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For the second time, I had brought Director Jovan to my own room after he passed-out drunk. Things were a bit different then, because he didn’t utter any word in his sleep. Instead, Director Jovan shed tears.
My face felt so hot that night. I knew that he was so drunk that night that’s why he did what he did, but I couldn’t help but feel really embarrassed about it. I couldn’t sleep at all because of that. It made me feel really weird for some reason, but what’s more surprising was the fact that I didn’t really hate it.
It was really hard to look at Director Jovan’s face after what happened at The Black Bull. I couldn’t be in the same room with him without feeling embarrassed. In the end, I spent all night watching the movies that he made. He’s really talented. I finally understood why he was chosen for the new project. If he’s the director, for sure, the film would come out great.
From all the films that he made, there’s one that made a mark in my heart. It was not mainstream film, but a film he made as his graduation project. I managed to find it online, and it felt really personal, really heartwarming, and really sad.
It was a film about a man fighting so hard to hold on to his love, a dying woman on life support, but in the end he was finally able to let her go. I can’t help but feel that he made that film for Emily. Maybe deep inside his heart was trying to find the strength and courage to let her go. Or maybe I am reading too much into it.
“You’re up early again.” Brent said as he came out of his room.
“Well…”
“Don’t work too hard, and get some proper sleep, Kyle,” He said as he walked towards the bathroom.
I looked at the door of my room worriedly. This is dangerous, if Brent finds out that Director Jovan was sleeping in my room, he would not let it go that easily.
“Mmm… isn’t this your Mom’s hangover soup? Why did you cook it?” Brent asked when he was having his breakfast.
“Ahhh… that…” I stammered a bit. I can’t say that it was for me, because Brent knows too well that I don’t like drinking alcohol. “That’s for Perry. Right, I cooked for that for Perry,” I lied.
“I see,” Brent finished his breakfast and left. Thank goodness he’s busy this week.
It was only a few minutes later when Director Jovan woke up. The door of my room opened and I saw him walk out. “I ended up here again…” He sighed. He looked a bit groggy. The first thing I saw was his face, his eyes, nose, and then lips…
Instantly, my cheeks felt hot and I turned away. I still couldn’t look at him without feeling really embarrassed. “You’re awake…” I said then stood up. “I made hangover soup, I’ll heat it up.”
Director Jovan followed me in the kitchen. “Ummm, Kyle…”
He suddenly called my name and it made my heart skip a beat. Honestly, I was really surprised, that he remembers my name. It was the first time he called my name, and it made me really happy for some reason.
“Yes…?” I replied without looking back at him.
“Thank you, for letting me sleep here again,” he said. I was surprised again. He sounded really thankful, but what’s more surprising was the fact that he wasn’t angry.
“Ehhh… that’s a surprise, you’re not angry that I brought you here…” I said as I placed a bowl of hot soup on the table. “It’s hot, so eat slowly.”
“Thank you,” he said as he sat down. Again with the thanks. It was starting to make me really nervous. Why was he so obedient all of a sudden? “Honestly…” He hesitated. “Ummm, did I do something last night?” He asked.
His question made me instantly looked at his lips. “Nothing…” I said nervously as I looked away. “Why did you ask?”
“Just a feeling…” He replied hesitantly as well.
“Then, it’s that why you’re not scolding me? Because you’re feeling guilty?”
“Just a bit… Although I don’t really know what I did or said, I have a strong feeling that did something last night,” he replied honestly. I wanted to smile at that moment, but I held it in. I didn’t want to offend him. Who knew that he had that adorable side to him as well? Feeling guilty over something he couldn’t even remember, as I thought, he does have a soft side to him. “I know how I can be when I’m drunk. I tend to be harsher than usual, my friends say. That’s why, if I said some hurtful things last night, I apologize.”
“Well, you were really vicious last night,” I said, finally looking at him. “But it’s okay, I went overboard as well. So I guess we’re even.”
“I see… I’m sorry…”
“If you don’t mind me asking; why are so you suddenly a lot nicer now? It’s scary… a bit…” I asked nervously. “Well, you don’t have to answer me, if you don’t want to.”
“The truth is, I was a bit suspicious of you the first time you brought me here. Because, you’re the only person that I know that would let a total stranger sleep in his bed. I was actually thinking, that you were up to something shady, or you were plotting something. But, after hearing your name and that you work at Diamond Sky, I asked around about you. I found out that all the writers respect you and like working with you, and that you give your best to everything, and that no matter how hard and tiring a project is you would always have a smile while working. Then I thought; someone who works hard like that, someone who loves his work like that, there’s no way that he’s a bad person.”
I was really moved when I heard what Director Jovan said. It made me really happy.
