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*113 days BeFoUr*
Liam focussed on the pen in his hand, repeating his thoughts over and over in his head so that he wouldn’t forget them and they wouldn’t escape his mind. The words were almost rushing out of him, his writing turning into a messier mush.
It wasn’t much for the words he cared but the feelings and emotions that had a strong grip on his heart, squishing it slowly and painfully. Everything in the world was less important to him in that moment. He just had to get it out of his system and writing was his only release. With every word he felt some of the pressure lift off of his heart, giving him a sense of peace.
When he was sure he had covered all of the points, his pace slowed down and gradually halted to a complete stop.
” Goodbye. ” He mouthed, as he wrote it down followed by a little heart as a full stop.
Heaving a sigh, he threw his head back earning a few kinks from his neck and a subtle ache in his lower back. His eyes shut down on their own accord, strained from having to focus on one thing for a long period of time. A soft yawn escaped his lips, making him realize how truly exhausted he felt in that moment.
He did not know how long he had been sitting in the position, but form the numbness in his thighs and the light in his room he could tell it had been hours. Hours since he had first sat down on the bed, surrounded by his duvets with the journal on his lap.
It wasn’t a rare occurrence, ( well not anymore.) him staying up all night, writing out his feelings in an attempt to try and get the knots around his heart to loosen their grip. In fact, it had been a month since Liam had a proper night’s sleep. The alpha just couldn’t stop thinking. His mind threw one thing after another at him, keeping him preoccupied until it got too much for him and he had to put it on paper.
Writing in itself wasn’t a forte for him, only a source of release. The first time he wrote in that journal, he was merely nine years old, all doe eyed and curious. He had just discovered about mates and that provoked him to ask a lot of questions, most of them addressed to his mother. One of them was that if he was supposed to find his mate after he turned eighteen and they could be from any of the packs, then if his mate was not from his pack, how’d they know what Liam’s life had been like before them?
His mother, the Luna, had given him a fond smile and suggested that he write to his mate. Little Liam had been very impressed by the idea.
And hence started the series of journal entries addressed to his future mate.
For most of his life after that, he had written one or two letters per year, mostly on his birthdays. However, lately the number of entries had increased drastically, almost to the point where there was a daily entry or sometimes even two. On one hand, it was a good way to let out his pent up frustrations but at the same time Liam always ended up feeling as if all the energy had been sucked out of his body, living him void and drained.
In retrospect, whenever something like this would happen, there would be a hope that lingered in Liam’s heart that he would see his mate the same day. However, due to the events of the past few months that hope had also left him.
An impulsive smile broke out on his lips as he heard the knock on his door. He could almost see him, his silver hair flowing carelessly around his face, brown eyes wide and innocent. Liam was sure he would reprimand him for not sleeping all night and complain about how he didn’t care that his own hand would hurt when the Alpha wrote too much.( One of the perks of the attachment.) Then he would threaten the future Alpha king, saying that if he had to, he would tuck him in himself the next time it happened. Then he would bring him tea, talking to him until exhaustion finally caught up to the broad shouldered wolf and he would fall asleep.
” Come in.” He let out warmly, mentally bracing himself for the scolding session that was to come. Carefully he closed his journal putting it back in the drawer if his side table.
” Alpha.” Liam’s smile faltered. Zayn had never called him alpha and there was no way he sounded like that. Maybe he was too tired and his mind was tricking him.
Squinting his eyes he looked at the person on the door. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before looking again but the person remained the same. Liam was confused for a minute. Zayn had always been the one to wake him up since years. Why wasn’t he there today and who was this boy standing in front of him?
A scowl covered his face as hsi mid cleared up and he was reminded of the recent events, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
” Who are you?” He spat, in an uncharacteristically rude tone. Even in his unranked eighteen years of life, the pack members had treated Liam like an alpha but Liam never thought of himself as the superior. In fact, much less then that.
” I’m Harry, Zayn’s replacement.” The beta stuttered looking at his future Alpha warily. Liam glared at him an uncontrolled hatred pooling at his stomach. He almost yelled at him, that he couldn’t replace Zayn. No one could. However he just pressed on his tongue so that he wouldn’t blurt out anything unintelligent. He was the alpha prince after all, people looked up to him and he couldn’t set a bad example for his pack.
Grunting he laid back on his bed, pulling his duvet up to his chin.
” Pull the curtains down and go.” He muttered, agitation clear in his voice. ” And if anyone asks about me, tell them I said not to disturb.” With that he turned to his side and covered his face with one of his elbows.
” But Alpha, Luna..” At the mention of his mate another swirl of anger crossed his intestines. He sprung up from his position, his eyes turning into a vicious red colour.
” Did I not tell you to leave?” He yelled, the alpha command sneaking its way into his speech. Harry flinched at his tone, scrambling out of the room, shook evident in his green eyes.
When the door closed, Liam sighed laying back down, guilt crawling away at his skin.
Yelling, using the alpha tone?
What was he becoming?
+
Zayn had been baking when Harry entered the kitchen.
He frowned as the curly haired bloke stomped into the kitchen, a deep scowl on his face.
” I hate him!” The ravenette flinched at the rawness of his tone. Wiping his hands of his apron, he walked closer to him.
” Who?” He inquired, eyes narrow.
” That bastard!” Harry’s hands trembled as he filled himself a glass of water.
” Harry, who are you talking about?” Niall, the head chef asked, while adding a pinch of salt to the soup.
” Who the hell does he think he is!?” Zayn felt worried as the usually cheerful lad kept shaking like a life, eventually lowering himself to the ground.
” Harry,” Niall approached him, a huge frown plastered on his forehead.
” That Alpha Prince! He used the Alpha Command on me!” Harry trembled, clearly shaken up.
Without even thinking Zayn said. ” Liam would never!” His eyes narrowed at Harry.
” You think I’m lying! ” Harry shouted, exasperated. ” That bastard..”
” Don’t talk about him like that.” Zayn let out through gritted teeth, glaring at Harry.
” Why? Who’s he to you?” And that shut Zayn right up. The raven haired lad opened his mouth to say something only to close it up again.
” He’s our future Alpha king Harry. You’re new here but you should know it t disrespect him. His beta, Louis, has gone out for business. Maybe he’s just stressing about him.” Niall tried to reason with him. Zayn didn’t stuck around to see Harry break down completely. The ravenette raced back to his house, years pricking at the corners of his eyes.
Who was Liam to him?
‘ We can’t stay friends anymore.’ his voice echoed in his head, as the first tear slid down his cheek.
+
*That day*
Zayn let himself cry as he reread the last words. It felt like it had been ages since that innocently genuine statement. He wished everything would be that easy again. He wished they could be careless but even in that vulnerable state of mind he knew that everything had changed and he couldn’t bring it back.
” You were my best friend too, Li.”
+
A/N
Hi!
So I’m very excited for this story and I’m kinda freaking out too. Anyways if there are any mistakes in the journal entry they belong to my beloved sister MyraSaeed ( the deceased is diseased and the sign she made was suppossed to be an infinity with initials!)
And also if you guys love ziam you should go check out craziestfangirl98 story ‘ Look of Love’ because it’s gonna be one of the best ziam stories you will ever read.
Comment what you think of this. 😄
Preach.Vote.Comment and love zayn.
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