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The next morning Austin woke up, he felt awful. His head was pounding and his body was aching, like someone had ran him over with a truck multiple times. He almost didn’t want to open his eyes, but the bright light shining in through the window kept him from falling back asleep.
Groaning softly, Austin slowly opened his eyes. He was back in the living room and he had slept on the rather uncomfortable couch, though he didn’t know how he ended up here. All he remembered was that he was in a good mood before it plummeted and he was sad all over again, but Austin didn’t think much of it as he slowly sat up and looked around the room. His back ached and his head was pounding like crazy. He was in desperate need for more sleep, but it was already past noon and his stomach was growling in desperate need for food.
Austin stood from the couch and slowly made his way into the kitchen. The body tequila he was drinking last night was sat empty on the countertop, along with his phone, but he paid no mind to either of them as he searched through the cabinets for headaches medicine as well as something to eat.
The brunette sipped on water after taking a few pills to ease the pain in his head as he stood, leaning against the countertop as he waited for the left overs he had made a few days ago to heat up. He felt like curling up right there on the floor and falling asleep, but he fought to stay away because he was desperately hungry and horribly hungover. He tried to remember something from last night, because knowing him, he probably did something stupid, which wouldn’t surprise him in the least. He wasn’t the best drunk and made stupid decisions that he ended up regretting the next day, but nothing came to mind, which was far more surprising.
After Austin ate, he took a long, hot shower to wash away the horrible smell of alcohol and to help ease the pain in his back and head. The couch was horrible and old and was the worst thing possible to sleep on, and how Austin managed to get there, he still had no clue. He remembered whenever the couch was first bought. Alan claimed it had character and that it was cute and that they needed it, and Austin not being to say no, he agreed and they bought it. The brunette somewhat regretted it because he couldn’t count how many times he’d slept on that thing because he had either fallen asleep there, or he and Alan were arguing and he was casted out of their bedroom for the night.
The thoughts of Alan only brought a black cloud to linger around the brunettes head as he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He hated how mopey he was being, he was never like this, but… Alan, he was just, perfect and clouded Austin’s thoughts and he hated it.
Once he was dressed, Austin headed back into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch, letting out a big sigh. It was only one in the afternoon and normally he would be work at this time, but he’d called off for the entire week. He just couldn’t be there, not after having to go through with everything with Justin and then Alan. To say the least, Austin was an emotional wreck and it hadn’t even been a month. He lost one boyfriend and then the other and he knew he completely deserved the karma, but it was slowly destroying him inside.
Hours seemed to pass and Austin was still sat on the couch, so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn’t hear someone knocking on the door. It was unlike anyone to show up at his doorstep, and if they did, it was usually a sales person or someone who was lost and needed directions, so when Austin opened the door, he nowhere near expected to see who was on the other side.
“Alan?” Austin questioned softly. It’d been the first time in weeks since he saw or heard from the ginger, and even though they’d been through so much, he couldn’t deny the fluttery feeling in his stomach.
“Don’t get all soft on me, I came here to talk and demand answers,” Alan said, standing there was his arms crossed over his chest and an almost hard look on his face.
Austin bit down on his lip as he stepped to the side and allowed the ginger in. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy or angry that Alan was here, but he decided to just keep to himself as he shut the door and followed Alan into the living where they sat, on opposite ends of the couch.
It was silent for a few minutes as they sat there, Alan fidgeting in his seat as he messed with the ends of shirt while he tossed around the questions in his head, and Austin stayed still, staring down at the floor. He was mentally and emotionally preparing himself for the worst, because he knew that was going to come. He knew that this was possibly the official end of them and he was going to be even more crushed than before.
“Please, just, say something,” Austin was first to break the silence. He couldn’t take it anymore because he would have gone even more insane. His hands itched to touch Alan, to pull him close and kiss him and beg for all kinds of forgiveness, but he kept to himself. He had to.
“I just… I want to know why you did it, why you lied to me for months about us being together,” Alan said. He didn’t have much memory, or really all of it, but it was the first few months after the break up. He remembered how and when they broke up, so of course when he woke up with Austin in his bed, he was pissed.