“As I thought, Director is not a cold and scary person at all…” I said trying my best to hide my overflowing emotions. I was once again closer to understanding him. That day, I found out that Director Jovan wasn’t really snobbish, he’s just guarded. Very.
Director Jovan chuckled. “Well, they’re probably right, at some point…”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “There’s no way a cold person can make a film that would move the heart. I watched them; the films that you made. They’re beautiful, they’re moving,” I nodded a bit with a huge smile.
“You watched them…?” He sounded surprised.
“Yes, last night,” I replied. “That’s why…” I was hesitant whether I should say my opinion or not. “That’s why I think you should take it easy on the alcohol,” I said swiftly. “Because, it’s such a waste, to lose such a talented director like you over alcohol.”
“Kyle…” Director Jovan looked surprised.
I just realized that I sounded like an admiring fan. It made me feel really embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, for saying stuff like that.”
“No, not at all…” Director Jovan replied with a smile. “Honestly, I still remember what you said when I first came here. That getting drunk would solve nothing. I know that, but no matter how hard I tried, I can’t find the solution to my problem. That’s why I wanted to forget instead, and I can only forget when I’m drunk, when I’m drinking. I don’t know any other way.”
“I do. I know a way to forget your problems without getting drunk.”
“You do?”
“Yes, if you want to forget your problems next time, I can teach you how,” I told him with a smile.
Director Jovan smiled back at me. It was such a beautiful smile that I couldn’t help but look at it. It was the first time I’ve seen his smile. It was really beautiful, and I would never get tired of looking at it. He actually looks more handsome with a smile on his face. Looking at that smile made my heart race.
Looking at his lips made me remember what he did before passing out the night before, and it me embarrassed, it made me blush. So I looked away.
I still don’t know what made me say those words to him, but I can’t help but feel that I should do everything I can to help him. It’s not just because I sympathize with him, I just want to see him happy for real.
Director Jovan is not cold at all. He’s just lonely. In fact, he’s really kind and warm, once you get to know him better.
I was actually pretty nervous for the production meeting that morning. How can I focus if every time I would look at Director Jovan and see his lips, I would remember what he did the night before? Little did I know that I had something even more stressful to worry about.
A familiar scene greeted me when I arrived the office. Helena and her friends were once again forming a crowd in front of a single computer screen.
“What are you doing?” I asked when I approached them.
“This is big!” Helena said. “Have you seen this?”
“Seen what?”
“Here,” she said and then showed me the picture on the screen.
My heart almost stopped when I saw the picture on the screen. In a matter of seconds, my heart beat became faster and stronger, it felt like it was going to explode any moment. Seeing that picture frightened me of the consequences, it made me really nervous, because the picture on the screen was a picture of Director Jovan inside a pub… kissing another man. Kissing me.
That night just before Director Jovan passed out, it happened.
“It’s alright…” I said as I slowly and gently hold his hands that were on my collar. “I’m here…” Our eyes met then, and I could clearly see his sorrow in them. Then it happened.
Director Jovan moved closer, slowly. His grip on my collar loosened, and his gaze on my eyes never faltered.
“You’re finally here…” Director Jovan muttered and then the next thing I know, his lips were against mine.
His lips were soft, sweet, and very intoxicating.
My heart raced.
My whole body burned.
And then he passed out on my arms.
Just remembering about that event was enough to make feel really nervous and embarrassed.
The picture was taken behind me so it was only Director Jovan’s face that was visible. I actually felt relieved that my face wasn’t seen. If it was, then all hell would break lose. The company would go crazy and everyone would not stop badgering me for details, and worse, I would never hear the end of it from Brent and Perry.
“Do you think they’re just playing around?” One girl asked. “Maybe they were just messing around, you know how guys are.”
We’re not playing around, he’s drunk.
“But according to the unloader, they were having an argument just before, so this is definitely a heat of the moment kiss. Their emotions were too high, and the director wasn’t able to hold back his real feelings anymore,” Helena said. “The real question is; who is the other guy? Kyle, do you know?”
“Ha? Me? Wh-why would I know? I don’t know. I have no idea, not at all,” I said nervously as I retreated to my office and closed the door. “That’s dangerous… What should I do?” I couldn’t concentrate on work at all, after that. I kept on thinking what I would do if anyone finds out. I was scared, I was really scared.
Needless to say, the news about Director Jovan became really big. It was the talk of the office, and netizens flooded the net with comments and opinions about the issue.
“He’s just obviously drunk. It’s a cover-up, to take attention away from his cheating scandal with Emily. What a stunt! We couldn’t even see if their lips are really touching, it’s obviously just a publicity stunt,” I read. I can’t believe how majority of the people have negative comments about him. I can’t blame them though, after all the rumors of Director Jovan having a cold, scary, and snobbish attitude is already widespread, that’s why it’s easy for people to misunderstand him and think badly of him.
