Array
(
[text] =>
“Good morning” my mom walks into the kitchen all cheery the next morning, while I feel like I want to die.
“Why are high school boys so stupid?”
“Present company excluded?” She asks as she pours herself some coffee
“No me very much included, I’m the biggest idiot of them all.”
“What’s going on honey?”
“The guy I told you about doesn’t like me back, not how I like him at least and turns out he’s been ha-” I stop myself before I say having sex to my mother, I correct “hanging out with another girl. I was a freaking joke and he’ll never want to be with me or even come out for that matter.”
“Wow that’s a lot to unpack” she comes closer touching my face, “and you look so tired, did you get any sleep at all?”
“No sleep is for people who deserve it, I deserve to stay up all night thinking about a stupid guy who sees me as nothing more than just a hang.”
“A hang?” She asks confused and I’m reminded I’m speaking to my mom about things she would never understand.
Sighing “forget it.”
“Ewan I’m leaving now if you still need a ride” my dad walks in “what’s the matter?” He asks seeing my state
“Boy troubles” my mom whispers
“Oh,” he nods, “Is this about that boy Damien Allen?”
“What?” And now I’m awake “what are you talking about no it’s not!” Jesus fucking Christ if my dad figures this out I’m screwed
“Wait who’s Damien Allen?”
“No one” I quickly answer, “and dad you can’t go around saying his name or any association he has with me, please.”
Ignoring my begging my mom asks my dad “did something happen with this Damien Allen?”
“Yes they were caught kissing at school a few weeks ago, and I gave them a warning to not do it again,”
“What?!” My mom reacts with a smile, “is he the-“
“No, he’s not!” Oh god please help me “both of you stop, it’s not Damien dad never say his name again… please” I stare sternly so he’ll get it.
“All right fine it’s not Damien, but we don’t have time for this let’s go” he grabs my arm dragging me out of the kitchen. We leave for school and I sit in the passenger seat with my head against the window, trying to get some semblance of a nap before I spend the next 8 hours hating the fact that I was ever born. “I know some things about that Damien Allen” my dad randomly says as he’s driving, maybe if I ignore him he’ll stop. “He’s a troubled kid” nope guess not, “and you are very smart Ewan I wouldn’t want to see you fall in the wrong crowd.”
“Please stop” I beg with my eyes still shut
“I’m just saying Damien Allen’s home life plays a big part in the way he acts towards himself and others.”
“What are you talking about?” I lift my head finally interested in something he has to say
“I’ve met his father, a single parent raising 2 kids” Damien has a sibling? “The man is in over his head and he takes it out on his kids, especially Damien.”
“Wait are you saying his dad abuses him?”
“I don’t know about physically I’ve never been able to prove that, but yes there is some verbal abuse there. His teachers have complained about it multiple times, when they’ve met his father during parent-teacher conferences.” I’m pretty sure he shouldn’t be telling me any of this, “are you interested in him Ewan?”
What even is the point of lying anymore? Turning to my dad I beg “dad please never say this to him or anyone”
“I’m not going to-“
“No, I need you to promise- actually no swear. Swear you’ll never utter the words Ewan is interested in Damien Allen, or Damien Allen was caught kissing Ewan, or Ewan and Damien have any sort of association because we don’t.”
“Ok you 2 aren’t associated with each other, I got it.”
Taking a relieving breath I put my faith in my large-mouthed father knowing I probably shouldn’t. Sooner or later he’ll out Damien and Damien will probably kick my ass because I couldn’t do one simple thing, not tell anyone about him. “Wait” something hits me “if you know who Damien is and all these things about him, then why did you ask him who he was when we were in your office?”
“No offense but you kids are very forgettable.” My fucking father ladies and gentlemen.
When we finally get to school my dad and I go our separate ways, usually I’d be mad about having to be at school 40 minutes before I need to, but that’s a 40-minute nap in the student lounge so yeah I’ll take it. Walking into the empty lounge I find the best couch and drop on it.
The bell rings and I’m scared out of my sleep, groaning “but I just laid down” I complain looking for my phone, seeing the time I quickly sit up realizing the 40 minutes passed literally in the blink of an eye.
Dragging myself to my locker as everyone fills the halls I lean against it shutting my eyes for a moment, I just need 20 more minutes of sleep then I’ll be- “hey Buz” I hear behind me. Ignore her Baz just ignore “Buz?” She taps my shoulder
“Natalie” I turn annoyed, “how many classes have we taken together? Silver is literally both of our friends, my name is not Buz! It’s 3 fucking letters Natalie LEARN IT!” I mindlessly snap at her causing others to stare
“Woah woke up on the wrong side of the bed?”
“I wish I hadn’t woken up” taking a deep breath to calm myself down, “sorry for yelling, what do you want?”
Coming closer she whispers “I need 4 pages on this” she holds out Huckleberry Finn, “by next Wednesday.”