“Because I…” Austin didn’t know what to say. He had rehearsed again and again in his head about what he was going to say when- if- the day came when Alan had all of his memory, but the brunettes mind went blank.
“I don’t know why I did, I just did. You should have seen how absolutely terrified you were, Alan. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that we weren’t together anymore, that we had broken up months before the accident. I’m sorry that I lied to you, but I couldn’t tell you that we weren’t. You would have been crushed,” Austin told him.
“But you still lied to me!” Alan snapped, sure his heart was swelling slightly, but he was still pissed.
“I know, and I’ll never be able to apologize enough, but I don’t regret lying to you, because if I hadn’t then I wouldn’t have gotten a second to be with you because I was so stupid to let you go the first time, so you can be mad and you can hate me and you can walk out that door and never speak to me again, but I will never regret it and I will never stop loving you,” Austin began to rant, but he stopped himself before he got out of hand.
Alan sat there and stayed quiet, messing with his hands and tugging at his shirt sleeves. Austin was making it really hard to be angry and hurt because he was just so damn sweet and hot. Austin had ways with words and it made the gingers stomach fill with butterflies and he hated it. He was supposed to be angry and he was supposed to be hating his ex boyfriend for lying for so long, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it again.
“How much do you remember anyways?” Austin asked, something he was silently begging to know.
“Well, I remember our fight that made us break up in the first place, I remember packing my things and leaving a maybe a month or two after I left?” Alan said, though he couldn’t be exactly sure. All he knew was that he had moved out and found himself an apartment to live in, the apartment where he was staying at now.
“I really am so sorry, Alan. I didn’t mean to lie to you, but I couldn’t tell you the truth. I completely understand if you hate me and don’t want to see me again,” Austin said softly, and the way he spoke, he sounded like a hurt puppy and Alan hated it because it tugged at his heart.
“I don’t- I don’t hate you, I’m just… mad, because I know why you did it, I just wished you’d tried to have explained it to me. It’s bad enough I can’t remember a lot of things right now, it’s still all a little blurry, but I still wished you’d said something,” Alan told him.
“I know. I know, and I’m still really sorry,” Austin said.
“I swear if you do not stop apologizing,” the ginger threatened, but it was only half heartedly as he scooted closer to Austin and sat a little closer to him.
“I will never stop, because you deserve a thousand apologizes. Hell, I don’t even deserve your forgiveness for how I treated you in the past, I don’t deserve you at all,” Austin mumbled softly.
“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?” Alan asked quietly.
“Of course I did, what kind of stupid question is that?” The brunette said, shaking his head. Alan grinned softly, his cheeks burning slightly. He knew he shouldn’t be so forgiving, but this was Austin. He was addictive.
“Are we okay?” Austin asked after a few minutes of silence. He wasn’t sure what would happen between them, but all he knew was that he still wanted Alan, more than anything in the world.
“I still want to be with you, but, I don’t know. The only way I feel like this would work is if you were honest with me, that means no more secrets or lies. I know you, Austin, you like to keep things to yourself that should not be, and then I find out about it and we argue and stay mad at each other until one of us decides to apologize. I don’t want that anymore. I want the guy I met when he was still in college, who was one hundred percent with me and would do tell me things as soon as they happened, because you knew I wouldn’t be that mad. I don’t want to go back to the time before we broke up because that was horrible. I just want you, and us, no secrets or lies,” Alan explained, and by the time he finished speaking, the brunette felt guilt rise up inside him.
He had to be honest. He had to spill the truth, and he did. He told Alan everything, from how after they broke he got together with Justin and how they were together whenever Austin got the phone call about the ginger being in a car wreck. He explained about how he had been going behind Justin’s back for a few months, lying to him about going places when he was really going to Alan’s. He explained it all, but he felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders by time he finished telling the entire truth of everything that had been happening over the last few months, and it was the best feeling in the entire world.
Of course, Alan was mad at first. He yelled at Austin for being so stupid and for doing such a thing, but then he was calm and a little happy that he got told all of these things.
And for the first time in weeks, Austin felt happy. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Alan, but he got him and it was the best thing ever. He wasn’t going to be stupid and mess this up again. He could only be given so many chances and he wasn’t going to push his limits any longer.
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