Array
(
[text] =>
I’m Not that Cruel Part Ten
Kihyun stared at the sonogram in his bed, the peanut size of the fetus baby. His phone was pressed on his ear, attempting to call Hyungwon for the fifth time. He wasn’t picking up. From inside his belly, his baby that resided on the left side of his uterus, began to move, adding more stress to his fatigued body.
He had slipped into their room as fast as he could, locking the door with trembling hands. His heart was beating so fast he could sense his blood palpitate in unusual places he never thought pulsated. He repeatedly closed his eyes in fear of passing out; the walls around him cave in, dancing around him to add into his hysteria.
“Pick up,” Kihyun mouths, pressing his hand deeper into the mattress.
Maybe that picture was from a long time and Shownu still keeps it with him, Kihyun told himself. He wouldn’t lie to him and keep a secret of having another child besides the ones he has right now. But then why would he sneak in the middle of the night unless he was hiding something. These past days Shownu would sneak out to a room farther from theirs and stays a few minutes to an hour and then slip back into their bed, pretending he didn’t sneak out. The next day Shownu said nothing and pretend that he wasn’t hiding something.
At first it didn’t matter to Kihyun. Everyone has a secret they don’t want people to find out so they say nothing. And it didn’t bugged him until this very moment, his eyes boring into the picture.
Fifteen minute had already passed, several calls made and no responses. Kihyun wanted to drop down and cry. A few slips of his tears escaped along his cheeks. Shownu would be back from his shower and he would suspect and ask why he’s all worked up. He thought talking to Hyungwon and Minhyuk would help him calm down and now that it didn’t happened, he doesn’t know what will.
Hopeless, Kihyun picked up the sonogram and buried it deep down his babies’ clothes on the small chest that had been there before he had moved in. Then he placed the photo album on top of the small chest, retrieving himself back to the kitchen to grab something cold to bring his alterations to a minimum.
From the kitchen, Kihyun heard a door open, the presence of Shownu near. Ignoring the pang on his chest, he grabbed grapefruit soda from the fridge door and sat down on one of the chairs, opening his phone to Grey’s Anatomy with the lowest volume possible but still audible enough to hear. If Shownu was going to pretend that he didn’t have any secrets, pretending that he doesn’t sneak out in the middle of the night, then Kihyun would do the same.
He was determined to find out what it was. He was finally falling for him, for someone, and he had to know if it was worth it. Was Shownu worth it? To risk himself of his sanity and the pain that comes with falling in love.
To everyone else he was a cruel man. In the office he was known as ‘the psychopath’ no matter if the term was incorrectly used. To them, Shownu had no heart, no understanding of what it was to be human. But this side of Shownu proved that he wasn’t made of stone, that he did, in fact, have feelings. At this point, Kihyun was so confused. What was he hiding and why did he have to hide it from him?
“Who was that child in that sonogram? Did he had another family before Kihyun came along?
All these questions were interrupted by Shownu’s voice.
The smell of fresh water and Shownu’s famous aroma of soap entered before Shownu did. Kihyun looked up his eyes gawking at Shownu’s shoulders. His white tank top demonstrated and outlined his muscles, his grey sweatpants distracting Kihyun from his previous taunting questions.
“What are you watching?” Shownu smiled, opening the cupboard and taking a box of pasta and then proceeding to pull a sauce pan from the wall.
“Grey’s Anatomy. I need to catch up now that I can’t go back to work,” Kihyun answered, stopping his show and waddled to him.
“That’s good. You need a distraction while I’m not here. Do you want to watch me make my favorite pasta of all time?”
“Hmm,” Kihyun mumbled, unable to stare at Shownu’s eyes. Having him there and not question him about the sonogram brought a sadness he could not recognize. He didn’t want to be lied to. Not after he finally had an opportunity to have a family.
“So the secret to my pasta is lots of butter. I love butter. And I never said that out loud,” Shownu said, chuckling and shaking his head.
“Do you want me to grab the butter?”
Shownu nods.
While Shownu grabs spices, Kihyun grabs the butter, biting his tongue from saying something stupid.
“Has anyone lived here with you before?”
Shownu takes the butter without saying anything. His muscles tighten and his eyes widened. It becomes silent for a few seconds before he responds. “Just Jooheon. He only lived for a few weeks with me before he decided that living with me was not ideal.”
“Oh, I didn’t you guys were that close. Is he your Minhyuk and Hyungwon?” Kihyun’s throat tightened. Shownu was lying. Why?
“In a way. We’re not very touchy or the kind of friends that tell each other everything. We do have each others’ back and will do anything to help each other out,” Shownu said, walking up to the sink and filling up the sauce pan with water.
Without being told to, Kihyun grabs a knife and cuts a small rectangle piece from the butter stick. “Well me and my friends are like brothers. They’re my own family. We tell each other everything even the stuff that should never be said.” Kihyun doesn’t know why he said this part but in a way he wants to talk about his past so that maybe Shownu does as well.