“Really, you need to do something about your bad reputation…” I sighed.
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you going inside? The meeting will start,” Perry said when he saw me just outside the conference room.
I was really hesitant and afraid to go in. I would surely lose my focus once I see Director Jovan’s face. Has he seen the picture? Was he mad at me for not saying the truth? What do I do?
“Ahh… yeah…” I replied.
“How suspicious…” Perry said as he put an arm around my shoulders. “Why are you acting suspicious? It’s like you’re trying to avoid someone…” Ahhh… he found out.
“No. Not at all,” I said confidently, trying to mask my guilt.
“Then, let’s go,” he said and then pulled me inside the conference room.
It was Director Jovan’s face that I first saw when I entered the conference room. I felt instantly embarrassed when I saw his face and then his lips, so I looked away. As I thought, attending that meeting was really difficult.
As I walked to my seat, I noticed two things: first, some of the people in that room were talking about the news of Director Jovan. Honestly I felt sort of relieved that no one was suspecting that the man he was kissing was no other than me. Second, I noticed that Director Jovan’s eyes were following me the whole time.
“Hey, have you seen the news? The picture of Director Jovan Bellard kissing another man is all over the web,” Mindy said as I took my seat.
“I saw it. I never imagine that Nico swung that way…” Perry replied.
“Nico…?” I asked. Somehow that name seemed really familiar to me. Where did I hear that name before?
“I just remembered today, his full name Jovan Niccolo Bellard, but everyone called him Nico back then,” Perry explained. “He must’ve chosen to use Jovan as his screen name to separate his work form private life. Well, he’s a man who really loves privacy.”
“Director Jovan is Nico…” I murmured. Why? Why does it sound so familiar? Why do I feel like there’s something more I must remember about that name? Why does that name felt so important to me?
“Well, isn’t he the same as you, Kyle?” Perry said with a meaningful look.
I just shot Perry a serious look and he grinned back at me. Well, Perry is right. Director Jovan is just like me. After all, I also use another name, a name that only parents are allowed to call me, – although Dad still prefers to call me Kyle, since it’s a name he picked for me – a name I really treasure. Drew.
“The first draft of the script looks good, but it’s a little bit too dark. Mmm, can’t we lighten up the story a little bit, that way we can reach a wider range of audience?” Director Jovan suggested.
“Then, I’ll talk to Mrs. Hopkins about it,” I replied instinctively, and I met Director Jovan’s eyes by accident.
I couldn’t read what he was thinking, because his stare was nonchalant. To put it simply, it was very normal. Well, maybe he hadn’t seen the pictures on the web yet, but that’s impossible, those pictures and the news were spreading like wildfire in social media.
“That sounds great. Thanks,” he said.
Everyone in the room fell silent and stared at him. Even Jacquelyn and Oliver was looking at Director Jovan with surprised expression.
“Hey, he just said thanks, right?” Mindy said. She was both confused and surprised.
“He just did…” Perry replied. He sounded dumbstruck.
I was in between the two of them, so it was impossible to ignore them.
“How weird… it’s so out of character…” Mindy muttered.
“Right. It’s the first time I heard him say thanks. That man, I never heard him say sorry or thanks back in highschool. He just snobs everyone and would always have that serious expression on his face, that’s why everyone on campus was afraid to approach him,” Perry added.
“Is that so? Maybe he’s just shy and guarded. For all we know acting cold and snob is just a defense mechanism so he wouldn’t be taken advantage of, – after all his family is well known – for all we know he’s really warm and nice,” I said all of a suddenly. After having a proper and calm convrsation with Director Jovan, I couldn’t help but feel that way.
“What’s this? You’re defending him…” Perry reacted. “Why?”
“Not really… I just think that he’s not as bad as you think,” I said defensively and unconsciously looked at Director Jovan. To my surprised, he was also looking at me.
“How suspicious…” Perry said.
The meeting ended, and as always, Director Jovan was the first one to stand up and leave his seat. He just opened the door of the conference room, but suddenly stopped. “Kyle.” His voice echoed in the whole room. Once again, everyone in the room fell silent. “Can I talk to you, in private?” He asked.
“Ehhh? Me? You want to talk to me?” I was pretty dumbfounded at that moment that I wasn’t able to response all at once.
“Yeah, you. Is there another Kyle here?” Director Jovan said in a joking manner and then smiled a little. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him smile at me. Even though it was a smaller smile than before, it was still really beautiful for me. “I’ll wait outside.” Everyone stared at me, and it felt really heavy.
