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*****
*Jayden*
I shoved by Carrie, pushing her roughly and fell onto my knees beside my mate as he fell onto his back. His frightened eyes were staring at the sky while he choked trying desperately to speak to me, but no words left his mouth, just gasps and sickening gargling at attempting to breathe as his heart tried to keep beating.
“Corey –” My voice cracked.
I grabbed the knife and pulled it out so his body would heal but gasped as chunks of his heart stuck to it. Was it…? It was platinum. No. I dropped the knife from my trembling hands to cover his wound. No, no.
“Papa –” Eli began but couldn’t finish his growl, it made everything seem more real. Before, it felt like I was in a dazed nightmare.
I pressed my hands onto the wound on Corey’s chest trying to stop his bleeding and not knowing whether to completely panic and break down or act like it was okay, or like it would be okay for Tamia and Eli’s sake. Like acting like it was okay was even an option anymore…
Part of me knew he was not going to heal, not with the knife she had used but that did not seem to communicate to the rest of my brain or body as I still willed the wound under my hands to close. I sobbed feeling less of his blood against my hands as I tried to stop it from gushing out of his chest, I couldn’t hear his heart anymore and his breathing had stopped.
“No, Babe –” I called desperately as my tears made it impossible to see him clearly. “Please –”
I froze suddenly breathless.
My body felt cold, my chest empty. It was gone. It didn’t fade… It just disappeared. I couldn’t feel his pull anymore… I couldn’t feel his pain anymore.
No. No. This can’t be happening. I leaned over him to grab his face so I could look into his unresponsive eyes before returning my hands to his chest. No. It wasn’t happening.
“C-Corey – Corey – Babe – Come on, plea – please –” I urgently began giving him CPR trying to get his heart to move again, maybe if it moved it would heal itself and he would start breathing again and he would okay, “Come on – come on – Corey –” I sobbed desperately shoving his chest. I felt my chest ache, my arms hurting as I kept at it until I was stopped when arms suddenly tightly circled my shoulders as Sean sat behind me and leaned his chin on my shoulder.
‘Jayden… He’s gone…’ He linked to me. I shook my head trying to move out of his grip but it only tightened around me to keep me trapped in his arms. No, he was wrong. There had to be something I could do, he wasn’t gone. ‘He’s gone…’ Sean’s soft voice repeated in my mind, ‘There’s nothing you can do…’ I felt his arms tighten more as I shuddered. I kept shaking my head as my arms went numb causing my bloody hands to slip from Corey’s chest and I felt my body shake as I began to cry more, each sob ripping through my chest but not masking the pain.
He was right… There was no way his heart would heal, it was one of the few ways to actually kill us and I could feel it… I couldn’t feel him at all… I had felt him since the moment we first saw each other, before then I could feel that I had a mate and now… there was nothing. He was gone…
I swallowed reaching out and sobbed as I pushed his eyelids closed over his blue eyes that had been staring up at the sky blankly, completely void of any emotion or life.
‘Daddy, no – wake him up – why-why are you stopping –? Daddy, wake him u –’ Eli’s voice cracked as he whined.
I didn’t try to answer him as I pulled him into a hug still unable to stop my own crying. I looked up and saw Tamia’s wolf shake her head at Corey’s dead body as she began to back away in disbelief before attempting to run away, but I caught her before she could and pulled her into our tight hug.
I felt them shift in my arms before they both began sobbing into my chest. I leaned my head onto Tamia’s as I stared at Corey’s body through my blurred vision. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a nightmare.
—–
I lay in bed with my arm stretched around the twins as I stared at the wall across the room blankly. It wasn’t a nightmare…
We hadn’t moved in hours, barely moved in the few days since Corey’s death. They cried themselves to sleep every day and for the first time in my life, I had no idea how to comfort them, how to make their tears stop, how to help them feel at least a little better…
Corey having been Beta, we had to tell the pack what happened, they all wanted Carrie dead. His mom pretty much broke down, as did his dad. I was just as much comfort to his parents and I was to our children, which was none. I couldn’t help them either.
All day I had heard people tell me it was going to be okay. All day I listened to them tell my kids the same thing. Eventually, I got fed up and took Tamia and Eli away from all the people. I knew it wasn’t going to be okay… Not this time… This time it wasn’t okay right now and it was never going to be okay. This time Corey was gone. For real. Forever.
