly, I envy Nico. It seems that he has everything. A happy family, a comfortable life, a beautiful pool. At the back of my head, I was wishing that we were as rich as the Bellards. Maybe if we were, then my Dad wouldn’t leave us to marry that woman. Maybe my Mom wouldn’t lose the man she loves, maybe I would still have a father.
I was really happy, though, that Nico and I were getting closer and closer.
But, I felt guilty.
I felt like I was deceiving him.
I felt afraid.
If he finds what I truly feel about him, what would happen?
Would he stop being my friend?
Would he hate me?
Would I lose him?
I don’t like that… I hate that…
It was Wednesday, if I could remember, that Perry suddenly asked to talk to me seriously. We were doing our homework at my room when Perry suddenly called my name. “Kyle… can we talk for a while…?” He sounded hesitant.
His tone alone was enough to tell me that something was up. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“There’s something I want to ask you.” Perry sounded hesitant.
“What is it?”
“Before I ask, just know that whatever your answer is, nothing would change between us. I would still be your friend, and I would continue to support you and protect you. I don’t want you to feel that I would become distant to you or that our friendship would change. I’m not that kind of person, I’m not a narrow minded person, times had changed and it’s nothing unusual, and…”
“Perry.” I said in a firm tone, stopping him from his long monologue. “What is it?” I asked.
“Kyle… you like Nico, don’t you?” Perry asked in a very serious tone while looking at me straight in the eyes.
My heart stopped at that moment. I couldn’t believe that Perry had found out the secret that I tried so hard to hide. I didn’t know what to do or how to reply. Should I deny it, or should I tell Perry the truth? Either way, things would change.
I realized one thing that time, though.
Love is such a strong emotion, beyond everyone’s understanding. We could try our whole life to find out what it really means, but no one in this lifetime would truly and fully fathom what love is. It is such a great emotion that it is too easy to figure out, too easy to spot, and too impossible to hide.
There’s simply no use in trying to hide your love, because sooner or later, it would seep out, and the people around you would surely catch on.
[text_hash] => 034130cd
)