“Sure…?” I replied nervously. Then Director Jovan disappeared outside the conference room.
“He smiled…” Mindy was dumbfounded. “The cold and scary director smiled. This is dangerous, I think I’m starting to fall for him.” She was obviously smitten by Director Jovan’s smile. I mean, who wouldn’t be?
“He smiled at you… How suspicious…” Perry hissed at my ear.
“Stop saying that…” I complained and went outside to escape further questioning from Perry.
It’s about our picture. I’m pretty sure. Still, I can’t help but feel surprised. He called my name in a friendly manner, he even smiled a little. Weirdly enough, being smiled at by Director Jovan made me happy.
With his attitude, I wonder how many people had he actually smiled at. Being one of those people, I felt really happy, I felt really lucky.
I brought Director Jovan to my office. Once inside, I closed the door and blinds because Helena and her friends were staring really badly at him.
None of us spoke for a moment. Then Director Jovan cleared his throat. “Kyle… Ummm… As I thought…” He sounded really guilty “…I did do something to you last night…” He added.
“You saw the pictures…” I sighed, refusing to look at him. I was just too embarrassed.
Again, there was an awkward silence.
“I’m sorry, Kyle…” Director Jovan sounded both guilty and embarrassed. I swore his cheeks were red. “I…”
“You were pretty drunk…” I said.
There was another awkward moment of silence.
“Right… I also remembered some of the things I said…” He said. “I’m sorry… I was pretty harsh, I’m surprised youdidn’t just leave me there.” He then let out an awkward laugh. “I mean, if I were you, I would’ve just left me right then and there.”
“There’s no way that I could’ve just left you there,” I said honestly and my heart started racing.
“Why is that?” He asked. Why do you have to ask? There’s no way that I would let you know the reason, it’s just too embarrassing.
“The same reason why I went there to pick you up in the first place,” I sighed.
“Kyle, stop beating around the bush…”
Because I was worried about the project. I was worried that you wouldn’t be able to attend this morning’s meeting. And that would delay the project… That’s the reason I kept telling myself, but I guess, in the end, the real reason is… “I’m worried about you, Director. I’m sorry, I know I’m not in the position to worry about you, but I can’t help it…”
“You’re too nice, Kyle…” Director Jovan said. “I feel even guiltier for dragging you into this mess. I really should stop drinking…” He said and bit his lips. My heart almost exploded when I saw him bite his lips. I looked away, afraid that he might see my burning cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’ll take responsibility.”
Take responsibility? Just how? “Never mind that. My face wasn’t seen anyway. Well, if someone says that it’s me in the picture, then I’ll just deny it. They don’t have any evidence anyway. What about you, Director? What are you going to do?”
“I think it’s best for me to stay mute about it. The more I react, the more the media would make it bigger.”
“Director, I think, forgive me for saying this, but I think you should clarify the issue between you and Emily Green. Ever since that issue came out, your reputation… how can I say this… is slowly rolling down the hill?” I said frankly.
I instantly regretted saying that. The look on Director Jovan’s face was scary. He looked really serious.
“I’m sorry. I take that back. I shouldn’t say unnecessary things. I know that I’m not in the position to say anything or to give you any advice, so forgive me,” I said honestly.
To my surprised, Director Jovan started laughing. “How cute…” He said.
“Ehhh?” Hearing him say that I’m cute was somehow nostalgic for no reason at all. Why did I have this familiar feeling when I heard him say that?
Although I was surprised by his laughter, I also felt somehow really happy. He was smiling and laughing, and he looks better that way. A happy expression really does suit him better.
“You look cute when you’re scared,” he added as his laughter slowly dies down. “Am I really that scary?” He asked and I slowly nodded my head. “I see, my bad. I’m not angry, I was just surprised. So you really worry about me, huh, Kyle?”
“I’m sorry, Director…”
“Stop that. Stop calling me Director. It’s way too formal.” He said. “Also, stop saying that you’re in no position to worry about me. Kyle, from now on, we should be friends.”
“Ehhh? You want to be friends with me?” I was pretty surprised.
He wants to be friends with me. Somehow, that made me really happy.
“You don’t want to?”
“No, I want to. I would love to.” I just realized how enthusiastic and excited I sounded and I became really embarrassed.
He chuckled and then smiled. “Alright, it’s decided then. From now on, we are friends.” He looked at me straight in the eyes and then raised an eyebrow with a smile. I smiled back at him and nodded. “That’s why, from now on, stop calling Director. Call me Nico, that’s what all my friends call me.”
That day I took another step closer. Although where it would bring me, I didn’t know. At that moment, I still had no idea what was stirring inside my heart.
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