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I’m Not that Cruel Part 17
It had been a few days and Kihyun couldn’t keep the woman out of his mind. Whenever he thought of her, the sonogram he kept hidden under one of his books would appear inside as well.
The strangest thing now was that Shownu was lovelier and touchy with Kihyun, and that boggled him. If he definitely was cheating on him why would Shownu want to be closer to him? Wouldn’t Shownu ignore him and act distant?
Kihyun was so confuse and it made him want to withdraw from Shownu although he never withdrew entirely. Kihyun would announced that he was tired and would go to bed early all so that he wouldn’t spill all his wandering questions and heavy secrets he was holding and keeping so far.
But Shownu would only want to get closer to him. If he would say that his feet hurt, and they couldn’t go out and eat somewhere then Shownu would take him back to their bed and rubbed his feet. With such actions it was hard for Kihyun to doubt Shownu and it made easy for him to forget what he had saw the other day.
What is going on? Kihyun was exasperated a week after the incident. He was getting fatter and his will to move and find the truth made it harder for him to follow with the plans that Hyungwon and Minhyuk would send him and as well as updates of what they found or what they were doing.
On Saturday Kihyun stayed with Shownu all day that he couldn’t meet with his friends despite them wanting to hang out with him to spill all the tea they had heard that week. With a sigh, Kihyun had told them that he couldn’t and it would be best to come announced the next day if they wanted him to be free.
Minhyuk understood although Hyungwoon protested that he would lose interest if he didn’t tell him that day. Despite his protests Kihyun still said no. He was tired and arguing made him drained.
As he got closer to his due date the harder the things seemed to get for him. His walk was slower and painful. No matter what he did his feet wouldn’t stop from swelling and he would be out of breath if he would walk to the kitchen to grab something. Even if he had been told that he couldn’t walk much his stubbornness didn’t allow him to rest.
Shownu had been understanding of him wanting to be active because ever since Kihyun stopped working his life plummeted into boringness and staying active alleviated it.
The woman’s sonogram was placed on his lap as he sat on the bed, his hands on his belly comforting the pain that would come and go. The tv was turned on with the volume low and he had the urge to turn it up loud to distract his thoughts that were turning to the wrong side of sanity.
“Who are you?” Kihyun spoke aloud, wanting to analyze every detail and at the same time no longer wanting to see that damn sonogram again.
It wouldn’t be long before Shownu came back from work. He had time to visit that forbidden door and finally discover why he can’t be in that room. He had never want back to that room and try to discover what it had in there the first time he felt the curiosity to open the door.
Maybe it was time to revisit that idea. His mind wouldn’t settle until he found out and maybe that room could be a clue. No. It was definitely a clue.
With tenderness, Kihyun placed the sonogram behind his kids’ first sonogram and then closed the photobook that Shownu had gifted him.
His mind had made a decision. He had to find out what that room contained. Kihyun was more than certain that room was linked to the sonogram. What else would it be? There’s a child involved and Kihyun will find out soon why that child’s identity is concealed. Why he is not in Shownu’s life and why all of a sudden she’s back in Shownu’s life. Shownu was his now and he wasn’t going to let a woman from his past ruin what he has with Shownu.
The floor was cold as Kihyun placed his feet on top of the tiles. With the tv on he had forgotten that he was alone. The room was messy with his bed sheet strewn over the left side of the bed, wrinkled and pressed to the mattress. The thrown pillows were thrown to the edges of the bed and his clothes from yesterday were beside his favorite chair aloof from the bed and the TV stand.
Leaving the messy room detached him from reality. Unlike the room, the entire house was spotless. He was a mess compared with Shownu. Despite such differences here they were.
Only a couple of feet away and he would be right in front of the forbidden door. With his feet hurt it took ages for Kihyun to get to his destination. Such luck was on his side that he didn’t need to worry too much about Shownu coming home because he would just open the door and see. Then he would leave before he was caught. One discovery at a time.
The tiles were cold as he pressed his socked feet on the ground. Every weight was added to his step and it didn’t take long before he was out of breath. Walking hurt and he had rather stay in bed and not think about the pain that was only increasing but he had a task to do.
White. White. He was only focusing on the whiteness of the door. He would glance over it everyday during breakfeast and memorize it that he sometimes would dream about that white door that contained the secret.
Kihyun was seeing blurry by now, having to blink many times to keep the view of the door crisp and clear. He was only seconds away from opening the door and it still felt as if he walked backwards and was starting all over again.
No, it can’t be, he thinks, his mind out of breath. His mind started to raise, wondering if he couldn’t get in. ‘What if it’s locked?’
It can’t be. Kihyun would’ve heard Shownu turning a key every time he would go visit that room. The night was so silent and the room so remote from the outside of the house that Kihyun could hear every single step Shownu took and how much of his walk carried heavy emotions that Kihyun, himself could not come close to comprehending.
His hand grasped the lock as he steadied himself. He was finally at the door, closer than before. Blood came rushing into his ears and the pounding of his heart was increasing by the seconds. Can his loud heartbeat reach Shownu’s ears?
Guilt was encompassing him and he almost turned away. But he didn’t. He was already here. There would be no purpose to go back and keep obsessing over something he could find out this very instant.
He twisted the knob and slowly crept inside the room. There would never be any time to prepare for something this big. It’s now or ever. And it’s definitely now.
The lights were out inside the room although he could see the outlines of some of the furniture. Kihyun frowned. He was tempted to turn on the lights. But he was frozen in place and his body turned mush.
