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((Hello. And I know some of you may be really pissed at me for not updating, but what do I do? I have like my holiday home-works and my studies and the house chores and many more things piled up thanks to my lazy ass. Anyways I really thank you for your support, your comments and votes and your demands for more. Truth be told your demands really was the thing the made me eager to update. I really am sorry for not updating but here is the forth chp, a little different from the previous ones. And I know this note is longer than the others. And also there are 2 other stories I made, not yaoi, but romance, if you like you can read them and give me your feedback about them. No more talk, enjoy!!))
-Makoto’s P.O.V.-
Nagisa, Rie and my jaws were open as wide as a black hole. He had a twin brother without telling me, me, his best friend since childhood. “Y-your twin brother?” I managed to gasp out the words. It shocked me to the extent that I couldn’t comprehend anything. Haru nodded his head hesitantly not sure what to say. Rin seemed calm and not shocked. So he would tell the person who has left him for 7 years, but not the person who stood beside him all the time? I felt so pathetic
After Rin left Haru, and went to Australia, Haru stopped talking to anyone. Not even me. It was only when I got really close to him, he told me everything, and he told me his true feelings towards Rin. He started locking himself in his house and only made me enter to do food and then would kick me out. He was a complete mess.
After a week or so, he told me that he was leaving to go to his family’s house. At that time, I thought that confessing to him would be a good idea, but deep down I knew that he wouldn’t accept me and that our friendship would be ruined. I thought about it for a while, if I should confess or not a day before his departure, then I came to a conclusion, that if I tell him, it would only add to all his worries and misery. So I kept my feelings. For all I know, he loved Rin and I would never interfere in their relationship and I know I would never get a chance with Haru. After a week, he returned looking much better. I asked what had happened when he was there, but all he would do is just shrug it off and say that he got some fresh air. I asked him if he was worried or anything but he said that he had long forgotten Rin and he wanted to start a new life. But I could see the pain in his eyes that said: ‘Rin will always be in my heart no matter what.’ I wound up not confessing and locked my feelings until now.
I looked at the person who looked exactly like Haru, who seemed to keep staring at me for a while now. His bangs covering most of his forehead, his sea, blue eyes that seemed to shine with every movement. I couldn’t stop staring at him. He then lowered his head and I could see a little shade of pink on his cheeks.
After Rin and Haru patched things up and became lovers once again, I had a major breakdown that no one knew of. I have loved Haru since childhood, before Rin arriving or even entering into our lives. when I knew that Haru became Rin’s lover back then, I wanted to tell him how I felt. I thought maybe he would love me back and forget about Rin, but I planned on suppressing these feelings and give him away, though it was a heart breaking moment. As people say: ‘Love could also mean to sacrifice your happiness for that person’s happiness.’
After school, we had practice in the swim club and Hiroki joined us. All of us went to the changing room, wearing our swimsuits. Everyone was ready, swimming to their hearts content. The only person that stood out, out of all of us, was Hiroki. I found myself in awe of his hard, lean frame as he stood before me. I tried to tear my gaze from the pale outline of his magnificent form, but it was no use. My eyes wandered all over his body inspecting him from head to toe. His build is totally different from Haru’s.
“Wow! Hiro-chan you really have a great body!” Nagisa exclaimed while touching and feeling Hiroki’s muscular build. Sudden surges of anger welled up inside me, clenched my fist and grit my teeth. Why am I feeling angry about Nagisa touching Horiki?
Hiroki looked down, his face flushed with embarrassment, and then looked at me. His eyes were a beautiful blue, waving like the sea, they looked at me pleadingly. He then blushed even more when I smiled at him and lowered his head.
Days past and Hiroki has been frequently asking me to accompany him to go home. Obviously I couldn’t refuse because I felt it was an obligation for me to do so. If I can’t be a good friend and wish him happiness with Rin, then I can be a good one by taking care of his brother. It’s all for his sake.