“No I can’t help you” I turn from her opening my locker
“No? You never say no”
“Well I am now, sorry”
“Why?”
Because you fucked Damien you dumb slut. “I don’t want to, is that a good enough answer?” I turn to her
“What’s going on here?” Silver walks up asking, suspicious that Natalie is talking to me.
“Sil help, your friend is being mean,” Natalie says to her
Silver stares at me and the annoyed look on my face and says “Nat maybe try later I don’t think Baz is in the mood right now.”
“Fine whatever” she walks away.
“Are you ok?” Silver asks as I take shit out of my locker
“I’m great, are you ok?” I reply asking sarcastically
“Not really you’re still pissed at me so…”
“Are you looking for forgiveness?” I look at her as I shut my locker, Silver doesn’t say anything causing me to sigh. “Fine you’re forgiven now leave me alone.”
“See I don’t believe you” she stares with sad eyes, “I said I was sorry Baz”
“Sorry doesn’t fix all the world’s problems Silver,” nothing like being tired to make you realize how much resentment you’re actually harboring for your best friend. “I’m still mad and it’s gonna take a lot more than sorry”
“Ok then tell me what to do, I’ll do anything.”
“Maybe start by treating me like an actual fucking friend, I’m tired of you putting others before me any chance you get” leaving her with that I walk away heading to my first class.
Somehow I make it through the first half of the day and now it’s lunch, skipping the cafeteria I head to a secret spot I have at school hoping to take a nap, but as we all know I never get what I want. While on my back and using my bag as a pillow, my eyes are shut and I can slowly feel myself slipping.
“What are you doing up here?” Spoke way too soon
Opening my eyes I see Damien standing over me “trying to sleep, how’d you find me?”
“Silver” he answers, “she said if I can’t find you anywhere there’s only one place you’ll be” why would she send him? Sitting up I lean against the wall rubbing my burning eyes to wake up. “You look like shit” Damien comments as he sits next to me
“Oh good I was worried I didn’t look like shit” I reply making him laugh
“How’d you get access to the roof?”
“Made a copy of my dad’s key” I answer.
“Why are you so tired”
“I was up all night…” thinking about you, “writing papers” not a complete lie.
“Then skip your next class and nap up here”
“I can’t skip, my teacher would go straight to my dad”
“What class is it?”
“AP calculus”
“Ok I’ll cover for you”
Looking at him I ask “how? You’re not even in my class”
“No but I can show up and pretend to be you, they won’t be able to tell the difference” I smile at his joke, Damien sees me and smiles too. “I’ll figure something out don’t worry about it”
“Thanks” we stare at each other and he nods, leaning close while we sit next to each other Damien takes my bottom lip between his and we start to kiss.
Moving closer we make out with each other on the roof not afraid of being caught, but after a couple minutes, he pulls away “you need to sleep” he stands up getting away from me, “and I have to go figure out how to become an AP nerd in the next half hour” we chuckle, “I’ll text you.” I watch him walk away wishing he’d stay, I’d fall asleep in seconds if he were next to me.
Able to make it to my last couple classes thanks to that much-needed nap, I’m finally awake enough now and the last bell rings. Being done for the day as I’m walking to get things from my locker I’m stopped “hey Baz feeling better?” Mrs. Chalmers my Calculus teacher asks and I look at her confused, “Damien stopped by class today and said you had to stay in the nurse’s office.”
“Oh! Yeah I’m feeling so much better, migraines don’t last forever”
“A migraine? He said that you had to stay there because you were having… stomach problems, you know the bathroom kind” of course he used that as an excuse.
“Yep that too it was a twofer”
“Glad you’re ok now” she smiles “see you in class tomorrow,” when she walks away I take out my phone texting Damien.
What’d you say to my calc teacher?
I reach my locker and get a reply from him ‘told her you had explosive diarrhea’ followed by multiple crying laughing emojis.
‘Oh my god what’s wrong with you?!’ After I send the text I look up and see Natalie walking by with her friends, not feeling as cranky as I was this morning I call her over “Natalie?” Leaving her friends she walks over to me “I’ll write your paper”
“Oh thank god I thought I was gonna have to do it,” she opens her bag taking out the book handing it to me
“I don’t need it I already read it”
“All right, here’s the assignment” she hands me the sheet, “I’m gonna need an A kinda doing bad in English lit right now.”
“Okay”
“Thanks, Baz” she smiles
Before she can leave I ask “can I ask you something?” And she nods “I heard that you were hanging out with that guy Damien Allen…”
“Yeah I was, why?”
“When you guys ended things, who ended it with who?”
She looks at me weird “why do you want to know?”
“Just curious” I shrug
“Ok well he ended it, it turns out he has feelings for someone else and I was just a space-filler.”
“Oh”
“It’s always the hot ones you have to look out for” she walks away, and I’m still stuck on he has feelings for someone else.
[text_hash] => 0e3ae53c
)