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Tyler had run away from home once.
We were around eleven years old and he decided that he was old enough to be independent. He believed that he didn’t need to be controlled by my parents anymore. No, he would take a bus to NASA, apply for a job, become an awesome astronaut, and live in the lap of luxury for the rest of his days.
He came back after two hours.
My parents hadn’t even known he was gone, but I remember the cold terror I felt when I found his bed empty, his tutor’s house empty, everywhere he could possibly be completely devoid of his presence. Obviously, when he came home, I gave him a good thrashing for making me worry so much. Or more like, slapped his arm continuously while yelling unintelligible words. But after that, he broke down crying, saying how he felt so alone in those few hours.
Granted, that wasn’t the last time he was determined to run away from home but came back in tears.
This is why when I woke up two weeks after Tyler “moved on” only to find said twin on my bed crying… Well, let’s just say the feeling of nostalgia was quite potent.
Blinking a few times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating in a sleep induced limbo, I sighed, sitting up to reach my arms out to him. He sniffled before curling into my chest and with skillful familiarity, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, threading my fingers into his hair.
“Why the hell are you here, Tyler?” I asked, exasperated. I was slightly irked over the fact that just as I was getting over his death, he came back. But I also couldn’t help the elation, seeing as I had yet another chance to see my brother.
He shuddered a bit, burying his cheek into my pectorals. “I-I was… I don’t know where I was. It was just very dark and bright at the same time. And… and then I was back here,” he explain, a fresh round of sobs wracking his frame. “Andrew, it’s so fucking frustrating. I want to go on so badly.”
Frowning, I racked my mind for some sort of explanation. “Was the Nick confession thing not sufficient?”
“I’m not sure,” he answered, calming down somewhat. “Maybe I have another regret?”
“How would you not know of your own regret?”
He laughed weakly. “I don’t know. I’m not the smartest person in the world.”
I meagerly shrugged. “Do you want me to talk to Nick?” I felt a little thrill shoot up my spine at the prospect. For these two weeks, I tried to avoid Nick at all costs when I discovered that I wasn’t mirroring Tyler’s emotions in some sort of weird twin-connection thing; rather, the heart wrenching desire and, dare I say it, romantic fondness was actually my own feelings. And this not only caused my confidence in my sexuality to waver, but also a flood of self loathing at the idea that this person was my brother’s first love. That’s why whenever Nick approached me, I would tear myself away from him, giving some pathetic excuse before scurrying away. It was tiring and upsetting, especially when I caught the disappointment in Nick’s eyes.
He perked up at the suggestion. “Really? Would you?” He beamed at me. “Ah, I get to see that sexy piece of man again!” He bounded out of the bed, floating excitedly around the room. “I don’t know what I did to deserve such a great brother!” Gasping dramatically, he dived towards me and kept his face mere inches from mine. Going cross eyed, my vision was filled with blurry chocolate brown.
“Andrew, dearest brother of mine, can I ask you a huge favor?” he said gravely, still floating gracefully before me. I moved my head back to place his face into focus, raising an eyebrow. “Can I possess you while you have sex with Nick?”
A blush exploded onto my face. Sputtering, I pushed him away from me to give him an incredulous stare. “Really, Tyler? Did you seriously just ask me that?” He nodded carelessly, giggling. “Are you serious?! Tyler! No! I’m not losing my virginity like that!” I screeched indignantly, gaining a headache from the sudden rush of emotions…. The most prominent and disturbing one being: I’d want to have sex with Nick as myself.
“You’re still a virgin Andrew?” he cried, flabbergasted. I slapped my hands onto my face in exasperation.
“Yes, Tyler, yes….”
“But what about Tiana and Bianca and Rachel…” he began, listing the few girls that I had relationships with. They were always the one to ask me out; always the one to break up, mostly on the grounds of “you don’t seem interested enough”. Maybe because I really was not interested.
“Never. And is Nick even gay?”
“Bisexual, I think.”
“And how do you know that?” I sighed, banging the back of my head on the wall lightly. This was too much for this early in the morning.
“I slept with his ex-boyfriend. Well, sort of ex-boyfriend,” he answered matter of factly. I stared at him, mind completely blank.
“What?“
“Well, he seduced Nick and Nick responded but they never actually had sex and then the guy came to me cause he was sexually frustrated because Nick wanted to wait for sex and then it ended up with all that and that’s how I met Nick because he was really pissed and then I think I fell in love with him then although I didn’t really talk him,” he explained in a flurry of tangled words, breathing heavily at the end. I once again simply stared at him.