Corey was dead. He was dead…
And Bianca was gone… Dead? Hiding? No one knew, but no one could find her, not even Marcus.
With her being the only witch strong enough to resurrect – literally, she was the strongest witch on earth – there was no one that could bring him back.
I shut my eyes tightly as I took a breath taking in his scent that still lingered all over the room. It made me feel like he had just gone to get some food or something and would be right back. I was never going to leave the room… I wondered if they had already bulldozed our old house… That probably smelt much more like him than the room we were in did since we only slept there when we visited Inferno.
My nose began to burn as Corey’s pained face entered my mind. The only things I could think about, the only images that ran through my mind were those of Corey’s vacant blue eyes staring at the sky and him crying after I said we should take a break. What a horrible time to say that. I just wanted us to be honest with ourselves so we could do the same with each other and stop hurting each other. I never really wanted us to end things in any way, I could not imagine that.
I opened my eyes and felt them tear up as my eyes fell on Eli’s mob of messy, curly blond hair. It was just like Corey’s. I ran my fingers through his hair gently.
I felt so empty.
Like something inside me was just gone… It physically felt like chucks of my chest and stomach were gone. I had absolutely no appetite. I just felt nauseous.
Not feeling his pull made that feeling so much worse, it made the reality of the situation so much worse, so much more glaring.
I let out a soft sob and immediately covered my mouth trying not to wake the twins. I stopped as I heard my door creak open behind me and grit my teeth. I knew everyone was just trying to be sympathetic and helpful, but I didn’t want to sit up, talk to or look at anyone right now, I wanted everyone to leave me alone so that I could feel like crap on my own with the two people that knew how it felt – or almost knew, I didn’t want anyone to see me crying anymore and I definitely didn’t want to hear another stupid fucking speech about how everything was going to be okay because it fucking was not. Even the thought of it made me livid. If anyone else told me Corey wasn’t feeling pain anymore and that he was ‘at peace’ because he would just be happy the kids and I were safe and that he was in a ‘better place’, I was going to kill someone in our own pack. I was so ready to just blow up.
But as the people shuffled in and shut the door behind them, they didn’t say a word. I felt the bed dip behind me before Layla’s arm circled my waist. The twins were both in front of me. I recognised her by her scent; I also smelt Bentley and Kaden in the room.
They quietly sat down on the bed and Kaden proceeded to pull a blanket he had brought with him over the twins. It was a familiar black blanket that smelt like Corey and me so I figured they had salvaged it from our home.
We were all quiet. I guess they knew me well enough to know I didn’t want to listen to anything more. They also never lied to me so ‘It’s going to be alright’ was never an option for them.
I knew they weren’t trying to figure out what to say to me, I knew they had nothing to say, they were probably hoping their presence was somehow enough…
It was.
It felt better than being alone. I sat up and turned to hug Layla as I leaned my head on her shoulder. Her hand pat my head gently as her chin nudged against me.
“It’s okay; it’s not new, I made sure I wore one your tears could ruin.” I tried to laugh at her words but let out a sob instead.
Once it started again, I couldn’t stop it. I just began sobbing into her shoulder trying, unsuccessfully, not to focus on how every physical, mental and emotional part of me hurt. It felt like I was crumbling.
I felt Bentley’s hand pat my shoulder lightly as my muffled crying filled the room. I clenched my fist behind Layla.
She said she loved him…
Who the fuck stabs someone they love in the heart?! Who the fuck kills someone they love?!
Carrie was in the chamber, bolted to the wall. She tried to kill herself but Sean wouldn’t let her. I didn’t understand why. Why he kept her alive after everything she had done. I wished she would die, just wanted her gone.
Our friends had had a few ideas. Trent wanted the pack to beat her until she was on the brink of death, and then let her heal only to do the same right after that and just keep the cycle going forever. Jason thought it would be fun to do ‘little things’ like pour wolfsbane eye drops into her eyes, and give her paper cuts before throwing some wolfsbane on it.
I couldn’t care less about what they did to her though. It didn’t matter anyway; no amount or type of torture to her was going to bring him back. It would never bring him back.
I wanted to be angry at her; I wanted to be so angry…
But all I felt right now was an unbearable emptiness that seemed to be filled with so much pain. I knew that was all I would ever be feeling and somehow I would have to live with it. I couldn’t see how but knew I would have to for the twins and for everyone else. Still, I didn’t know if I could.
*****
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