This was the room where Shownu came every night and it felt so ordinary that if he had given up now he wouldn’t have discovered that truth was there all along.
Kihyun’s children had a half-sibling. Automatically, his hands went to his bump. There was no kicks from any of his kids; however, having his hand there, feeling the weight of their bodies, sooth him.
Kihyun gulped, feeling his throat getting tighter and tighter. He wasn’t going to cry.
Without the lights turned on, he could make out the shape of a crib. There was things sprawled on the floor and right in front of his vision was a teddy bear that had perhaps been dropped long time and was never picked up again.
Kihyun took in a sharp breath. This had been here all the time and had never been taken out. He shouldn’t be surprised; he suspected for a while. What can he be possibly be hiding and secretly escaping to it that made sense.
This is was Shownu’s secret, and Kihyun didn’t know what to think about it. He was closer to the secret but he didn’t know why this was locked. Why he never told Kihyun he had another son. Why is he keeping his first son a secret? Did something bad happened to his son.
His head was spinning. He needed to lean on something, anything. Without anything near him, he pressed himself on the door frame. Kihyun counted his breaths, pacing them for normalcy. There wasn’t anything normal in this situation and Kihyun doesn’t want to do anything else but pretend that he didn’t see anything.
Knowing was too much for him right now. Who knew knowing hurt so bad. With finding out that Shownu is secretly talking to his ex in her car and now finding out that he still has his previous child’s belongings inside his house meant that Kihyun wasn’t seen as important to be told about his life. Kihyun is part of his life now and he should have the right to know.
Slowly, with his mind on the image of Shownu’s ex, Kihyun, rises up and walks out of the room. He makes sure that it looks like no one had entered this room, Shownu’s secret still hidden and safe, according to Kihyun’s sealed lips.
Once in his room, Kihyun heard the car lock and within seconds Shownu was inside the house, and Kihyun went back inside the covers and pretended to be sleep.
~~~
Staring at his computer, Hyungwoon, slurped his apple juice, freshly out of the refrigerator he stole from Shownu.
Since his office had been moved closer to Shownu’s office (he replaced Kihyun’s position), he was able to spy on Shownu. He didn’t realize that Shownu was all the time in his office now that Kihyun wasn’t here anymore. Hyungwon had his back to Shownu’s office and he had to lean back on his spinning chair in order to be closer to the office.
Hyungwon squinted his eyes as he pretended to do his work, but in reality he was spying on Shownu. Shownu was currently talking on the phone and because Shownu shouted when he was angry, he was able to catch a name.
“Leticia,” he whispered in his attempt to speak like a native Spanish speaker.
He squinted his eyes even closer, enough that it looked like his eyes were twitching.
That was her name, probably, he thought. She looked like one. She also looked like a cheater. So any cheater was named Leticia and every Leticia was a cheater. Hmm. His logic wasn’t working right now from the anger that was making its way into his body. He chose to ignore this theory of his and instead placed his apple juice on the desk. It was almost gone so he it wasn’t too important to him anymore.
If he was just a little closer he could probably hear better. People were so loud these days it didn’t even look like it was in the hands of Shownu. It was probably not in charge by Shownu but by a clone. The real Shownu wouldn’t let everyone roam free without getting penalized, and most certainly wouldn’t cheat on his best friend, well, keep secrets that is.
Not his friend, the one he befriended with during their first proper introduction placed by Kihyun and his willingness to make his friends and boyfriend be in good terms.
He took the decision to investigate the call. He was ordered to follow through and it was his duty to make sure he was doing the right thing. He locked the screen of his computer and pretended to go to the restroom. And once he was out view from Shownu’s window he pressed himself on the wall, slowly walking to the window. He sticked his leg out and took his phone out, pretending to talk on the phone.
Yes, he wasn’t supposed to talk on the phone and be next to the wall. He wasn’t at home or doing any leisure activities. He was at work.
But when duty calls there’s no other option but to follow orders.
“This ins’t the place or time. I can’t keep doing this anymore.”
Hyungwon switched his phone to his left ear and lean closer. Shownu seemed angry. His voice was always on edge so it was hard to distinguished it. However, the sound of the phone being shamed on the table made it obvious he was beyond his edge.
“What are you doing standing there?”
Hyungwon jolted. He was caught off guard and he swears he almost felt his heart leap into his hands.
“I was just talking on the phone with Kihyun,” he lied.
“Is he still on the phone. I need to speak to him.” Shownu had a hand on his hip while the other was pulling his tie away from his neck.
“I,uh, accidentally hanged up after you scared me,” he said. He nervously laughed, avoiding Shownu’s eyes. “I can call him again.”
“No, don’t worry. I am going home for the rest of the day. You are in charge of taking all of my calls,” Shownu said, taking his tie off from his neck,” also cancel all my appointments for tomorrow and reschedule them. If you have any problems talk to Wonho about it.”
“Why, Wonho? Wasn’t he just hired?” Hyungwon frowned. That wasn’t fair. How is he going to work under someone who was just hired. He didn’t have the same credentials as Joheeon and Shownu.
“Wonho is the secretary of Joheeon. Don’t push my limits.” Without saying anything else, Shownu left toward the parking lot, leaving Hyungwon to pout.
Wasn’t Minhyuk Wonho’s secretary?
Going back to his seat, he dialed Minhyuk.
~~~
A/N:
Here’s an update. I hope you’re not too bored from self isolating and you are all healthy. Be safe and stay safe.
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