“Tyler…”
“Yes?” he innocuously chirped, chuckling nervously.
“You’re a slut.”
“Yup.”
“Yup.”
“So you going to talk to him?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“…”
“…”
He began giggling uncontrollably and I couldn’t help but crack a smile.
“I love you Andrew,” he chimed, stretching like a feline over me, planting his knees into the bed. I pushed him softly, chuckling.
“Love you too. Now, for some planning and ground rules.”
***
Gazing into the enrapturing icy blue depths of his eyes, I couldn’t help the blush that forced itself into my cheeks. “Nick?” I said softly, touching his arm across the table, revelling in the sparks of warmth. He stared at me blankly, clenching his jaw.
“Finally decide to speak to me?” he murmured with heartbreaking coldness. I inwardly winced, drawing my hand away from him.
“Can we talk?” I whispered, glancing around at the few other people in the library.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past two weeks,” he answered curtly, shutting his book as he continued to focus on me through heartlessly indifferent eyes. Yet, hints of nearly imperceptible pain swam beneath the baby blue. Needing to suppress the sick elation at the thought that I could make him feel that way, I once again placed the tips of my fingers on the back of his hand, ignoring the idea that I was uselessly touching him for my own enjoyment.
“Please, Nick?” I pleaded, leaning towards him across the laminated table. For a few more moments, he continued to stare at me, a small suggestion of ambivalence being procured from the furrow between his elegant eyebrows.
“Fine,” he acquiesced, brusquely standing up from his seat to promptly walk towards the librarian’s desk. Slightly stupefied, I scrambled after him, standing beside him as he handed the thick book to the middle aged woman. I caught a glimpse of the cover, raising my eyebrow at the culinary related title. He liked to cook? I’d have to follow him up on that.
Once finished, he shoved the book into his backpack and turned to me, staring at me expectantly. I stared back, tilting my head to the side.
“Well?”
“Oh.” I blushed at my lapse of attention and nodded my head, motioning towards the door. We both headed out, arms lightly brushing against each other from our proximity, though I tried to remain seemingly unaware and nonchalant about the contact.
“Where are we going?” he asked as I lead him out the school entrance, a few straggling students glancing at us quickly.
“Did you bring your car?” I questioned in return, squinting out towards the school parking lot in search of his black automobile.
“Yeah…” He grabbed my wrist suddenly and maneuvered me towards his car which was parked along the railing, behind a large SUV. No wonder I couldn’t see it.
In an act of chivalry (and a hit to my masculinity), he opened the car door for me. Averting my eyes, I slipped into the leather seat, fastening my seat belt as he slammed the door shut. When he situated himself in the driver’s seat, silence ensued as he once again bore his eyes into me. “What are we doing?”
I suddenly felt my throat constrict. Pushing farther back into the seat in order to avoid his piercing gaze, I had the abrupt desire to disappear from sight or burst into flames or climb on top of him and kiss the living dayligh—
“Andrew, stop trying to hide,” he demanded, his eyes leaving my form in agitation as he sighed.
“Sorry,” I muttered, sitting up from the burrow I created for myself. “I just wanted to talk…about my brother.” Immediately, he seemed to deflate with disappointment, causing my curiosity to pique. What’s that about?
“What about your brother?” His form was utterly rigid and voice deadpan.
“Uh… I want to go visit his grave with you,” I replied, wringing my hands nervously. My eyes flickered out the window and I sighed in relief when I didn’t see Tyler anywhere. He thought that maybe if Nick went to his grave, without even feeling his presence (which is why he kept his distance while still watching me; we assumed Nick’s hand shaking was affected by distance) then maybe he could move on. It was a weak approach to the situation, but worth a try.
Nearly instantaneously, his expression softened as he fastened his own seat belt and revved the engine of the car, pulling out the parking space carefully. “Okay,” he agreed. I sighed out in relief and ignored the minute feeling of guilt.
***
“You’re looking better,” he commented, stepping carefully along the cement of the walkway that cut straight through the graveyard. A blush formed on my cheeks and I gave him a small smile.