After school, on a Monday afternoon, Hiroki told me to accompany him across the road that was once walked by Haru and I but now felt so empty and dull. We reached the house, and it was as clean as ever. After seeing Hiroki walk down the road I felt a different aura, an aura that was more lively and more happy than that of Haru’s. It somewhat attracted me but what’s more is that he looked exactly like Haru that made me feel guilty.
As soon as we entered the house, Hiroki went off to his bedroom to sleep. I went to the kitchen to prepare food. I opened the fridge and found… Mackerel. I chuckled to myself. So he is just like Haru. I took out the Mackerel out and started doing the food that Haru liked the most. After finishing the food and placing it on a tray, I headed to his room that was spotless, pure clean. I sat at the edge of his bed beside him and looked at his angelic figure. He looks so peaceful while sleeping. During the days that I spent with Hiroki, I felt myself drawn to him more, day by day. He looked like Haru, but at the same time he looked like the person I’ve been yearning for. A different person from Haru. He always cheered me up when I felt sad, thinking about Haru and swimming in my regrets for not confessing to him, he always made me laugh, and he gave me the type of friendship, or even something more, that I’ve always yearned for.
My actions raced my thoughts, as I leaned forward, closing the distance between our lips. His eyes flung open with surprise. It was only when I realized that he was on the verge of tears that I pulled away.
“Sorry.” I apologized solemnly.
I saw tears fill his eyes as he tried to fight them back.
“Wh-why did you k-kiss me?” He asked stuttering.
I stayed silent with my head down, ashamed of my own actions.
“Y-you saw me as H-Haru w-while sleeping and s-so you k-kissed me.” He said in half tears. I was absolutely ashamed of myself, I would have begged for his forgiveness. He finally broke down in tears that made me feel so guilty and mad at myself
“I-I was a s-substitute for my brother bec-because I lo-look like h-him.” My eyes widened. How did he know that I love Haru? I looked at him with surprise.
“How did you know?” I swallowed. Hiroki stopped crying and looked at me with grief and angry written all over his face.
“GET OUT!” He said screaming. I jumped back on my feet backing out with my hand up in the air. “GET OUT! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” He screamed even louder. He may have always looked happy, but in reality there is something that is inside of him that with one mistake, he may break. He is very sensitive compared to Haru. His words rang in my ears as I left the house hesitantly.
Running towards my house, that was only a few blocks away, my vision blurred as I felt tears fighting their way out to freedom. I felt my chest tighten, I felt cringe in pain, pain that I couldn’t bear. I entered my house, where both my siblings were running around teasing each other. I ran across the living room towards my room and set my tears free, making them find their way across my cheeks, down to my chin. I threw myself on my colourful, sheets bed that embraced me as soon as I landed on it. Wait! The only time I cried was when that old man died from the typhoon, who gave me the goldfishes. And I never cried when Haru chose Rin over me. So why the hell am I crying just because Hiroki screamed at me and rejected me? Why am I crying because of him? Though I have feelings towards Haru, yet Hiroki makes me feel a whole different way. Shit, why do I keep on comparing both of them? I should forget about Haru and move on. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep, tears still falling down and his angry looks with his words all swimming through my head.
It has been 3 days since that incident happened, and Hiroki has been constantly ignoring me, even when I sent him many text messages apologizing to what had happened. I kept calling him so many times on his cell phone, yet he never answered any of them. I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed him to understand that it was a mistake of mine.
During lunch break, we were all heading towards the rooftop and I was following them. Not until I felt strong arms pulling me, leading me towards an unknown destination. I looked at the person who was pulling me, and was astonished to see Rin. Finally he stopped. I felt his hands push me against a cold wall, making my body ache from the hard impact. I looked at him in confusion, but there was pure hatred in his eyes and a cold gaze that sent shivers down my spine.
“I know you love Haru.” He said with his eyes throwing daggers at me. Wait, how did he know? Why does everybody know that I love him?
“How did yo-“
“I did not finish what I have to say.” He cut me off, growling at me, as if I had done something terribly wrong. “I know you love Haru and I’m thankful to you that you did not confess to him. You may have avoided him getting angry at you, but you left his brother in a very devastating state. When will you stop playing with people’s emotions? Seriously I don’t get you.”