“You’re a lucky man, then. We don’t all have friends like yours. You’re a rarity.”
“I guess it’s because we found each other on our lowest points, we saved each other if you could say that,” Kihyun says, dropping the butter onto the water.
“Why did you need saving? You are an angel compare to me. Everyone in the office loves and adores you. If we had employee of the month, your face would be up every month up in the hall.”
Silence hovers over them. Shownu thinks he’s an angel. Kihyun stares at him in shock. He didn’t expect this confession. Kihyun opens his mouth, his eyes only looking at Shownu throwing the noodles inside the saucer pan.
“I’m not an angel,” Kihyun chuckles, turning around so that his elbows are pressed on top of the counter and his eyes are looking a the fridge, three little blobs held up by colorful magnetic clips.
“Trust me, you are. No one is quite like you. You make everything better; you make my job better and way easier. If you could be my secretary I would never hire anyone else,” Shownu said, his breathing getting closer to his.
Is that why he made him stay longer after others stayed. Is that why he wanted his input in almost everything. And here he thought he hated him and wanted to make his life a living hell.
“Did I save you then?” At this point Shownu had gotten closer to him, his posture the same as his. Their pinkies were touching, his contact sending a cool shiver throughout his body.
Thoughtlessly, Kihyun turns his body in front of Shownu, his hands snaking around Shownu’s neck. “Am I your savior?”
Shownu’s breath hitched, his muscles tensing once again. Kihyun keept looking up at Shownu who refused to look at him. By his side, Kihyun can feel the heat from the stove or was it coming from Shownu? He doesn’t know. What he does know is that he wants Shownu to kiss him, make him forget about his secrets and his lies.
“Answer me,” Kihyun said, pulling Shownu closer to him. At last Shownu wrapped his hands around his waist, as much as he could without hurting their children.
Shownu licked his lips, his jaw softening and his eyes displaying tenderness and a hint of sadness. “You are. ” Slowly he brings his head closer to him and plants a kiss close to his lips. “Since that night you have been my savior; that was the first time I realized.”
“Why were you so cruel to me before?” Kihyun gulped, wanting more of him.
“I don’t know. The world made me cruel.”
“That’s not…”
“Don’t, please. I don’t want to discuss my past life with you, not when I can feel you; and need you.”
“You have. Now show me how you really want me.”
Something was off yesterday. Shownu could feel it. Kihyun looked distracted. After he had taken a shower, Kihyun didn’t smile at him, not like his famous smile. His smile didn’t reach up to his eyes. And he didn’t look relaxed after they had sex, Kihyun’s head against his bicep.
This morning he wanted to ask him what was wrong but instead he had already been up taking a shower. Shownu had woken up late because of their last night’s proximity. Now he was at the office, worried about him. It was weird without having him there.
His boss had assigned Changhyuk to help him with his duties. Changhyuk was good. He just wasn’t Kihyun good. Shownu almost told his boss to let Kihyun continue to work although he knows that’s selfish. Kihyun needs to rest. Carrying three children is not easy. Kihyun needs all the rest that needs. He needs to stop his selfishness and changes happen even if it pains him not having Kihyun here.
“I have your paperwork, Mr. Son, ” Changhyuk said, interrupting his thoughts.
Shownu had been staring at the painting, his fingers playing with his lead pencil, lost in thought.
“Thanks, leave it there.”
Changhyuk hesitantly smiles, a half smile. He bows down and then leaves as fast as he had came in. As the door shut, his phone buzzes. It wasn’t Kihyun as he had hoped for. Instead it was Leticia. She wanted to grab coffee.
Shownu sighed. It was nice to see Leticia again. He missed her. She was once part of his life and having her again brought emotions and feelings he had buried deep inside. She’s his past and he doesn’t know if he wants her to be part of her present. Despite the things they went through, they went their separate ways. And instead of getting closer they each went their own separate ways.
Now that he has Kihyun, Shownu doesn’t want to intermingle his past and his present. He has three kids in the way and having her in his life reminds him of the brother his children could’ve had if his son had been born.
There shouldn’t be a reason why Kihyun should know about his past and bringing Leticia back into his life would mean he would have to tell Kihyun about his past life. Kihyun is the one good thing in his life; he doesn’t want to drag him into his painful past and possibly destroy the good that Kihyun sees in him.
Sighing, Shownu types back a raincheck, unable to say no just yet. While he throws his phone away and begins to look back at his work, his phone rings. Thinking it’s Leticia calling, Shownu starts to tap the decline button but instead, to his amusement, sees that is Kihyun. Without hesitation, he presses the green tab.
“Hey, can you come over?” Kihyun says, cutting Shonwu off before he could say hello.
“What’s wrong?” Shownu frowns.
“It’s the hormones talking, but I don’t want to be alone right now. ”
“I’ll be right over.”
A/N:
Part Ten is here. It’s short but I’m trying to get back into the groove of this story. Hopefully you guys like it and so do you as well greenappleisme
Voted and comments are highly appreciated.
[text_hash] => ed38c687
)