“Thanks,” I muttered, walking closely beside him. Heading farther back in the graveyard, I took a left and caught sight of a noted tombstone. My breathing hitched. I hadn’t once visited the grave since his death. Off their own accord, my feet moved faster until I reached the edge of said resting place. I carefully studied the unassuming gabled gray headstone, adorned by fresh velvety red roses, reading in clear cut words “Tyler De Luca; 1994-2011; Beloved son, brother, and friend; You will never be forgotten“. Knees trembling, I simply stood as realization began to flood into me. This is where the body of my brother lay. Underneath the dirt, inside a wooden coffin, my brother is resting as his body deteriorates into nothing and his soul is freed. Yet he is not free. He still is wandering on this earth, though he shouldn’t exist within this world anymore. The person I knew as Tyler should no longer exist here, but somewhere else. That’s what I’ve encountered so far; the pure soul of my brother. No shell. Just the unadulterated manifestation of his inner form.
“Tyler…” I breathed, feeling hot tears trail down my cheeks. He’s dead. It hadn’t seemed like it since he came back to make amends; no, I hadn’t truly understood it until I visited his final destination. It was like when he ran away. There was always this certainty that he would come back to me. But this time, if everything is done right, he will never return. He’ll go somewhere, to a place I have no comprehension of. And then I’ll be left alone again, fighting with my own reflection.
“Andrew,” Nick hummed, shattering my reverie. Gasping, I turned towards him, giving him a watery chuckle. I wiped at my eyes, the tears soaking my cheeks and hands.
“I’m sorry. It’s pathetic. I always seem to end up crying,” I said with a wavering voice as his piercing eyes once again bore into mine. I tried to smile, but it broke as a soft whimper escaped my lips. And then I was in his arms again, savoring the sorely craved warmth as I buried my face into his shoulder, feeling heat blossom into my cheeks. I missed this. I missed this so much. This comfort, this warmth, this dizzying euphoria that bombarded me in his arms…
He pulled away from me, placing enough distance between us so he could place his hands on my cheeks. I glanced up at him curiously through slightly blurred vision, discerning an indistinguishable look in his eyes as he seemed to grapple with something in his mind. But finally, a sort of silent determination settled into his features as he leaned forward, placing his lips against mine.
Eyes widening, I could only stand unresponsive as a numbing heat travelled from my lips down my spine, dispersing among my limbs in toe-curling electricity. Slowly, I actually began to feel the soft and fulls lips enclosing around mine in a tender kiss. Eyelids fluttering, I gripped his back as I pressed back against him, a single stray tear dragging from the corner of my eye. We seemed to melt against each other in those few moments as the kiss continued.
A familiar gasp broke the enchanting and pleasurable trance I was in. I quickly pulled away, snapping my head in the direction of the tombstone. Tyler was floating a few feet away from our entangled form, looking utterly stricken. Cold dread spread through my body as I stared at him, unable to move or speak or do anything. He then turned away from us, gliding away, leaving his heart-wrenching expression burned into my retinas. What have I done?
When he was out of sight, air flooded my lungs, followed by an intense anger. I shoved Nick away roughly, shaking as a flurry of emotions overwhelmed me.
“I’m sorry I did that in front of his grave,” Nick apologized, seemingly unaware of what just transpired. I swiveled on my heel, glaring at him.
“Why did you do that?!” I yelled hoarsely, stepping back from the force of my shout.
“Because I like you,” he answered bluntly, staring at me once again with those infuriatingly blue eyes. For a second, I was completely immobilized by his unexpected confession.
“Huh?” I whispered weakly, color draining from my face. This was all too much. “B-but—“
“Every time I see you, I just want you more,” he professed, trying to take my hand into his. I stepped away again, staring at him in disbelief. “Besides, I can tell you feel the same way.”
Sputtering uselessly, I cried out indignantly, a blush of embarrassment recoloring my cheeks. “What makes you say that?!”
“You responded to my kiss.” I stopped short, realizing that Tyler probably noticed the same. A guilty pang resonated from my chest as angry and hurtful words left my mouth.
“You’re wrong! How could I ever fall in love with a guy, much less you? Are you that stupid?” Once again, I stopped short, recognizing what I just said and the pained shock that crossed his features. “I-I’m sorry,” I said meekly, burning present behind my eyes as I tried to gain control of myself. “I’m going home.” With that, I scurried away from him, breaking into a full run once out of his sight, only one thought passing through my mind.
What have I done?
—
Herro~! I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. I will be updating Human Shape soon. Ah, that story is almost done… Ah, my baby.
Anyway, this was done without any editing, so please point out any grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoyed this. It’s going to be finished soon (told you it wasn’t going to be that long).
Comment, rate, and vote please~ It’s very much appreciated 🙂
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