“What the hell are you talking about and what’s up with the ‘playing with people’s emotions’. I never played with Hiroki’s feelings.” I said defending myself.
“Ohho! And the kiss you gave him yesterday? Even knowing that he loves you, yet you teased him by kissing him half-heartily.”
Eh? Ehhhhhhh? Hiroki is in love with me?
“Huh? I didn’t kiss him because I was teasing him. Plus, what the hell are you saying about Hiroki being in love with me?”
He pulled back and looked at me with a frown. “Wait? So you are saying that you don’t know that Hiroki is in love with you? How dense can you get? It was completely obvious that he loved you.” He said almost laughing.
“I never knew anything about Hiroki being in love with me, and if so then I wouldn’t have kissed him.” I said, lowering my head “I’ve been having problems myself. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but Hiroki is making me feel something so different from the past.”
“Hmmmm. What kind of different things?” He asked me with his right hand placed under his chin and looking at me curiously.
“I don’t know. Like, why I kissed him was not because I knew he loved me nor did he look like Haru, I just went ahead of myself and kissed him because there was something about him that made me do that, impulse I guess. And when he shouted at me, I felt my chest tighten and I cried. I don’t know why, but he makes me feel all that.”
“Are you so dense, that you can’t even figure out what your feelings are?” He sneered at me, “you seriously are so dense,” he heaved a sigh continued, “you are-“
As if on cue, we heard a familiar voice call our names
“Guys, what are yo-,” Unaware, Hiroki came out of nowhere, looking at us with confusion written all over his face. “Oh. Did I disturb you in any way?” Backing out bit by bit towards the place where he came from.
“Absolutely not. It was just me and Makoto talking about some trivial issues.” Rin stated, with a smile plastered on his face. Hiroki nodded his head and went off, as if he had seen the most heart wrenching scene in his life. I faced Rin, who was looking at me with a weird smile.
“Speak of the devil, huh?” He snickered. “Anyways, lets continue with what we were saying.” He clapped and moved away.
“Wait a second, I have something to ask. How did you and Hiroki find out that I loved Haru?” I questioned inquisitively.
“Well…” He trailed off, tousling his hair, thinking what to say. “You were quite obvious.” He simply answered. “Anyways, let’s just say that what you were feeling back then, was a little spark of love that has somewhat ignited within you, towards Hiroki.”
“I… love him…?” I couldn’t even form a proper sentence. I then felt his hands turn me towards the door, pushing my muscular frame in the direction of the exit.
“Now go, confess to him and tell him everything whats on your mind. And just follow your impulse” Huh? Is he encouraging me? I glanced back at him for the last time, giving my thanks, and then took off to where the group was. As soon as I reached the door and was about to open it, the bell rang for our next classes.
During classes, I was planning a strategy in my head. I tried to think but my brain wouldn’t work and the sound of everyone talking doesn’t help. I tried to focus only on my book and think but it never worked. I still couldn’t get the fact that I was in love with Hiroki. It seemed that I moved on without knowing.
After school, I took the opportunity to think. Tell him everything that’s on your mind and just follow your impulse. Rin’s words rang in my head like a noisy, loud bell that wouldn’t stop bothering you. Just when I reached the entrance of my house, something struck me. An idea just crossed my mind!
I ran to his house, and upon reaching it, I cautiously opened the door. I was going to make him a surprise. I entered slowly, not wanting to make any sound; I took off my shoes and set them on the front door. Ever so slowly, I walked to the living room, only to hear the bitter words that made me stop at my heels.
“Yes mother. I’m coming back home.” I heard him speak in a serious tone. “Yes, yes, I know what to do and yes I will be careful on my way back.” There was a long pause then, “alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, see you later.” Then the beep of the phone was heard. I couldn’t move nor could my brain comprehend what was going on. Hiroki is going back, back to Nagoya? What is going on? Why?
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