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( please turn on the music for a better reading experience )
It was 2:00 am and Talon couldn’t sleep. He wondered if he was developing a case of insomnia lately
Or was it anxiety getting in the way of sleep ? Maybe depression ?
Talon never really felt depressed. He didn’t know that feeling. But he found out all at once the moment he received Cadis progress.
He wouldn’t make it.
Talon couldn’t cry. He didn’t smile either. He felt like he still didn’t give him enough. He felt like he was too late. And his mind was filled with “if onlys”
If only I showed him more love
If only I wasn’t carried away by Dax
If only
If only…
Talon visited Cadis in the hospital a lot. He would hold his hand or watch him sleep. Most of the time, Cadis was really tired. So Talon would kiss him on the forehead and leave. Sometimes stay in the hospital till morning.
Till one of the nurses would ask him to leave. As time passed, it was harder and harder for him to leave Cadis side.
And as time passed the more he felt the need to hold Cadis hand. To caress him. To give him small kisses on his cheek and show him he was there
One particular day Cadis let his hand run through Talons brunette curls as he asked for him to lean closer. Cadis hesitantly kissed Talon but Talon wasn’t afraid to return the kiss. Gently not to hurt him. Yet fiercely conveying all of his emotions.
When they pulled away Cadis rested his face in the crook of Talons beck
Cadis twisted Talons curls in his fingers till his hand would slowly go still and his breathing would turn into small puffs of air.
The fingers that were acrylic stained were pale and bony. The all black clothing turned into the paper clothes the hospital provided.
His hair was thinner. But Cadis was still Cadis. And Talon loved him all the same. More and more
It was 2:00 am and Talon was thinking of all these little moments as he played with his wild curls. Tomorrow he would take Cadis to the sea. Hopefully he would make him happy one last time.
Talon rolled on the other side of his bed facing the wall. He shuddered and hugged himself. He was cold. So he pulled up his blanket and wrapped it around him
Few moments later he thought, blankets couldn’t warm the ice in his heart. The coldness he felt inside.
+++
He helped him sit in his wheel chair and slowly made his way out of the hospital. Cadis had a serene yet very sad looking expression on his face
Talon couldn’t smile. He didn’t know but now he had realized, he hoped Cadis would make it. That what he said was a mistake. That there was a cure.
Now he knew there was no such thing
“So where are you taking me?” Cadis rasped and Talon simply shook his head as he slowly rolled the wheel chair
“You will see”
He whispered lower, quieter then usual. They walked and Talon called a cab. He helped Cadis in and out of it and soon they reached their destination. Now it was only a few minutes walk from where the taxi left them
Cadis closed his eyes and enjoyed the breeze
“Talon I’ve made a painting of you”
Talon was silent
“You know it was a really short time that the two of us were together. But it was great”
Talon stopped for a minute.
“You see I knew there was no reason for me to try. I could give up art. But I didn’t want to. However I was so caught up on trying not to give that I didn’t realized what I missed. What it truly was to create art”
Talons breath shuddered but he kept walking. He stopped again to tighten the scarf around his neck. He didn’t like the cold that much. Then he kept walking
“See I forgot what it was to really create. I forgot what it was to be passionate about art and be in love with it. But with you, I slowly realized, what it meant to me “
“Talon I love you. I’m so glad I met someone like you to love. I was afraid to die without ever receiving love”
“I know how you feel….I know” said Talon lovingly.
Talon slid down the road and eventually his soles met the sand. And his put a little more effort into pushing the wheels. Cadis turned his head and his black eyes took in the sight
The sunset reflected on the gentle waves of the sea waters. A gentle breeze with the smell of salt. Was this what he felt like to Talon ?
Talon wrapped his arms around Cadis shoulders from behind.
“Talon please tell me you love me”
He rasped. His voice cracked in the middle and his breathing was slower
“I love you”
His shoulders started to shake and it was hard to breathe at this point.
“I…lov…”
He started to cry. He dug his face In Cadis shoulders and hugged him tighter
“I love you Cadis. I love you”
He sobbed. Cadis reached a hand and placed it upon Talons arms
“Thank you”
Talon felt a small tap on his bare hands. It was Cadis tears
“Thank you Talon”
+++
He run his hands through this shaved head and felt the itch of the short hair.
“How long has it been?”
“Ah…”
A pause
“I’m sure it’s been a year already right?”
“Right”
She played with the tips of her cropped hair. Max crossed her arms on her chest and rubbed her shoulders
“Oddly it’s as cold as back then. What were you thinking bringing a sick person outside to the sea with such weather?”
He chuckled and shrugged
“What indeed. I don’t know”
His empty eyes glazed through the waters. They were a lot wilder at that time. The sea was very…dead…Serene looking.
His safe heaven
“Maybe I wanted to show off”
“Not like you” said Max and laughed. She turned her back and put on her slippers walking away
“Don’t stay out for too long”
She shouted at him
Talon let his hand fall down from his bare sculp. Not bare. Just buzzed, shaved. Or whatever
He breathed in the sea and he felt Cadis presence. He closed his eyes.
Or was the sea his hell?
He turned around and walked after Max leaving the sea behind him.
However, Cadis he would not leave behind.
Not yet
Not ever
The end~
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